Forgiving Lies

12

Rachel

“I’M EXHAUSTED,” CANDICE moaned, “but we needed this day.”

“I agree. I just want to go home and crash for the rest of the night . . . we did big today.”

“Yeah, we did! How many outfits did we get combined? And the shoes—oh, the shoes. Maybe we should go out with the guys tonight instead. Take them to a club downtown or something. I need an excuse to wear some of my new stuff.”

A club sounded like the exact opposite of fun right now. Not when my comfortable bed and fluffy pillows were calling my name.

With Candice at the cheer camp during the day and me working half the nights during the week and spending the rest with Kash, we never saw each other anymore. Kash and Mason had set it up so Candice and I could go to the movies last night, and today we’d gotten pedicures before going on an all-day shopping spree. It was good to be with her again, but I was already missing just being with Kash. Even before we’d stopped playing games with each other, I’d craved being near him. And now—I couldn’t get enough of him.

Yes, my bed was definitely calling my name. But I didn’t see sleep coming any time soon.

I grinned to myself and hoped Candice wouldn’t ask why I’d started blushing suddenly. “I don’t think I’m up for a club tonight, Candi. Maybe next weekend, when we haven’t been on our feet all day?”

“Oh, did you already have plans with . . . someone?”

“Someone like Kash?”

She shrugged slowly. “Or just someone.”

Uh . . . what? “No.” I drew out the word as I looked at her expectant expression. “Am I supposed to? And who else would I be with? I only ever hang out with you, Kash, and Mase.”

Candice didn’t respond for almost an entire minute. She just stared like she was waiting for something from me. Like a switch being flipped, her expression went back to normal and she bounced in her seat. “Well, anyway! Next week’s perfect. We can celebrate me being done with cheer camp and our senior year starting!”

I was about to tell Candice we needed to see if she was bipolar or had multiple personalities when what she’d said registered in my mind. “School, that’s, uh—just a little over a week away, isn’t it?” All the color drained from my face at the thought of having to see Blake on an almost-daily basis again. I wasn’t ready to face him, especially after the way he had been that night at work.

“Yeah, can you believe how fast this summer went by? I’m kind of bummed the camp took up all of my time, but next summer, after graduation, we’re going on a trip somewhere and we’re celebrating for a few weeks. Just us, a bunch of hot guys we won’t remember the names of, endless drinks, and the beach.” She sighed contentedly. “Doesn’t that sound perfect?”

I forced a smile as I attempted to remember what she’d just said. “Uh, minus the nameless guys . . . yeah, it does.”

She scoffed. “You’re no fun now that you’re dating Kash.”

“Candice, when have you ever known me to want to hook up with a bunch of guys?”

“Okay, true.”

We got out of the car and, loaded down with our dozens of bags, made our way to the apartment.

“So, you’re not going out tonight?” she asked as we walked through the living room toward our doors.

What the hell was with her right now? “No, Candice. I’m not. I just want to relax for a while. Make one of your booty calls; I’m sure one of your guys is free.”

Before she could respond, I dumped all the bags on my bed and walked into my bathroom to turn on the tub. Giving my sink a double take, I studied it for a second before walking back into my room to get undressed and start pulling things out of the bags. Once everything was laid out on the bed, I hurried back into the bathroom, turned off the faucet, and slipped into the hot water.

After a few minutes in there, Candice poked her head in. “I’m going over to Charlie’s place. I’ll probably be back tomorrow.”

Wow, I hadn’t heard of a Charlie yet. “Be safe. Hey, did you take anything out of my bathroom?”

“No, why?”

“My sink just looks . . . kind of bare, I guess. I’m not sure, it caught my eye when I came in but I can’t figure out what—if anything—is missing.”

She studied the contents on top of my counter before shrugging. “It does look like something’s missing. But I haven’t taken anything. Maybe you just took some more things over to Kash’s and forgot about it?”

“Maybe,” I muttered, but I really didn’t think that was it.

“All right, I gotta go. Call me if you need anything. Love you, Rach.”

“Love you back,” I mumbled.

After she was gone, I took my time relaxing in the tub until the water was cold before stepping out. As soon as I walked back into my room, I knew something was wrong. I looked at my bed and my eyes flitted over the few things that were on it. Over half of what I’d bought wasn’t there anymore.

