Forgiving Lies

2

Rachel

DRINKS WITH BLAKE had actually been more fun than I would have thought, and we’d ended up spending Thursday afternoon and evening together as well. He seemed to slip back into the Blake that Candice and I had spent years following around. On Friday, when I stepped into the athletic center, I was met with three red roses and a heart-stopping grin. He’d said that regardless of his reasoning on Wednesday afternoon, he was counting the bats and bar on Wednesday, and movies on the couch in my dorm room on Thursday, as dates. So Friday night would be our third and deserved three roses.

I’m not gonna lie, I totally did the aww, you’re so sweet girly thing as I took the roses from him and kissed his cheek in front of the circle of girls he was doing pretty well at fully ignoring. When Candice dragged me out of the center not even an hour later to go get a pedicure and have me start getting ready for the date, she pressed me for every single detail of my time with Blake thus far. She was really rooting for this whole actually-being-related thing.

He was sweet, attentive, and completely down-to-earth. But I was glad he was still giving me my space. Even being alone in the dorm room with me for three movies, he never once tried to pull me into his arms and had yet to try to kiss me. Which Candice was taking as a bad sign. I rolled my eyes at that assumption. Now that Blake was finally getting his dates, he was letting me take this at the speed I wanted, and I couldn’t have been more thankful.

But then Friday night was just . . . odd.

Blake picked me up in his silver Lexus convertible and took me to the Oasis, a restaurant sitting on the lake with the most amazing view as the sun set, which it began to do just after we’d arrived. I honestly don’t think I’d ever seen anything more beautiful, and just as I began to tell Blake that, our waiter arrived to take our drink order. Without a word, Blake handed him both menus and placed our order for our food and drinks. I hadn’t even looked at the menu yet. The food was just as he said it would be, to die for. But from the way he continued to treat me I was expecting him to cut my meat and feed me himself by the time our food got there.

Conversation was at a standstill until we were back in his car.

“Want to go for drinks again?” he asked suddenly, halfway back to campus.

Obviously he had missed how awkward the last hour had been. “Two margaritas are more than enough for me. I’m good.”

His laugh boomed throughout the small car as his hand fell onto my upper thigh and gave a little squeeze. “Okay, no drinks. Anything else you want to do?”

“Um . . .”

“Do you like horses?”

“Horses?” That wasn’t something I’d been expecting. “Of course I like horses.”

“So how about we go for a carriage ride down Sixth Street before I take you home? Sound good?”

“I don’t know.”

“Rachel, did I do something? I feel like we’ve gone back a few steps.”

“No, I’m sorry . . . I’m just tired. I’ve felt off all day. Is it okay if you take me back?”

“Of course there’s always tomorrow!”

I stifled a groan and smashed myself as close to the side of the car as possible. The entire way back he kept his hand on my thigh and continued to rub his thumb back and forth. In an effort to not smack it away, I crossed my arms under my chest and resorted to burning imaginary holes in his hand with my eyes. After we got to campus he walked me all the way to my room before trapping me against the door frame and leaning in. I turned my head away at the last minute but that didn’t seem to faze him. Grabbing my hips and pressing his body closer to mine, he started kissing a line down my neck, and I swear he smelled my hair before groaning. I tried not to gag.

“Blake, please? Can we not do this?”

He pulled back and his blue eyes flared. “Fine.” The way he looked at me from under his eyelashes caused a chill to run down my spine. And not a good one. “I’ll see you later.” Without another word he pushed off me, turned, and stalked down the hallway.

“RACH, WAKE UP and tell. Me. Everything!”

Cracking my eyes open the next morning, I looked at a too-perky Candice and groaned. “Where were you when I got back last night?”

“With Jeff.” She dismissed his name with a wave of her hand. “Now, tell me about your date!”

“Wow, Jeff too, huh? Nice, Candi.”

“Don’t stall!”

Pulling myself up so I was resting on my elbows, I didn’t even feel like sugarcoating the prior night. “It was awful.”

Her eyes went wide. “What do you mean? What’d you do?”

Bitch. “Why is it that I had to do something?”

“Um, let’s see.” She started counting on her fingers. “One, you didn’t want to go out with him in the first place. Two, unlike Wednesday and Thursday, Blake didn’t text me after to tell me about your time together. Three, you didn’t want to go out with him in the first place.”

“You already said that.”

“Exactly, that’s a big enough one that it counts for two! So what happened?”

I sighed and flopped onto my bed. “It was just weird. It’s like we had nothing to talk about. Which was crazy because we talked the entire time we were together on Wednesday and Thursday. And he didn’t even let me see a menu; he ordered for me. Like I was a three-year-old or something.”

