Forgiving Lies

10

Kash

THE CORNERS OF my lips tilted up at the sound of Rachel’s laugh. I loved it, and though she laughed a lot more now than when I first met her, I didn’t get to hear it near enough.

“Dude, at least tell me you’re hitting that,” the other bartender, Bryce, pleaded as he finished up on a couple drinks.

“What are you talking about?”

“You and your fucking ridiculous constant smiling whenever she’s here with you.” His head jerked in the direction of the tables and I glanced over at Rach, my eyes narrowing as a guy at one of her tables made a grab for her. “That. That’s what I’m talking about. Y’all say you’re just friends, but she’s always looking over at you . . . and you act like the possessive boyfriend when another guy looks at her. And to be honest, it’s kind of disgusting the way y’all are with each other. So why not just admit you’re sleeping with each other?”

I tore my eyes from the asshole who was now fully turned in his chair to keep looking at Rachel as she passed by their table again and looked at Bryce. “Because we’re not.”

“I call bullshit.”

“Call whatever you want. She’s the most amazing girl I know, but for now, all she is . . . is my best friend.”

I’m in love with Rachel. There is no doubting that. And while I have a strong sense that she feels something similar, she isn’t ready for anything yet. What happened after our kiss is proof. At first, I wasn’t ready for a relationship since I was keeping too much from her, but that wouldn’t stop me now. I wanted her to be mine; I was just afraid of pushing her again. As much as I hated not being in control of this, I needed to let her make the decisions.

Things had been different since the night I sang to her; something had changed. She was still a bitch and loved throwing her attitude at me, but I didn’t want her any other way. Rachel was easily the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen, and that was what had originally caught my attention, but her attitude was what hooked me. In an attempt to give her the time she needed, I had gone back to being exactly like I always was with her. As if there had never been a kiss, as if I’d never sung for her and told her what she meant to me. The last couple weeks though, through the bickering and friends-only relationship, there had been a charge between us. Well, more than usual, anyway. It was constant, and it didn’t make things awkward; it was almost as if it just made us both more aware of each other physically at all times. And I’m not gonna lie. I. Fucking. Loved it. The way she gasped softly whenever I would brush against her, how her arms would be covered in goose bumps when I pulled away from kissing the top of her head, and how she always seemed to shift closer to me without even realizing it.

“Kash.”

I focused back on Bryce and realized he was shaking his head at me and had one hand stretched out toward me. “Hand in your man card. Now.”

My expression was deadpan as I grabbed a stein to fill with beer for one of the regulars who had just walked in.

“I’m so serious. Do you even hear yourself? She’s amazing and she’s your best friend? Dude. I just wanted you to admit you were fucking her, not turn into a chick.”

I threw one of the bar towels at him. “Come talk to me again when you fall in love with someone and stop screwing half of Texas.”

Bryce’s eyes went wide and his jaw dropped. “You’re in love with Rachel. And you aren’t dating or screwing her?”

“Bryce!”

We both looked over to the redhead who had just snapped his name. Her expression gave a whole new meaning to the phrase if looks could kill. I laughed when Bryce groaned and said under my breath as I walked past him, “My point exactly.”

“Hey there, sugar,” Bryce said smoothly. He called all his girls sugar because he couldn’t remember their names half the time anyway, and when he could he was afraid of mixing them up.

“Don’t ‘sugar’ me. Who was the bitch who just kicked me out of your apartment?”

“Depends on what she looks like. But I’d bet it was either my sister or the cleaning lady.”

Redhead cocked a hip and planted a hand firmly on it while the other slammed down on the bar. “Your place is always a dump; you ain’t got no cleaning lady. And from the things she was shoutin’ at me, she ain’t your sister. So tell me who the fuck she is and why she has a key to your apartment.”

All of our customers at the bar were good, and none of the waitresses had any orders they were waiting on, so I clapped Bryce on the shoulder and spoke softly. “Get her to leave before she causes more drama, or I will when I get back.” He nodded and I headed toward the restroom.

When I was walking back down the hall toward the restaurant, I could hear the redhead running her mouth, and from the sound of it, she wasn’t yelling at Bryce anymore. I groaned and quickened my pace. Bryce needed to stop telling his lays where he worked, and he needed to stop making all of them a key to his apartment.

“. . . assure you, you don’t mean shit to him. I do, bitch. Let’s get that clear right now. Don’t look at him! You have no reason to look at him!” Good God, her voice sounds like nails on a chalkboard. “Run along, you little slut—”

“Um, no. You have five seconds to get your hands off me.”

