Shut Out

Chapter twenty-two

The third slumber party was held that Saturday night at Kelsey's house. A few girls made excuses not to come because, well, they couldn't stand Kelsey and didn't want to be anywhere near her "fortress of evil." But I managed to convince Chloe not to bail, and we headed over together at around eight.

By that point, I wasn't getting nearly so anxious about the slumber parties. I'd gotten to know all the girls pretty well, and I was even getting used to the crowded bedrooms. That night, I was actually looking forward to the sleepover.

Turns out, Kelsey probably should have been throwing the slumber parties all along. Her place was huge. Especially her bedroom. It was as big as my living room and featured a giant wall-to-wall window looking out over her backyard, where there was an Olympic-size swimming pool and a swing set — the latter, I'm guessing, belonged to Kelsey's little brothers.

"Rich bitch," Chloe muttered when we walked into the room.

"Be nice," I hissed. Part of me wanted to tell her what Kelsey had told me in my kitchen — that she only hated Chloe because she was jealous. But Kelsey wouldn't want her to know that, so I kept my mouth shut. Maybe they'd be happier hating each other, anyway. It kept both of them from getting bored.

We took our places on a small love seat across from Kelsey's bed. Kelsey had just run down to let in a few more girls, but we'd arrived a little early, so hardly anyone was there yet.

"Why does anyone need a bedroom this big?" Chloe asked. "Seriously."

"I don't know, but I'm not complaining. We won't be so crammed in tonight. Please be nice, okay? I really don't want her to kick you out, and you know she'll be on the lookout for any excuse to do it."

Chloe sighed dramatically. "Fine. I'll be on my best behavior."

"Thank you."

Just then, Kelsey walked back into the room with Ellen, Susan, Mary, and a few of the soccer players' girlfriends. "Take a seat wherever you're comfortable," Kelsey said. "Just don't make a mess."

"She treats us like we're five," Chloe growled.

"I do the same thing," I reminded her in a whisper. "And you don't complain."

"Yeah, but I like you. That's the difference."

I nudged her foot with mine and she fell silent.

Ten minutes later the rest of the girls had arrived, and Kelsey was playing hostess, passing around a plate of mini-cupcakes and retrieving extra pillows for people to sit on. It was a side of her I'd never seen, and it amused me. I think Chloe was getting a kick out of it, too, because she kept glancing at me and giggling between cupcakes.

"So let's get started," Kelsey said after the cupcakes had been passed around. She sat on her bed and crossed her legs. "What's on the agenda for tonight?"

"Dude, it's a slumber party, not a student council meeting," Chloe said.

"But we usually do have something planned to talk about," Susan argued, stretching out on her stomach on the floor. "The first week it was funny stories about making the boys miserable. Last week it was Lissa's virginity."

"That sounds so awkward when you say it out loud," Ellen joked.

"We could tell funny stories again."

"Yeah, that could be fun."

I nodded at the suggestions tossed out by a few of the girls. This time, though, I wouldn't be sharing. Catching your boyfriend cheating on you at Homecoming isn't that funny, really.

Apparently Mary was thinking the same thing, because she asked, "Does anyone have stories, though? I don't, really."

"Yeah, me neither."

"Not me."

Chloe and I exchanged a "the ship is sinking" look, and across the room, I could see a crestfallen expression on Kelsey's face. She must have had high hopes for the first slumber party she hosted. I felt bad, but I didn't know what to do. I started feeling nervous, that out-of-control feeling I got when I didn't have a plan or a routine to follow, and I had the sudden urge to declare a game of hide-and-seek, the way I had at Ellen's twelfth birthday

party when things had started going wrong. Somehow, I didn't think that would work this time.

"Hey," someone said from across the room, "why are the boys outside?"

"What?"

Everyone scrambled across the room to look out the window, saving me the effort of finding something for us to do. I leaned against the sill, wedged between Chloe and Ellen, and looked down at Kelsey's swimming pool, where a group of boys huddled, as if making a plan before a football play.

"What are they doing?" Kelsey asked.

