More Than a Kiss

That’s Amore

In the cafeteria there was an ominous silence when Amy walked in. It was reminiscent of the banana-peel incident. She glanced around but saw nothing out of the ordinary until Jeremy took her by the arm.

“If you would just follow me this way, Madame,” he said.

“What’s going on?” she asked, stumbling along beside him. “What’s this about?”

“You’ll see,” Jeremy answered.

She allowed herself to be led her to a table where Chad was sitting with his dimple on display. The cafeteria table was covered with a red-and-white checkered cloth. A lit candle sat in the middle along with a vase containing a single red rose.

She looked at Jeremy and tried to telepathically send him a thought message: Help. Get me out of here.

But Jeremy only smiled and gestured elegantly at the empty chair.

It occurred to Amy at this moment that she’d been leaving her roommates out of the loop. Jeremy hadn’t a clue that Amy was in love with Jordan. She hadn’t told Isabel either. She liked to think it was an oversight on her part but perhaps not. After coming out to her mother and being in the newspaper kissing another woman, Amy had figured it was now de rigueur that she was gay and everyone knew it. Wrong. It figured that the people closest to her were the ones she was going to have to spell it out for.

“Jeremy, what’s going on here?”

“Only the biggest, baddest booty call ever. Chad is major courting you. The dude’s got a bad case of the ‘love me tenders.’” Jeremy said. He cocked his head and his Adam’s apple twitched. He appeared to be moved.

Amy felt certain she was going puke. “Please tell me this isn’t happening.”

Chad stood, put his hand over his heart and began to sing in an off-key baritone about the moon and pizza pie and amore.

When he finished, Jeremy pulled out a chair for her to sit. Chad whipped the lid off a serving dish, exclaiming, “As the Italians say, mangiare mangiare, amore.”

“Pizza,” Jeremy said. Like she couldn’t see that for herself. “How do you say pizza in Italian?”

“I think it’s pizza,” Chad answered.

“I am not doing this,” Amy said.

“Just sit and we’ll have a nice meal,” Chad said, beginning to get nervous. The whole cafeteria watched - everyone painfully aware of a man pleading his case for the woman he loved.

Amy sat. But only because she didn’t want to cause a big scene in the middle of the cafeteria.

“You can go now, Jeremy. Thanks,” Amy said, giving him the I-will-deal-with-you-later look.

Jeremy fist-bumped Chad. “Good luck, dude.”

Amy smiled at their audience who now went back to stuffing their mouths, trying not to look like they weren’t engaged in group-stare.

Chad reached across the table and took her hand. In return, she grasped his pinky and bent it backwards. He squeaked.

“Listen to me you ignorant fuck,” Amy said harshly, “if you ever pull a stunt like this again I will personally castrate you. You will have one less ball than Mr. Bolster. I don’t want to have any sort of a relationship with you ever. Do you understand?”

Chad’s red face bobbed up and down. Amy got up and slammed her chair back under the table. She turned to leave and that was when she saw Jordan. She was standing in the middle of the cafeteria watching the scene with Chad. Confusion and hurt were etched across her face.

Amy grabbed Jordan’s hand and dragged her out of the cafeteria. She threw open the first door she saw, a linen supply closet, and stepped inside. She turned on the light and faced Jordan.

Amy said, “Take me to lunch. I have to get out of here.”

“That’s why I dropped by. To apologize for the fiasco last night. For threatening to beat up your mother. For the lesbian on stilts not being funny. I wanted to make it up to you by taking you out to lunch. I should’ve called first. I wasn’t stalking you. It probably looks like I was, but in reality I wasn’t.”

“Stop talking,” Amy said.

“Why?”

“So I can kiss you.”

Amy threw her arms around Jordan’s neck and kissed her. And when an orderly opened the door, goggled at them a full minute before grabbing a stack of linens and then shutting the door, neither woman noticed.