“What the hell?” I whispered, and checked all the empty bags, making sure I hadn’t left some of my things in there and forgotten. Turning to check Candice’s room, a scream to rival those in horror movies left me and I jumped back, clutching my towel to my chest. “Jesus, Kash! Make yourself known!”

“I called your name when I came in. Why are you so jumpy? You okay?”

“No, I feel like I’m going crazy. First I thought there was stuff missing from my bathroom, and now I swear most of what I bought today isn’t here anymore!”

He offered a small smile and pulled me into his arms before kissing me softly. “Sorry, babe. I should have told you when I came back in while you were in the tub. I’ve been taking your stuff. I packed a bag for you. We’re going on a little trip.”

“We are? Wait. Who’s ‘we’?”

“You and me. Get dressed, we’re leaving in a couple minutes.”

“Kash!” He whirled back around to look at me, and though he was exuding patience, he began pushing me over to my dresser and pulling out thin sweats and an off-the-shoulder top I only ever wore to bed. “Are you packing those too?”

“No, put them on.”

“What—no. First, we can’t just leave; we both have work. How long are we going for anyway? And you can’t just expect me to get ready and leave in two seconds. If you were in here while I was in the tub, you should have told me. I would have gotten out sooner and started getting ready then. I’m not wearing this to wherever we’re going.”

Kash turned me and held me close as he caught my gaze. “I promise you don’t need to dress up for where we’re going; I doubt anyone will see you but me. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to have time to get ready or to know about it. As for work, I took care of it.” He leaned in close and kissed me softly once but didn’t move back as he continued to talk against my lips. “But I planned something for us, and we need to get going. Will you please just put on these clothes?”

I’m pretty sure I wanted to keep arguing with him, or at least demand to pack my own bag. But my stomach had gone all fluttery on me and I had a ridiculous smile on my face as I nodded, letting my nose trail against his, and kissed him once more. “Okay.”

He pulled away and was walking into the living room when his phone rang. I made quick work of finding a bra and underwear and putting them on before throwing on the clothes he’d pulled out for me. I had just taken my hair out of its high bun and was braiding it low and off to the side when he walked back into my room.

“See? You look beautiful.”

“Liar.”

He rolled his eyes and tugged at the bottom of my long braid before kissing my forehead. “You ready?”

I shrugged and looked around my room. “I mean, I guess. It feels weird not packing anything. Are you going to tell me where we’re going?”

“No.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the apartment. Mason was standing outside by his truck, looking awkward and like he was keeping watch, but he smiled when he saw us.

“You coming with us, Mase?”

“Nah, just got done loading the truck up.” He threw a set of keys at Kash and Kash led me toward Mason’s truck.

“We’re taking his?”

“Bigger cab.” Kash shrugged and got me situated in the passenger seat. After he shut the door he spoke softly enough to Mason that I couldn’t hear what they were saying, and then he jogged around to the driver’s side.

“There’s a lot of food in here. You went shopping?”

He grinned before reversing out of the spot. “You were gone for a long time today.”

I turned to look in the backseat again and shook my head, my mouth still partially open. I couldn’t believe that he’d planned a trip for us, and to go through all of this? “But, Kash, there’s like . . . a lot of food here. I guess it’s safe to say we aren’t going to a hotel . . . or a bed-and-breakfast?”

“Eh. There aren’t many places to eat where we’re going. Well, there’s one, but other than that you have to drive a ways. But I don’t plan on leaving where we’ll be.” His gray eyes darkened and he flashed that arrogant smirk I loved before squeezing my thigh and leaving his hand there.

I instantly hated Mason’s truck for having a center console. From Kash’s throaty laugh and the way he began sucking on his lip ring, he knew I was frustrated. And he knew why.

“How long will it take us to get there?”

“Anxious?” He raised an eyebrow and winked. “An hour or less.”

Drumming the fingers of my left hand on the center console, I worried my bottom lip and studied his profile as he drove. “Drive fast.”

