Forgiving Lies

16

Rachel

“WHY ARE YOU leaving so early?” Candice unwrapped her hair from the towel and vigorously rubbed at it before tossing the towel back into her room. “Or are you going to meet up with your man before class?”

I’d stayed with Kash last night and had only come back to change. “No, I’m, uh— Candice . . . I decided I’m going to withdraw from my courses.”

She froze midstep; her gaze was one of complete shock. “What?! Why?”

I’d been worrying over whether or not I should tell her all night. I hadn’t slept at all because I was so stressed about what was happening and over the fact that my best friend wouldn’t believe me, and I still didn’t know if telling her was the right decision. “Blake has been—”

“Oh my God, Rachel. Again? Seriously?”

“Candice, he’s been breaking into our apartment!”

She rolled her green eyes and shook her head at me. “I swear to God, it’s like I don’t know you these last few months! First you accuse my cousin of rape, then you meet and get engaged to a guy that you just met, and now you’re saying my cousin is breaking into our apartment when he doesn’t even know where we live? Classy, Rach. You’ve turned into a real bitch.”

I bent forward and exhaled roughly, as if she’d actually punched me. “Candice.”

“And you know what pisses me off more? The fact that throughout all of this, all of this lying to me, all of this acting like you’re so in love with Kash and like you’re some fucking victim . . . you’re still dating Blake!”

“Whoa, what?! I—no! Where did you hear that?”

“He hates that you treat him like crap at school and that you’re hiding your relationship with him. He showed me all of your texts to him.”

I shook my head furiously and attempted to swallow past the dryness in my throat. “I haven’t texted him since our dates at the end of last school year, Candice, I swear to you.”

“I’m so done with this, Rachel. I’ve been waiting for you to just come clean to me, but for whatever reason, our friendship doesn’t mean anything to you anymore. But if you’re actually going to go through with this marriage to Kash, at least be respectful to my cousin and break it off with him. Nicely.”

“Our friendship doesn’t mean anything to me?! You’re the one who won’t believe me and you’re the only family I have left!”

She snorted and whirled around with her hand on the door. “And another thing. I’d love to know how you’ve been going between school, work, Kash, and Blake without Kash or me noticing. Share your secrets sometime, it could really come in handy for me, seeing as I’m the slut and all.”

The door to her bedroom slammed shut and I stood there unmoving, just staring as I tried to comprehend what the hell had just happened. How had this happened? How had he not only hurt me but hurt my relationship with Candice as well? I hated Blake West with every fiber of my being, and I hated what he’d done to my life.

When I could finally make myself move again, I turned and jolted when I saw Kash and Mason standing at the door.

Kash moved toward me and pulled me into his arms. “I’m sorry, Rach.”

“How long were you standing there?”

“We just opened the door, but we could hear her from the breezeway.”

I nodded against his chest and my body shook on a sigh. “I swear I’m not seeing Bla—”

“Don’t. I know you’re not, babe.”

“Kash,” Mason called from the door. “We need to go.”

He released his hold on me and shot Mason a look before grabbing the back of my neck and kissing my forehead. “Wait for me to get back from doing inventory with Mase, I’ll go with you to drop your classes.”

I needed to get these classes dropped before things got too busy on campus, and there was no way I was waiting until next week to do it. “I’m fine, I’ll just go get it done and come back here to wait for you.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

After another hard kiss he let me go. “We’ll be back soon.”

I forced myself to my car and over to campus. The woman in administration eyed me curiously before giving me a look that clearly said I’d just made her Friday morning awful. It took all of five minutes, and I wanted to let her know she should try smiling instead . . . but I couldn’t even force a smile on my face at the moment. So, I just thanked her, left her presence as quickly as possible, and headed toward my car.

I was less than a row away when he grabbed my arm and dug his fingers right into a pressure point. “I would love to know why my cousin is beginning to question me.”

“Let go of me or I’ll scream.”

“Scream and I’ll kill someone you love.”

I turned to finally look up at Blake’s cold blue eyes. “W-what did you say?”

“Exactly what you thought you heard. Now, let’s go.”

I dug my feet into the ground and tried to walk toward my car. “No! Let me go.”

“For shit’s sake, Rachel,” he growled, and leaned close so it looked like we were hugging, “don’t be difficult or I’ll make good on my promise.” From the tone of his voice, I had no doubt he would.

“Please, just let me go home, how did you even know I was here?”

Blake blew out an annoyed breath and dug his fingers into the pressure point harder before walking us toward his car. “Candice called me this morning screaming at me. Demanding to know what I did that would make you go drop all of your classes today. I was already on campus, so I’ve just been waiting for you.”

Wait. Does that mean she believed me? Hope and an ache for the friendship Candice and I had always had blossomed in my chest but was quickly replaced by fear when Blake put me in his car and lifted his shirt just enough to show me the gun holstered to his hip.

