Forgiving Lies

1 Rachel

“CANDICE, YOU NEED to focus. You have got to pass this final or they aren’t going to let you coach this summer.”

She snorted and her eyes went wide as she leaned even closer to the mirror and tried to re-create her snort. “Oh my God! Why didn’t you tell me how ugly I look when I do that!?”

I face-planted into the pillow and mumbled, “Oh dear Lord, this isn’t happening.” Lifting my head, I sent her a weak glare. “Snorts aren’t meant to be cute. Otherwise they wouldn’t be called something as awkward as ‘snort.’ ”

“But my—”

“Final, Candice. You need to study for your final.”

“I’m waiting on you,” she said in a singsong voice. “You’re supposed to be quizzing me.”

I loved Candice. I really did. Even though I currently wanted to wring her neck. She wasn’t just my best friend; she was like a sister to me and was the closest thing to family I had left. On the first day of kindergarten, a boy with glasses pushed me down on the playground. While he was still laughing at me, Candice grabbed his glasses and smashed them on the ground. That’s playground love. And since then we’ve never spent more than a handful of days apart.

By the time we started thinking about college, it was just assumed we would go away together. But then my parents died right before my senior year of high school started, and nothing seemed to matter anymore. They had gone on a weekend getaway with two partners from my dad’s law firm and their wives and were on their way home when the company jet’s engine failed and went down near Shaver Lake.

Candice’s family took me in without a second thought since the only relatives I had lived across the country and I hardly knew them; if it weren’t for them I don’t know how I would have made it through that time. They made sure I continued going to school, kept my grades up, and attempted to live as normal a life as possible. I no longer cared about graduating or going away to college, but because of them, I followed through with my plans of getting away and making my own life. I would forever be grateful to the Jenkins family.

I applied to every college Candice did and let her decide where we were going. She’d been a cheerleader for as long as I could remember, so it shouldn’t have surprised me when she decided on a university based on the football team and school spirit. And granted, she was given an amazing scholarship. But Texas? Really? She chose the University of Texas at Austin and started buying everything she found in that god-awful burnt-orange color. I wasn’t exactly thrilled to be a “Longhorn,” but whatever got me away from my hometown was fine by me . . . and I guess the University of Texas accomplished that.

When we first arrived I remember it felt like walking into a sauna, it was so hot and humid; of course the first thing Candice said was, “What am I going to do with my hair?!” Her hair had already begun frizzing, and not more than five minutes later she was rocking a fro. We got used to the humidity and crazy weather changes soon enough though, and to my surprise, I loved Texas. I had been expecting dirt roads, tumbleweeds, and cowboys—let me tell you, I had never been so happy to be wrong. Downtown Austin’s buildings reminded me of Los Angeles, and the city was unbelievably green everywhere and had lakes and rivers perfect for hanging out with friends. Oh, and I’d only seen a couple of cowboys in the almost three years we’d been there, not that I was complaining when I did. I had also worried when we arrived that with Candice’s new burnt-orange fetish, people were going to be able to spot us like Asian tourists at Disneyland. Thankfully, the majority of Austin was packed with UT Longhorn gear, and it was common to see a burnt-orange truck on the road.

Now we were a little less than two weeks away from finishing our junior year and I couldn’t wait for the time off. Normally we went to California to see Candice’s family during the winter and summer breaks, but she was working at a cheer camp for elementary-school girls that summer, so we were getting an apartment that we planned to keep as we finished our senior year.

That is, if we ever got Candice to pass this damn final.

Before I could even ask my first question, Candice gasped loudly. “Oh my God, the pores on my nose are huge.”

Grabbing the pillow under me, I launched it at her and failed miserably at hitting anything, including her. At least it got her attention. Her mouth snapped shut, she turned to look at the pillow lying a few feet from her, then she turned around with a huff to walk back to her desk.

Finally. “Okay, what is—”

“So are you ever going to go on a date with Blake?”

“Candice!”

“What?” She shot me an innocent look. “He’s been asking you out for a year!”

“This—you need—forget it.” I slammed the book shut and rolled off my bed, stretching quickly before going to drop the heavy book on my desk. “Forget it, we’ll just see if we can get our deposit on the apartment back. I swear to God, it’s like trying to study with a five-year-old.”