No one had a chance to hypothesize before we got our answer. The huddle broke and one by one the boys approached the edge of the pool. We were only on the second floor, so I could make out the faces of the boys — especially when they started looking up at Kelsey's window, where I was sure they could see all of us gawking down at them.

The group was a mix of football and soccer players. I could see Shane, and Susan's boyfriend, Luther, from where I stood. A second later I identified Kelsey's boyfriend, Terry, and then there was Adam. I counted seventeen boys total, including the boyfriends of each of the girls attending the slumber party. No Randy in sight, though.

But, in the back of the group, grinning up at me, was Cash.

"Oh, no," I murmured.

"What the hell is going on?" Chloe asked.

I thought I knew, but I didn't answer. I didn't know how to answer.

On the ground, Cash gave a signal, and the guys all lined up by the pool. In unison, they stripped off their shirts and tossed them onto the grass. An audible sigh — like the ones you hear on a sitcom that is "filmed in front of a live studio audience" — filled the room. It was almost funny, really. Such a strong reaction to a bunch of shirtless boys.

Not that I was judging. I mean, these were some of the most athletic boys in school, which meant they had some of the best bodies. It was like a museum of muscled arms and six-pack abs on Kelsey's lawn. And, naturally, I caught myself staring at Cash. It was the first time I'd seen him shirtless, and even from a distance — wow.

This was not going to help that whole sexual-tension issue at work.

He gave another signal and the boys slid out of their jeans. I felt myself blush and almost looked away before realizing they were all wearing swimming trunks beneath their clothes.

"Oh my God," I heard Kelsey whisper. "We've got to get them out of here. If my parents see this…" But she didn't move away from the window.

Stripped down to their trunks, the boys began jumping into Kelsey's pool. It was nearing the end of September, but the weather was still nice enough to allow for good swimming conditions. The boys bobbed and splashed around the pool, looking up every few minutes, occasionally waving or calling out to us to come join them.

"Maybe we should — " Susan began.

"No," I said quickly. "No, no, no. This is just their way of

messing with us. They get half-naked and wet and think that'll be enough to make us give up the strike. Well, it won't work."

"You sure about that?" Chloe asked, cocking her head to the side and clearly ogling Shane, who'd just cannonballed into the pool. "You have to admit these boys are pretty fine, Lissa. This was a good move…. I think I want to go swimming."

"Yeah," a few other girls said. "Me, too."

"It doesn't mean anything has to happen."

"We don't have to do anything — just swim. We weren't doing anything fun in here anyway, right?"

"No!" I cried again. Quickly, I began shoving the girls away from the window. Violent protests met my efforts, but I pushed them anyway. "We go down there, and they make another move," I said. "This is war, and that's a trap." A good one, I added mentally, focusing all of my energy on not turning to look out the window again to stare at Cash.

"I know you all want to go down there," I said. "But the rivalry isn't over. The boys will just use this to coerce us into breaking our oath. You don't want that, do you?"

But no one answered; they all just kept gazing outside.

Mary gave me a look and hurried to the opposite end of the window to help. For a tiny girl, she could put up a fight. Together we managed to shove all the frustrated girls back, and then Mary immediately closed the blinds.

The girls grumbled and went back to their original seats on Kelsey's bed and floor. Outside, the sounds of the boys calling us back, imploring us to come down and join them, could still be heard.

"This is such a farce," I muttered to Mary. I felt like I was in the middle of a scene from a teen comedy. I was half expecting an epic action montage of boys trying to get our attention, set to Blondie's "One Way or Another," to follow this ridiculous moment in my life.

"Hey," Kelsey said, tapping me on the shoulder and whispering into my ear so the others didn't hear, "I'm going downstairs to make the guys leave before my parents come home and flip their shit."

"Oh, no, you don't," I said quickly. "Don't think — "

"Lissa," she said, shaking her head. "Believe me, you don't have to worry about me being tempted."

