More Than a Kiss

Operation Meltdown, Phase One

What with all the hoopla about Operation Meltdown, Jordan had almost forgotten she had a date with Amy. That is until she saw Amy walk in the door of the theatre. Jordan inhaled sharply. Amy absolutely took her breath away. Normally, not being able to breathe was a bad thing. This time, however, it felt great.

Jordan rushed up to Amy’s side and took her hand. She said in an avalanche of words, “You look great. I’m so glad you could make it. It’s going to be exciting. You smell good.”

Amy blushed. “Thanks. You’re not so bad yourself.”

Jordan glanced at two older women that were standing behind Amy. She escorted Amy away from the women, whispering in her ear, “Don’t look now, but there are two dykes behind you. I think they’re checking you out.”

Amy turned to look, but Jordan whispered harshly, “Don’t look! They’ll know we’re talking about them.”

Amy snapped back to attention. Jordan oh-so-discreetly led Amy even further away. The two women followed close behind. Way too close. Jordan decided she had had enough. She couldn’t tolerate stalking any more. She turned to the two women and with her hands on her hips, summoned her most authoritative voice. “Listen, you two. Back off. This is my date. She doesn’t want anything to do with you, Capice? So you can take your little stalker eyes and your little stalker ears and go stalk someone else. Capice?” Jordan threw the Italian lingo in there twice. She wanted to make sure they knew she meant business. And maybe they would think she had some Mafia connections.

“Ooooh, I like you,” one of the women said.

The other woman agreed, “So tough and strong. Like an Amazon warrior.”

Jordan took a threatening step in closer to the women, intending to throw them out the front door, but Amy stopped her. “Jordan, I would like you to meet my mother, Claire, and her friend, Lillian.”

Jordan blinked, then looked sheepishly at the ground. “Sorry. I just thought…”

“Oh, don’t worry about it,” Claire said.

“It was very chivalrous,” Lillian agreed. “So, are you a lesbian, too?”

“Of course she’s a lesbian. She’s dating my daughter, isn’t she?” Claire said.

Lillian shrugged. “You never know. I dated a lesbian once and didn’t know it.”

“How could you not know it?”

“It was dark and she had a mustache.”

Claire nodded. “Did you ever see Yentl?”

“Oh, I would date Barbra in a heart beat,” Lillian said.

Claire shook her head. “I don’t know. Those fingernails are scary.”

Jordan looked at Amy. She was still flabbergasted and didn’t know what to say.

Amy apologized, “Sorry about this. I don’t always take my mother on my dates. I just didn’t know how to tell her no. I hope you don’t mind.”

“The more the merrier,” Jordan said. “Anyway, I have my roommates with me. I hope that’s cool.”

The four of them walked through the double doors and into the small ninety-nine-seat auditorium. Claire and Lillian gasped at the same time. “Oh my!” Claire said. “Just look at all the lesbians!”

Lillian said, “When did lesbianism become so popular?”

“Where have all the lesbians been hiding?”

Amy butted in, “Um, Mom? Lillian? Do you all mind keep your voices down? Maybe not embarrassing me?”

Claire whispered, “Good idea. I don’t want to get you kicked out of the lesbo club, dear.” She then said to Lillian, “This is the first time she’s shown an interest in any club. Even in high school she was a loner.”

Jordan guided them to the last row of seats. Amy and Jordan sat. Claire and Lillian sat in the row directly in front of them.

Claire said, “Let’s pretend to be lesbians together, Lillian. It will make us fit in.”

“When in Rome,” Lillian said. She then turned to Amy and Jordan and asked, “What do lesbians do at the theatre?”

“Hold hands,” Jordan said.

Claire and Lillian held hands and turned back to the front.

“Sorry,” Amy mouthed.

The lights began to lower and everybody crowded into the chairs.