Kash

I LOOKED OVER at Rachel, who was practically pressed up against the window as we drove through the country. She’d originally laughed and asked why I was taking her to Florence, Texas . . . but the farther into Florence we drove, the wider her eyes got. And I couldn’t wait to see how she’d react when we finally got to The Vineyard. From all the pictures on their website, it was gorgeous property and secluded. Out in the middle of nowhere. Hardly any cell phone service. Perfect for hiding Rachel from this guy who Mason and I now knew was stalking her for reasons that made me want to hide Rachel forever, but I knew I couldn’t.

As soon as I’d heard Marvin Cross say the name West that day, I was done. Mason had continued to watch for him as I’d made countless calls, looked up dozens of secluded places close by that could easily be passed off as a romantic getaway, and then went about getting everything ready. It was one thing for the girl who meant everything to me to have been raped by someone she was close to. It was another thing entirely to have someone stalking her. But to have the guy who raped her hiring people to track and stalk her? That was crossing a line that was sure to blow my cover.

I was already pushing it with the department taking these three nights off, but Mason was picking up my slack, and I was thankful. Mase and I hoped by taking Rachel away for a little bit, this guy posing as her dad would cut back on hanging around the apartment and following her wherever she went, but only time would tell.

Slowing down when The Vineyard came into view, I turned onto the property and drove to the main building to check us in and grab the keys. As soon as I was in the car, Rachel started talking again.

“Are we going wine tasting? Kash, you told me I didn’t need to dress up!”

“We’re not going—”

“Oh my word!” She gasped. “This place is . . . oh . . . wow. Look at this.”

I leaned onto the steering wheel as we passed the gates and slowly drove down the dirt path. I had to agree with Rachel. Damn. Pictures didn’t do it justice. We began driving past the villas and pulled into a smaller one that we would be staying in for the next few days. As soon as I parked the car, I turned to look at her and couldn’t help but laugh through my smile. Her eyes were bigger than a kid’s on Christmas morning. Her hand was covering her mouth, which was still open from gasping at everything, and she was looking back and forth between the villa and me.

“Is this where we’re staying?” She spoke softly behind her hand, like she was in awe. I just nodded and enjoyed watching her take it in. “Kash, it’s beautiful. I can’t believe we’re staying here! This whole place is beautiful.”

“Well, do you want to see the inside, or do you want to sleep in the car and just admire it from out here?”

She smacked my arm and hopped out of the truck, bouncing up on the balls of her feet as she waited for me to join her. “When did you do this?”

“I told you, you were gone for a long time today.”

Her expression was deadpan for all of three seconds before brightening again. “Come on, I want to see the inside!”

Kissing the top of her head, I led her around to a side door and let us in. Even I was shocked by what we walked in on. I’d seen the pictures of our villa, but this was insane. The villa matched the vineyard, and it was as if we’d stepped into Italy, but out back was the best view of nothing but pure country.

I could get used to this.

Rachel was turning slowly, with her mouth still wide open, so I told her to go look around and went back out to the truck to start bringing everything in. I was finishing up putting all of the food on the kitchen counter when I heard her clear her throat behind me.

Looking over my shoulder, I shot a confused look at the face she was making. “Uh . . . do you not like the rest of it?”

Her blue eyes sparkled as she fought off a grin. “Oh no, I do. It’s gorgeous here. The bedroom’s my favorite.”

I couldn’t even come back with a suggestive remark like I wanted to. She was still looking at me weird. “Okay . . . ?”

“Good to know we’re on our honeymoon. Apparently I missed something.”

My head jerked back and my brow furrowed. “Uh, what?”

“Oh, so you didn’t know either? Go check the bedroom. I’ll wait here.”

I made my way to the bedroom and stopped short when I finally found it. What . . . in the actual fuck? On the bed were rose petals in the shape of a massive heart, and above the heart, spelled out in Hershey’s Kisses, were two words. Just. Married. Um. What?

There was a letter lying on the rose petals, as if Rachel hadn’t bothered to fold it back up, and I grabbed at it.

Mr. and Mrs. Logan Hendricks,

We are pleased you have chosen The Vineyard at Florence as your honeymoon destination and hope you enjoy your stay here. In the kitchen you will find vouchers for free brunch every day of your stay, as well as complimentary chocolate-dipped strawberries in the refrigerator and some of our finest wine.

Congratulations on your recent nuptials.