I frowned at her, but I knew she was right. If there was anyone I could trust here, it was Kelsey. Now, that was a crazy thought, but it was true. She'd admitted to me that she didn't really enjoy sex, so why would she be tempted to break the oath? I nodded and she edged out the door quietly while I got the others' attention.

"Okay, all of you, listen," I said. "The boys are getting organized now. You saw that. They're fighting back because they want sex. The rivalry isn't over, but they want the strike to end. Things are about to get harder for us."

Mary giggled at me. "You sound like an army commander."

"You should see her play hide-and-seek," Ellen joked.

"Focus," I snapped. God, I really did sound like I was in the military. But it was necessary now, wasn't it? By making himself the leader of the boys' side, Cash had pretty much turned this into a war. If the boys had tactics, we needed ways to combat them.

"So what do we do?" Ellen asked.

"We've got to turn the tables," I answered. "Fight fire with fire. They want to get half-naked and seduce us? I say we do the same. Push them a little, make them want us. They're guys. They'll crack before we do."

"I thought we weren't going to be teases," Chloe said. "That's what you said at the first meeting."

"That was before the boys decided to make this a fight. They gave us no choice," I argued. "I'm not suggesting anything extreme — just wearing shirts that are a little lower-cut than normal, or showing a little leg. That's all it will take."

"That actually sounds kind of fun," Ellen said, grinning. "I have a new dress I've been dying for an excuse to wear. Maybe my date tomorrow night is just the occasion."

A few other girls smiled and whooped in agreement, planning out their methods of temptation.

After the chatter died down, Susan sighed and glanced at the closed blinds over the window. "I just feel so… dirty. Like, I don't know. Right now, I feel like such a perv."

"Me, too," Ellen said. "God, I never thought I'd miss fooling around this much. It's so embarrassing."

"Why?" Chloe asked. "Because the boys got you all hot and bothered?"

Ellen shrugged, not looking at her.

Chloe sighed. "Okay, I don't get you guys. Maybe I'm, like, a bad example of the female race or something, but what is so wrong with thinking about sex? So the fuck what? Guys do it."

"That's because they're guys," Ellen said. "It's normal for them."

"So if it's okay for them, why do girls have to feel dirty when they think about it?" Chloe demanded. She looked over at me for help, but all I could do was shrug. Clearly, I was just as much in the dark as the others. Only Chloe seemed to know what she was doing here.

"Look. This is stupid," she said. "We live in a supposedly equal society, so what's the big deal? I'm not ashamed to think about sex. Or talk about it. Or have it."

"Yeah, and look at the way people talk about you." Kelsey was standing in the doorway of her bedroom, arms crossed over her chest. I hadn't even heard her come back upstairs.

"I'm not sorry for who I am," Chloe said flatly.

Kelsey's arms dropped to her sides, and she stepped into the room. "Then you're lucky, because not all of us can say that."

We locked eyes for a second before she looked at the other girls.

"I don't like sex," Kelsey said, shrugging. "I used to think that made me weird. Or that if I told anyone, they'd make fun of me or call me a lesbian or something. I'm not; I just don't enjoy it. But if we're being all open and honest… Chloe's comfortable with who she is, and Mary and Lissa came clean, so it's my turn."

Chloe stared at Kelsey in awe. I wondered if she was in shock, hearing from someone who didn't enjoy sex. But she said, "Did you just kind of give me a compliment?"

"Don't get used to it."

"I refuse to go down on Luther," Susan said. Everyone turned to look at her, but she just tossed her dark braids over one shoulder. "What? Something about it just freaks me out. There are some places mouths just aren't meant to go, you know?"

"That's the only thing I'll do with my boyfriend," someone said from the back of the room. "To me, that's less scary than going all the way."

I smiled to myself. Mary and I weren't the only virgins in the room — and I hadn't been the only one keeping my lack of experience quiet. It made me feel better, knowing I wasn't alone, but realizing this also made me kind of sad. Why had I been afraid to admit I was a virgin? Why was anyone?

"So, like, do you hate sex with everyone, or just with Terry?" Chloe asked Kelsey.

"I don't hate it. I just don't really enjoy it."

