Vampires Need Not...Apply

Chapter Veintiocho

The three men, if they could be called men, stood just inside the doorway of the small makeshift basement lab. And while Antonio had witnessed many horrific things in his life, these creatures were far beyond his wildest nightmares. That said, he didn’t have time for this bull crap because Ixtab was all that mattered. He’d fucking had her all along, and he’d let her go. How?

“What are they?” He pushed Margaret squarely behind him.

“Maaskab,” she replied.

These were Maaskab? That night in Helena’s penthouse, Ixtab’s sister Fate had described them as powerful, evil priests. He’d envisioned men in black robes sacrificing rabbits and chanting spells in Latin over a cauldron. Fate had completely left out the part about their rancid bodies being covered in odoriferous black grime and their hair being ropes of foul dreadlocks dripping with blood. And their sizes…mierda del diablo. They were beasts bigger than any creature he’d ever seen.

Well, he could give a shit about their size because gods only knew what that sadistic bastard of a demon could be doing to Ixtab. “What the fuck do you want?”

The largest of the creatures stepped forward and pointed its vile, blood-crusted finger at Antonio. It wore nothing more than a loincloth made from some sort of animal hide and a necklace full of human thumbs.

Or are those big toes? Christ… what a pinche pack of locos.

“Give us the tablet.” Its voice sounded like nails screeching across a chalkboard.

Antonio looked down at the shimmering artifact lying on the floor beside him. Like hell he would. He’d rather die than hand over the only means to getting Ixtab back.

He placed his foot on top of the tablet and slid it a few inches back. “Pick it up, Margaret.” He had no clue if he could trust this woman who’d come through the portal, but clearly she was his best bet in the room.

He felt her move, even though his eyes stayed locked on the dangerous creatures, thinking through his options. Not many. They were in the basement of the house, and the only way out was through them.

“The tablet is mine,” Antonio growled.

The creature studied him with its soulless eyes—black irises surrounded by blood red. “Cimil promised it to us in exchange for helping the incubus. Where is he?” it growled, red spittle projecting from its mouth.

Cimil? The goddess who led him to the tablet in the first place?

“Don’t let them have it,” Margaret whispered from behind. “God only knows what they’ll do with it.”

No one, and he meant no one, was getting the tablet. Even if he had to drink these bastards to keep it. Gulp, gulp, motherfuckers.

There are three.

Sí, that is a pinche problema.

He quickly assessed. Could he use his speed to run past them? It was worth a try, because if he stayed there, he’d end up fighting them anyway.

Time to go.

He twisted and grabbed Margaret, clutching the petite woman like a football under his arm. They made it two steps before something plucked them out of thin air and whipped them to the cement floor. Antonio heard Margaret scream as his head smacked the ground, stunning him.

He opened his blurring eyes. Caray!

One of the creatures stood over Margaret and pulled a long, bloody dagger from its waistband. It raised the dagger over Margaret’s chest.

She held out her hands. “No! I am your king’s mate! I am your queen!”

The gargantuan creature paused and studied her for a moment. Whatever impression Margaret had hoped her words might have failed. The creature raised its knife and plunged. Antonio leaped and grabbed the Maaskab’s arm, stopping it a centimeter from her chest. The monster’s eyes widened and moved to Antonio’s face.

That’s when Antonio felt it: the darkness inside the evil priest. It snaked up Antonio’s arm, seared its way into his flesh, and sank into his veins. He’d never felt anything so vile, so void of life, so horrid. And it tasted…

… Fucking delicious! More…

The creature sank to its knees, leaving bloody tracks down its throat as it clawed and struggled to breathe. Antonio drank it in, feeling the creature’s energy sate his hunger and fill him with power. This was nothing like Ixtab’s sweet touch. This was like eating meat. Raw, bloody, delicious meat.

“Watch out!” Margaret screamed, scrambling from the floor toward the sanctuary of the corner.

An arm reached around Antonio’s neck and squeezed. He released the first creature and latched on to the new attacker with his hands. Delicious, succulent, dark energy poured in. How could something so horrid taste so good?

The creature dropped to the ground, lifeless.

Antonio looked up, ready for another meal, but he found only Margaret staring in wonderment. “How did you do that?”

Antonio looked around the room. He wanted more.

Margaret pointed toward the door. “The third one fled.”

Antonio closed his eyes and savored the sensation coursing through him. In all his years, he never could’ve imagined that killing something for sustenance could feel so magnanimous, so damned good, like he’d been born to do it.

No more soy milk for you.

Okay, except perhaps for the chocolate kind; that shit is good.

Panting, he stood and leaned his heavy frame into the wall, shaking his head. “Are you all right?” he finally asked the woman.

“Yeah. I think so.”

“Good. Now mind telling me who you are,” he said.

“Margaret O’Hare. I already told you that.”

Like that even came close to fucking explaining it. “Let’s start with the basics—why did you tell that creature you are its queen?”

She produced an awkward laugh. “Because I am?”

Great. I just freed the Maaskab queen. Well, at least they didn’t seem to like her much. That was something.

Killing time on the plane and catching up on her important secondhand eBay shopping, Cimil held up her phone and looked at the text message from Roberto. “Oh, thank the gods.” She sighed with relief. The incubus and Ixtab were sucked into the portal as she’d hoped.

