Outside

Chapter Seven

I sit in the kitchen and eat my breakfast absent-mindedly, thinking about Luc. I’m nervous and excited as I mentally run through the supplies we’re taking with us. Ma comes into the kitchen and it takes me a few seconds to work out why she looks different. She’s dressed, made-up and, strangest of all, sober.

‘Darling, come here and give Mummy a kiss.’

I slide off the stool and walk towards her. She smells clean and fresh. She must have had a bath. Relief overtakes me. I kiss her cheek – the first time in a while that I’m actually happy to do so. She doesn’t cling to me or cry. She holds the backs of my hands and pushes me away from her so she can look at me.

‘You look gorgeous!’ she exclaims. ‘When did you get so grown up? Is that my lip gloss you’re wearing? Never mind, it suits you.’

‘Hi, Ma, you look good too. We’ve been worried about you.’

‘You’re such a good girl, Riley. Strong, like your father.’ She sniffs and blinks rapidly. ‘Now, darling, I’ve got something to tell you.’ She pauses. I’m intrigued and wonder what’s caused the turnaround in her behaviour. Surely she must have some good news to tell me.

‘I’m going to stay with Grandma and Grandpa for a while.’ She stares at me, waiting for my reaction.

My first thought is, I can’t go. I can’t leave Luc. We’ve got important plans. My second thought is, she used the word ‘I’ and not ‘we’.

‘What? You’re going by yourself?’ I ask.

During the last month, I would have absolutely preferred it if she had been at my Grandparents’ place. I hated to see her in such a bad way and would rather she be grief-stricken anywhere else but here. But now, seeing her restored to her old self, I don’t want her to go. I want her to look after me. To stay. I want us to try to heal ourselves together.

I hadn’t realised how much I’ve been missing the company of my mother. I haven’t just been grieving for Skye, I’ve been adrift without the reliable everyday closeness of Ma. At this moment I almost want to forget my mission with Luc and try to get back to being a family of sorts.

‘Just for a bit, sweetheart. The helicopter’s picking me up this afternoon. Pa has arranged it all.’

‘This afternoon? But how long will you be away for?’ Hurt pricks at me and the word ‘abandoned’ pops into my head. I feel sick. Although she’s been as good as useless to me over the past few weeks, I don’t want her to go. The thought terrifies me. I feel like a little child, out of my depth and overwhelmed. I can feel hot tears welling behind my eyes, but I also feel a creeping, burning anger that mothers aren’t supposed to behave like this. She should be here for me and me alone. Skye is dead, but what about me, her other daughter? I need her. But I’m not going to beg.

I breathe back the tears before they can fall, and I set my mouth into a hard line. The bitter anger lodges like a piece of stale bread in my throat. She speaks again.

‘Riley, darling, we’ve all had an unbelievably dreadful time of it. I’ve been quite ill and I know I‘ve neglected you when you needed me. I’m still not quite right yet so Grandma and Grandpa are going to help me get better and then I can come home and we can start trying to get back to normal again. It won’t be for long. Please, my darling, please be strong for a little while longer.’

She sounds like her old self but I can see in her face that these words are costing a lot of effort. She looks tired and old. Her make-up doesn’t enhance her features, it just sort of sits on top of them like a mask. The panic and anger leaves my body and I suddenly feel so tired I want to curl up into a ball and sleep for a year.

‘Okay.’ I don’t look at her when I say it.

‘You’re such a good girl. I’ll be back soon, I promise. Now come and give me a big cuddle.’

That afternoon, Pa comes out into the garden and tries to be happy for my benefit but I can tell he’s upset by the way he keeps clenching and unclenching his fists and sticking his chin out in an almost defiant way, like a little boy.

It’s a stiflingly warm day and the wind from the copter blades does nothing to relieve my hot exhaustion. It whips my sleek, newly straightened hair all around my face and the noise irritates me. Pa speaks and I only catch a few words above the noise.