“You never answered my question.”

“What question?”

“Are you going to go on a date with Blake?”

I sighed and fell into the chair at my desk. “One, he’s your cousin. Two, he works for UT now; that’s just . . . kinda weird. Three, no.”

“It’s not like he’s your professor! He isn’t even a professor, period. And do you realize that if you marry him, we’ll actually be family?”

“Marry? Candice— Wait . . . how do you even jump from me going on a date with him to marrying him? I’m not going to marry your cousin; sorry. And I don’t care if he’s a professor or not, it doesn’t change the fact that he works for the school. Besides, he’s not even my type.”

“Not your type?” she said, deadpan, and one perfect blond eyebrow shot straight up. “I seem to remember you having the biggest crush on him when we were growing up. And I know he’s family, but I can still say that he’s gorgeous. I’m pretty sure he’s everyone’s type.”

I had to agree with her on that. Blake West was tall, blond, and blue eyed and had a body like a god’s. One of these days he was going to show up on a Calvin Klein billboard. “I had a crush on him when we were thirteen. That was eight years ago.”

“But you had a crush on him for years. Years. You were devastated when he moved away.”

“And like I said, I was thirteen. I was ridiculous.”

Blake was five years older than Candice and me, but even so, all of my childhood memories included him. He was always at Candice’s house to hang out with her older brother, Eli, and we followed them everywhere. I’d viewed both Eli and Blake as awesome older brothers until the day Blake saved my life.

Okay, that’s a little dramatic. He didn’t actually save my life.

I was nine at the time; we’d been playing on a rope swing and jumping into a little lake not far from our houses. When I’d gone to jump, my foot slipped into the foot hole and I ended up swinging back toward land headfirst, screaming the whole way. Blake was standing on the bank and caught me, swinging me into his arms before I could make the trip back toward the water.

In that moment, he became my hero, and I fell in love. Or at least my nine-year-old version of love. My infatuation with him grew over the next few years, but he never saw me as anything other than his “little cousin’s best friend.” I’m sure if I’d been older, that would have been a blow to my ego, but I just kept following him around like I’d always done. When he graduated from high school, he immediately joined the air force and moved away from me. I remember throwing a few “my life is over” fits to Candice, but then I got boobs and hips and the other boys my age started noticing me. And then it was something along the lines of, “Blake who?”

He’d been out of the air force for four years now and had pretty much been off the grid until last fall, when he’d moved to Austin and started working at UT. Candice had flipped out over having her cousin near her again. And I’d just straight flipped out. But then I saw him. He looked like freakin’ Adonis standing there in his godlike, too-beautiful-for-his-own-good glory. Every straight female within a mile radius seemed to flock to him, and he loved every second of it.

That is why I refused to go on a date with him.

“Rachel,” Candice snapped.

I turned my wide gaze to her.

“Did you even hear me?”

“Not unless we’re done talking about Blake.”

“We are if you’ve decided to say yes to him.”

I rolled my eyes. “Why is it so important to you if I go on a date with him or not?”

“Because he’s been asking you out all year! He’s my cousin and you’re my best friend and I love you both and I want to see you two together.”

“Well, I’m pretty sure you and Blake are the only two who feel that way. I have absolutely no desire to date a guy who has women literally hanging on him all the time.” Stupid air force, turning him into sex on a stick.

Suddenly she was sporting her signature pouty face. “Rach? How much do you love me?”

“Nope. No, I’m not going.”

“Are you saying you don’t love me?” I was already shaking my head to say no when she turned on the puppy eyes and continued. “So will you please do this for me? Pleeeeaaasse? I thought you were my best friend.”

I can’t even believe we’re doing this right now! “If I go on one date with him, will you drop this forever?”

She squeaked and did a happy clap. “Thank you, I love you, you’re the best!”

“I didn’t say I would, I said if.”

“But I know you’ll go.”

“He works for the school!” I whined, going back to my original argument. Even though he wasn’t a professor at UT, he did work there as a personal trainer and helped out in the athletics department. Since I was majoring in athletic training and Candice in kinesiology and health ed, we saw him almost daily in classroom-type settings. That just . . . didn’t sit right with me.