“Is that all?”

“Well, yeah. Oh! And when we were on our way back he just started acting like the night had been completely normal and not awkward in any way. Then when we got back, he pushed me up against the door and started kissing my neck. I kind of asked him to stop and he got weird. Like creepy, scary weird . . . and then he just up and left. I don’t know, the whole night was just a bust.”

Candice didn’t say anything; she just sat there staring at me.

“What?”

“Are you insane? You told him to stop kissing you?!”

Really? That was all she got from what I told her? “Yeah, we had a bad date; why would I want him to kiss me? Maybe if it had gone something like the first two nights I wouldn’t have—”

“No, no. Rachel. Oh my God. We need to fix this. I can’t believe you still managed to mess up the date after everything I went over with you yesterday!”

“Wow.” I shook my head and let my arms give out so I face-planted into my pillow again. I was so dumbfounded I didn’t even know what to say anymore.

After running to a café to grab a quick breakfast, we made our way back to hopefully study for finals, which were next week. But from the way Candice had tried to lecture me on all I probably had done wrong on the date during breakfast, I doubted much studying would take place if it involved her.

Not even two minutes after getting back into our room, there was a knock on the door. And surprise freaking surprise. Blake West. With four red roses.

“You do realize it’s not even nine on a Saturday,” I said. And yes, I laid the California-bitch tone on thick.

Blake didn’t miss a beat, and his smirk didn’t falter. “Morning, Rach. Can I take you out to breakfast?”

“Oh, we just ate!” Darn. I didn’t even try to sound disappointed.

Candice gave me a look that I pretended not to notice.

“Well, that’s okay.” His smile was full of easy confidence. “How about we go grab some coffee instead?”

“I actually need to start studying for my finals.”

“All the more reason for coffee now; it’ll keep you awake.”

Dear Lord, what is it with him and Candice? Do they not get hints? Must come from her mom’s side of the family. “Sure, why don’t we all go? Candice, you want to get coffee?”

“Nah, I’m good. I just texted Eric to come over in a few to help me, um, study.”

Traitor. I glanced back at a victorious-looking Blake. “Could you give me a couple minutes?”

“See you down there.” He handed me the four roses, winked, and walked down the hall.

“Eric today, huh? I’m sure you two will get tons of studying done. Maybe I should stay and help you; you can’t afford to fail this thing.

“You better go!” She looked me over and raised an annoyed eyebrow. “Please tell me you’re going to change.”

I looked down at my yoga pants and off-the-shoulder Iron Maiden concert shirt. “Ha! No, definitely not. It’s early in the morning, and we’re just getting coffee. Which means I get to stay skanked up.”

“You do not stay skanked up when you’re trying to get the man of your dreams to fall in love with you! You stay skanked up if no one is going to see you! You know this, Rachel.”

Love? God, this whole dating-her-cousin thing was making her more dramatic than usual. I threw my long, dark hair up into a cute messy bun, grabbed my purse, and sighed heavily. “See you later.”

Blake didn’t say a word to me as I slid into the passenger seat of his car, and he continued to stay silent as we drove to one of the Starbucks near campus. The only acknowledgment he made of my presence was to put his hand high up on my thigh again and hold tight. Too tight. And not much changed once we were finally in the shop. Conversation didn’t happen, his hand was back on my thigh, and we had four different stare-downs.

I only won one of those.

At least he let me order my own coffee. That was honestly the only good part of this morning.

I was barely able to hold in my sigh of relief when my phone chimed.

“Who is that?” Blake’s eyebrows were pulled down, and he seemed more than a little annoyed.

Only checking the text preview on the lock screen, I shrugged. “Oh, it’s just a friend, he wants to get a study group together tonight.” I started to put my phone back in my purse when his hand shot out and grabbed on to my arm, effectively keeping it suspended above my purse.

“Well, it’s rude to keep him waiting. Aren’t you going to answer him?” He looked like he was struggling to keep himself in check.

I tried to pull my arm back and he finally released it. Sheesh, what was his problem? It was just a text. “Sure, I guess.”

“Just let him know you can’t go.”

“Excuse me?”

He leaned forward and his eyes narrowed. “I’d prefer that you study with Candice.”

Now I was getting mad. He didn’t own me, he definitely wasn’t my boyfriend, and this was Aaron. The same gay guy that Blake didn’t like “looking at me.” “And since when do you get to decide who I hang out with? Look, maybe I’ve been giving you the wrong impression over the last few days, but we aren’t together. You have no say in what I do.”