Shit. I would know that California-bitch tone anywhere. I rounded the corner to see Rachel give a warning glare to Red, grab four steins full of beer off the bar, and give Bryce a look before turning back to the restaurant, muttering something under her breath.

Red gasped and reared back. “What’d you just call me?”

Rachel didn’t look back at her, just took another two steps toward the tables, but Red grabbed the back of her shirt and yanked her so that Rachel tripped over herself and landed hard on her ass, most of the beer spilling out of the steins and covering her and the floor.

“Are you kidding me?!” Rachel set the steins on the floor and got herself upright. When she stood back up from grabbing the mostly empty mugs off the ground Red slapped her hard across the face and I practically ran the rest of the way to them.

Red’s arms were out like she was waiting for Rachel to retaliate, but Rachel was still standing there just staring at her. I grabbed both of Red’s hands and brought them behind her back, twisting them slightly and bringing the backs of her hands together so I could hold them with one of my own. I realized too late that with that move, I probably looked like exactly what I was, but most people were focused on Rachel at the moment.

“Get off me, asshole!”

“Unless you want this to end up a lot worse for you, I suggest you shut the fuck up,” I growled, and pushed her past Rachel, but stopped so I could brush my hand down the red side of Rach’s face. “You okay, sweetheart?”

“Fine.” She flashed a tentative smile at me and turned to put the glasses on top of the bar.

I took Red out of the restaurant and away from the windows before releasing her and bringing my hand up. “Key to Bryce’s apartment.”

“What? No!”

“Lady . . .” I let my face grow cold and stepped right up to her. “I’m only going to say this once. You do not step foot in that place again. You don’t contact Bryce again, and if you ever touch that girl again? I swear to you I will make sure there are charges brought against you.” Her eyes widened and her face paled. Oh, I knew that look well. “I’m betting you have warrants from the look on your face, so I know you’ll do as I say. Now, give me the damn key and leave.”

She licked her lips quickly and looked to the side as she rummaged through her bag until she found her keys. Her hands shook as she kept trying to get the key off, and as soon as it was in my hand, she took off. I wondered just what kind of warrants that piece of trash had. Bryce really needed to set higher standards.

I jogged back into the restaurant and found Bryce mopping up the floor. I glared at him as I slammed his key on the bar in front of him. “I’ll talk to you later. Where’s Rachel?”

“Rod pulled her into his office. Look, man, I’m sorry. I didn’t know she’d do that.”

“Grow the fuck up, Bryce. You’re a great guy and all, but you’re in your thirties, and you’re still doing the same shit that guys are doing in high school and college. Act your damn age. Get a girlfriend or something and settle down.” I didn’t wait for him to respond, I just walked back to the office. I smiled when I heard Rachel.

“I’m fine. I’ll just clean up, and we’ll all get over it.”

“Rachel, I would feel a lot better if you would just take the rest of the night off.”

“I agree with Rod.” Rachel turned to glare at me and I smirked at her. “You only have a few hours left. Just go home.”

Rod gestured toward me. “You’re outnumbered. Go home. I’m sorry about what happened tonight.”

She huffed and quickly left the office, but I grabbed her arm and brought her back to me when she hit the hallway. “I’m fine, Kash. You’re both being ridiculous.”

“I know you are,” I said softly, and brushed her cheek. She flinched when I touched the red mark. “But you have a handprint on your face, and you’re covered in beer, and I swear to God if anyone touches or looks at you again I won’t be able to stop myself from ripping into them.”

Her blue eyes softened and she momentarily leaned into my hand. “That was actually a really impressive slap. It shocked me.”

A grin tugged at my mouth and I brushed a kiss over her forehead. “I could tell. I’m proud of you for not reacting though. It would’ve just caused more trouble, and since you work here, it wouldn’t have gone over well. What did you call her though?”

“A two-dollar whore.”

God, she was cute. “And she got mad? I think that’s a compliment for her.”

“Right?” Rachel pushed at my stomach. “Go back to work. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Sleep well, Sour Patch.”

Rachel

“RACH?”

I looked over toward the parking lot and offered up a small smile as Kash came running over to me.

“Please tell me you haven’t been sitting out here this whole time.”

“Um, I haven’t?”

He closed his eyes and muttered something too low for me to hear. “Is she in there with Mason?”

“Yep, and neither are answering their phones.”