Sincerely,

The staff of The Vineyard at Florence

One, I was going to kill Mason after I shook his hand for somehow pulling this off. Two, I really hoped Rachel wasn’t freaking out over this. At the moment, I couldn’t remember what she’d looked like when she told me about this; had she been mad or scared? Three . . . I placed my thumb over the name Hendricks and swallowed hard. I let the image of the girl I’d left in the kitchen be forefront in my mind and pictured the surname Ryan instead. My heart started racing as I imagined it all.

Rachel in a white dress, her blue eyes and beautiful smile directed at me as we exchanged vows. Rachel with my parents and Mason’s family. Us at the beach in Florida. Rachel’s stomach round with my hands pressed softly against it.

I let my focus come back to the bedroom of the villa and blew out a hard breath. It didn’t matter that I’d only known her a little over two months. I’d known that first day that she was a game changer, and I was sure now that I couldn’t live without her. I wanted to marry her; I wanted everything I’d just envisioned. And I wanted it now.

Letting the letter drop back onto the rose heart, I walked through the house to find Rachel shutting the pantry door; she’d put away all the food while I’d been in there. With a secretive smile, she nodded her head in the direction of the refrigerator and my body relaxed when I caught the brightness in her eyes again. She wasn’t mad. She wasn’t scared about what any of that meant; she wasn’t accusing me of anything even though she couldn’t have known that it was all Mason. I opened the door to the fridge and right in the middle was a tray of huge chocolate-covered strawberries, just as the letter had said. And off on a side counter were the wines.

Without a word, I grabbed Rachel’s hand and towed her back outside. She laughed and tugged against me, but I wasn’t letting her win this one.

“Kash, what? Did you forget stuff in the truck?”

“Nope.” I stopped suddenly, whirled around, and knocked her legs out from under her, catching her and cradling her in my arms before she could hit the ground. She gasped and glared at me, but I kissed her soundly to silence any snide remark she could have made. She wasn’t about to ruin this. “I forgot this.” I met her blue death stare and waited for it to soften before speaking again. “Mrs. Hendricks . . .” Wrong name. Wrong. Name. “Isn’t it tradition to carry your new bride across the threshold?”

Her head tilted back and she laughed. “Isn’t it tradition for the bride to be aware that she got married?”

I paused with one foot in the villa and one out. “You’re ruining it, woman,” I growled.

“Well, husband”—her laugh died down and she ran her hand down the side of my face to my neck—“we should probably continue with tradition and consummate the marriage.”

Kissing her lips once, I left my mouth hovering over hers as I took the last step into the villa. “Let’s get to it, wife.”

I didn’t miss her near-silent inhale on the last word or the way her blue eyes had taken on a darkness I’d never seen before. And I wondered if she was seeing a future similar to the one I’d been seeing in the bedroom.

“I LOVE YOUR tattoos,” she whispered softly, and I cracked open my eyes to watch as hers followed her trailing finger on my arm.

“Do you?”

“Mmm-hmm.”

I grinned and helped her by turning my arm when she reached where it rested against the bed. “Who’s the liar now?” When her brow scrunched together, I continued. “I seem to remember you telling me you hated them, along with my lip ring . . . my hair . . .”

Her soft laugh filled the room and I tried to commit the sound to memory. “I was lying.”

“Exactly, so who’s the liar now?”

She shrugged with the shoulder that wasn’t against the mattress. “But those were forgiving lies.”

“What lies?”

“Forgiving lies, the only kind I’ll tell.” Forgetting her study of my arm, she crawled up the bed and rested her head on the pillow next to mine so our noses were almost touching. “You know, like white lies.”

I pulled her closer and let the tips of my fingers trail up and down her bare spine. “So why not just call them white lies?”

“Because they’re usually lies you tell people to protect them or be polite . . . right?” I just raised an eyebrow as confirmation and she smoothed it out. “It’s like you telling me I looked beautiful when I was sick, or how I had to keep telling Candice I was fine when I wasn’t, and acting like I wasn’t upset with her even though I was. And with you? You and I both knew I was lying anyway . . . so they’re lies. But they’re the kind of lies that people forgive and forget about because they’re so minor. But when people tell harmful lies, or ones that can shatter trusts, and the other person finds out about them . . . they always say what they did was unforgivable. So if lies that can hurt people are unforgivable, then why can’t the ones that are meant to be polite be forgiving lies?”

