Vampires Need Not...Apply

Chapter Veintiuno

“What do you mean, you ‘lost’ Antonio?” Penelope asked from the other end of the cell phone.

Ixtab paced across the giant gourmet chef’s kitchen, glaring at the perfect little chocolate caramel soufflé. “Stop mocking me. Okay? It was a perfectly innocent mistake.”

“I’m not mocking you,” Penelope replied. “I’m confused.”

“I was talking to the soufflé.” Ixtab turned her back on the dessert, which served as a sad little reminder of how she’d wrecked the entire evening. “What’s there to be confused about? I lost him.”

I really, really lost him. The one male in the Universe who’d perhaps been born for her.

“How does one ‘lose’ a vampire exactly?”

“Well, we were… um… Antonio and I were—”

Penelope squealed on the other end of the phone. “I knew it! I knew it! You do like him! And I could tell he’s totally into you, too. The way he pretends to hate you, it’s so fifth grade. So how was it? Did you?”

Ixtab cringed as she heard Kinich’s deep voice in the background over the phone.

“I think they did it,” Penelope told him.

“Did she keep the veil on?” Kinich asked.

“I don’t know. Let me ask,” she replied to him.

Ugh! Idiots. “Yes. I kept the veil on, but we didn’t have sex.” We might’ve if I hadn’t screwed it up. Worst of all, she’d humiliated him. Now he would never trust her, and she would suffer an eternity without knowing what they really meant to each other.

“Why not? Were you too afraid? Because my mom told me what you look li—”

“I called him by another man’s name,” Ixtab blurted out. “In the heat of the moment.”

“Oh, that’s bad,” Penelope replied. “She called him another man’s name,” she repeated to Kinich, who began laughing hysterically in the background.

“Glad you find this funny,” Ixtab barked.

“Ssssh, honey. Let me finish talking to her.” Pause. “Sorry, Ixtab. I’m listening.”

“Good. Because he left and took the tablet with him.”

“Maybe he’s on his way back to New York,” Penelope offered.

Ixtab shrugged and turned around. The soufflé still sat there on the large granite island, still mocking her with its giant chocolaty goodness. “I checked with the Uchben. They haven’t seen him.”

“He probably took a commercial plane.”

Ixtab’s phone beeped. “Hold on.” She pulled the device from her ear and saw a text. It was from the Uchben chief. Crapola.

She returned the phone to her ear. “The Uchben tracked him through Customs. He got on a flight to Spain.”

“I guess you’re going to Spain, then. Would you like me to text you the immortal groveling instructions?” Penelope offered.

“No, thanks. I’ve got it committed to memory.”

“Ixtab? I know I don’t have to say this, but we need him.”

Silence. “I know.” There were less than eight months left to open the portal. “What I don’t understand is how you can be so calm and so happy.”

“I have faith. And I have Kinich.”

“So, you don’t believe the end is near?” Ixtab asked.

“No. I don’t. Because you are going to fix this. That portal will open; we will get our warriors back and win. There is no other possible outcome.”

Ixtab wished she were as confident as Penelope. But in all her thousands of years, she’d never seen the cards so stacked against them. Most of all, she’d never seen one of Cimil’s prophecies be wrong; although now, they all understood that Cimil couldn’t truly see the future—she merely spoke to the dead, who apparently lived in another dimension where time ceased to exist, which was an entirely different conundrum all together. Still, she’d never seen Cimil once be wrong. If she said the world would end before the autumnal equinox, then it would.

Ixtab sighed. “I’ll get the vampire physicist back.” Somehow. Maybe she was making this into a bigger deal than it was? She’d only called him by another man’s name. It was an honest mistake. And once she explained the reason behind it, he would understand. Or perhaps he will find it disturbing that he looks like the lost love of your life and believe that’s the only reason you want him.

Then again, Antonio had fared well with all of the oddities thrown his way. Extremely well. Magical tablets, vampirism, deities. Nothing seemed to faze him.

Except you…

Somewhere in Europe…

Giant, furry pink suitcase in hand, Cimil skidded on her red platform shoes into the ultra-baroque-style living room of Roberto’s vampire lair. “Honey!” she screamed “Have you seen my pony?”

There was no reply. “Roberto! Pony! Now!”

Again, no reply.

Cimil stomped her foot. “One would think a vampire might have better hearing.”

Cimil turned and slammed into a tall, cold wall. “Ugh! I hate it when you sneak up on me like that. Have you seen my pony? It’s time to go, and you can’t be late. You must be there when the portal opens and make sure nothing goes wrong!”

Roberto didn’t respond.

Cimil sighed. “I know they’re expecting me, not you, but that doesn’t matter.”

Roberto blinked.

“Of course, I’m worried,” Cimil replied. “Ixtab has to get sucked in with the incubus, and the Maaskab cannot leave. The events are all tied together and there’s a point zero-zero-zero-zero-zero-zero-one chance that the physicist will fail. Got it?”

Roberto, with his black eyes and equally black hair, shook his head slowly. Then again, Roberto seemed to do everything as if he had all the time in the world. Which they didn’t. That clock was ticking, and there was no room for errors. Not this time.

“Gasp!” shook her finger at him. “You ate him! Didn’t you? You ate Mr. Mylittle!”

Roberto shrugged casually.

“Dammit!” Cimil smacked him on the chest. “I told you to stop eating my pets—except for the clowns. They’re okay, but fangs off the others!”

Roberto simply stared.

“Oh, don’t you give me that look,” she quibbled. “It was no honest mistake. You knew that pony was special. Hell in a bicycle basket! We’ll talk this later; we’ll miss our plane! Grab the luggage, would you?”

Roberto dipped his head and followed her out the door.

No, no room for mistakes now. Everything was going according to plan, and it was up to her to ensure things stayed that way.