“Run, Rachel. I dare you.”

MY CHEST TIGHTENED and I choked on a sob. “No.” My horrified whisper was barely audible as I looked at the screen in my hands. “No, God. Please, no!”

“Now, Rachel . . . are you going to be difficult again?”

I cried out and gripped the iPad tighter, letting my fingers trail over the video feed. Shaking my head quickly, my legs gave out and I landed on the hardwood floor of Blake’s studio apartment with a dull thud. “What—what do you want from me?”

“You, Rachel. Just you.”

“You’re sick, Blake.”

Grabbing a good amount of my hair in his hands, he yanked back and a cry of pain left my chest as I fell from a sitting position to my back. “I’m going to pretend like you didn’t say that. You’re mine, and someday soon you’ll understand that.” He took the iPad from my shaky hands and zoomed in on the house of the people I loved. “If not, I can promise you they won’t be the only people you lose. Just think, sweetheart, if it was this easy to get close to them, how easy do you think it’ll be to get to Candice, or your precious boyfriend?”

“You can’t do this to them! They’re your family, how could you—how would you be able to live with yourself? What did I do to deserve any of this? You raped me and harassed me! Why?! All because I didn’t want to be with you?”

How a guy like Blake West could turn into a monster of this magnitude just floored me. He gripped my jaw hard and crushed his mouth to mine. I’d kissed him before, and I hadn’t felt anything. But after this, I felt like I needed to scrub everywhere he’d touched me and brush my teeth until I no longer could taste him.

“You. Are. Mine.” With that he released his grip and my head smacked against the floor. He straightened and pulled his phone out of his pocket. In seconds the person answered the phone. “Can you please show my guest that I’m not fucking around with this?” It sounded like more of a demand than a question, and as soon as his phone was back in his pocket, he was on the ground with me, pulling me up so I was sitting in between his legs, my back against his chest. Both his legs wrapped around mine, pinning them to the ground, and he maneuvered his arms so I couldn’t move mine, all while he held the iPad up in front of us.

I wanted to squeeze my eyes shut, but I couldn’t stop looking. It was like watching a train wreck, although nothing was happening on the screen. It was still just the video feed of the Jenkinses’ house. Same as it had been for the last few minutes since he’d pulled it out. My breathing escalated as I continued to stare. Seconds felt like hours as I waited for something to happen. All of a sudden the silver Audi’s alarm started going off in the driveway and I shook my head, trying to figure out what this proved. “No!” I screamed as Candice’s dad walked outside, looking at his car, then around the street for whatever had made the alarm start. “George, no! Please go back inside. He’s your uncle, Blake!” I stared in horror as he made his way down the long walkway. Halfway to the driveway his car exploded and I screamed again, thrashing against Blake as I watched George fly backward a few feet before landing on the grass. “George!”

“He’ll be fine, sweetheart.” Blake set down the iPad to better contain me and his lips were at my ear. “I want you to be a good girl and do exactly as I tell you. Or next time, he won’t be walking away.”

“Anything!” I promised, and craned my neck to look down at the screen to see George rolling over and getting up on his hands and knees as he looked toward the burning mass in his driveway. “Anything, I swear! Just please don’t hurt him!”

“Smart girl.”

“What do you need me to do?”

Once again his lips were on my neck before brushing against the lobe of my ear. “Be mine.”

I HAD TO take deep, calming breaths before I could even open the door of my car. It felt like there was a weight on my chest, threatening to crush down, breaking my heart even more than it already was.

I’d called Kash, asking him to meet me outside of a coffee shop. I needed to do this in public, not just because I knew Blake was watching, but because if I went back to one of our apartments, I didn’t think I’d be able to handle not being able to fall into his arms and tell him everything. I knew he would help if I told him what was going on, but I needed to keep Candice and her parents safe and alive. Just the same as I had to do for Kash.

He stood from where he’d been sitting at one of the outdoor tables and his wide smile had the weight on my chest pressing down. I couldn’t do this, I couldn’t crush him this way. Tears pricked the back of my eyes and I blinked quickly, trying to hold them off. Turning my head so I wouldn’t see his face, I saw where Blake was parked, watching. Just as he said he would.

“Hey, did you get all your classes dropped?” Kash started to pull me into his arms, but I put my hands against his chest and pushed back. “Rach, what’s wrong?”

“We, uh—we n-need to . . . we need to talk, Logan.”

His head jerked back, and while he let me push him back, he kept his hands on my upper arms. His brow wrinkled as his eyes searched my face.

“Um . . .”

“Rachel, what is going on? Talk to me. Did something happen with Candice? With Blake?”

