Hard To Love You

12 Stubborn love - Hailey -

“Hey pretty girl,” Cole says as he places his hands on my shoulders. “You want to go get some air with me?”

I look over my shoulder at him and he smiles. I would be so easy to fall in love with Cole. A fresh start, something I think I need. He doesn’t know about my past, doesn’t know what makes me tick, and doesn’t know about my insecurities. It’s really a shame that we both can’t give this a try; honestly I’m not sure it would be fair to either of us at this point in our lives but it sure would be nice if we could.

I’d just sat down for the first time all night. I’ve been trying to avoid being alone so that Mason doesn’t have the chance to talk to me while we are supposed to be enjoying MacKenzie’s wedding. So far the wedding has gone off without a hitch. All her family is great and they’ve taken the time to talk to me throughout the day. Even her crazy as hell twin cousins, those two are a trip. I’d like to go out with them one night to see how they really act when no one is breathing down their necks to behave.

“Sure.” I stand and say to my mom, “I’ll be back in a few and then we can call it a night. You got all checked into the room, right?”

I booked two rooms at the hotel for tonight, one for mom and a double for Cole and I, because I wasn’t sure how the night was going to go, plus it’s pretty late and I didn’t want Cole, Mom and I driving home this late, especially with having a few drinks.

“Yeah, Cole and I checked in before the ceremony.”

“Great. I’ll come grab you when we come back in and then we’ll say goodnight to Hunter and MacKenzie.” I tell her.

Cole holds out his hand for me, I place mine in his and he leads the way down to the ocean. It’s a perfect night. The wind is blowing just a bit; it’s chilly but feels nice against my sweaty skin.

“How you holding up?” Cole asks as he slips off his suit jacket, places it down on the sand and then sits on it, leaving just enough room for me to join him.

I slip my heels off and take a seat. “It’s hard, you know? Being this close to him but being a million miles away too.”

“He loves you.” Cole states like he’s known Mason all his life.

“But not enough to talk to me about what I saw that night, Cole.” I quip back.

Cole shrugs. “Maybe you need to hear him out, Hailey. Whatever happened might not have been right but there is always a reason for everything.” Cole turns his head and stares at the crashing waves in front of us.

“Sounds like you’re talking from experience.”

“Maybe I am.” He answers, still staring straight ahead.

Cole and I sit like this for a while, both lost in our own thoughts. I get the chills as the wind picks up and brings a spray of ocean water with it. Cole reaches over and wraps his arm around my shoulders.

“You ready to go say goodnight?” Cole asks.

I stand up and he follows. “Give me a few more minutes?” I ask. Cole grabs his jacket and shakes the sand from it. I’m sure he’s probably itching to get to his room to change and relax. “Go grab my mom and I’ll meet you inside.”

Cole pulls me into his strong arms and places a little kiss on the side of my head. “Talk to him, pretty girl. Trust me, it’s not every day you see the kind of love that Mason has for you.”

His hands slowly start to fall down my arms, he grabs my hands in his and squeezes just a little before he lets go and a single tear drops from my eye.

Cole starts to walk away, leaving me standing here looking out of the ocean, when he calls my name, “Hailey,” I turn. His face is lit up by one of the candles that are spread out all over the sand. “Trust me okay? I know what I’m talking about.” He just gave me a little piece of his past. I know that must have been hard for him to do.

“Alright, Flower boy, I’m trusting you.” I say.

Cole turns around and makes his way back up to the reception. As I watch him walk away I see MacKenzie, and I think it’s Mason with her, but it could be Cooper too; they’re standing just off the deck. I turn back around and take a seat next to where I left my shoes.

It’s so peaceful sitting here. I wish I could bottle up this feeling and take it with me everywhere. Everyone always thinks of me as the party girl who knows how to have a good time. While I must admit I live up to that reputation most of the time, I don’t always want to. Acting that way is my coping mechanism.

A big wave crashes and the water rushes up and almost meets my toes before it rushes back. This makes me think back on the first time Mason and I got really close.

This was the first time I had seen my dad in months. He knocked on the door saying he needed to talk to Mom. I told him she was at work and he’d have to come back after seven when she was home but he didn’t want to hear it. He pushed the door open, causing me to stumble back. He walked into the kitchen grabbed a beer that was left in there from before he moved out and made himself at home in the living room. I walked into the room to grab my cell phone so I could get the hell out of here, I should have known better.

“You happy that your mom and I split?” he slurs.

I tried I ignore him as I picked up the phone and turned around to leave but he kicked his foot up on the coffee table blocking my path. “I’m talking to you.” He yelled.