“Rachel.” She twisted back around to face me. “Seriously, that is getting old. He already checked it out and it’s a nonissue. Stop acting like you don’t want to date him.”

“I don’t! Who wants to date a man-whore?”

“He isn’t a—well . . . eh.” She made a face. “Well, yeah.”

“Exactly!” Blake was rumored to be screwing most of the females he trained as well as . . . well . . . he was rumored to be screwing pretty much any female he passed. Whether the rumors were true or not was up for debate. But seeing as he didn’t try to squash them and the horde of bimbos was never far from him, I was leaning toward their being true.

“You haven’t dated anyone since Daniel. You need to get back out there.”

“Yes I have. Candi, just because I’m not constantly seen with a guy, like you are, doesn’t mean I don’t date.”

I had gotten kind of serious with Daniel at the beginning of our second year at UT. But apparently six months was too long to make him wait to have sex and he ended up cheating on me. I found out two days after I’d given him my virginity.

Asshole.

After him I’d gone out with a few guys, but they didn’t last much longer than a date or two and an “I’ll call you later.” Not that there was anything wrong with those guys, I was just more interested in being done with school and Texas than getting my “MRS degree” or risking catching a disease.

I sighed to myself and headed toward our door.

“Are you going to find Blake?!” Candice was bouncing in her seat and her face was all lit up like a kid’s on Christmas morning.

“What—Candice, no. It’s after midnight! I’m just done talking about this. I’m going to wash my face so I can go to sleep. And I’m not gonna hunt him down either; if he asks me out again, then I’ll say yes.” I grabbed my face wash and was reaching for the knob when someone knocked on the door. I don’t know who I was expecting it to be, but I wouldn’t have thought Blake West would be the one standing there in all his cocky glory. From the look on his face, there was no doubting he’d heard part, if not all, of our conversation. What the eff was he doing in our dorm?

He pulled one long-stemmed red rose—that was unexpected—from behind his back and looked over my shoulder, and his cocky expression went completely serious. “Hey, Candi. Do you mind if I steal Rachel for a few minutes?”

I turned around to look at her and she was grinning like the Cheshire Cat. Traitor. I looked back at Blake and he let out a short laugh at my question-mark expression.

“That is, unless you’re busy or don’t want to. It looks like you were headed somewhere.” He looked pointedly at the hand that wasn’t holding on to the door.

It took me a few seconds to look down at my hand and realize he was looking at my face wash. “Oh . . . um, not. No. I mean. Busy. Not busy. I’m not busy.” Wow, that was brilliant.

Blake’s lips twitched and his head fell down and to the side to hide the grin he was failing at keeping back.

Trying not to continue looking like a complete idiot, I took a deep breath in and actually thought about my next question two different times before asking it. Okay, fine, I thought about it four times. “So, what can I do for you?” Yeah, I know. Now you understand why that required a lot of thought.

“I was wondering if I could talk to you for a few minutes.”

“Uh, you do realize it’s almost one in the morning, right?”

His head lifted and he looked sheepish. That look on this man was so different from anything I’d ever seen, and I almost didn’t know how to respond to it. “Yeah, sorry. I think I fought with myself for so long on whether or not I should actually come up here and talk to you, it got a lot later than I realized.” He jerked the rose up in front of him like he’d just remembered it was there. “This is for you, by the way.”

“And here I was thinking you just walk around holding roses all the time.” I awkwardly took the rose from him, looked at it for a few seconds, then let it hang from the tips of my fingers. “So, Blake . . .” I trailed off and searched his eyes for a second before he took a step back.

“Can I talk to you out here for just a minute? I promise I won’t keep you long.”

Yeah, well, the fact that I’ve turned you down for the amount of time it takes to make a baby and now you’re standing at my dorm room door at one in the morning is kind of creepy. But of course we have history, you’re incredibly hot now, and I’m thinking about as clearly as Candice does. So, sure. Why the hell not? I followed him out into the hall and shut the door behind us but stayed pressed up against it.

“Rachel . . .” He ran a nervous hand through his hair and paused for a second, as if trying to figure out what to say. “The school year is about to end and you’ll be going back to Cali over the summer. I feel like I’m about to miss any chance with you I may have. And I don’t want to. I know you liked me when we were growing up. But, Rach, you were way too young back then.”