I inhaled sharply but shook my head and tried to put more distance between us; his hands kept me where I was. “No. Nothing about them.” It had everything to do with them. “Look, Logan—”

“Why the fuck are you calling me Logan right now?”

“I’m sorry, so sorry to be doing this to you . . .” A short sob rose from my throat and I tried to hold it together as I removed my hands from his chest and grabbed my engagement ring, tugging it slowly off my finger.

Kash’s eyes went wide and his face fell. “Rachel,” he whispered, and the tears that had been threatening their release finally spilled down my cheeks at the heartbreak in that one word.

“. . . but I can’t marry you.”

“What?”

“I don’t love you, Logan.”

He took a stumbling step away from me and another sob tore through me as I held the ring up to him. “You’re—you’re lying.” His eyes turned glassy and I had to look down at my feet. “Why are you doing this?”

“Please, Logan, don’t make this harder than it has to be. Just take the ring back. I don’t want it, I don’t want you.” I cried the last words and took a step toward him, pushing the ring against his chest.

His hand came up to wrap around mine, but I dropped the ring into his palm and jerked my hand away. “Babe, you—I don’t—just yesterday you begged me to go elope! If this is because I said no, babe, we’ll do it. Whatever you want, we’ll do it. If you don’t want the wedding with your friends and Candice’s family, I’ll marry you today. But I don’t understand! We were fine when I left with Mase a couple hours ago, and now you want to call off our engagement?”

My vision started blurring and it had nothing to do with the tears that wouldn’t stop. I thought about George’s car exploding right before my eyes. I thought about Blake’s threats to kill his aunt and uncle first. I worked at breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth as I turned and began walking away.

“Rachel!” He grabbed my hand and I whirled on him, my voice rising in my near-hysteria.

“I don’t want you, Logan! I’ve never wanted you! Can’t you understand that? You were fun. That’s it. You were dangerous, and new, and it was what I needed at the time. But all you’re good for is a good time. I’m sorry I got caught up in the whole marriage thing, but at least I’m doing this before we go through with it!”

He recoiled like I’d slapped him and dropped my hand. A single tear fell down his cheek and he shook his head slowly back and forth as he continued to retreat from me.

Everything in me screamed to run into his arms, to take back all I’d said. But I needed to keep the only family I had left safe. And though he might never understand it, I needed to keep Kash safe too. Forcing myself away, I put my head down and walked quickly to my car. As soon as I was in, the roar of his motorcycle starting up and speeding out of the parking lot had the weight finally crashing in on me and I slumped against the steering wheel as sobs overtook my body.

I was still sitting in the parking lot an hour later. My sobs had run their course, and all that was left was a steady stream of tears. I felt hollow. It didn’t matter that I had just broken his heart or that I’d done it for him. I would never again get to enjoy being in his arms, feeling his lips on mine, or waking up with his tattooed arm curled tight around my waist. Knowing I’d just lost the most important person in my life had shattered me, and I didn’t know how to begin to cope with that.

My phone chimed and I frantically looked through my purse, praying it was Kash.

BLAKE:

You’re done being upset about this, sweetheart. Now, go back to your apartment and pack a bag before Candice gets back. You’re staying with me this weekend.

I hate you.

BLAKE:

We’ll work on that.

BLAKE:

Drive. Now.

Dropping my phone in one of my cup holders, I slowly went through the process of putting on my seat belt, cranking the engine, and backing out of my parking space. My tears never stopped, and a few times I had trouble seeing the road, but ten minutes later I was pulling into the complex. My breath caught when I saw Kash’s motorcycle and truck there. He was home. Would he try to talk to me? Hope blossomed in my chest and I prayed that he would, that he would demand to know what had changed in me all of a sudden.

I’d barely pulled into my spot when my phone was chiming again.

BLAKE:

My guy is trailing Candice’s parents right now. Don’t even think about it.

What the hell? How can he even possibly know what I’m thinking? Blake had followed me as far as the street I lived off of, and then turned around. I quickly looked around until my eyes fell on a green Explorer. So this is the man that has been watching me? Wiping hastily at my cheeks, I took three deep breaths and got out of my car, giving Blake’s creepy guy my best glare before heading to my apartment.

While I knew I needed to keep Kash away, it still hurt that he didn’t once come by while I was in there packing. I knew he knew I was there. The fact that Mason was standing at their window shooting daggers at me when I let myself into our unit left no doubt that Kash knew.

Just as I was pulling my duffel bag into the living room, a knock came from the door and I shot toward it. Opening it wide, a small sound of surprise escaped my mouth and I instinctively began to shut the door when I saw Blake was standing there. His hand held the door open and his eyes narrowed as he felt the pressure.

“If you make this look like anything other than me taking my girl for a weekend with me, you won’t like the consequences.”