‘Stupid idiots. They put it down too near the roses. They’ll be blown to bits.’ But whereas a couple of months ago he would have been purple with rage. Today he just murmurs sadly. The fight seems to have escaped from Pa like air from a shrinking balloon. Before all this, I would have laid bets on him roaring and threatening throughout the Perimeter to get Skye’s killer recaptured, calling in favours, leaving no stone unturned. But Pa’s a broken man.

He carries Ma’s cases across the lawn and helps her up into the plush cabin where two guards are already seated. She blows us kisses through her tears and then, just like that, she is gone.

Pa and I watch the copter lift off into the air and bank north westwards. I want to go back into the house. I don’t want to watch it disappear into the empty blue sky. But Pa takes my hand and holds it tight. Makes me stay.

‘Just you and me now, Riley,’ he says, contemplating the silent garden.

In the months after the terror attacks, there were looters on every corner. Violent gun battles were an everyday occurrence between the police and the criminals who were previously denied the opportunity to be this bad.

Those members of the police force who survived the horror realised they were fighting a losing battle, so they threw away their badges, kept their guns and joined the remaining civilians trying to make a new life for themselves.

Vicious gangs patrolled the streets recruiting new members by force, and prostitution rings sprang up everywhere. Nobody was safe unless in the company of armed guards or privateers. The army was a presence but there weren’t enough troops to keep order everywhere.

Luc’s and my own parents set up our own Perimeter quickly and efficiently, guessing that things had gone too far for them to recover any time soon. They went from door to door in our neighbourhood, explaining what they planned to do, giving each householder a chance to contribute or move out. Not a particularly friendly approach but, as Pa said, there was no time for niceties. Only a few people left the area. Most stayed and are now indebted to Pa and Eddie Donovan.

So everyone has had to adapt to this new, harsher life. We barricade ourselves away with other decent people and those who can afford it hire professionals to protect them. The roads are rarely used anymore, but they still carry dangers from raiders, hijackers and other equally unpleasant characters. The army patrols half-heartedly, but its number has dropped as army conditions worsen and the lure of guards’ pay becomes more enticing.

Now England is among the most shut-off countries in the world. Closed borders, no transportation – only a select few own motor vehicles, as most people can’t get hold of enough fuel to run them.

The military spasmodically maintain one main road between each major settlement but most of the old roads are overgrown and crumbling, so you need some serious transportation. Tanks are best, though any AV will usually be up to the job. People reluctantly walk or, if they’re lucky, ride a mountain bike or a horse. Most people stay home though, as you risk your life when you venture into public areas.

There are always food shortages and a non-existent health service. We’re so far gone we couldn’t get back if we tried. Our taken-for-granted civilisation, hard-won over hundreds of years, has crumbled back into dark-age chaos. Sixteen years is a long time; the difference between one life and another.

And it’s onto these roads we are soon to go. We need to be fully prepared for anything we might encounter. Weapons are a top priority. We’ve managed to get hold of three machine guns, a couple of revolvers, ammunition and two serious-looking hunting knives. The rest of our packing list looks like this:

It’s been surprisingly easy to plan our journey and hide the supplies. I’m ashamed to say I stole most of it from Pa’s underground stores. But I’ve told him what I did in my note, so none of his workers will get into trouble for the theft.

It’s our good fortune and Pa’s shady activities that’s given us such easy access to supplies. We’re definitely among the luckiest in the world when it comes to standards of living and we’ve got some pretty strong currency in the form of Pa‘s illicit goods.

We plan to borrow Luc’s mother’s all-terrain AV which is state-of-the-art and custom-built for maximum comfort and security. It’s fitted with full-coverage exterior shock-plates, transparent armour multi-layered glass with blackout mode and run-on-flat tyres. It’s also got a hidden compartment beneath the passenger-side footwell, large enough to take a gun and some emergency provisions.

Three days to go and the tension is unbearable.