“Shit, I should’ve just come home with you. I’m so sorry.”

“No, no, it’s fine.” I struggled to get up but almost fell over from my butt being numb and legs being asleep.

Kash caught me around my waist and held me close until he was sure I could stay standing. My heart started pounding being this close to him again and I prayed to God he wouldn’t hear it. I licked my suddenly dry lips and forced my hands to not curl into his shirt. I could feel the hard planes of his chest beneath my fingers and part of me wanted to run my hands over him, though the other part was telling me I needed to push him back. That voice was very small right now, though.

I’d let my guard slip and somewhere along the way I’d let Kash in. It terrified and thrilled me, but I couldn’t keep pretending anymore. I couldn’t act like my world didn’t practically revolve around him. Like our “lock-out” times together weren’t something I secretly craved. And like I didn’t think about that damn kiss every second of every day. Kash took care of me and treated me like I was the only person in the world who mattered, even though I’d made it clear we could only ever be friends. He wouldn’t be like Blake or Daniel. He’d never hurt me in any way, and he’d always protect me. Tonight was proof.

He cleared his throat and took a step back. “So, lock-out night?” His voice was rough and low, and after a few moments he had to force his eyes from mine before he turned for his apartment.

“Uh, yeah. Yeah, lock-out night. Do you mind if I take a shower first? I’m still covered in beer.”

Did Kash just growl?

“None of Bryce’s girls will be bothering you again, Rachel. I promise. And yes, you know you can take a shower, you don’t have to ask. Just grab whatever clothes you need. I’ll get the movie ready. Any preferences?”

I shook my head and started toward his room, but he grabbed my arm and brought me back to him. I could feel the heat coming from his body and tried not to let my eyes flutter shut as I caught a hint of his cologne and cinnamon gum.

“You sure you’re okay after what happened tonight?” His gray eyes searched my face when I could only nod, and he brushed his lips against my forehead; the metal from his lip ring had goose bumps running up and down my body. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to stop it right away. But like I said earlier, I am proud of you for how you handled it.” He whispered against my forehead and pressed his lips there one more time. “Go take a shower, Rach. I’ll be waiting for you.”

I wanted to say those kisses started meaning so much more after our kiss on my kitchen floor. But that would have been a lie. They’d been making my entire body warm and knees weak for weeks before the kiss had ever happened. I stumbled toward his room and into the bathroom. After turning the water on, I put my hair high up in a bun and shrugged out of my beer-covered clothes. It felt like I was in a fog as I slowly washed my body and dried off. I opened the side drawer that held an extra toothbrush and deodorant for me in case of nights like these, freshened up, and turned off the light. By the time I was standing in Kash’s room again in nothing but a towel, I had made up my mind.

Mostly.

I wanted whatever this was with him. I was tired of keeping him at arm’s length, and honestly, I didn’t know how we’d even lasted this long. As I went over the last couple months with him, it seemed so obvious that we were meant to be together and I could hardly remember why I’d told him we could only be friends.

Grabbing and putting on one of his old T-shirts, which hit me right at midthigh, I glanced at the top drawer that held all of his boxers and workout shorts but didn’t open it this time. Pulling my hair out of the bun, I ran my fingers through it and tried to give it some fluff before taking a deep breath in. My heart was already racing and my hands were shaking, and I was still alone in his room. Looking down at my bare legs, I made sure the shirt covered me enough and then almost laughed out loud at how ridiculous that thought was with what I wanted to do. Before I could change my mind, I turned off the light in his room and rounded the corner to the living room.

Kash was sitting on the couch, the room dark except for the glow from the TV. He was pressing buttons on the remote and turned to look at me, then did a double take. Through the light coming from the screen, I watched his eyes drift over me as I walked toward him. Without saying anything, I pulled the remote out of his hand and dropped it onto the coffee table before placing one knee on the couch, followed by the other so I was straddling him.

“Rachel . . . ,” he whispered, and looked down to where I was almost sitting on him before meeting my gaze.

I placed one hand on his chest and smiled softly when I felt his heart beating just as fast as mine. “I’m done playing this game, Kash. I’m done hiding.”

His hands cupped my cheeks as he continued to stare at me, and slowly—so slowly—he brought my face down to his and brushed my lips with his once . . . then twice, before pressing them firmly against my own. And just like the first time, I had the overwhelming feeling that I was exactly where I belonged.

Pulling away, he looked at me for a few heavy moments. “You’re sure?”

