Hard To Love You

21 Save me - Hailey -

When I woke up this morning I had a text from Mom telling me that Tara is coming for dinner. Tara doing something with the two of us means only one thing - she needs money. Tara moved out of home and in with her boyfriend right out of high school and has never looked back, that is until she needs something from Mom. I am in no mood to deal with my bitch of a sister today. Thankfully, when I dropped Ryder off with MacKenzie’s mom this morning she asked me to come over for dinner since it’s just her tonight.

When I pull up to MacKenzie’s parent’s house I’m surprised to see Mason’s bike in the driveway. I didn’t want to deal with Tara tonight and I definitely don’t want to deal with Mason. After twenty minutes I talk myself into going in the house. I’d rather deal with Mason than Tara. I ring the doorbell. I’m still not comfortable walking in after all these years, even though they tell me to every time I come over. I stand there and wait, Elle answers the door.

“Hey Sweetie.” Elle opens the door wider to allow me to walk in. “You could have let yourself in. We’re playing with Ryder.”

I follow Elle into the living room. Mason is lying on his stomach facing Ryder. It just makes seeing him harder. I want that life with him so badly but I’m furious about everything that has happened and nothing will change it at this point. Our feelings are hurt and we both need to heal.

Mason looks like he’s seen a ghost; I guess it really is a surprise that I’m here. I just hope he knows I’m not here for him. I know things will be uncomfortable for everyone while Mason and I go through our break up but I’m not going to cut them out. They are my family too. “Hailey.”

I look over at Elle and she’s watching us with that mom look. The one that says, ‘now children play nice.’ I smile over at her, letting her know that everything will be fine. I take a seat on the couch; Mason sits up and faces me.

He looks like hell, as I do. We sit in an uncomfortable silence for a few moments, not knowing what to say or do. Elle walks over to Ryder, picks him up and leaves the room. I guess she senses our need to talk, and now it’s just the two of us with this ugly cloud looming over us.

“I’m sorry.” We both say at the same time.

“Go ahead.” I tell Mason.

“I’m sorry, Hailey. I fucked up. I was trying to keep my promise to you by not asking you to keep a secret for me. I shouldn’t have done that. I know you think that something went on with Lily at the bar but it didn’t. She was pissed because I stopped her from causing a possible shit storm.” He gets up off the floor and sits on the other end of the couch.

I flinch when he says ‘my family’; I thought I was part of that. I guess I thought wrong. “Is what you’re keeping that important that you would let me believe that something happened between you two?”

Mason considers my question before answering. “Yes and no. Yes because I didn’t want her ruining Hunter and MacKenzie’s wedding and I don’t want her to come between Cooper and Jaylinn.” My eyebrows furrow in confusion. “But it wasn’t worth ruining us. It actually doesn’t have a damn thing to do with us. I asked you to trust me, Hailey. Have I ever given you a reason not to trust me?”

I answer honestly. “No you haven’t, Mason. But what’s done is done now. I can’t help how it felt seeing you with her.”

He nods in agreement. So much has happened in the last twenty-four hours.

“What’s this big secret anyway? Will you at least tell me now?” I’d really like to know what has Mason going through all this trouble.

Mason shifts on the couch so his body is facing mine. “I’m not sure if it’s even worth telling. It has nothing to do with us, like I said, and it’s not going to change the way things are now.” He mumbles something about last night but I don’t pay him any mind.

I turn my body to face him and fold my leg under me. “You’re right. It’s not going to change anything, Mason. Too much has happened. Secrets were kept and lies were told.”

He runs his fingers through his hair, something he always does when he’s nervous. “Yeah you’re right. Some things need to be cleared up though. So I’m going to tell you any way.” He looks up at me and watches me closely. “First, I never cheated on you. I talked to Lily this morning,” This morning? What the hell? “And she said that she and Brittany were just messing around with you.” I’m about to protest and tell him he’s wrong but Mason cuts me off. “It was wrong Hailey, more than wrong. It was sick and cruel but you should have known better.”

I open my mouth and then shut it just as quickly. He’s right in a way. I should have given Mason the benefit of the doubt. He always tried to call me every spare minute he had when he was on the road. Mason always tried to keep me in the loop, even going as far as taking pictures of different things and texting them to me so that I felt like I was there with him.

“The reason I never said anything about this secret was because I didn’t know if Lily was lying or not. Honestly, I’m not at all sure right now and I wasn’t about to start something right before the wedding. But what I’m about to say doesn’t leave us no matter what.”

Mason waits for me to agree. “Alright.”

He looks intently at me, “Lily claims that Cooper slept with Brittany,” I gasp and cover my mouth with my hand. “A few years ago. Now after all the shit that those bitches started I don’t know what to believe.” I can’t fucking believe it. “Lily said that it happened over a spring break. I remember going there but I think I would remember Brittany. I think Cooper definitely would have remembered banging her. I’ve tried to hint around about it but he’s given me nothing.”

I remove my hand from my mouth and ask, “Do you think he did?”

Mason regards me, “Honestly, I have no idea. Sometimes I think maybe he did, and other times I don’t. You know how Cooper and Jaylinn’s relationship is. Christ just look how they were on Sunday night. They were all over each other but Cooper won’t have sex with her.”

Mason is absolutely right. Cooper will not sleep with Jaylinn no matter what. No one can figure out why and when we bring it up Cooper and Jaylinn both just tell us to drop it. Could this be the reason why he won’t? I mean, it makes sense. If Cooper realized that he slept with Jaylinn’s step-sister he’d be afraid that he’d lose Jaylinn. But then again, if what Lily says is true, it happened years ago, long before we knew Brittany, Hunter, and Jay were related. How pissed could they be over a mistake made years ago? Cooper didn’t know. Hell, Hunter was partying with his step-sister and didn’t know it.

“I think you need to talk to your brother, Mason.”

“I had planned on it after the wedding but haven’t found the right time to bring it up. I planned on making everything right with you after I talked to Cooper. Clearly things never go as planned. I’m sorry I kept this from you and let it taint us, but I have to put my family first.” Mason answers.

The ‘my family first’ comment feels like another slap in the face. I wanted to be Mason’s first. I closed my eyes. “Why couldn’t you put me first, Mason? Why couldn’t I have just been enough for you to pick me first?” I cry.

Mason makes an attempt to move closer but I put my hand up to stop him.

“I made a mistake, Hailey, I see that now. Every time I try and protect someone it backfires in my face.” Mason says back as his voice cracks.

I open my eyes and blink the tears away. “And it cost you our relationship this time, Mason. We were great together.”

Mason lies back against the couch and stares up at the ceiling. “I know, Hailey.” Mason huffs and scrubs his face. “But I think I fucked up even more last night.”

I raise my eyebrows up in question. “What do you mean?”

Mason sits up and I can see the sorrow, regret and pain laced on his face. “I’m gonna destroy any hope that we have left.”

My heartbeat picks ups a notch, my hands are clammy. “What did you do?”

Mason looks me right in the eyes. He’s teary eyed and Mason doesn’t cry about shit, but the words that come out of his mouth breaks my heart, my mirror, in a million pieces and I don’t think it will ever be whole again. “I think I slept with Lily last night.”