Forgiving Lies

17

Kash

I FELT NUMB.

Looking down at the solitaire that just that morning I had caught Rachel admiring when she thought I was still asleep, my heart broke even more. It didn’t make sense. Something wasn’t adding up.

“Kash, you’re just going to let her go?” Mason asked incredulously when he found me sitting on the floor, my back up against the front door. “I’ll admit, when you first came back I thought maybe she’d found out you’d been lying. But this? You can’t just let this happen.”

“She left me for him. I don’t know what you expect me to do. She called off the engagement. I—I don’t—I don’t fucking understand.” I rubbed at my aching chest and let my head fall back ’til it hit the door.

“Rachel hates that guy. He raped her!”

I shook my head. “It was all a lie. She’s been lying this whole time. You heard Candice this morning.”

“You and I both know what Candice said was bullshit. You’ve seen Rachel break down! You saw what he did to her emotionally and what his coming around did to her. Something’s not right.”

I agreed on the last part . . . but that was just because I wanted my girl back. I wanted to believe this was all some sick joke. Or a nightmare. I wanted to wake up to Rachel in my arms again, smiling softly as she studied the way the light caught on the diamond on her finger. My vision blurred again and I shut my eyes, letting the tears fall down my face. I didn’t care that Mason could see them; I didn’t care about anything anymore. My reason for living didn’t want me.

“Kash, you can’t—”

“It’s over, Mase. It’s over.” I stood from my spot on the floor and took a few steps toward my room before stopping. Looking down at the ring pinched between my fingers, I felt my heart being ripped out of my chest again. I held my hand out to Mason and had to clear my throat a few times before I could speak. “Do something with this. I don’t want it . . . I can’t keep it.”

“Kash—”

“Take the goddamn ring!”

As soon as it was out of my hand, I stormed into my room and shut the door. I could still smell Rachel in there, and that killed me even more. After stripping the bed, I opened up the windows to air out the room and fell onto the bare mattress. Scenes from that morning flashed through my mind and I groaned as I prayed for sleep to escape this new hell I was in.

I WAS WOKEN up by my cell phone blaring its ringtone and scrambled to answer, thinking it would be Rachel. It wasn’t. After a few clipped sentences with Ryder, I woke Mason and we both changed quickly before rushing to the station for an emergency meeting. Since it was barely after three in the morning, there was an ominous tension in the truck at the possibilities of what this could mean.

Detective Ryder began and the room quieted down. “All right, thank y’all for coming in on short notice. We’ve got something on the Camden case that’s going to help us more than anything has since it was discovered he was in Austin. Seems our man finally slipped up when using Camden’s credit card. He signed a different name on the receipt, and we have him on camera this time. The name he signed matches up with the man we caught on camera.”

Mason and I shared a glance from across the table and you could feel the excited energy flowing through the room. This was big. Every time there’d been a hit on the card, there’d never been anyone to link it to; the bartenders never knew who it belonged to, and the cameras hadn’t caught anyone. And every damn time, Mason and I hadn’t been working.

“This man has lived in every city that the Carnation Murders have taken place in and conveniently moved quickly after. Obviously that’s much too coincidental, and we have reason to believe he stole Camden’s identity and this is our guy. We already have a location on the guy and the takedown to bring him in for questioning will happen at oh five hundred.” Ryder began working his way around the room, passing out pieces of paper with the suspect’s picture on it as he continued speaking.

“Now, he’s only in the system for a bar fight a few years ago, but if this is our guy, he will be armed and is considered extremely dangerous. We will meet behind the Denny’s a couple miles out from his property to suit up and go over the takedown once more. Any questions before we head out?”

“Oh shit,” Mason harshly whispered, “no!”

My brow furrowed as his face went white and I held my hand out to Detective Ryder for my copy of the picture.

As soon as the paper touched my hand, Mason tried to jump over the table and yelled, “Someone grab Kash!”