Hoping my actions would be answer enough, I lowered myself until I was sitting on his lap, his growing erection pressed firmly against my heat, and I almost moaned as I captured his mouth. Our lips moved against each other, and soon, his tongue was torturing mine in the sweetest way possible. I rocked against him, and the goose bumps came back full force when he moaned into my mouth. His hands left my cheeks, slowly sliding down my neck and breasts, his thumbs brushing over my hardened nipples before continuing down until he was grabbing my hips and pressing us closer together.

Our kisses started getting rougher, our breathing heavier as I continued to rock my hips against him. Running my tongue across his bottom lip, I hit metal and lightly bit down and tugged on his ring. The sexiest growl I’ve ever heard worked its way from Kash’s chest, and his hands left my hips to slip under the bottom of the shirt I was wearing. I lifted myself off his lap and his warm hands moved up my thighs, over my hips, and to my butt, where they stilled momentarily before quickly going back to my hips.

Kash leaned away and looked down at my legs as his hands made their journey back to my butt. A devilish grin flashed across his face before his lips made a trail up my throat as one hand came back around my hip to my thigh. “You’re not wearing anything under this shirt?” he asked softly against the sensitive skin behind my ear.

“Kash . . .” I pulled his head back to press my lips to his and pleaded, “Touch me.”

The hand on my thigh slowly trailed over and up but continued to stay just on the inside of my thigh. I started to lower myself, but the hand on my butt flew to my hip, and both hands squeezed to keep me where I was. An aggravated groan left me, and Kash laughed softly against my mouth.

“Be patient.”

He released his hold and I didn’t move as he dipped his head to suck on my breast through the shirt. The hand on the inside of my thigh went back to making lazy circles, each one bringing him closer to where I was aching for him. My breathing was getting rapid and I had to grab on to the back of the couch for support as he continued to tease me. I thought I would die if he didn’t touch me soon. Each circle on my thigh and teasing bite to my hard nipples had the heat in my stomach growing. My whole body was buzzing and I was so turned on I was afraid I’d fall apart the second he finally did touch me.

Just when I was about to start begging, his fingers trailed against my heat, his thumb stopping on the sensitive bud as his fingers teased my opening before he slid one inside me.

“Fuck, Rachel.” He growled and smashed our mouths together.

I kissed him with everything I had and whimpered when he added a second finger and started teasing my aching bud as he worked me slowly. The knot in my stomach tightened and I pressed harder into his hand as his fingers started going faster. I was so close. I broke off our kiss and tilted my head back as I rode his hand. Just before I went crashing over the edge, his hand was gone and my head snapped forward.

“Wha—” I broke off when I saw that devilish grin again. “You—I—why . . . stop teasing me!”

“Woman, I’m nowhere near done teasing you,” he said softly, and pressed his lips to mine.

I wanted it rough. I wanted his hand back on me, in me. And he was smiling at me like he knew I was seconds from screaming in frustration and kissing me soft as a feather.

“Enjoy that frustration for a bit.” He spoke around my lips and kissed me once before lifting me off him and standing up.

“What . . . just . . . what?!”

With a wink, he turned and walked into Mason’s room. I was going to kill him. Or cry. I couldn’t decide which. I knew as soon as my aggravation died down I was going to be mortified that I’d been that bold with him, and he’d spent countless minutes teasing me before finally giving me what I wanted, only to stop before it got to the best part. And why was he in Mason’s room?!

Shakily getting to my feet, I swallowed the rejection that had just hit me and turned toward Kash’s room to put some more clothes on. I didn’t care if Mason and Candice kept it up all night; I’d rather have sat in front of my apartment than let Kash know how much he’d just crushed me. Before I made it to his door, his arms were suddenly on me, turning me around and pushing me up against the wall. His mouth slammed down on mine and he pressed his hips into me. His hard-on against my stomach had my knees going weak again. But before I could get lost in the feelings he stirred up in me, I pushed against his chest and turned my head.

“Kash—”

“You want to see what a little frustration will do?” he asked huskily as his fingers trailed against me before he slid two back inside me.

I moaned and my back arched off the wall as my body instantly reacted to his touch. The knot and heat were back and stronger than before, and I couldn’t talk anymore. I could hardly think, only feel. In less than a minute he had me right back to where I’d been on the couch, my body tensed, and I felt like I was suspended in air for torturous seconds before everything in me shattered and I couldn’t help the loud moan that escaped me.