“I’m still five years younger; that hasn’t changed.”

He smirked. “You and I both know a relationship between a thirteen-year-old and eighteen-year-old, and a twenty-one- and twenty-six-year-old are completely different.”

So? That doesn’t help my argument right now. “Well, you and I have both changed over the last eight years. Feelings change—”

“Yes.” He cut me off and his blue eyes darkened as he gave me a once-over. “They do.”

I hated that my body was responding to his look. But honestly, I think it’d have been impossible for anyone not to respond to him. Like I said. Adonis. “Uh, Blake. Up here.” He smiled wryly, and dear Lord, that smile was way too perfect. “Look, honestly? I have an issue with the fact that you’re constantly surrounded by very eager and willing females. It’s not like I’d put some claim on you if we went on a couple dates, but you ask me out while these girls are touching you and drooling all over you. It’s insulting that you would ask me out while your next lay is already practically stripping for you.”

His expression darkened and he tilted his head to the side. “You think I’m fucking them like everyone else?”

Ah, frick. Um, yes? “If you are, then that’s your business. I shouldn’t have said that, I’m sorry. But whether you are or not, you don’t even attempt to push them away. Since you moved here, I’ve never seen you with less than two women touching you. You don’t find that weird?” Was I really the only person who found this odd?

Suddenly pushing off the wall he’d been leaning against, he took the two steps toward me and I tried to mold myself to the door. A heart-stopping smile and bright blue eyes now replaced his darkened features as he completely invaded my personal space. If he weren’t so damn beautiful I’d have karate-chopped him and reminded him of personal bubbles. Or gone all Stuart from MADtv on him and told him he was a stranger and to stay away from my danger. Instead, I tried to control my breathing and swallow through the dryness in my mouth.

“No, Rachel. What I find weird is that you don’t seem to realize that I don’t even notice those other women or what they’re doing because all I see is you. I look forward to seeing you every day. I don’t think you realize you are the best part of my weekdays. I moved here for this job before I even knew you and Candice were going to school here, and seeing you again for the first time in years—God, Rachel, you were so beautiful and I had no idea that it was you. You literally stopped me in my tracks and I couldn’t do anything but watch you.

“And you have this way about you that draws people to you . . . always have. It has nothing to do with how devastatingly beautiful you are—though that doesn’t hurt . . .” He smirked and searched my face. “But you have this personality that is rare. And it bursts from you. You’re sweet and caring, you’re genuinely happy, and it makes people around you happy. And you have a smile and laugh that is contagious.”

Only men like Blake West could get away with saying things like that and still have my heart racing instead of making me laugh in their faces.

“You’re not like other women. Even though these are the years for it, you don’t seem like the type of girl to just have flings, and I can assure you, that’s not what I’m into, nor what I’m looking for with you. So I don’t see those other women; all I’m seeing is you. Do you understand that now?”

Holy shit. He was serious?

“Rachel?”

I nodded and he smiled.

“So, will you please let me take you out this weekend?”

For the first time since he’d come back into my life, he actually looked unsure of himself. I was still in complete shock, but I somehow managed to nod again and mumble, “Sure, where do you want to go?”

He smiled wide and exhaled in relief. “It’s a surprise.”

I frowned. How did he have a surprise planned if he hadn’t even known I was going to say yes? “And by ‘surprise,’ do you mean you have no clue?”

“No, it’s just a surprise.”

I started to turn into Candice and whine that I wouldn’t know what to wear but was interrupted by my own huge yawn, which made me sound more like Chewbacca. I covered as much of my face as possible with the hand that wasn’t holding the rose and laughed awkwardly. “Oh my word, that’s embarrassing.”

His laugh was deep and rich. “It’s late and I stopped you from going to sleep. If for some reason I don’t see you for the rest of the week, I’ll pick you up at seven on Friday. That sound all right?”

“That sounds perfect. I’ll see you then, and, uh, thanks for my rose.” Before he could say anything else, I turned the doorknob, gave him a small smile, backed up into the room, and shut the door in his still-smirking face. “Holy hell,” I whispered, and let my forehead fall against the door.

“Tell. Me. Everything!” Candice practically shrieked, and I turned to narrow my eyes at her.