"Okay, but that didn't answer my question. Is it bad with everyone, or just Terry?"

Kelsey shifted uneasily. "Not that it's any of your business, but I've only ever been with Terry, so…"

"So he probably just sucks in bed."

"Chloe," I chided. "Be nice."

"What?" she asked. "A lot of teenage boys suck. Believe me, I know. But Kelsey should be thrilled. This means there's hope for her yet."

"Unless I stay with Terry," Kelsey replied pointedly.

Chloe scoffed. "Please. High school sweethearts don't last forever — and if they do, they end up miserable and start having affairs early. Ask my dad."

"Hey, Kelsey, do you fake it?" Ellen said, changing the subject. Thank God. "Like… orgasms?"

Kelsey turned even redder. "Yes. Why?"

"Because I have a few times, too," Ellen admitted. "Not always, but Adam gets defensive if he thinks I'm not enjoying it, so… But anyway, I don't think it's that uncommon, actually. I learned how to fake it because of that Meg Ryan scene in When Harry Met Sally."

"When Harry met who?"

"It's an old eighties movie," Ellen said, shrugging. "I saw it on VH1."

"I can honestly say I have never faked it," Chloe said, grinning. "Of course, I'm a bitch, so if I can't get off, I just let the guy know how lame he is."

"And that," Susan chirped, "is why Rod Copland went from a stud to a cracked-out emo kid. Chloe salted his game."

"Hey, honesty's the best policy," Chloe said.

Susan looked a little embarrassed. "Yeah… honesty. I kind of suck at that. I told Luther he was my first even though I hooked up with a guy in my brother's frat last year, before we started dating."

"So he thought you were a virgin?" I asked.

Susan nodded, looking a little ashamed.

"Couldn't he, like, tell, though?" Kelsey asked.

"Not really," Susan said sheepishly. "It was his first time, so he didn't exactly know what he was looking for… if you know what I mean."

"But why would you lie?" Mary asked.

"I didn't want him to be embarrassed. Like, I didn't want him to feel bad because I'd done it and he hadn't. Besides, would you be very proud of hooking up with a skeezy frat boy at a costume party?"

"Depends," Chloe said. "If he had a cool costume — "

"He was dressed as SpongeBob," Susan admitted.

"Ugh. Okay, yeah. I'd lie, too."

The chatter bubbled over as everyone began swapping experiences and theories and philosophies concerning sex. I was so fascinated by everyone's different takes on the subject that I forgot to be embarrassed. Maybe if we'd discussed this sooner, I wouldn't have been so afraid to admit I was a virgin. Maybe the others wouldn't have given Mary such a hard time about it at our first meeting.

I turned and locked eyes with Mary. She was smiling at me, and I knew she was thinking the same thing. She wasn't weird at all. None of us were.

"It's so screwed up, the standards," Kelsey said abruptly, tossing a pillow toward the ground. "You should like it, but you shouldn't like it too much or talk about how much you like it. You should do it, but you shouldn't do it with too many people or talk about how much you're doing it. It's like there are so many rules, but none of them make sense."

"Then maybe we should make up our own rules?" Mary suggested nervously. "Like… change the game, you know?"

"I think that's what we're doing now," Chloe said. "Just by having this conversation. The other rules can go screw themselves."

"Wow, Chloe," Ellen said. "That is so deep."

"I know, right? I should be a freaking philosopher or something."

I stretched out on my stomach, elbows pressed into the carpet and chin resting in my hands. "I like it. The rules can go screw themselves. It ought to be our group motto."

"Oh my God." Mary giggled. "We need T-shirts."

As the room erupted into chatter again, I realized just how happy I was that I'd started the strike. Sure, it had started because of the sports feud, but now it was about so much more. It was about independence and confidence and breaking free of stereotypes and labels. Now, win or lose, I had these girls — these friends — who'd proven to me that there was no such thing as normal, and that I had nothing to be ashamed of. Even if the boys won, I'd gotten something out of this strike. Something important.

Not that the boys had a chance in hell of winning. I was personally going to make sure that didn't happen.