Like a switch had been flipped, his face went back to its usual smooth, sexy expression. “You’re right. Actually I think it’s a good idea for you to study with some other people besides Candice; I’m sure you wouldn’t get anywhere with her.”

Wait. What? The sudden change in his mood made me almost feel dizzy. It was like I had my own personal Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde sitting next to me.

When I could finally get my mouth to stop opening and shutting like a fish, I shook my head and exhaled roughly. “Speaking of, I really need to get back to campus.” I stood to leave without giving him the chance to say no.

Without another word, Blake followed me out to the car. We didn’t say anything on the drive back but he put his hand on my thigh again. Was I imagining how tight he was holding it? When we arrived at the dorm, he parked in one of the spaces rather than letting me out in front. I grabbed the handle to open the door and he pushed down on my thigh, gripping it tighter. I turned to look at him and was surprised to see he still looked light and easygoing.

“I’ll get the door for you. Wait here for just a second.”

Crap, I hope he isn’t going to walk me to my room. I bet Candice still has Eric in there with the door locked. As soon as he released me, my thigh throbbed from the relief of the pressure he’d put on it and I almost wished I was wearing shorts so I could look at the damage I was making myself believe he’d done. The passenger door opened and I stepped out without looking up at him. We walked without saying anything and I made sure to put some distance between us. I was relieved when he began to slow down as we reached the main entrance of the dorm.

“Well, thanks for the coff—”

He caught me around the waist, pushed me up against the wall, and kissed me roughly, interrupting my good-bye. Before I had time to realize what was happening and push him away, his body left mine and he started backing up toward his car.

“I’ll see you later.” He winked, then turned away from me.

I have no idea what my face looked like; I couldn’t even pin down an emotion. I was disgusted, annoyed, confused, and pissed. It took a second before I was able to compose myself. I shook out my arms and walked up to my room.

I didn’t know if I was ready to tell Candice about this, or if I even wanted to. Knowing her, she’d somehow turn it around so that I had done something wrong or I didn’t know how to kiss. Needless to say, I was dreading facing her. Luck was on my side. Eric must still have been in there, because the door was locked, and on the mini whiteboard attached to our wall in Candice’s writing were the words “DON’T come in.” I texted Candice, asking her to put my laptop and books outside while I went to the bathroom so I wouldn’t be subjected to a flushed and rumpled Candice and Eric. After I picked those up, I went back to the common room and pulled out my phone to finally text Aaron back.

Sounds good. What time and where?

AARON:

7p @ Starbucks

Great. Like I wanted to go there again. I sighed, cracked open a book, and tried not to think about Blake.

WITH THE STUDYING I’d done before the group and the five hours with them, I felt fully prepared for this final and was glad it was on Monday. Once that was out of the way, I only had two days left of easy finals and this year would be over.

I was still wired from all the espresso I’d sucked down in the last few hours, and since it was a twenty-four-hour Starbucks, I decided to stay in the café and write in my journal. After my parents’ accident, Candice’s parents tried everything to get me to talk. I think they were afraid I would never come out of my depression. Her brother, Eli, had been the only one who had known how to handle me—so to speak. He’d been home from college for the summer when the accident happened, and unlike his first few years away, he came back every weekend to see me once school started up again. He would hold me while I stared off into space and never spoke a word. Eli’s form of healing was my favorite, since it was silent, but we all knew he couldn’t be there for me forever. One night when I got home from school there was a journal on my bed with a note from Candice’s dad, George. He suggested using the journal to write to my parents like they were still here. At first it freaked me out, but I told him I would try, and I’m glad I did. Even I could see the difference in myself. I wrote to them every day, even if it was just a few lines. But I viewed it as a way of continuing our family time. Every night after dinner while I was growing up, we’d pile on the couches, turn on the TV, and talk about our day while watching whatever shows were on that night. So that’s what I did. I just told them what was going on in my life like I would have if they were still there.

When I finished a couple hours later, I put everything in my purse and called out good-byes to the too-awake baristas. As soon as I pushed open the door and walked out into the muggy night air, my phone went off and the words on the screen caused me to stumble and a chill to shoot through my body.

BLAKE:

You look beautiful tonight.

Instead of bolting for my car like any sane person would have, I looked around until I found him. Well, running to my car wouldn’t have helped much; he was parked right next to it and leaning against the driver’s door of his shiny little Lexus.

How did he know I was here? If he didn’t know I was here, what is he doing here at two in the morning? Oh my word, he’s been following me! No, that’s ridiculous; come on, Rachel, get a grip. He is not following you. Frick, I really need to stop thinking the world and everyone in it revolves around me. He just happened to be here and saw your car. That’s all. Right? Right.