Like she hadn’t been listening.

“We’re going on a date Friday. That’s about it.”

“That is so not all that was said, Rachel! Ohmigod, did you swoon when he said all he’s seeing is you?”

“Swoon, Candice? Really? This isn’t one of your romance novels.” And yeah . . . I did kind of swoon. “And that’s exactly why I’m not telling you. You eavesdrop anyway, so what’s the point in going over it all again?”

“Because I want details of how he looked at you and how you reacted to him.”

Oh dear God, this was going to be a long night.

WHY BLAKE THOUGHT we wouldn’t see each other the rest of the week was beyond me, because sure enough he was the first person I saw when I walked into the athletic center the next afternoon. And surprise, surprise . . . he only had four girls around him that day. That wasn’t including the one he was stretching out on the ground.

Candice’s constant talking faded out as I watched him explaining why he was stretching those particular muscles. But I knew the girl wasn’t paying attention; all she could care about was that he was practically in between her legs.

The girl on the ground said something I couldn’t hear, and the runway-beautiful, mocha-skinned girl standing closest to me practically purred as she reached for his forearm, “Well, that’s just because Blake’s so good with his . . . hands.” The other four girls started giggling and I wanted to gag.

Blake’s head shot up and I realized I must have actually gagged out loud. Whoops. Our eyes locked for a few seconds before he quickly looked at the girls surrounding him and his position with the one on the floor. When he looked back at me, his blue eyes were pleading, but I just shook my head and walked off toward the back to get my out-of-the-classroom part of my course over with.

“Hey.” Candice nudged me. “Don’t get upset about that. They aren’t the ones who have a date with him on Friday.”

“I’m not upset about that.” I was upset about the fact that that pissed me off. What, did I expect him to change overnight just because we were going to go on one date? Or did his words last night really have me thinking I’d imagined his robot bimbo herd all year? And sheesh, why did I care at all? I didn’t even want to go on a date with him! Not really . . .

An hour and a half later, I’d successfully avoided his gaze, which I could feel like a laser on my back. But when I turned to put some equipment away, he was right there and there was no way I could avoid Blake in all his real-life Calvin Klein model–ness.

“You’re mad,” he said, and began taking the equipment out of my arms and putting it in the closet.

“Um . . . not? And I can put this away myself.”

“Rachel, I told you. I only see you.”

“Yeah, no, I heard you.” As soon as everything was put up, I turned away, only to quickly turn back around and face him. “Look, Blake, I don’t think Friday is a good idea.”

“Why isn’t it?”

“Well, it’s—you know . . . it’s just not. So thank you for your offer. But once again, and hopefully for the last time, I’m not going to go on a date with you. If you ever move back to California, I really hope this doesn’t make family dinners awkward.”

The corners of his lips turned up slightly. “All right. You done for the day?”

This was the first rejection he’d taken well, and it threw me off for a moment. “Um, yes?”

“Let’s go then.”

“Whoa, wait. Go where? Its Wednesday, not Friday. And I said no anyway.”

“You said no to a date with me. The date was on Friday. So we aren’t going on a date. We’re just going to go walk, hang out, whatever you want. But it’s not a date.” He stepped close enough that we were sharing the same air and his voice got low and husky. “If you want to call it something, we can call it exercising or seeing Austin. You can hardly count that as a date, Rach.”

I was momentarily stunned by the effect his voice and blue eyes had on me. “Um . . .” I blinked rapidly and looked down to clear my head. “I’ve lived here almost three years, I don’t need to see the sights.”

“Perfect, I don’t get out much other than to come to work, so I do. You can be my tour guide.”

“Blake—”

“Come on, Rachel.”

Not giving me an option, he grabbed on to my arm and began towing me out of the building. I caught sight of Candice and she waved excitedly as she watched us leave.

Why was she smiling? I sure as hell wasn’t smiling, and Blake was practically dragging me away! He could have been hauling me off to slaughter me and leave my remains on a pig farm for all she knew, and Candice was just going to sit there and wave like a lunatic? Playground. Love. Over. Best-friend card officially revoked.