I’d barely glimpsed at the photo before Mason made it across the table and tackled me out of my chair, restraining me on the floor. But it was enough. I’d already seen. I already knew.

Rachel

“NO!” I CRIED as Blake continued to turn on different TVs and monitors. “What is this, why are you doing this? I’m here! I’m with you, I left Logan, what more do you want?!”

“You did,” he said darkly as he walked back to my side and pulled me into his arms, “but this is assurance that you won’t leave. You should have seen what was on these screens before, sweetheart. I loved watching you in your place.”

It shouldn’t have surprised me, but my eyes still widened and a sick feeling settled deep in my stomach. He has cameras in my apartment? I looked at the screens in front of me now. Candice on a date with Mike. Her parents at the insurance office. Kash and Mason’s apartment door. And I was positive that was the town home we’d helped Eli move into two years ago. How many people did Blake have watching and following the people I loved? Tears streamed down my face and all I could do was shake my head back and forth, my hands covering my trembling mouth.

“Please,” I finally managed to say, “please call them off. Don’t do this. They’re your family, Blake! I’ll do anything, I swear.” Turning in his arms to face him, I pleaded with my eyes. “I’ve already proved that!”

Gripping my chin roughly in his fingers, he leaned over until his face was directly in front of mine. “You’re right. You will do anything. But you’ve already ruined a lot, Rachel. We need to rectify that . . . first.”

“First? I don’t—what?”

“Yes, first. Before we move on to the next . . . step.” His blue eyes took on some weird form of heat that I couldn’t name.

“Well, didn’t I do that by telling Logan I’d lied about you? By having him watch us leave together and telling Candice I was spending the weekend with you?”

“You’re oddly eager to get to that next step, sweetheart.” He smiled, and the arm around my waist tightened.

“If it’ll get you to leave all of them alone, then I’ll do whatever it takes to get to that step!”

“I’m counting on that,” he whispered, and crushed his lips to mine, pushing his tongue into my mouth and growling when he didn’t get the reaction he was looking for. “We’ll work on that. Until you’re convincing enough to fool me, this”—he pointed at the various screens—“is how it’ll be.”

Blake started to unwrap his arms, so I grabbed the back of his neck and brought our mouths back together. I tried to picture Kash as our lips moved against each other and I sucked on his bottom lip. But this wasn’t Kash. Even if there had been a lip ring, or if Blake had been chewing the cinnamon gum that Kash always did, I wouldn’t have been able to make myself believe this was the man I was in love with.

A sob ripped from me and my arms fell limply to my sides. Blake moved his lips to my neck and made a trail to my ear. “While I appreciated that, like I said, we’ll work on it. Now, go get ready for bed, I’ll be back in a minute.” My body went rigid and he laughed soft and low. “I won’t touch you tonight. Now that I have you where I want you, I need you to realize you’re in love with me. Scaring you wouldn’t help with that right now.”

“You are scaring me!” My hand shot out toward the screens. “This—this is terrifying! Everyone I care about is in danger. You blew up George’s car, for shit’s sake! Does it not bother you at all that you’re related to them?”

“For the last damn time, sweetheart,” he sneered, “nothing will happen to them if you do what I say. And the faster you realize you’re mine and you acknowledge and embrace your true feelings for me, the faster my men leave them alone.”

“You can’t just force someone to fall in love with you, Blake.”

He huffed. “I’m not. You are in love with me. You’re just being difficult. Get ready for bed.” With that he turned and left the room.

Tears continued to fall down my cheeks as I went through the motions of getting ready for bed. The entire time I wondered what Kash was doing and if he was okay. My eyes flicked over to my phone thousands of times, but I knew he wouldn’t call. And with what had already happened today and how closely everyone was being watched, I knew I couldn’t call him. Not that calling him would do either of us any good anyway. If anything I would just make things worse. I prayed for the hundredth time that he would someday forgive me.

