Hard To Love You

26 Casual sex - Mason -

We’re on the road again, I can tell from the bed I’m sleeping in. It’s hard as a rock and the pillow is flat. I hate flat pillows. I don’t want to wake up just yet but the heat radiating on my back is making me uncomfortable. I know what I’m doing is wrong but I don’t give a shit. I have to do something to take away the stabbing pain in my chest, even if it’s only for a few hours.

I open my eyes; blink a few times to clear the fog. The room is still spinning, my stomach clenches. I take a deep breath and try to push it away. When I’m sure I’m not going to puke I notice the pasty white arm draped over my bronze skin, it doesn’t belong there. I try to move onto my back but her body is right up against me. Fuck it. I need a shower. I throw my legs over the side of the bed and start to sit up. I look around the room and there are clothes strewn everywhere. The lamp that was on the dresser has fallen over in my drunken frenzy with the cleat chaser who’s now in my bed. My clothes bag that was on the chair near the window is now empty. All my clothes are wrinkled and piled next to it. I stand up, letting the sheet fall to the ground, and make my way to the bathroom. The full length mirror that I pass on the way still has my hand prints from where I took her up against it. I reach in, turn the shower on as hot as it will go and step in. The shower doors click shut and it echoes. Even with the shower running it’s too quiet, I can’t stand when it’s quiet because then my mind starts wandering back to Hailey. It’s been months and I feel like I’m drowning. I thought the pain would have eased up by now but it hasn’t. Not at all.

Growling in frustration I quickly wash and turn off the water. As I’m stepping out, the girl, whose name I can’t remember, walks into the bathroom. I grimace at the sight of her; damn, those beer goggles were really working last night. She’s like a twig, and I hate that. Her rib cage, collarbone, and hip bones are sticking out. I like a girl with some meat on her bones; I want something to hold onto while I’m driving into her.

“Morning,” She croons.

Her voice sends a convulsion right through me. I need to get the hell out of here and fast.

I wrap the towel around me, tightly, walk over to the sink and brush my teeth.

“Morning,”

“It’s still the middle of the night, why don’t you come back to bed and we’ll pick up where we left off?” She says as she walks over to me and places her hands on my shoulders. I shiver but not in a good way, she repulses me. I can’t believe I fucked her last night, and where the hell was Cooper when I left with her? Cooper, that son of a bitch.

I try to play it cool, “Nah, I’m good. I’ve got some shit I have to take care of. You can see yourself out, I’m not gonna be back until sometime late tonight.” I turn and walk away from her before she can even respond.

I walk over and swipe my rumpled clothes from the floor. I find a pair of Nike basketball shorts, stick one leg in, and then out of the corner of my eye I see whatever her name is lean against the sink. Shit! I have to get out of here now. I can’t handle it when girls cry; she knew this wasn’t going to go anywhere. I pick up the first shirt I find, which just happens to be one of Hailey’s favorites, and tug it on over my head. I grab my wallet and cell off the nightstand, heaving at the smell of sex on the bed sheets. I hold my breath; slip on my Nike Sliders and bolt to the door without giving the girl another look.

I stumble into the hallway, still a little drunk from last night. I make it to the elevators and realize I have no idea where Cooper’s room is. I turn on my cell and notice it’s four in the morning. He’ll be pissed I’m waking him up two hours early but I don’t give a shit. I need to disappear before whatever-her-face sees me out here.

I call Cooper, his sleepy voice answers after the fourth ring. “Mase?”

My head feels like someone is jackhammering on it. “Coop, what room are you in?”

Cooper groans, “Room 823.”

I look around; the room across from where I’m standing is 208. I hit the elevator up. It dings and opens. “On my way up.” I step into the elevator and ride up to the eighth floor.

Cooper has his door propped open for me. I walk a little further into the room and sit on the empty bed. He never shares with anyone since Coach thinks we are always together. Coach doesn’t know that every night since Hailey and I split, I pay for my own room when we all come back from the bar. I shake my head in disgust; I’m doing exactly what Hailey accused me of. But this is the only thing I can do to help with the pain of losing her. I feel some sort of twisted connection with whoever I chose to sleep with, and that connection is what’s getting me by.

