More Than a Kiss

Indy 500

Isabel was driving her Jeep Cherokee with Jeremy riding shotgun. Amy sat in the back seat with Chad’s passed-out head in her lap. Amy couldn’t believe this was happening, although she had to admit that this was far more exciting than the evening Chad originally had planned.

Isabel had the accelerator mashed to the floor and weaved in and out of traffic with a steady hand. Jeremy and Amy held their breath each time Isabel cut in front of another car.

“Did anybody turn off the stove?” Isabel asked, not slowing through a yellow light.

“Shit,” Jeremy said. He sat up straighter. “Did anybody catch the lobster?”

“Shit,” said Isabel, taking the corner on two wheels.

“So we have an open gas flame and a killer lobster on the loose in our house?” Jeremy said. “Could this day get any more weird?”

“I’mmalesbian,” Amy blurted. Wowzer. She didn’t know that was going to pop out. The words were out of her mouth before the thought was even formed. Or maybe the thought had been formed for a long time and it escaped her head once her guard was down.

Isabel looked at Amy quizzically in the rear view mirror. Jeremy turned in his seat and looked her up and down before turning back around. Finally he said, “Well, that answers a lot of questions.”

“It does? Like what?” Amy asked.

Jeremy shrugged. “Why you were kissing that hottie in the paper. Why you hate Chad.”

Isabel laid on her horn and swerved around an old man walking his dog across a crosswalk. “Is it because of Chad?” Isabel asked. “Because that’s a little extreme, isn’t it? You don’t have to change your sexual orientation just to make him go away.”

“No,” Amy said. “It’s not because of Chad. And in my own defense, plenty of women hate Chad and they’re not all lesbians.”

“True, true,” Jeremy said.

Isabel careened around a corner without touching the brakes. She gunned the engine up to the emergency room, leaving twin skid marks in front of the double doors.

“If this cooking thing doesn’t work out, you might consider race car driving,” Jeremy said.

“Yeah, who knew I had a natural talent?” Isabel said.

“I’ll be right back, don’t try to move him yourself,” Jeremy said. He baled out of the Jeep and sprinted inside the emergency room to gather a gurney crew. After a moment, Veronica and Valerie ran outside. Amy opened her door and once the twins saw Chad passed out on Amy’s lap, Valerie said, “This was a little over the top, wasn’t it?”

Veronica continued, “Yeah. You didn’t have to try and kill him.”

“I didn’t do this!” Amy protested. “A lobster did it.”

“Well,” Valerie said, “You get an A plus for creative excuses. I don’t know if a jury will buy it, though.”

“If I were you,” Veronica said, “I would have cut off his penis. But a finger is good, too.”

Amy handed Veronica the finger in the baggie, saying, “Just take this. Make sure it gets to wherever the rest of him is going.”

Jeremy rolled a gurney up to the Jeep. It took two EMTs to load Chad onto the stretcher.

As they rolled the stretcher into the hospital, Chad awoke and started screaming. Amy, Isabel and Jeremy all watched Chad being wheeled away until they could no longer hear his screams.

“Do you think they’ll be able to reattach it?” Isabel asked.

Jeremy shrugged. “Who knows? We might be calling him Dr. Stumpy from now on.”

Isabel giggled. Jeremy joined in. Their laughter was infectious and soon Amy was laughing, too.