Kash’s mouth was back on mine, swallowing my moans as he continued to work me through the most earth-shattering orgasm I’d ever experienced. My knees gave out and he caught me before I could crumple to the floor. Slowly, he pulled his fingers out of me and let them trail back against me; a whimper sounded in my throat when they ran across my overly sensitive area.

I took in a shaky breath and face-planted into his chest. Frustrated orgasms. Best. Ever.

He laughed out loud and the sound warmed my body. “C’mon, Rach.” As he lifted me into his arms, I instinctively wrapped my legs around his waist and let him walk me toward his bed. When he set me down, he brought my head back, pushed some hair behind my ear, and cupped my cheek. My hands reached for the button on his low-slung jeans but he twisted away from me. “Don’t pout, woman.” Kissing my lips once, he pulled back again and looked me in the eye. “Tell me what’s going on with us, what you’re wanting, because I—Rachel, if we do this . . . I’m all in. I want all of you . . . need all of you. I won’t do what Candice and Mason are doing. If that’s what you want, I’m sorry, but I can’t give that to you.”

A huge smile spread across my face. “Logan,” I whispered, and loved the way his gray eyes turned to molten silver when I used his first name like this. Taking the hand that was holding my cheek, I placed it on my chest and just sat there staring at him for a while. “No one has ever made me feel like my heart is flying away but still holding me to this earth. No one has ever made me feel so at peace and crazy with one look. No one has ever made me feel so in love and terrified at the same time. No one until you.” I kissed his shocked face and rested my forehead against his, our eyes locked on each other. “Trust me when I say, I’m completely yours.”

“You love me.” It wasn’t a question, but I nodded my head anyway. “I want to hear you say it.”

“I love you, Logan,” I whispered, and had barely gotten his name out when his mouth was on mine and he was lowering my body onto the bed.

“Rachel, I can’t begin to explain how in love with you I am.” He spoke through our kiss, and I swear my heart was about to burst.

He slid me closer to the edge of the bed and slowly pulled his shirt off me. His breath caught and he lowered me onto the bed as he shamelessly took in my completely naked body. Heat rushed up my chest and to my cheeks, my legs tried to close even though they were still wrapped around him, and my arms came up to my chest. It was one thing to not have anything under the shirt, but that had been like another shield to hide behind. And now that shield was gone too.

Kash’s eyes burned as he removed my arms, placing them gently on the bed, and opened my legs back up. “You’re so damn beautiful,” he whispered, and looked back into my eyes. “Please don’t cover yourself with me.”

My eyelids fluttered shut when his hands began their slow exploration of my body, and I had to force them back open so I could watch him. He sucked on his lip ring and looked up at me through hooded eyelids, and my body began burning for him. Sitting up quickly, I grabbed the back of his neck and brought his face to mine. Our kiss was slow and teasing, with soft bites and unhurried tongue strokes. I reached for the bottom of his shirt; he helped me get it off and I let my fingertips trail down his toned chest and stomach. I broke off the kiss to watch the path my hands were taking and only glanced at him for a moment when I began unbuttoning his low-slung jeans.

His erection was straining against the zipper, and my eyes widened when I pulled the denim off his hips and the only thing hiding him was a pair of boxer-briefs. I ran my hand over him and was rewarded with a low sound of pleasure in his throat. Letting the tips of my fingers run along the inside of the briefs’ band before pulling them lower, I bit my lip to hide my smile when his body shuddered. I grabbed his length in my hands and ran them slowly up and down, placed two openmouthed kisses on his chest, and looked up at him. He was breathing heavily, his mouth slightly open, and there was no doubting the look in his eyes.

“Do you . . .” I trailed off, the blush returning at my minimal experience with this.

Kash seemed to understand as he grabbed at the jeans hanging on his thighs and took a couple foil packets out of the pocket. “Mason’s good for something, I guess.”

I laughed and continued to work him with one hand as I pushed his pants and boxer-briefs off the rest of the way. He tilted my head up with his hands around my face, his thumbs brushing my jaw, and kissed me deeply.

“Rachel,” he whispered against my lips before pulling back an inch to look into my eyes, “can I have you?”

A lump formed in my throat when I realized what he was asking. I’d already told him I was his, but that wasn’t what this was. He knew about Daniel and the situation with Blake. One pushing, the other taking. Kash was asking. I nodded and squeezed my eyes tightly shut as I kissed him hard.