I immediately stopped pushing and stood aside as he walked in. My shoulders hunched and as soon as the door was shut, I shakily asked, “Are they still okay? Candice’s parents, they’re still okay . . . right?” I wanted to ask about Eli, but he hadn’t mentioned him today, and I was afraid if I brought him up, it would give Blake a reason to have someone follow him.

“For now. Write a note to Candice saying you’ll be back Monday. And for God’s sake, Rachel, hurry the fuck up. You wasted enough time, she’s already on her way back here.”

My hand froze from searching for paper and a pen in one of the kitchen drawers, and I slowly looked up at him. “H-how do you know that?”

Blake smirked. “You really thought I only had someone trailing her parents and you, sweetheart? That’s cute.” He huffed, “Hurry.”

“How do you even have these people, Blake? These guys working for you, ready to—ready to . . . You’re a monster, do you realize that? You’re doing all of this for me, but you’ll never have me! Why don’t you get that?!”

He stalked toward me and pulled me away from the counter, shoving me roughly against the refrigerator. With one hand clasping both of mine in front of me and the other arm pressed hard against my chest, he looked straight into my eyes for tense, silent moments before letting go and finding a pen and paper himself. Laying them on the counter in front of him, he leaned casually against it and read every word I wrote to Candice.

When he was satisfied, he grabbed one of my hands and led me toward my bag, which I’d dropped in the living room on my way to answer the door. After he picked it up and pulled the strap over his shoulder, he yanked me toward him, his lips going to my neck, then my ear.

“It’s a safe bet we’ll have an audience, since the cousin saw me walk in here. When we leave, you will have your arm around me and you will lean into me. You won’t look scared or upset, and if anyone approaches you, you won’t say anything. Understand, Rachel?”

I sighed in defeat, and my head shook once before he grabbed my chin roughly. It was already sore from the numerous times he’d done it that morning, and I knew I would have bruises there soon.

“Unless you want another show like you got this morning”—he paused and smiled when I inhaled audibly—“you will tell me you understand and you will make this look believable.” Blake kissed me deceptively softly and murmured against my lips, “Go on, sweetheart; say it again. I know you’re thinking it. I’m a monster.” He kissed me again once, then brushed his lips across mine, his grip on my chin never loosening. “But like I said, we’ll work on your feelings. Now, do as I said.”

I nodded and blinked back tears. I was shaking so hard, I didn’t know how I was still standing. But figuring Blake would be upset, or just carry me out of there if I fell to the ground like my legs were threatening to make me do, I took another deep breath in and resolved to do this for the Jenkinses and Kash.

We walked outside, and Blake kept one hand on my hip as I turned to lock the door. When I faced forward, he pulled me close to his side with his arm now hanging over my shoulders, and it was then I heard the door across from ours open. Kash stepped out, his eyes glassy and red, his jaw tight as he mashed his lips together. My heart ached something fierce, but I forced my arm around Blake’s waist and let my weight fall into his side.

Just as Blake started walking us toward the parking lot, I heard Kash’s strained voice. “What the fuck did you do to her? She hates you, she’s terrified of you! What did you do to her?”

Blake didn’t stop walking me, and in an effort to not turn and look back at the man I loved, I dropped my gaze down and a shaky sigh left me.

“Rachel, what does he have on you? I know you, you wouldn’t just choose this.”

“If he doesn’t shut up soon, I’ll make sure he is shut up,” Blake whispered, and continued to walk.

“I will find out,” Kash said in a low growl. “And if you hurt her, so help me God, Blake West, I will end. Your. Life.”

“Rachel,” Blake said, warning me.

I turned, and though it killed me, I looked up at Kash’s murderous expression. “Lo—” Clearing my throat, I tried again. “Logan, don’t you see? I lied to you.”

“Babe—”

“I’m sorry this isn’t what you want—”

“Not what I want? Rachel, he’s been stalking you!”

I shook my head and Blake’s grip on my shoulder got painful. “He wasn’t,” I whispered, “I’ve been seeing Blake for months, Logan. I never stopped seeing him.” He opened his mouth again and I shook my head quickly. “Just stop. Kash, please understand . . . please,” I begged. I needed to cut this relationship now. Give him a clean break. But part of me couldn’t stand to see him hurt. Couldn’t stand knowing he thought I’d really left him for Blake.

My eyes pleaded with him to understand what was happening, and when his head shook at my last sentence, Blake’s grip tightened even more and he swung us back around toward the cars.

“You’re done talking,” Blake said, and led me to my car. “Just in case you feel like doing anything else that would piss me off . . .” He grabbed my purse and duffel bag and put them in his own car. I knew letting me drive myself was a test, so I forced myself not to consider driving to a police station instead. Acting on that fantasy would only hurt everyone. Not allowing myself to look at Kash one last time, I put my car in reverse and followed Blake back to his place.