When I walked back out of the bathroom, Blake was lying in the bed, propped up against the headboard, his upper body bare. I wondered how many women wanted this. How many fantasized about his body against theirs and downtime before or after. I wanted to laugh at how seriously mistaken they all were about this Adonis. No. Not Adonis . . . not anymore. He was the damn devil. Lucifer had been a beautiful angel. And that’s exactly what Blake was. He was beautiful, but something had happened to him and he was now nothing but pure evil.

Forcing myself to climb into bed beside him, I kept myself as close to the edge of the bed as possible and tried not to cry out in protest when he stretched out beside me and pulled me close. My body was shaking so hard, the entire bed was shaking with me. I prayed he’d get tired of it, but he held me closer and began whispering soothing words in my ear. But I knew it was all a lie, and I knew what he was capable of. I stayed awake for hours shaking and silently crying until sleep finally claimed me.

MY EYES FLUTTERED open and I looked around the dark room. The first thing I noticed was the empty bed beside me before I heard my phone vibrating again. Trying to remain quiet, in case Blake was somewhere nearby, I crept back into the bathroom and my heart squeezed when I saw the name on the screen.

“Hello?” I whispered, and peeked behind me into the empty room.

“Rach, oh my God, you need to get out of there! I’m not just—”

“Kash, slow down and talk a little softer. What’s wrong?”

He was breathing heavily and I could hear the rumble of his truck’s engine in the background. “Are you okay? Has he hurt you?”

I wanted to tell him that I was sorry for everything and that I’d lied to him yesterday . . . but I needed to keep up with this pretense to keep him safe. I cleared my throat and tried to sound strong. “Of course he hasn’t. B-Blake wouldn’t do anything to me.”

“Babe, you don’t need to keep lying to me. I’m coming for you. I will keep you safe. Just try to stay safe until we can get there, okay? Rachel, I love you. I love you so much, I need you to know that.”

My heart broke at his frantic declaration, but I didn’t understand. “Who is ‘we,’ Kash? And don’t come here, please don’t. I’m fine, I promise.”

“Is he right there next to you?”

“No.”

He breathed a heavy sigh of relief. “Rach, he’s bad. He’s so much worse than you originally thought. Stay as far from him as you can. If you can escape, I need you to. If not, just stay where you are, I’m coming to get you.”

“Kash, no!” I harshly whispered, and turned again to make sure I was still alone. “Don’t come here, I’m fine. I’m sorry you’re upset that we broke up.” My voice hitched and my eyes began watering. “But you need—you need to move on. I’m so sorry. Wait. How do you even know where I am?”

“How is his house set up, babe? I need your help on this.”

“What?”

“C’mon, Rach. How is it set up, where’s the room that you’re in?”

“Listen to me, you can’t do this! You need to go back home, you’re going to ruin ever—” I cut off and ran into the room to watch the screens. If Kash was coming for me, that meant one of Blake’s guys was following and Blake would know soon. “You need to turn around! Turn around, Kash, please.”

“What room are you in?” he yelled suddenly, startling me and causing me to drop the phone.

I knelt down onto the ground and swiped my hand under the bed until I felt it and pulled it back toward me. “Kash, are you there?”

“This is very important. I need you to tell me exactly how the house is laid out, what room you’re in, and what room Blake is in. Can you do that for me?” His voice was strained and I didn’t understand why he needed to know all this so badly.

“I don’t know where Blake is. Really, this isn’t a house, it’s more like a studio apartment. It’s just one big room with a bathroom, and when I woke up from the phone vibrating, he wasn’t in bed with me any—” I broke off quickly at Kash’s quick intake of breath. I slammed my eyelids shut and wanted to curl up in a corner and die. I wanted to assure him we hadn’t done anything, but what was the point? Forcing my eyes back open, I studied the screens. Almost all were of shots of the Jenkinses’ houses and our apartment complex, focused in on Candice’s and my door and windows. But one was facing a building. I studied the nondescript outer walls for a few moments until I noticed the three cars in front. “Are you or Mason at the police station?”

“Why would you ask that?” His tone was harsh and clipped.