I prayed she didn’t notice how tense my body had become. I searched her face for any indication that she knew I was hiding things from her, but when I found nothing, I worked at slowing my heart rate and relaxing every muscle in my body. Realizing I’d stopped my trail at the top of her back, I began slowly going up and down again.

“Forgiving makes more sense when you put it that way. And you did look beautiful that day; you always do.” My tone was gruff and I hoped like hell she wouldn’t try to figure out why.

Liar, she mouthed.

I shook my head, wishing I could say I wasn’t. I wasn’t lying about her always being beautiful. But being a liar was pretty much in my job description. So instead, I said the one thing that wasn’t, and never would be, a lie. “I love you, Rachel.”

“I know.” She smiled and ducked down to kiss along my jaw. “And I love you too.”

One of her hands trailed down my stomach and I caught it before it could get to where I was already hard. I wanted her, but she’d just unknowingly called me out on everything I was doing to her, and the guilt I had from lying to her had just tripled and was eating at me. I didn’t deserve anything from her right now; but she just rolled to her knees and began the same descent with her other hand. Capturing that one as well, I intertwined our fingers and pinned our hands to the bed.

“Rachel . . . ,” I said when she grinned devilishly at me.

Bending low, she placed a kiss on my right hip before trailing her tongue along the muscles of my lower abdomen. “Shut up, Kash.”

Flashing her blue eyes up at me, she winked and leaned back before letting her lips slowly trail up my length. My fingers dug into the top of her hands and pressed them harder against the comforter when they wrapped around the tip and her tongue darted out to taste me teasingly before releasing me. A growl worked its way out of my chest and cut off abruptly when she took me in completely, never once taking her eyes off me. My head fell so I was looking up at the ceiling before my eyes rolled back and I fought with hating myself for lying to her and loving everything she was giving to me, including her complete and utter trust. I released her hands and whispered, “Forgive me, Rachel,” to the ceiling low enough that I knew she couldn’t hear me as I grabbed her shoulders and pulled her up my body.

I crushed our mouths together and squeezed her closer to me as I rolled us over and brought my knee up between her legs, parting them while I searched blindly for another condom. She wrapped her long legs around my back and flicked her tongue against my lip ring before tugging on it gently, and I groaned as I attacked her mouth again. I dug my hips harder against hers and we both stopped moving when I was pressed at her entrance. We stared at each other, our breathing ragged as I began teasing and sliding against her, and when I’d barely started to slip inside her, her face turned pleading.

“Please, Kash. Don’t stop.”

Stop. Stop. You need to stop . . . motherfucker, stop. “Shit.” I reached over to the nightstand and slapped my hand down on a condom.

Tearing it open with my teeth, I had it rolled on and was slamming into Rachel within seconds. She yelled my name and gripped my shoulders tight as I pounded into her and I almost lost it a few minutes later when she whispered for me to go harder. Raising myself up even more on one forearm, I reached down between us and watched her beautiful face respond to my touching her and as she came undone beneath me. I came crashing down with her and when I couldn’t support my weight anymore, I lowered my body onto hers.

“Holy hell,” she breathed, and let her hands run through my hair and down my back. “Just . . . wow.”

I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what I could say. I knew I was being a selfish bastard by keeping her when I was hiding everything that I was. And instead of breaking down and telling her everything, I’d just responded by claiming her. Curling one arm underneath her body and pressing my mouth to the soft skin at the base of her neck, I breathed her in and prayed that the day I told her everything wouldn’t also be the day I lost her.

Rachel

I BROUGHT MY legs up on my chair as I stared at the darkening sky. It was beautiful out here, so quiet, and just perfect. Vineyard on one side, and Texas country on the other . . . I preferred the country side. I was sitting out on the patio, enjoying our last night at The Vineyard, exactly as we had the first two nights. I loved listening to the cicadas, watching the sun set, and looking at the stars after. You just couldn’t get this atmosphere in Austin, and I was sad we were going back tomorrow. This impromptu trip had been incredible, and I loved Kash for it.