Pushing me farther back on the bed, he stepped out of his pants and tore open one of the foil packets. I watched as he rolled the condom on and reached for him when he finished. He grabbed the outstretched hand, kissed my palm, and intertwined our fingers as he crawled onto the bed and over me. I lay back and let him pull me up higher. When his lips found my throat, I wrapped my legs around his body and whimpered when his length pressed against me. He rolled his hips against me and I thought I would go mad if I didn’t have him soon.

“Please, I don’t want to wait anymore.”

He leaned back and positioned himself at my entrance. The hand holding mine gripped tighter and his eyes locked on mine as he slowly pushed inside of me. A breathy moan left me and he groaned as I stretched around him. Kash didn’t move for a few moments as we just felt each other. And with that lazy smile I loved, he pulled almost completely out and pushed back in harder. His name left my mouth and I brought his body down toward mine to capture his lips. Our joined hands were now pinned to the bed, his long fingers still entwined with mine and now clutching the comforter in them as well as we moved together. His other hand was in my hair, and his elbow was pressing into the mattress to keep his weight off me and give him the leverage he needed to move completely, but slowly, inside me.

My body was on fire for him, the heat in my belly growing rapidly. Our breaths were labored and our kisses were changing from slow and passionate to rough and needy. I urged him to move faster as I felt the familiar tightening low in my stomach and cried out when he leaned away and slammed into me. The heat in his eyes held me captive, and I’d never felt as beautiful or wanted as I did right now, in this moment with him. The hand that had been in my hair moved down my body, and the second his fingers rolled around my sensitive bud, my body shattered around him and I roughly whispered his name as I lost myself to him. He worked me through my orgasm, and when my body felt limp and sated, he curled back over me and placed his head in the crook of my neck. With a few more thrusts, his entire body tensed before shuddering, and he bit down on my collarbone as he groaned out his release.

His body was gently shaking when he pushed himself up, and I wrapped my arms around his broad back, bringing him closer to me. His arms gave out and I welcomed his weight for the moment before he rolled us onto our sides. Placing a soft kiss where he’d bitten down, he looked up at me and claimed my mouth next. We lay there holding each other for a few moments; the only sound was our heavy breathing as we stared into each other’s eyes. A soft whimper escaped my lips when his body left mine, and he kissed me quickly on the forehead before rolling off the bed and walking into the bathroom. He smiled when he came back in and saw me under the covers.

“I love seeing you there,” Kash said roughly as he crawled in with me. He wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me close to him. “Are you okay after that?”

I snuggled in closer to his hard chest and sighed happily. “Much better than okay. I—” I broke off and kissed his warm skin.

“You what?” When I didn’t respond, he tilted my head back and searched my eyes. “What, Rach? You can tell me.”

Wishing I’d kept my mouth shut, I smiled softly and internally cringed, hoping I wouldn’t ruin this night. “I was afraid I’d end up breaking down during. I was afraid he would find a way to ruin this for me.”

“Did—”

“No!” I cut him off quickly and tightened my hold on his waist. “No, everything with you is just—it’s perfect.” I shrugged and hoped he could see the sincerity in my eyes. “It was just you; I felt safe and cherished, like I always do with you.”

He kissed me softly. “I do cherish you. I love you, Rachel.” My chest warmed as I whispered my love for him back. He held me close and I was almost asleep when he said softly, “You begin school again soon. He’ll be there, and I—I don’t know how to protect you if I don’t know who he is.”

“It doesn’t matter. He won’t do anything at school, and you wouldn’t be able to protect me from him anyway. You can’t go to my classes with me. It just—it doesn’t matter. He won’t bother me there.”

“I wish you would tell me.”

“Why, Kash? So you can have a name? It won’t change anything.”

He opened his mouth but then shut it and breathed heavily through his nose. “Okay, I’m sorry. You’re right. I shouldn’t have asked again. I don’t want this between us right now. I just want you.”

I kissed his jaw and silently cursed myself for saying anything. Relaxing into his embrace and the pillows, I tried to go over every second that I’d just shared with Kash and attempted to push thoughts of Blake away. After a few minutes of my internal battling, Kash began humming “Fall into Me” by Brantley Gilbert and I felt my body fully relax into him. I hadn’t even realized I’d tensed up again.

His lips brushed across my cheek and he broke off humming to whisper in my ear, “Sleep, Rach. I’ll keep you safe.”

When he continued, he wasn’t humming anymore; he was whispering the words, and my heart swelled. Sleep came quickly in Kash’s arms as he softly sang to me. If I hadn’t been sure before, I was now. I wanted to spend forever with this man.