“Um, well, just tell me if you are.”

“No, I’m coming to get you.”

“Where’s Mason?”

He paused for a few beats. “He’s on his way to get you too. Did you—” He inhaled deeply and the pain in his voice when he spoke tore at my heart. “Rachel, did you sleep with him?”

“Kash . . . ,” I whispered softly.

“Please, I need to know.”

I turned to look at the empty room again and hung my head. “No. I’m so sorry for today, Kash. I didn’t want to do that to you, please know that I would never just hurt you like that.” I choked on a sob and pressed a shaking fist over my mouth while I collected myself. I knew I shouldn’t be telling him. But I needed him to know I couldn’t just do this to us, and maybe if he understood he would turn around and go back to his apartment. “Blake has these guys tailing everyone. He’s watching you and Mase; he has someone on Candice, her brother, and their parents . . . I’m so sorry, this is all my fault. He blew up George Jenkins’s car this morning.” I willed him to understand how demented Blake was. “If you do something right now, I don’t know what else he’ll do. I need to do this; I need to be with him. So please, go home.”

His hissed a string of curses away from the phone before asking quickly, “Why did you think we were at the station?”

“On one of the screens, there’s a video, and it looks like he’s sitting outside one. It’s showing a normal building across the street, but there are three APD cruisers in front of it.”

“Thank God. Okay, babe, listen to me. I’m going to call some people so everyone else will be safe in case Blake catches wind of us coming there. But try to keep yourself safe. We’ll be there soon, okay?”

“Kash, please listen to me. It’s not a good i— Oh, shit.”

“What, what?!”

“All the screens just stopped their live feed!” I hissed, and looked wildly around the room as I stood up and backed myself into the corner.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean it’s just a bunch of screens with flowers on them! Oh my God, what if something happens? I won’t even know now. This is my fault.”

“Flowers. Rach, did you say flowers?” I was still chanting over and over again that this was my fault, so he spoke louder, “What flowers, Rachel?!”

“It’s just a bouquet of these flowers.”

“What kind?” I heard his truck accelerate and wanted to know why flowers were so damn important right now when I couldn’t see what was happening to my family!

“Why does—”

“Just tell me!”

“They’re those—I can’t remember what they’re called. They’re white and reddish, pinkish . . .” Dear Lord, is this how people feel on Jeopardy!? “Oh! Carnations!”

“Son of a bitch. Rachel, get the fuck out of the house and run. Baby, do you hear me? Run! I will find you and I will make sure you’re safe. Just get out of the goddamn house!”

“But why?”

“I’ll tell you later, don’t grab anything, just go!”

The fear in his voice finally caught up to me and without another thought, I took off out of the room. The door was already open, and my feet had barely touched the grass outside when I was yanked back by my hair. A cry of pain clawed its way out of my throat and I landed hard on my hip. I searched for my phone in the grass around me but came up empty. I screamed for help as Blake began dragging me back into the house by my hair and prayed that Kash was close.

“I’m disappointed in you, sweetheart.”

“Please, let me go!” I grabbed on to the wrist of the hand that was holding my hair and tried to pull myself closer, but he yanked my hands off and continued dragging me toward the bed.

“You really think I would leave you alone and not be near the door? How stupid do you think I am?” He laughed softly. “I’m not an amateur.”

My mind raced. Amateur?

He tsked softly. “My mother will be so upset when she gets the news. I was this close to letting everyone live to see the morning. For a second there, you almost made me proud with your responses to your little friend.” He yanked harder when we got to the bed. “Get up.”

I did as I was told and the relief of his letting go of my hair was enough to make me sigh.

“Tell me something, sweetheart. Do you want your friends to live?”

“Yes!”

“And you’re willing to do . . . what? To have me call off my boys.”

“Anything! I told you, anything. Just please don’t hurt them, and I need to know before that they’re okay!”

He pulled a remote out of his pocket and instantly the dimly lit bouquet disappeared and the live feed was back on each screen. The one that had been in front of what I’d assumed was the police station was now sitting as a dash cam and the driver was weaving in and out of traffic on the highway.