I took a few steps closer to the cars and took a deep breath as I dropped my phone back into my purse, trying to calm myself down. “Hi, Blake.”

“I was starting to think you would never leave. I’ve been out here for hours.”

Oh God, he has been waiting for me! Those words were creepy enough, but paired with the sexy, innocent smile they seemed even worse. I meant for my voice to sound strong and annoyed but it was barely a whisper. “Why are you following me?”

“Following you? I’m not following you. Candice told me you were waiting for me to pick you up from the study group. Jesus, Rachel, you look like you’ve just seen a ghost; are you all right?”

“Candice said what? No, I was definitely not waiting for you; I drove myself here. That should be obvious, since you’re parked next to my Jeep.” I didn’t know what was going on, but I wanted to get out of there and away from him. Now.

“Yeah, but your car isn’t starting. Which is why I’m here.” He said every word slowly, like I was a child or something. “Don’t you remember, Rachel? You called her almost three hours ago, but she was busy, so you told her to call me. Are you feeling okay? Come on, get in the car. I’ll get you back to your room.”

“I am not getting in your car, I’ll drive myself back!” With that I took the last few steps to my car, got in, locked the door, and put the key in the ignition. I turned it but nothing happened. There wasn’t even a click. What had happened to my car? I knew I hadn’t called Candice. And even then, if I’d wanted Blake to pick me up I would have called him myself. Someone tapped on the window and even though I knew who it was, I still jumped.

“Come on, Rach, this is dumb. Just get in the car and I’ll take you back. I’ll get your car towed in a couple hours.”

There was no point in trying to call someone else. It was two in the morning, everyone was asleep, and I definitely couldn’t walk back at this hour. I grimaced and opened the door.

“That’s my girl. Come on, let’s go.” He helped me into his car, then got in beside me. This time he didn’t put his hand on my thigh.

The short drive to the dorm seemed to take forever, and besides his asking me a few times if I was feeling all right, there was no conversation. Blake seemed genuinely concerned about me. Had I called Candice? Did I just forget about everything while I was writing to my parents? Is that why I went in to write to them in the first place? Maybe all the studying mixed with my caffeine high, which was turning into a major crash, had my mind all jumbled. I must have just forgotten. It would have been easy to grab my phone and check the recent call history, but something inside me tightened and I knew it would be the wrong thing to do. We finally reached the dorm, and just like that morning, Blake parked in the lot. Aces.

“Are you sure you’re feeling okay?” he asked for the fifth time since we’d gotten in the car. “You freaked when you saw me.”

“I’m fine, really, don’t worry about me. I probably just forgot and lost track of time in there.” I tried to make my smile convincing; I didn’t want him to walk me to my room. I got out of the car, ducked my head back in to thank him, and saw he was getting out too. Crap.

“You don’t really think I’m going to let you walk up there by yourself, do you?”

“Of course not,” I muttered. “I was just trying to be polite. It’s late and you’ve already been waiting on me for hours . . . apparently.”

He just laughed as he walked toward me, put his arm around my waist, and led me to my room. When we got there he reached out to open the door for me; at least the good-bye would be quick. But my happiness was short-lived; he walked me into the empty room and then turned to shut and lock the door behind us.

“Where’s Candice?” I couldn’t stop my voice from shaking. How weird that just Thursday I’d spent hours alone with him in this room and had felt comfortable and enjoyed my time with him. But now, being in here with him felt . . . wrong.

“She didn’t tell you when you talked? All she told me was she was busy,” he said a little too innocently.

I turned to face the room again to see if her cell was around; if it wasn’t I was going to call her immediately. Before I could find—or hopefully not find—her phone, Blake came up behind me and began kissing the back of my neck.

“Uh, Blake? Can you not do that right now? I need to find out where Candice is.”

Instead of stopping, he turned me around, pushed me up against my wardrobe, and resumed his place on my neck. I tried pushing him back, but it was useless. The guy was a rock and he wasn’t budging.

“She’ll be back when she’s ready to come back,” he breathed between kisses and little bites.

Well, I wasn’t about to wait for that to happen. I wanted him out of my room now. “Okay, I’m really ti—”

He quickly moved up to my lips, shutting me up, and his kisses became rough and possessive. Just as they’d been that morning, only these weren’t lasting three seconds. We were close enough to the door that he reached out to flip off the lights and caught me around my waist again before I could take advantage of the break in his strong hold. He started backing me up toward the bed, and I pushed as hard as I could against the hand holding my head in place. His only response was to push against me harder. My bed was high enough that it hit at the small of my back and helped me stay standing when he tried to push me down. When I didn’t immediately fall onto the bed, he pulled my head back to look at me, giving me the break I needed.