I flinched. I gripped the phone tighter in my hand. “No.” I know that if I had said yes things would have been worse for me.

“It’s all your fault you little bitch. Our life was perfect until you came into it.” Dad said as the alcohol on his breath hit me.

“I’m sorry.” I cried. What did he want me to do? Kill myself? Run away?

“Yeah, I’m sure you are.” He didn’t move his feet so I tried to climb over but he raised his leg and caused me to trip. I wasn’t expecting him to do that so I wasn’t prepared to have my hands out to break my fall. When I fell I hit the end of the coffee table on my forehead.

My dad quickly moved his feet. “Oops, sorry about that.”

He didn’t make a move to help me up or anything. I laid there for a second with my eyes squeezed shut. The pain was horrible. The pulsing on my forehead brought on an immediate headache. I blinked a few times before trying to get my bearings. I grabbed for my cell again but when I did a drop of blood hit the carpet. I reached up to where I’d hit my head, and when I pulled my hand away it was covered with blood. I took off, running for the bathroom.

I ran past Tara in the hallway and pushed her out of my way. “Watch where you’re going.”

I slammed the bathroom door shut and looked in the mirror. There was a gash on my forehead that was probably going to need stitches but there was no way I was going to the hospital.

I grabbed my phone and called the only person I knew who could help me. MacKenzie was down at the shore with her family but I knew Jackson didn’t go down until late Friday night since he had to work.

“MacKenzie,” I cried into the phone.

“Hailey? What’s the matter? Are you ok?” MacKenzie asked with concern in her voice.

“Can you please have Jackson pick me up and take me to the shore with you?” I managed to croak out.

“Um, what time is it?” I heard her shuffling some things around. “He should just be getting done at work. I’ll give him a call and tell him to swing by and pick you up.”

“Thank you.”

I looked at myself in the mirror before reaching for the Band-Aids. I cleaned the gash up the best I could but it just kept bleeding. I finally gave up trying to get it to stop. I grabbed some gauze, medical tape and the roll of paper towels that Mom always kept in the bathroom and ran across the hall to my room. I threw it all in my overnight bag along with some clothes. I didn’t even know if anything matched and I really didn’t care, right then I just wanted to get the hell out of there. I heard Jackson beep his horn. I grabbed my bags and darted out of the house as quickly as possible.

Jackson reached over and opened the door for me, “Damn Hails, you ok?”

“Just drive.” I took my first deep breath since Dad forced his way into the house.

When we arrived at the Cahill’s shore house a few hours later I was emotionally and physically exhausted. Jackson grabbed my bags as I still held the gauze to my head. The bleeding had just about stopped but still leaked a little.

Elle, MacKenzie and Mason were sitting at the kitchen table when we walked in. Great! I was hoping to sneak in and only have to deal with MacKenzie.

Mason stood up so fast his chair fell back, “What the hell happened to you?” he said.

I lowered the gauze, MacKenzie and Elle gasped. When I looked back up Mason had his eyes squeezed tightly shut.

“I’ll be fine.” I would be. I’d probably just have a scar.

“What happened?” Mason asked again.

“My dad,” I got out before I started crying. “I tried to step over his feet but he lifted them and tripped me. I didn’t put my hands out and hit the corner of the table.”

Elle walked over to me, grabbed my hand and walked me to the bathroom. She helped me get the gash all cleaned up and told me I should get stitches; I told her I wouldn’t go. She found some butterfly stitches and closed the gash as best she could. I looked down at my shirt and noticed all the blood. I guess walking into the house the way that I did made it look a lot worse than it really was. This is just what I wanted for my sixteenth birthday. I’d just have to have MacKenzie help me cover it with make-up before the party that she was throwing for me.

Mason walked into the bathroom holding out one of his old baseball t-shirts and a pair of MacKenzie’s shorts.

“I’m guessing you didn’t pack any to sleep in. I have a bunch of t-shirts here.” Mason said as I grabbed the clothes from him.

“Take a shower, sweetie, then try and get some sleep.” Elle said. She threw all the trash away, washed her hands then kissed my forehead and walked out. Mason stood there for a second longer; he looked like he wanted to hold me, but then turned and shut the door behind him.

I took a quick shower, slipped the shorts on and then pulled Mason’s T-shirt over my head. I brought it up to my nose and inhaled, it smelled just like Mason. He smelled like soap and then sun with that slight dirt smell from years of playing baseball. I towel dried my hair and threw it up on the top of my head.

When I opened the bathroom door, Mason was sitting just outside on the floor. “Mase?”

He looked at me with such sadness in his eyes. I glanced down the hall and didn’t see anyone, all the doors were shut and the light in the hallway was off. “You ok?” he asked.