“Now, lie down. Grab the center bar of the headboard.”

I whimpered as I crawled onto the middle of the bed. I can do this. I can do this. For Kash and the Jenkins family. I can do this.

As soon as I was lying down and holding on, Blake was grabbing handcuffs out of the nightstand and handcuffed my wrists to the wrought-iron headboard.

I can do this. I can do this.

Another set of cuffs went to my left ankle, securing it to the foot of the bed, and the last to my right.

I can’t do this. Holy shit, I can’t do this. My body was trembling by the time Blake stretched his fully clothed body on top of mine and pressed his mouth firmly to my own.

“I waited, Rachel. I waited until you were old enough. I wasted my time looking for girls who came even remotely close to looking like you.” His hand brushed through my hair as he studied it. “Long legs. Long, straight, near-black hair. Eyes the exact color of sapphires.” A heavy sigh left him and his forehead creased. “But none of them were you. None of them had your temper; none of them had your fire for life. So none of them deserved to have your beauty.”

“Like Jenn.” I realized it with dread and watched his face twist with a look of disgust.

“Everything I’ve done up until this point has been for you and our future together. I only wish,” he said against my lips, “that you would stop being so goddamn difficult.” Suddenly he was off me and the bed and rummaging through the nightstand drawer again.

He fastened a gag around my mouth and as soon as I began wondering what kind of sick things Blake really was into, he began pulling knives and different-looking blades out as well. Once everything was sitting on top of the nightstand, he grabbed a pair of keys out of his pocket and unlocked the cabinet door of the nightstand. Standing slowly, I saw the vase of carnations that had been on the screens and he smiled widely at me. Like he was proud of something.

“These are for you, sweetheart, as soon as I finish putting my claim on you and then making you mine. I’ve never forgotten the day you showed up at my door with these.”

My head shook back and forth as I searched every memory I had regarding carnations, but nothing stood out, and Blake roared in frustration as he pulled one flower out and threw the rest of the bouquet against the far wall. The sound of the glass vase shattering filled the open space and he flung the lone flower at my face.

“My Rachel wouldn’t forget that she brought my family a bouquet of carnations this exact color.”

Oh God, I did remember. That had been right after I’d thought I’d fallen in love with him and his grandma had passed. My mom had bought them, but I’d wanted to give them to Mrs. West. I’d completely forgotten about that and that’d been about a dozen years ago. How did he remember that?

Blake laughed sadly and grabbed the carnation that was lying haphazardly on my cheek before trailing it along my face and up my arms. “See, my Rachel wouldn’t have forgotten, but something happened and you changed. You’re no longer my Rachel. And like the other Rachel imposters, you don’t deserve the whole bouquet. You’ll only be needing one, sweetheart.”

What in the actual fuck is wrong with this man?

Kash

I HIT MASON’S name again on my screen and prayed he’d answer the phone this time. “C’mon, c’mon, c’mon.”

Ever since I’d heard Rachel scream, and her phone had gone straight to voice mail when I called back, I’d been calling Mason over and over again. But he hadn’t once answered. I knew I shouldn’t have freaked out in the meeting room. But when you realize the serial killer you’ve been after has your girl with him, all rational thought goes out the window. But I still couldn’t believe Mason of all people had asked them to keep me at the damn station!

“What, Kash?”

“Why the hell haven’t you been answering your phone?”

“We were getting ready for the takedown.” He sounded defeated and after a few seconds he sighed into the phone. “She’s not here, man.”

My blood ran cold. “Yes she is, she has to be. I was just talking to her. Are we sure that’s the correct address?”

“Positive, this is definitely West’s place. But he isn’t here either; we checked all the rooms and there isn’t a sign of him. His Lexus is out front, so he must have another car we don’t know about, or that Explorer that man who was stalking Rachel for him drove is actually Blake’s. But it’s not here.”