As soon as we were outside, I yanked my arm free and continued to follow Blake as he made his way off campus. Well, at least he was right about one thing: I couldn’t count this as a date. No way would I have worn baggy sweats cut off at my calves and a tight tank on a date.

“Are you still mad?”

I glanced up to see his stupid smirk, which I kind of hated right now. “Why would I be mad? I was just dragged out of a building to go walk with a guy I turned down for a date.”

His smirk turned into a full-blown smile. “Still mad,” he said, and looked ahead. “Although I always did find your temper adorable, let me know when you’re not.”

Thirty minutes later I was getting tired of following him around. Tour guide my nonexistent ass. He wasn’t looking at anything. He was walking with a purpose and hadn’t looked back at me since he’d asked if I was mad.

“So, this has been awesome and all. Are you going to tell me where we’re going now?”

“Are you going to tell me what you’re mad about?”

“I’m not mad!”

He slowed his pace so he was directly next to me and I was surprised to see him looking at me completely seriously. “Yes you are, Rach. If you didn’t want to go on the date on Friday, you would have never agreed, and you wouldn’t be following me right now.” I opened my mouth but he cut me off. “You would have gone back to your dorm and you know it. I was two steps ahead of you the entire time; you could have turned back if you were really mad at me.”

“You didn’t even give me an option to say no!” He raised an eyebrow and I huffed, “All right. Fine. Maybe I am mad.”

“And you’re mad at me.”

“Yeah, Blake, I am.”

“But not because I pulled you out of the building.”

Oh my word, he was so infuriating! “Uh, yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s why I’m mad. Are you going to start telling me I’m not hungry either? Since you all of a sudden seem to know me so well?”

He pulled me to a stop and moved to stand directly in front of me, tipping my head back with his fingers under my chin. “You’re mad because of the girls around me when you walked in this afternoon.”

“I—”

“And I told you I only see you. I’ll tell you that over and over again until you understand that. They mean nothing, nor do I notice anything other than the fact that they talk like they’re in middle school.”

“I don’t care about them the way you think I do. When I saw it, it just reminded me why I never wanted to go on a date with you in the first place. Nothing more, nothing less.”

“You’re lying, Rachel.” I could smell the mint from his gum and feel his breath on my lips, and suddenly I was wondering if I was lying. There must have been something in his gum that put me in a daze. “It’s fine to admit you were getting jealous. I hate seeing the way Aaron looks at you, and you work with him every day.”

I was so not getting jeal— Wait. What?! Aaron’s gay. I leaned away from his nearness and started to tell him when I realized we were on top of a bridge surrounded by a bunch of people just standing there looking toward the side like they were waiting for something. I pointed toward the people. “Uh . . . am I missing something?”

Blake looked a little smug as he glanced at his watch, then the sky. “Nope, give it a couple minutes. We got here just in time.”

Aaron, his sexuality, and the fact that Blake had gotten jealous over my flaming gay friend completely forgotten, I looked at the sky, then pulled out my phone to check the time. There was nothing special about the time from what I could tell. As for the sky, it was nearly dusk, and although it was beautiful I didn’t know why that was anything worth noting either. Glancing at the people and the street around us, I turned and saw the street sign and did a double take. We were on Congress Avenue.

“Oh no. No, no, no, no, no!” I started backing up but ended up against Blake’s chest. His arms circled around me, effectively keeping me there. I felt his silent laughter.

“I take it you know about this then. Ever seen it?”

“No, and there’s a reason. I’m terrified of—” Just then, close to a million bats took flight from underneath the bridge. A small shriek escaped my lips and I clamped my hands over my mouth, like my sound would attract the bats to me.

There was nothing silent about his next laugh. Blake tightened his arms around me and I leaned into him more. I’d like to say it was purely because my biggest fear was flying out around me, but I’d be lying if I said his musky cologne, strong arms, and chest had nothing to do with it either. This was something I’d wanted for years, and I almost couldn’t believe that I was finally there, in his arms.

I continued to watch in utter horror and slight fascination as the stream of bats, which seemed to never end, continued to leave the shelter of the bridge and fly out into the slowly darkening sky.

Minutes later, Blake leaned in and put his lips up against my ear. “Was that really so bad?”