I nodded. “I’ll be fine, just a little cut.”

Mason stood up. I took a step back; my back hits the closed bathroom door. The coldness from the door hitting my warm back caused me to get the chills. Mason took a step closer and ever so gently kissed my forehead. “I’m sorry.” He whispered before walking away and leaving me standing there.

I hate my dad, I’ve always tried to be the perfect daughter but no matter what I did it didn’t matter. I don’t fit into my family; I’m the outcast, the black sheep. My dad should be the one saying he’s sorry, not Mason.

I was so angry; I knew I would never fall asleep. I walked over to MacKenzie’s door, dropped my blood stained clothes and shoes and made my way to the only place I felt at peace.

It’s was the middle of summer so when I took a seat on the towel in front of the ocean I was still warm. The waves were so close, so loud. They were angry which was exactly how I felt. I was pissed off at the world. Sometimes I wished I had the courage to walk out there and just let myself float away; have the waves crash over my body and carry me away into the darkness. Then maybe, just maybe, I wouldn’t feel like no one wanted me.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t feel Mason come up behind me and wrap his body around mine. “Hey.” He said as he pulled me back against his toned, hard, chest.

“Hey. Sorry, I didn’t hear you come down.” I told him as I snuggled a little closer to him.

“I’m sorry your dad is such an asshole, Hails. You don’t deserve this.” Mason said in my ear.

I sat up and turned around so was sitting on my knees between his legs. I put my hands on either side of his face, “You have no reason to be sorry, Mason. You didn’t do any of this.” A tear slipped down my cheek.

He wiped it away with his thumb. I dropped my hands and placed them on his knees as he pulled my face closer to his. I felt his hot, minty breath against my face. Mason and I hadn’t kissed since that one time when I was twelve so I was a little unsure of what was happening. Just as I thought he was about to kiss me on the lips he lifted his head and kissed me on my gash.

I winced from the slight pressure of his lips against it. I started to pull away, feeling silly for thinking that Mason would try to kiss me, but he wouldn’t let me go. He placed a kiss on my temple then another just below my ear, then my jaw, then the corner of my mouth. Mason pulled back and looked at me. His eyes remind me of the stormy ocean, just another reason why I liked him so much.

“I’m going to kiss you.” Mason told me. “If you don’t want me to you have to tell me now.”

I don’t answer because I want Mason. I’ve wanted to kiss him again since the first time all those years ago.

He leaned in and kissed me on the lips, then gently nips at my bottom lip. My stomach clinched and my palms started to sweat. I licked the seam of Mason’s lips; wanting access. I pulled myself closer to him but there wasn’t any room between us now. Mason grabbed the back of my right thigh and pulled it so it was resting on the side of his hip. Then he did the same thing to my left thigh, and I was now straddling him. When our tongues collided the kiss turned desperate. Our teeth crashed together. I grabbed the back of Mason’s head and gripped his hair. He wrapped his arms around my waist and before I even knew what was happening I was pinned underneath him.

My panties were wet, I was so turned on. I’d never felt like that before. I slid my legs around Mason’s waist, anchoring him to me. Mason’s right hand was running up and down my body while his left arm was holding him up. He reached the end of my shirt and slid his hand up. His fingers touched my stomach and my hips lifted up. I needed to relieve some of the pressure between my legs. Mason groaned into my mouth and pushed down with his hips. I moaned this time. Mason broke the kiss as he lifted his upper body so that he could push my shirt up. Since I was going to bed, I hadn’t bothered to put a bra back on. His fingers brushed against the bottom of my left breast and I sucked in a deep breath. No one had ever touched me there before and I wasn’t sure what to expect with Mason.

My nipple was already pebbled so as his hand slid over it, it puckered even more. “Damn Hails.” Mason said. He dipped his head down and pulled my left nipple into his mouth. It felt amazing and I never wanted him to stop. He lightly bit down and my back arched in an attempt to get closer. “You like that?”

“Mmmhmm.” Mason repeated the same movements on the other side while I ran my finger nails up and down his back.

He kissed a path to my lips. He was thrusting exactly where I needed him the most but then started to roll off of me. I started to panic, thinking he was going to pull away since things started getting hot and heavy between us.

“Relax.” Mason whispered.

“I just don’t want you to pull away. I need you Mason.” And it was true, I needed Mason more than I ever thought possible. Mason made me feel safe; made me feel loved, special.

He kissed me again as he pulled my shirt down. His fingertips dipped into the waist band of the shorts I had on.

“Has anyone ever touched you here, Hails?” Mason asked.