“I don’t think it’s Blake’s, Rachel said he has men tailing all of us.”

“You serious?”

“Yeah, man. Even Candice’s family.”

He growled, “That sick fuck. Look, I know we were already pretty sure this would be the Carnation killer, but even if it’s not . . . he needs to go. Every room is full of pictures of Rachel, her schedule, and just random things about her.”

I flipped on my blinker and swerved across a couple lanes to take the exit I was about to miss, earning me a few horns. “You keep talking about multiple rooms. Rachel said where she’s at is practically one big room. Is there a shed or a guesthouse, anything?”

Mason started calling for Ryder away from the phone and after another few seconds, I heard him asking Ryder about other possibilities when something else he’d said occurred to me.

“Mase! Mase, can you hear me?”

“Yeah?”

“You said Blake’s Lexus is there, right?”

A pause and some shuffling. “Positive that’s his, there’s no way I’d forget that car. And it’s parked right out front.”

“Where’s Rachel’s Jeep?”

“I don’t know, man, why?”

“When he came by to get her today, they both took their cars. Find her Jeep, you find Rach.” I looked down at my GPS and let out a deep breath. “I’m not far out, I’ll be there soon.”

“No, Kash. You go back. You’re too close to this case.”

“And you’re not? She’s like your sister!”

“She’s your goddamn fiancée! Turn the fuck around!”

The tires of my truck squealed as I took a corner too quickly. I hoped like hell there were no cops running radar on this road right now—not like I’d stop for them anyway—because I was still ten minutes away if I went the speed limit. But no way was I gonna have the patience to go thirty-five miles per hour when my reason for breathing could have been taking her last. Once my truck straightened out again, I gunned it until I was going eighty-five down the narrow neighborhood roads. “If she dies, and I did nothing, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself, Mason. I’ll be there soon. Look for her Jeep or a guesthouse and call me back if you find them.” Before he could protest further, I hung up and looked wildly around at the thinning houses.

Just as I was coming up on the different squad cars and vans they’d all taken to get there, I caught a glimpse of white to my left and it took everything in me not to slam on my brakes in the middle of the road or turn and drive my truck into the small guesthouse. I’d never been so happy in my life to see a damn Jeep Liberty. I pulled up behind the end of the line of cars and started back down the long dirt driveway on foot as I called Mason again.

“We don’t have anything yet, Kash, we’re working on it.”

“I found her,” I said softly, and walked low to the ground but swiftly. “The property directly next to his on the west has a dirt driveway that heads back to a small guesthouse. Rachel’s Jeep is peeking out of the side. I’m walking up.”

“No, wait for us! We need to think about the best way to go in there first, and besides, you don’t have on a vest or anything—did they even give you your gun back?”

“Mason, the last thing I heard from her was her screaming before the call was lost. I’m not waiting another minute. Either get your ass over here with me, or I’m going in alone!” I hissed, and continued making my way up the drive.

“Shit! Ryder, Mackey, Barnes, come with me now.” I could hear the wind in the phone and Mason’s breathing pick up. “We went out the back, we’re coming. Where exactly are— Never mind, I see you. Just stay there.”

I shoved my phone in my pocket and kept going. I wasn’t stopping yet; I was barely halfway there. By the time the guys made it over to me, no one looked exactly happy to see me, especially Ryder. But Mason’s anger was fighting with his fear for Rachel, and right now I couldn’t figure out which one was winning.

Detective Ryder cleared his throat until I focused on him. “Mason said she screamed. And then what happened?”

“The call was dropped. She had been trying to make a run for it. This is our guy; I know it is. She said in the room there are screens and on them are live feeds coming from different men watching people closest to her. While we were talking, the feed stopped and all that was on the screen was a bouquet of carnations.” I began moving toward the house, but Ryder put a hand on my chest and stopped me.

“We’ll take it from here.”