Forcing my hand from my mouth, I exhaled shakily and shook my head. “Not as bad as I’d imagined. Doesn’t change the fact that they are ugly and easily the grossest thing I’ve ever seen.”

“But now you can say you’ve faced one of your fears.”

“The biggest.”

“See?” He let go of me and started walking again in the direction we’d come from. “You up for a drink?”

I realized I was still shaking so I nodded my head and followed him. “Just one though.”

We walked for well over half an hour while Blake tried to re-create my shriek at seeing the bats and I accused him of doing that with every girl so he’d have an excuse to put his arms around her. The air between us was much more relaxed this time as he asked about my life after he’d joined the air force. I told him all about the end of middle school and high school but never once mentioned my parents. I wasn’t sure if he knew about them or not, but there was no point in bringing up that hurt. Besides, if he had known, he hadn’t even come back for the funeral. Just as we were passing the school, Blake slid his hand down my arm and intertwined our fingers.

“Rachel, why did you finally agree to go out with me?”

When I looked up, I was surprised at his somber expression. I would have expected something a little more taunting. “Do you want me to answer that honestly?”

“I’d appreciate it. I’ve asked you out for . . . shit. I don’t know, nine months now? No matter what I said, your answer was always no. Until last night.”

“Well . . .” I looked down at the sidewalk passing beneath our feet.

“You can tell me, it’s fine. You never were one to hide your feelings. And your hate for me lately has been a little more than apparent. I’m already expecting the worst.”

“I don’t hate you. I just don’t exactly like you . . . anymore.” I squinted up at him and nudged his side with the arm he still had a firm grip on.

He gave a little grunt with a forced smile.

“Um, Candice is always bugging me for turning you down. She said she would stop if I agreed to one date with you.” I know, I know, I could have made something up that wasn’t so harsh. But I didn’t. If I hadn’t looked back down, I probably would have missed the pause in his step.

“Figures.” We walked for a few more minutes before he paused and turned to me. “I’m not going to make you go out with me.”

“You aren’t. I said I’d go.”

He raised an eyebrow, making it disappear under his shaggy hair. “You also told me earlier today that we weren’t going anymore. I’m just letting you know I’ll stop. All of it. Asking you all the time, what I did today. And I’ll talk to Candice.”

“Blake—”

“No, Rach, I should have stopped a long time ago. I’m sorry you felt pressured into it last night. I want you to want to go on a date with me. I don’t want you to go just so she’ll drop it or because you want me to quit asking. Which I will.” I couldn’t tell if he looked more embarrassed or hurt.

Is it ridiculous that I want to comfort him? “I want to go.”

“No, you don’t.”

Okay, still somewhat true. “I didn’t . . . before.” Ugh, who am I kidding. He knows I’m lying anyway. “Look, I don’t know what you want me to say. You can’t exactly blame me for not wanting to go out with you.” He looked as if I’d slapped him. I hurried on before I could chicken out on the rest. “I mean, come on, Blake, you were rumored to be screwing all these students, coworkers, and faculty. And not once did you try to shut down those rumors. Add to that, the Blake I grew up with is completely gone; now you’re usually kind of a douche. Why would I want to go out with someone like that?”

“Rumors are going to spread no matter what I do. The more I try to stop them, the guiltier I look. Trust me. As for you thinking I’m a douche . . .” His voice trailed off and he ran a hand through his hair. “Try seeing it from my side. The only girl I’ve wanted for years now and can’t get out of my head no matter what I do repeatedly blows me off like I’m nothing.”

Did he say years?

Letting go of my hand, he turned away from me and ran a hand agitatedly through his hair. “Come on, I’ll walk you back to your dorm.”

“What about drinks?”

“I’m not going to make you do this, Rachel.”

“Blake, why can’t you just be like this all the time? If how you were growing up, last night, and the last hour was how you always were . . . I probably wouldn’t have ever turned you down.”

He huffed a sad laugh. “Yeah, well . . . obviously I’ve already fucked that up.”

I watched him begin walking in the direction of the dorms and squeezed my eyes shut as I called after him, “You know, you kinda traumatized me tonight. I feel like you owe me a beer.” Peeking through my eyelashes, I saw him stop but not turn around. “And maybe dinner on Friday night?”

When Blake turned to face me, his smile was wide and breathtaking.