Theirs to Keep

C H A P T E R N I N T E E N

ELLE SLID HER HAND INTO Merrick’s as they walked back toward the SUV while Cade carried the picnic basket and walked on her other side.

Cade popped the back of the SUV and tossed the basket in, just as Elle caught a glimpse of a uniformed police officer walking in their direction.

She froze, her heart speeding up until it was pounding like a jackhammer. Her hands grew clammy, and sweat popped out on her forehead until it was slick, and she got an overwhelming feeling of sickness in her belly.

Merrick looked at her, brows furrowed, and he was about to say something when the police officer called out to them.

“Cade! Merrick! Hey, how are you guys?”

Merrick and Cade both swiveled in the direction of the cop and offered welcoming smiles.

“Hey, Greg, how’s it going?” Cade offered as he extended his hand to shake the other man’s.

Panic scuttled up Elle’s spine until she was literally shaking. Her knees threatened to buckle, and she stood, stock-still, praying to be taken away from the situation.

Merrick shoved forward to shake the cop’s hand but inserted his body between her and Greg so she was hidden from view.

Cold crept over her, leaving her numb and so scared that she couldn’t process the simplest thought. The three men conversed. Exchanged pleasantries. Greg enthusiastically offered his opinion that Merrick was going to kick Lash’s ass. It went on and on until the world spun in a crazy circle around her.

Stupid, interfering bitch. You just had to stick your nose where it didn’t belong. He can’t save you this time. You’re a dead woman. But first I’m going to have you so that the last face you see is mine while I fuck you like the whore you are.

Her stomach heaved, and she locked her jaw so she didn’t fall apart right here in the middle of the parking lot.

She wasn’t going to be able to hold it together for much longer. She yanked her head around, desperately searching for a place she could be sick in private. Everything she’d eaten at lunch had bunched into a tight ball and weighed a ton in her stomach.

Saliva pooled in her mouth, and when she swallowed it back, it made her even more nauseated.

No longer able to maintain any semblance of normalcy, she broke and made a run for the public bathrooms that were about fifty yards away.

She burst inside, uncaring of who was there or if anyone could see her. She yanked open a stall and barely made it to the toilet before she was violently ill.

Her stomach convulsed and heaved. She shuddered over and over, the retching still continuing even when she’d emptied her stomach of its contents.

The door flew open, and Merrick pushed inside the bathroom, his hands immediately going to her hair as he pulled it away from her face.

He didn’t say anything. Thank God. He just stood there, his hand on her back, rubbing a soothing pattern until finally she stopped the horrible gagging and her stomach unknotted.

Her knees buckled, and she would have hit the floor, but Merrick caught her, anchoring her to his side as he helped her from the stall. He guided her toward the sink, where he wet several paper towels and applied them to her face.

Then he handed her a bottle of water and said, “Here. Rinse your mouth out.”

She did as he instructed, numb to everything else. She performed robotically, like she was a programmable thing. Then she folded her arms over the sink and lowered her head to her wrists, resting there as she took in huge gulps of air.

“What the fuck is going on, Elle?”

Cade’s low voice cut through the horrific buzzing in her head.

“Sorry,” she croaked. “Just want to go home. Is he gone?”

She picked her head up long enough to see Merrick and Cade exchange quick glances.

“Baby, Greg is a friend. He doesn’t know a thing about you, and he won’t. You have our word on that. He just wanted to shoot the shit a minute,” Merrick offered.

Frustration was sharp and consuming. “Logically I know that. I do. I told you I’m a mess. I tried to warn you about what you’re getting into.”

“Stop. Just stop,” Cade said sharply.

She went silent, her eyes widening at the look on his face.

“Now take a deep breath for me and relax.”

She inhaled deeply through her nose and let it out her mouth in a noisy rush.

“That’s better. Now, let us worry about what we’re getting into,” he said in a calm tone. “Merrick and I are big boys. We know what we’re doing. Stop worrying about what we think or feel and concentrate on what’s scaring the hell out of you so bad. Can you remember anything at all? Anything that we can use to help you?”

She shook her head, despair creeping over her shoulders, slumping them downward with its weight. “Just him. Again. And words. What he said to me. Oh God. He hated me. He wanted to punish me. He told me he’d kill me but first he was going to fuck me like the whore I was so that the last face I saw was his as he raped me.”