I swallowed hard and shook my head. “With all due respect, sir, there isn’t a chance in hell you are stopping me from getting my girl out of that house. If I lose my job over this, so be it. But she’s my world, and the only reason she’s in here is because I fucked up and didn’t do my job in protecting her.” I pushed past his hand, only to stop again when Mason held something in front of me.

A gun.

Good thing, because I hadn’t ever gotten mine back at the station. I looked at my best friend, and with a nod, he pulled out his second duty weapon and we quickly moved in on the house. All the curtains were closed, and as the five of us quickly set up to kick in the door, muffled screams came from somewhere in the house and Mason didn’t waste another second.

The door went in easily, and I rounded the frame followed by the others.

“Austin Police Department,” I yelled as I charged into the open room, “show me your hands!”

“Travis County sheriff, drop your weapon!”

My blood boiled as my eyes narrowed in on Blake leaning over Rachel’s body on the bed. He straightened on his knees and slowly lifted his hands in the air, a scalpel in one hand and what looked like a sickle in the other.

A disturbed smile covered his face as we closed in on him. He looked completely at peace, even with five guns pointing at him. I chanced a glance at Rachel and it took me a moment to realize that the roar that filled the room had come from me. She had blood covering her bare upper body and running down her arms, which were cuffed to the bed. I automatically took a step in her direction before I could remember the safest way to go about this for her—to keep my eyes and weapon on the shitbag still straddling her knees.

“Drop your weapons,” I said through gritted teeth, and forced my eyes not to move from Blake’s hands. I wanted nothing more than to keep my gun aimed right at his head, but training took over and I put it at his chest instead. My finger itched to move closer to the trigger. Mason was right. I was too close to this and I wasn’t thinking clearly. But I couldn’t have left someone else to save Rachel.

Blake started lowering his body over Rachel again.

“Freeze or I will shoot you!”

“You really don’t want to do that,” he said calmly.

Want to fuckin’ bet?

“If my men don’t hear from me every fifteen minutes, they have orders to kill. Since I was listening to Rachel during your touching phone call earlier . . . I know you know who will die. So you decide. Shoot me or arrest me and have the deaths of Rachel’s loved ones on your hands . . . or let me go and we can hope you can get an ambulance out here fast enough so that our poor Rachel doesn’t bleed out.”

My eyes betrayed me and flashed back over to Rachel, running over her blood-covered body. There was a lot of blood, and she was pale and drenched in sweat. I prayed one of the guys was calling in an ambulance; I didn’t even have a radio on me and wasn’t about to reach for my phone. Just before I looked back over at Blake, I caught her gaze and wished I hadn’t. She wasn’t even looking at the man practically lying on top of her with knives. She was looking at me as tears poured rapidly down her face. And it was a look I’d been dreading for months. Like she had no idea who I was.

I could hear the other sheriffs and detectives trying to get Blake to put down the knives, but I couldn’t stop looking at her. I had failed her. And I hated myself for it. When I came to Austin, I’d had one job to do: find the Carnation Killer before he found another victim. When I met Rachel, I was given a new job: love her and keep her safe. Not only had I let her go with the killer I was supposed to find, I’d kept a part of my life from her to keep her safe, and in doing that had ultimately put this look in her eyes. This look of distrust mixed in with the fear. My chest ached and I prayed that one day she would understand why I’d kept all of this from her.

Tearing my eyes from her, I leveled my gaze back at Blake. He was still ignoring orders and was looking directly at me with the same smile he’d had when we’d first walked in. Detective Ryder switched out his gun for his Taser next to me and gave final warnings. At the last moment, Blake raised his hands up high, the sickle and scalpel hanging directly above Rachel dangling from his fingertips. I knew if he got tased or shot, those would fall down, and I had no doubt the sickle positioned directly over her throat would do serious damage.

Before anyone could act, I quickly holstered my weapon and threw myself over the bed at him. I knocked into him and we went flying over the other side of the bed; the sound of metal hitting hardwood had never been so beautiful as it was then. I heard the guys moving in behind me, and though Blake didn’t even attempt to struggle against me, I couldn’t stop myself from punching him over and over again until Mackey and Barnes were pulling me away and Ryder was rolling Blake over to cuff him.