I look over at Cooper; he’s lying in his bed with his back to me. “Why did you let me take her back to my room?”

“I’m not your fucking babysitter, Mase. I’m getting sick of this shit, it’s been months and you’ve had a different girl practically every god damn night. You can’t sleep your way through this mess that you fucking created.”

I sit there and glare at him even though he’s not looking at me. I know he’s fucking right but he’s supposed to understand what I’m going through.

Cooper turns around to face me, “Don’t you think it’s time you stop this bullshit, Mason? I don’t even know who you are anymore. It’s embarrassing to be around you.”

The anger creeps up and I lash out. “You know what’s embarrassing?”

Cooper sits up, “What’s that, Mase? Did you get some kind of disease?”

“No, asshole, but you may have from sleeping with that cunt, Brittany.”

All the color washes from Cooper’s face, “How?”

I stand and pace back and forth but it’s more like stumbling around because of the alcohol. “How do I know?” Cooper nods once. His face is looking a little green. “Lily. That night at the bar when everyone thought I was kissing her, I wasn’t. I pushed her in that nook trying to scare her. She said she knew something about my family and I wasn’t about to let her ruin anything before Kenzie’s wedding.” I look over at Cooper and see him swallow hard and sadness starts to take over in his eyes. “Hailey walked out of the bathroom and thought we were hooking up. The dumb bitch smeared her lipstick so it looked like we did.” I’m still repulsed thinking about it. “Instead of running after Hailey right away and explaining what happened, I stayed, and Lily told me that she knew you slept with Brittany over some spring break and from the expression on your face I guess she was right.”

Cooper’s eyes close tightly and he pinches the bridge of his nose. “I didn’t figure it out right away, Mase. It wasn’t until Hunter told me he thought it was Brittany that tried to run Kenzie off the road. I was keeping a look out on her Facebook, like Hunter was doing, to see if she’d make any stupid comments. One night I was going through her pictures and I stumbled across one. You can’t tell from looking at the picture because my face was turned into Brittany’s neck but I know it’s me. I remember bits and pieces from that night but there is no denying it was us.” Cooper drops his hand to his lap. “Jaylinn is never going to forgive me about that shit and Hunter …”

I state the obvious, “It happened years ago dude.”

We sit in silence for a little bit, both lost in our heads.

Cooper looks over at me, “You let that shit ruin you and Hailey?”

I look down to the floor, then back to Cooper, and nod. “I wanted to talk to you first. I didn’t know if what Lily said was the truth or not. We don’t need any more damn drama and I wanted to avoid it at all cost. Kenzie deserved to have the wedding that she did.” I shrug my shoulders. “It was worth it.”

“Is it still?”

I rest my elbows on my knees, with my hands clasped out in front of me, and hang my head. “Coop,” I close my eyes and flashes of Hailey’s face come flooding in. “I miss her. I’m miserable without her. I don’t know what to do.”

Cooper sits himself up in bed and lies back against the headboard. “Fucking around the way you are isn’t going to change anything. You need to deal with it dude, and not in that way. Talk to her about what happened, Mason.”

I lift my head up, “I explained everything to her at Mom’s that night we split but it was too little too late.”

Cooper looks over at me seriously, “Says who Mason? Where’s my pain in the ass twin that doesn’t stop for anything until he gets what he wants?”

I run a hand through my hair and sit up. “I don’t know, Coop. He disappeared when I lost her.

“That’s your first problem. Have you heard from Hailey at all?” Cooper asks as he yawns.

I slip my sliders off and lay back against the pillows. “Not a word. Maybe this is why it’s bothering me so much. She’s always been there no matter what, and now that she’s not I feel like a piece of me is missing.”

Cooper’s eyes grow heavy and he yawns again, “Maybe you need some final closure now that you two have had a chance to cool off.”

Maybe I do need to get some closure. “You going to talk to Jay?”

Cooper settles in bed, “I’ll have to eventually.”

I tuck my hands behind my head and rest my eyes. “So is it the Brittany shit stopping you from giving into Jay? Or is it that shit that happened back at school?”

Cooper responds groggily, “Both.”