Sweet. Any Maaskab get away from the Dr.? she texted.

Roberto: Just one. I ate him.

Ewww… was he chewy?

Roberto: Yes

Yeah. She’d eaten a Maaskab once when she’d run out of Milk Duds. There was such a thing as too chewy and the Maaskab were it.

Cimil: And the flock of Scabs hanging out in the guest villa?

Roberto: Ate them, too. Was hungry.

Cimil cringed. “Jeez. No kidding.”

That’s a good vampire. See you in Sedona for the handoff.

Then he could start rounding up all the vampires in Euro Disney for the final phase of Operation Over. Because little did anyone know there was really only one ruler of the vampire army, and that was their maker: Roberto.

Roberto: I love you my little cuddly ball of death and destruction.

Cimil: XOXO, Baby

“What do you mean you ‘lost’ Ixtab?” Penelope asked on the other end of the phone.

“Lost. As in fucking gone!” Antonio screamed, pacing across his bedroom.

“Was that before or after the Maaskab attacked and you ate them for dinner? By the way, that is quite possibly the most disgusting meal I’ve ever heard of. Way worse than those cactus larva tacos Belch keeps raving about,” she said.

Yes. Yes, it was. And he’d do it again in a heartbeat. “I didn’t eat the Maaskab, I drained their souls for sustenance,” he explained.

“Wait. So you didn’t drink their blood?” she asked.

“No. I am a vegetarian; I don’t drink blood.” But I apparently drain dark energy from living creatures and turn it into food.

What the hell have I become?

“I’m not following,” she said. “Can you start over again? Go to the part where you say you killed Ixtab again.”

“I didn’t kill her…” Which was good because Ixtab would never forgive him if he ever did that again. “… We opened the portal, and she was sucked in with my father,” he explained.

“The demon? She got sucked in with the demon?”

“Yes. She sacrificed herself,” he replied.

“Oh, that is so sweet. She must love you.”

Ixtab? Love him? He’d be lucky if she spit in his general direction after all of the crap he’d pulled on her.

Antonio snarled at himself.

“Well, she must,” Penelope argued. “Don’t panic. The most important thing is you didn’t let the Maaskab get the tablet. We can still reopen the portal and get her back.”

“We can’t,” he said. “The portal sucked in all of my equipment.”

“Then build more equipment,” Penelope said.

“It will take months!” he screamed. Calm down, coño. Calm down.

“No. It won’t. Besides, we don’t have months,” said Margaret, who stood behind him listening to the conversation and picking through a pile of clean clothes the maid Kirstie had brought to his room. No doubt they smelled like borscht.

“Who is that talking?” Penelope asked.

“That’s why I’m calling,” he said. “She came out of the portal—she says she knows how to reopen it on her own, but she’s demanding to see the gods first.”

“Who is she?” Penelope asked.

“She says her name in Margaret O’Hare,” he replied. “She says she’s your brother’s mate, Backlum Chaam’s mate.”

“Hold on,” Penelope said and then screamed for Kinich.

“What’s wrong?” Antonio could hear Kinich panting in the background. “Is it the baby?”

“You’re so sweet. Gods, I love you.” Penelope repeated the conversation to Kinich.

“A mate? Chaam? I wasn’t aware of him finding one,” Kinich grumbled in the background.

“She’s demanding to speak with us,” Penelope explained. “All of us. Do you think it’s a trick? I mean, she came out of that portal; she could be another demon. What if this is a Maaskab trick?” she asked.

“Let me speak to her,” Kinich barked over the phone into Antonio’s ear.

“They want to speak with you.” Antonio held out the phone, but Margaret simply stared, unsure of what to do.

Antonio activated the speaker. “Go ahead. They’re listening.”

Margaret walked over and screamed hello into the phone.

“Chaam never mentioned a mate,” Kinich said. “Can you prove what you say?”

“Proof? No, I don’t have proof,” she screamed.

“You don’t need to yell,” Antonio whispered.

“Oh. Sorry.” Margaret blushed. “I don’t have proof, but I can tell you this: your sister Cimil is behind it all. Chaam turning evil, killing those women, the creation of the Maaskab and the Obscuros. She’s the reason your brother Zac compelled you and had you try to kill Penelope.”

There was a long silence on the other end of the phone. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Kinich asked.

Apparently the question was directed at Penelope, who simply stuttered. “It’s t-t-true.” “Your brother Zac is the God of Temptation. He used his powers on you so that you’d be tempted by my blood,” she said regretfully. She blew out a breath. “He also used his power on me so I’d leave you and marry him.”

Antonio was grateful not to be in the same room with them because Kinich’s fury could be felt halfway around the world, and at this moment, Antonio had about all the rage he could manage given the situation with Ixtab.

“I see,” Kinich said. “Antonio, the Uchben will be there within the hour to take you to our plane. Bring the woman to Arizona immediately. I want to hear what else she has to say and so will my brethren.”

Antonio hung up the phone and looked at Margaret who returned to picking out clothes. “All right. The gods have agreed to meet with you, now tell me what you know.”

“I need to bathe. Do you have a powder room?” she asked politely.

“You’re not going to tell me anything?”

“Powder room?”

That was a no. This woman may not make it alive to Arizona.