“Son of a bitch,” Cade swore, fury laced in every word.

“Can you picture him?” Merrick asked gently. “Can you remember anything that would help us identify him?”

Panic slammed into her, nearly knocking her to her knees. She shook her head violently, refusing to remember, not wanting to remember. God, if she put a face to the monster, then she’d never rid herself of that image. Of him over her, hurting her, violating her and hating her with every breath.

“It’ll come,” Merrick said quietly. “When you’re ready, it’ll come.”

She nodded slowly, taking in the words and holding them like a talisman. Even as a voice whispered in the back of her mind that she didn’t want it to come. She never wanted it to come. What would it solve? And who would believe her if she could remember him? If she sought justice for what he’d done, if she could actually put a face and a name to her attacker, who would take the word of an amnesiac who had a tenuous hold on her sanity?

Damned if she did. Damned if she didn’t. All she wanted was to forget. Or rather not remember, since she had nothing to forget except those words. Such hate-filled words. Was it someone she knew? Had someone she’d trusted betrayed her? Or had it been a random act of violence?

No. It couldn’t be random. The man knew her. He’d said he wanted what he was having. Some other man. Her lover? Boyfriend? Husband?

Oh God, the idea of having a husband filled her with panic all over again. How could she commit to Cade and Merrick when she didn’t even know if she was already legally committed to another man?

Cade pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly. It was purely comforting. There was nothing sexual about his hold. It told her more than words that he was there and that he wasn’t going anywhere and that she could get through anything with his and Merrick’s help.

She grabbed on to that silent promise.

“Let’s go home now,” he said gently. “I think you’ve had enough excitement for one day.”

She nodded her agreement. Just the idea of being back in the place she felt so safe bolstered her spirits.

Single file, her lodged between Cade and Merrick, she walked out of the bathroom. Once outside, they adjusted so they flanked her on either side as they strode toward the truck.

Merrick opened the door for her, and she slid into the front seat, next to Cade. Merrick climbed in back, and Cade wasted no time pulling out of the parking lot.

She sighed in relief and rested her head against the window, closing her eyes as they drove away from the beauty of the lake. Some things were more beautiful for what they offered. The modest home that Cade and Merrick shared was the most beautiful spot in the world to her. It stood for all the things she needed most.

Comfort. Security. Protection.

Love.

Her sanctuary. Her place to just be. No questions. No demands. No intrusion from the outside world.

Cade reached for her hand, but she didn’t react. He curled his fingers tightly around hers and squeezed. A simple reminder that he had her back. She squeezed back, sending him the silent thank you.

He loved her.

It was almost too much to comprehend. How could he love her? He didn’t even know the real her. What if he didn’t like the real Elle? What if the old Elle was someone nothing like the new Elle?

What if she remembered everything tomorrow and discovered she was a terrible person?

She couldn’t lose Cade and Merrick. No matter what or who she was in the past, it was never too late to be someone else. Was it?

Bone deep weariness assailed her. She felt as wrung out as an old dishrag. There was nothing more she wanted than to stumble into bed and stay there. She wanted to forget today ever happened. Wanted to wipe the dream from her mind and memory and to erase the horrible panic she’d endured when the police officer had walked her way.

Even now, a curl of nausea twisted her stomach into knots all over again.

When they rolled up in the driveway, she opened her door, desperate to be out and to go inside, close the door and shut herself off from the rest of the world.

She knew she was in huge denial of her situation. She knew that this wasn’t a long-term solution to her problem. But she wasn’t equipped to deal with her past right now. Maybe down the road. But not now.

“I want to go lie down,” she murmured as Cade and Merrick followed her inside.

Merrick touched her clammy face, frowning as he drew his hand away. But he didn’t say anything. Just simply nodded and then leaned forward to press a kiss to her forehead.

“I’ll check in on you later,” he said.

She nodded and walked down the hall to the small bedroom she occupied. Not even bothering to undress, she crawled beneath the covers and curled her knees to her chest so she was in a protective ball. She pulled the covers to her chin and closed her eyes, praying she wouldn’t dream.