I doze off, wishing I had some damn pain medicine for this hangover.

“Mason.” Hailey whispers.

I rub my eyes with the palms of my hands. What is she doing here? How did she find me?

“What are you doing?” Hailey asks.

I shake my head, trying to clear it. I know I’m drunk but not that drunk. “How did you find me? How did you get in my room?”

Hailey laughs. I turn my head side to side; I’m lying on the beach. The sun is shining brightly, waves crashing in the distance. I peek up at Hailey, with the sun shining on her hair it looks like it’s glowing. Her pretty blue eyes pop against her sun-kissed skin. I reach up to her face but when I try to run my finger over her lips it distorts. I blink a few times and she’s back.

What the hell did I drink last night?

Hailey starts crying, “What happened to us, baby? We were supposed to have our happily ever after.”

I reach up and try to wipe away the tears, but again her face garbles.

Hailey reaches up and wipes her own tears away. “When are you going to pick me, Mason? I want to be your first choice. You promised you’d always protect me but all you do is hurt me.”

My skin pricks with goose bumps. “I thought I was protecting you, Boo, but I see now that I wasn’t. I need you Hailey. I feel like my life is spinning out of control.”

“Oh Mason,” Hailey cups my face, “Prove it. Prove you need me.”

“I will, I promise. I’m done worrying about everyone else. I want to settle down, buy you a house. I’m ready to take the next step.”

Hailey gives me a small smile but tears still pool in her eyes. “I love you Mason.”

She pulls my face closer to hers and rests her forehead against mine. “I love you too Hailey.”

“Mason, come on dude get up.”

I inch slowly closer to Hailey’s lips. I just need one kiss. I need to know this is real.

“Mason!”

“Kiss me Hailey.” I whisper against her lips.

Cold water splashes my face and I leap from the bed. “What the fuck?”

Cooper is standing next to the bed with a bottle in his hand. “I’ve been trying to wake you up for a half hour.”

I wipe my face with my hands. “So you throw water on me?”

Cooper starts to laugh, “Well yeah. It was that or listen to you tell Hailey that you loved her.”

I freeze. “What did you say?”

Cooper shakes his head like I’m crazy. “You heard me, asshole.” He huffs. “You said you loved her and asked for a kiss.”

I look around the room, trying to find a clock. I can’t find anything so I walk over to my phone. We’ve got forty-five minutes before we have to leave, “I need a shower.”

Cooper chuckles, “Hurry up.”

I don’t give a shit that I already showered last night, I need another. I need to sort out what was real and what wasn’t. “Can you go grab my bags?” I toss my room key to Cooper before he can even respond.

“Mason, can you keep the Brittany shit between us? I’ll handle it.” Cooper asks seriously.

I quip back, “I haven’t said anything yet, have I?”

“True, but I was serious about last night. I need my brother back, this version of you sucks.” Cooper turns on his heel and leaves me standing in the middle of the room.

One thing’s for sure, starting today I’m done sleeping around. It wasn’t helping anyway and girls are starting to get more abusive when I accidentally call them Hailey. I am, without a shadow of a doubt, done with putting anything before Hailey. Well, besides baseball, but she knows that. It may be a little too late but I know deep down that I have to try and get her back. Even if that means we can only be friends, I’ll take whatever I can get. And I’m doing something for me; I’m buying my house with the white picket fence. It may not be filled with the 2.4 kids and a dog, but this is what I want. If I have any chance at winning Hailey back, I need to prove to her that I’m serious about commitment.

I take a quick shower and set my plan in motion. The first call I need to make is to a realtor. The second and third phone calls are to MacKenzie and Jaylinn. I need to rally the girls on my side and pray they don’t hang up on me after calling me crazy.

The last few months feels like I’ve been living in someone else’s body. Who the hell have I become? God knows I’ve slept around more times then I care to think about but that’s not who I am. Not after I started dating Hailey. I never even gave a girl a second glance unless it was to get something I wanted and even that was wrong, but I never cheated on Hailey and I never would.

I’m bound and determined to set myself straight and kick my own ass if I have to. Screw everything and everyone who gets in my way.

I see something I want vividly now and I will stop at nothing to get it.