The butterflies were so bad in my stomach that I started shaking. My heart was racing. I wasn’t sure I was able to talk so I shook my head no.

He started to remove his fingers but I stopped him. “Please Mase.” I begged. I wasn’t sure exactly what I was begging for because I’d never felt like this with anyone.

“I shouldn’t, Hailey.”

“Says who?” I asked.

Mason chuckled.

My cheeks burned.

“Mason, if you don’t touch me I’m not sure what I’m going to do but it’s not going to be pretty.”

He laughed a deep belly laugh.

“Relax. I’ll take care of you.”

Mason caressed his hand down between my legs and started rubbing in just the right spot. I wanted to clamp my legs shut but I wasn’t sure I could. He started sucking and nipping at my neck. The pull in my lower stomach was so strong I felt like I was about to blast off. His fingers started to slow down and then eventually stop. He didn’t remove his hands but he looked deep into my eyes. Mason slipped a finger inside me but he didn’t move it, he was letting me get used to the feeling. Once I felt comfortable and couldn’t take it anymore I pushed my hips up, silently telling him to move his finger. He pulled almost all the way out then slid it back in until his knuckles pressed up against my clit. I cried out from the feeling. He pumped in and out a few more times.

“Come Hailey.” Mason told me as he crashed his lips down to mine just before I felt the first wave crash over me. I felt like I was floating from the intense release that Mason brought on. Then another crash came but this one was a little colder. As I came back down from my high, Mason was laughing. I felt a mortified by what had just happened. All these things were floating around in my head. Did I do something wrong? Was I supposed to touch Mason? Was it supposed to feel as good as it did? I tried sitting up so I could run back into the house when I was suddenly hit with another crash of something cold. Then I realized what Mason was laughing at. We were so caught up in each other that we didn’t realize that the tide was as close as it was.

Unexpectedly, I’m brought back to reality feeling over heated. I notice that I am now sitting between someone’s legs. I’m sure that someone is Mason. A wave comes so close that I have to bring my legs up to my chest to keep it from touching me. Doing this pushes me a little closer into Mason. His strong arms wrap around me and I tense. It feels so good but at the same time feels so wrong.

“Relax.” Mason whispers.

I’m trying to relax, I really am but I can’t stop the sudden memory flashes of Lily’s lipstick smeared across her face. What if she had just given Mason a blow job in the bathroom and I caught them? That would explain the deer in headlights expression he had.

Mason lifts my body with ease and sits me on his left leg so that I am half facing him. “You look beautiful, like the princess you really are. I’m sorry Hailey, so sorry.”

I let myself live in the moment, I need to feel Mason. I wrap my arms around his neck and squeeze tight. He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me so I’m flush up against his upper body. I hear him take a deep breath then feel it on me as he lets it out.

“God I’m so sorry.” He says into my neck.

I sit back so I can look into Mason’s beautiful, stormy eyes. “I need you to tell me what happened, Mason. You can fix all this but I just need the truth. My heart tells me you didn’t do anything with her but I can’t stop what I saw.”

Mason rests his forehead against mine. “I will Hailey, I promise. I will tell you everything, just give me a few days to get to the bottom of it first.”

“A few days Mase, that’s it. A few.” Mason lets out a long, minty breath.

“I will tell you everything and I will never do this to us again. I’m tired of all this, Hailey.” Mason tells me before he lifts me so that he can stand up. He brushes the sand off his ass and then helps me up. While I wipe the sand off the back of my legs and Mason grabs my shoes. He grabs my hand with his and then we walk back up to the reception.

Mason stops me before I take a step up to the deck, “Tell your band boy I’m coming after my girl.” He says with a smirk on his face.

I smile the first real smile all day long. “You make it so hard to love you, Mason Cahill.” I tell him as I shake my head.

“I know, but I don’t mean it too.” He says.

I let go of his hand and start walking away so I can find Cole and my mom.

“Hailey!” Mason yells.

I look back and raise my eyebrows, surprised by his sudden outburst.

Mason looks around, noticing the attention that he caused by yelling my name. When his eyes land back on me, he mouths, “I love you.”

It takes me a second to figure out how to respond so I do what he does to me when he is up on the mound when he’s pitching. I wink twice at him.

He seems happy with that response. I turn around and Cole and Mom are standing there, waiting for me at the table.

“Ready to get out of here?” I ask them.

“Yeah I’m exhausted.” Mom says.

“Let me go say goodbye to MacKenzie and Hunter and we can go.”

“Um, that’s going to be a little hard. They already left.” Cole tells me.

I laugh and shake my head, of course they would cut out of their wedding early.

“Well I guess I’ll see them at breakfast tomorrow then.”