“You need to leave. Now!” My arms had been caught between us, but with the new space I put them against his chest and tried to push him back farther. Instead of moving away, he got a smile that turned my body to ice and my arms to Jell-O. This is what I imagined a crazy person looked like.

“You don’t mean that,” he growled as he pulled my face back to his.

Did he really think I was just playing hard to get? I wanted him off me! He let go of my waist and began searching for the bottom of my shirt, but even though my waist was free I still couldn’t move; I was caught between him and the bed. When he found it he didn’t waste time traveling up to grab my chest. I could feel him getting excited and it made me want to throw up. His lips moved back to my neck.

“Please. Stop.” I hated how small my voice sounded.

“This would be over sooner if you’d just lie down and shut up.”

Grabbing both sides of my waist, he lifted me onto the bed, pushed me down, and climbed on top of me. I tried to tell him to stop again, but nothing was coming out except for my rapid breathing. My body was shaking violently and I was dangerously close to hyperventilating. He bit my bottom lip, causing me to gasp enough that he could slide his tongue into my mouth. Blake’s knees were pinning my legs to the bed and I bucked my hips and pushed against his shoulders, but he still didn’t move. He gathered both my wrists in one hand and pinned them above my head. Tears pricked at the back of my eyes. I tried to move my head to the side so I could scream for help but he moved with me as he thrust his tongue in my mouth over and over again. I froze for all of five seconds before biting down on his tongue as hard as I could. He flew back with a pained cry and I tasted blood in my mouth. I was going to throw up. Before I could scream, his free hand slammed down on my throat and his face was directly above mine again. He growled as his blue eyes turned to ice and he just stared at me as I gasped for air.

“You’re going to regret doing that, sweetheart.” My vision blurred from my tears; the outer edges were turning black as I struggled to stay conscious.

Blake’s breathing deepened and the look that crossed his painfully handsome face terrified me. My mouth opened and shut, but I couldn’t pull in any air and I couldn’t make a sound. My arms gave up their fight seconds before my bucking hips did the same, and soon I could hardly focus on Blake at all. I prayed that someone would come and save me as the hand that had been holding my hands down on the mattress slid down and cupped me through my thin yoga pants.

I felt his hot breath on my ear. “I’ll make sure you never want to fight me again, Rachel.”

The hand that was cupping me went up and slid under my pants and underwear. I tried to roll away but it was taking everything in me to stay awake. Tears spilled over and fell down my cheeks. Just as my mind started shutting down, the hand clasped around my throat was gone and I began gasping for air.

Waves of dizziness washed over me, and the blackness slowly faded away. I heard the distinct sound of his zipper over my gasps and sobs and my head shook slowly back and forth. I felt like I was underwater and couldn’t find my way to the surface. His hand closed around my throat again and I frantically tried to pull in air and claw at his hand, but it was useless. My arms lost function quickly and the edges of my vision were going black again, and I begged the darkness to come quicker when he began moving inside me. I didn’t want to be conscious through what he was doing. I didn’t want to remember this. The sweet numbness began claiming me, and at that moment, the most beautiful sound in the world came from outside the door.

Candice’s voice.

Blake was off the bed and putting himself back in his shorts in seconds while I wildly tried to take in as much oxygen as possible. He roughly pulled my pants up just as the key could be heard in the lock and took the few steps toward the door to flip the light on before coming back to my side. When the door opened, Blake was standing at the side of my bed looking down at me. The light brush of his fingers over my throat and his solid glare were clearly a warning. But I was still on the verge of fainting, now from trying too roughly to inhale.

Candice said good-bye to whomever she’d been talking to as she shut the door. “Oh, hey, cuz! I didn’t mean to—” Blake turned to look at her and Candice’s eyes went wide when she saw me. “Oh my God, Rachel, are you okay?!”

She rushed over to me, but Blake touched her arm and pulled her away. “She was attacked by a couple guys outside Starbucks tonight. She called me about half an hour ago. She’s in shock but she’ll be okay.”

“What?!” Candice screamed, and tears instantly filled her eyes.

What? No. No, no, no. My head shook back and forth as I choked on a sob and my breathing got even faster and heavier. I tried to tell her that was wrong, that he was lying, but all that came out was the ragged sound of my breathing.

I could see Candice and Blake’s mouths moving, but I couldn’t hear anything else. Everything tilted to the side and the blackness came back full force. I reached out for Candice but missed her arm as the dark claimed me.