Shut Out

Chapter fourteen

On Thursday, I was taking my fifteen-minute break on the sofa in the back room of the library, eating an apple and reading, when Cash walked in. I kept my eyes on the page as heat crept up my neck. I'd been trying to avoid him since our shift started — it was almost impossible to look at him after that dream I'd had a couple nights earlier.

"Hey, Lissa," he said, sitting down on the other side of the couch. "What are you reading?"

I didn't answer, just lifted my book a few inches so he could see the title.

"H. P. Lovecraft's short stories," he said. "Nice. I didn't know you were into sci-fi."

I nodded. "Sometimes. I try to read every genre."

"Cool. Have you gotten around to Lysistrata yet?"

"No," I said, flipping the page. "Sorry. I wanted to finish this collection first."

"All right," Cash said, sounding a little disappointed. "I'm just curious to see what you think about it."

"I'll let you know."

"Okay."

I peeked over the top of my book and watched as Cash unwrapped a Snickers bar. He was just wearing a maroon T-shirt and faded blue jeans, but he still looked amazing. Feeling guilty for ogling him, I hurriedly turned my attention back to the book. Don't think about him, I told myself, keeping my eyes trained on the page as I picked up my red pen. Don't think about him…. Just keep reading….

"Lissa," Cash said slowly, drawing out the A at the end of my name. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but… Did you just mark a typo in your book?"

I bit my lip. "No. Of course not. Why would you say that?"

"Because you just marked something on the page with a red ink pen — like the ones teachers use to check papers."

"No, I didn't."

"Lissa."

"What?" I asked, ducking my head. "You're imagining things."

"Let me see," he said, not bothering to hide his laughter. "I don't believe you."

"Cash, stop it!" I cried. He was already leaning over me, pulling the book gently from my hands. I tugged back, and we wrestled over it for a few minutes. Then Cash poked me in the side and I let out a burst of laughter. In my momentary distraction, he swiped the book from me.

"Cash," I whined.

He shook his head, staring at page 124. "I can't believe it! You

circled a misspelling. And you keep a red pen on you whenever you read?"

I ducked my head again and didn't answer. Cash was sitting very close to me, his shoulder leaning against mine, our fingers nearly touching where we both held the book. My heart raced — from struggling to get the book back or his proximity, I wasn't sure which.

Cash started flipping through the pages. "Damn," he said. "This thing is covered in red."

"It's a newer edition," I said, yanking the book back toward me. "It happens sometimes."

"You should be a copy editor," he said, letting go of the book. "I think you'd be good at it."

"Maybe," I muttered. Honestly, correcting spelling and punctuation errors for a living was more than a little appealing to me.

He leaned away from me and settled into his side of the couch again. "So," he asked, smirking, "were you born this neurotic, or did it develop over time?"

"I actually took a class. Anal-Retentive 101." Cash laughed, and I smiled back, shaking my head. "No. It, um, started after my mother died."

Cash's face fell. "Oh, shit. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. You don't have to talk about it if you — "

"It's fine," I said, realizing as I said it that it was true. "It was a long time ago. But after the accident, I just got so freaked out, so scared of something else bad happening, that I wanted to be in control of everything. That started with me being bossy and then

the counting started, and that spawned a whole slew of idiosyncrasies. It's silly, I know, but — "

"It's not silly," he said. "What's silly is my deep-seated and unreasonable fear of fish."

I frowned. "Fish? Like food?"

"No, that doesn't bother me so much. Fish that are alive. I can't swim in lakes or rivers or anything besides a swimming pool because I'm always convinced the fish are swimming all over me… all slimy and… ugh."

I laughed, and Cash smiled.

"We all have our quirks," he said. "This is yours. You wouldn't be you without it."

"Thanks," I said, looking away, feeling embarrassed.

"All of that said," he continued, and when I turned back to face him I realized he'd leaned close again. We weren't touching, but he was definitely crossing the personal-bubble line. "I do think you should loosen up every once in a while. For your own sake."

"Easier said than done."

"I know."

He was so close, and his green eyes were looking right into mine. In that moment, I felt anything but uptight. I was completely relaxed. Completely comfortable.

Too comfortable, I realized, as the break room door swung open and I jumped away from him.

"Lissa," Jenna said from the doorway, "your break ended almost a minute ago. Come on, I can't have you slacking off when you're on the clock."

"Right," I said, scrambling to my feet. "Sorry. I'll get back to work."

"Good," she said. "There are some magazines that need to be reorganized. And when you're done with that, can you put away the books I just checked back in?"

I nodded, and Jenna walked away.

"My guess," Cash said, smiling up at me, "is that she was just born that way."

"Yeah, probably," I said quickly, grabbing my book and tossing my apple into the trash. "See you, Cash."

I forced myself to think of Randy while I worked in the magazine room. Despite our current issues, I had a great boyfriend. One who didn't deserve a girlfriend with a wandering eye. Or mind.

But Homecoming was the next night, and I was determined to have a good time with my friends and my boyfriend and no Cash interfering with my thoughts.