Losing Logan

Epilogue

There’s no music in the elevator, making the ride feel like it’s taking forever. Only Carlos and I are riding this trip. He’s clutching my hand so tightly I think he might leave bruises. When the doors finally open a breeze blows my dress around mercilessly. My skin erupts in goosebumps, but I don’t care. We walk slowly through the maze of ropes and out onto the observation deck. I don’t even mind when the wind whips my carefully curled hair into a tangled mess. I walk to the edge, looking out across the vast horizon. Around me people are staring, but I don’t care. Closing my eyes I take a deep breath, the scent of the east river hangs heavy in the air, filling my nostrils. The wind is cold as it blows the soft white fabric of my dress around my legs.

“I’m going to have to fix your hair in the cab,” Carlos grumbles, pulling the black jacket tight around him with a shiver.

“I just need a minute alone,” I say, my words carried away in the morning air.

He nods, “I’ll be inside.”

I cling to the edge of the green metal railing, pressing my face against the mesh. The other people spread out, giving me space. I take another deep breath.

“I can’t believe it’s been five years since you left,” I whisper, letting the wind carry the words away. “I miss you every day.”

My heart aches in my chest and I fight it back because, today of all days, I have to hold myself together.

“I just wanted to come here and tell you, I’m happy. But you probably know that. I’m sure you’re up there somewhere stalking me like always.” I bite my bottom lip, chewing off the lipstick I’d so carefully applied this morning. “But mostly, I just want to say, thank you. And…I love you.”

The wind picks up and I feel the chill run along my skin, comforting and cold. A caress I haven’t felt in a very long time.

Carlos peeks his head out the door. “Seriously Zoe, you’re going to be late for your own wedding. You don’t want to keep Kyle waiting.”

I sigh, smiling into the wind and wiping the hair out of my eyes. The truth is, Kyle would wait for me forever. Over the years he’s been the one constant in my life, the one thing I’ve never had to doubt. He’s the person I want to spend the rest of my life with--the person I love most in the world. I only came here because I couldn’t think of any better way to get Logan’s attention. Even though I haven’t seen him since the night he finally crossed over, I still feel him sometimes. I felt him the day I graduated high school, the day I stood on a volcano in Hawaii, and most recently, the night Kyle proposed. And I feel him with me today.

I touch the bodice of my white dress, where the old bottle cap sits on a chain next to my heart. “Well come on then. Let’s not make him wait anymore.”