Turning around, I found Mason taking the gag off Rachel and I pushed his hands away, taking over for him. “Get the cuffs, Mase.” Running my hands down her tear-streaked face, my heart broke when her eyes met mine. She was looking at me, but she wasn’t seeing me. There was nothing in those beautiful blue eyes. No pain. No fear. No betrayal. No love. They were empty and were looking right through me. “I’m so sorry, Rach. I’m sorry. We got you, baby. You’re safe now.”

I kissed the top of her head and looked down at the rest of her body. There was so much blood and her skin was turning an unnatural gray. I couldn’t tell if the blood was coming from multiple wounds but ripped my shirt off to press down on her stomach, where some was still pooling out.

“We need an ambulance here.”

“Already on the way. Dispatched one right before we caught up with you,” Mackey said as he emerged from the bathroom with towels. He and Mason wrapped them around her arms.

Keeping my shirt pressed firmly to her stomach, I took one of the towels and began gently wiping where more blood was coming from her chest. Lifting the towel to make sure I was over the wound, I saw what looked like a word carved into her chest before blood was pooling out of it again. I pressed down harder and whispered over and over again how sorry I was as I searched the rest of her body to see if we were missing anything. Just before Barnes announced the ambulance was here, Rachel’s body started gently shaking, then full-on convulsing.

“She’s going into shock,” Mason breathed. “Get EMTs in here, now!”

“Come on, babe, stay with us. Keep your eyes open, Rachel. I need you to stay awake, okay?” Her chapped lips were a chalky white and her eyes rolled back; fat tears were falling down her face and into her hair. “Stay awake, Rachel!” I felt someone pushing me back, and when I tore my eyes from her I saw three EMTs with a stretcher.

As they worked over her and loaded her onto the stretcher, Mason was handing me my blood-soaked shirt and pushing me out of the house. “They’ll take care of her, but we’re in the way, Kash. Let’s go.”

“I can’t leave her.”

“I know you don’t want to, but we still have a job to do. The faster we start taking care of this, the sooner you can be with Rachel.”

This was a case going back years, and investigations on this man went back months. No way this could be over quick enough. They’d just have to come find me in Rachel’s hospital room. She was my priority.

We’d just reached Detective Ryder when Rachel was wheeled past us, and both he and Mason had to keep an arm on me to keep me from going after her.

“We’ll get you out of here soon enough, Hendricks. I know you want to be with her.”

Need. Need to. I turned and my mouth popped open. “Who the fuck gave him a phone?!”

Mason’s head snapped to the right to see what I was looking at, and we both took off for the squad car Blake was in the back of. The back door was wide open; his hands were cuffed behind his back and a phone was between his shoulder and cheek.

“He’s calling off his men,” Mackey explained when we reached him. “I’m listening to the call, he’s doing as he’s been told.” Grabbing the phone when Blake looked up at him, he put it in an evidence bag and stepped to the back of the car.

“Why are you smiling, dipshit? You’re going down for three murders and an attempted murder.” Mason was gripping the top of the door tightly as he stared over it and at Blake.

His shit-eating grin just got bigger.

“For those three girls, I will make sure you rot until you die. But for Rachel, I will make sure every one of those days you are suffering more than any of them ever had to,” I promised, and stepped back to let Mason shut the door.

Blake’s smile somehow broadened even more. “Such harsh and unnecessary words. Too bad that won’t be happening.”

I heard the distant crack a split second after Blake’s head flew back and blood sprayed me. Mason and I turned as yells that there was a shooter went through the scene. Another two shots and Mason hit the car before sliding to the ground. I’d barely registered he’d been hit when I felt the pain tearing through my body. My knees gave out, and as one arm struggled to keep me up, my other hand pulled away from my bare chest, which was covered in blood. The last thing I saw was Mason checking his bulletproof vest and reaching for me.