Looking over my shoulder through the windows, I caught a glimpse of him in the kitchen and a smile tugged at my lips. We’d been living up the honeymoon joke Mason had played on us, and though I knew it was just that—a joke—every time he called me his wife, it warmed my entire body, and I got a rush out of calling him my husband. My rational side kept telling me it was just the newness of being in love with him. That it was absolutely ridiculous to have a craving for this to be our reality. I mean honestly, who meets someone and a little over two months later knows without a doubt that they want to spend the rest of their life with that person?

Me.

I’d known even before we came here that I would spend the rest of my life with him. But this weekend had changed even that. It wasn’t just that I knew I would. I could see it now. I could see our lives together, and the absurd thing about all of that was that I now couldn’t see anything wrong with feeling this way after we’d only known each other for two months.

See? I was crazy. This is how fourteen-year-olds in puppy love think. Not twenty-one-year-olds who, honest to God, a few months ago couldn’t have cared less if they ever got married. My rational side started spouting off divorce rates and the increase in those rates when marriage happens so quickly . . . but then I thought about my parents. They’d met and were married within four months and loved each other fiercely up until the end. Was it still possible to find that kind of love?

The door opened and Kash walked out carrying two bowls of pasta. Handing one to me, he pulled the other chair up closer and sat down in front of me. Grabbing both my ankles in one of his hands, he extended my legs and set my feet down on his lap as he got comfortable.

“What were you thinking about so hard when I walked out?”

Er . . . nothing I want to share with you right now. “I’m sad to be going back. I’ve had a really good time with you here.”

He raised an eyebrow as he chewed some of his food and waited until he could swallow to respond. “So you only have a good time with me when we’re here?”

I nudged his stomach with one of my feet and he smirked at me. “No, it’s just been nice. No work, no Candice, no pancakes . . .”

“You love pancakes. Don’t lie.”

“Not as much as some people, apparently.” Rolling my eyes, I snuggled deeper into my chair and took a bite of food.

Kash was quiet throughout the rest of dinner; he didn’t look at me, just stared out at the scenery like I had been doing before he’d joined me. We could sit in comfortable silence or even spend hours together with him on one side of the room playing his guitar and me on the other writing to my parents. But this wasn’t comfortable; it was weighted. I knew he wanted to say something, but I also knew he would say it whenever he was ready. So I finished my dinner and waited until he was. Sometime after he’d set his bowl down on the patio, he turned to me, and the depth in his gray eyes startled me.

“I’ve missed pancakes. But I’ll miss being married to you more.” Without another word, he moved my legs to the ground, grabbed both our bowls, and kissed my forehead before going back into the villa.

I was frozen. My heart had stopped and I wasn’t sure whether it had started back up again or not. How had he taken something as asinine as pancakes and turned it into a beautiful statement? But I knew right then I had my answer. It was definitely still possible to find that kind of love.

And I’d found it in him.

I stood and walked out onto the grass a ways to enjoy the night for a little longer and think about this revelation without his too-knowing eyes on me. Not two minutes later, his arms were wrapping around my waist and his lips were on my shoulder.

“I want you to be my wife, Rachel.”

My body froze but my heart began racing. What was he saying? “I thought I already was,” I said teasingly, and forced out a light laugh.

“No, uh, I don’t want this to end here. I—” He sighed and turned me so I was facing him. His darkened eyes searched mine and he shook his head marginally. “I get it, this is crazy. But I want this with you, what we’ve had this weekend. I don’t want it to end, tomorrow or ever. I want you, forever.”

“Logan . . . what?”

“Marry me.”

My mouth popped open and every rational thought that was screaming at me was quickly shut up when I saw the love he had for me pouring out of him. My head shook negatively for a split second before my mind realized that was the wrong direction and I furiously nodded. “Y-yes.” Oh my God, I can’t even figure out what word I’m supposed to say right now!

“Yes?” he asked in shock, and gripped my shoulders in his hands.

“Yes!”

Crushing my body to his, he captured my mouth and kissed me through our smiles. “You’re going to marry me?” he asked somewhat breathlessly, and kissed me harder. “You’ll be my wife?” I couldn’t respond against his forceful kisses so I just nodded again and he smiled. “I love you, so much.”

“I love you too, Logan.”