Shut Out

Chapter five

The next morning, eleven of Hamilton High's female students received an e-mail instructing them to meet in the library during their lunch period. Nine of the girls were dating football players. One had slept with most of the team. And the eleventh girl, a junior named Ellen Brennan, was the longtime girlfriend of the captain of the soccer team… and she was also my ex–best friend.

The e-mail directed each of the girls to take a seat at the round table in the back corner of the library, where they would be given details on a plan to end the fall sports rivalry that had plagued Hamilton High for far too long.

And you know who sent that e-mail?

Me.

"I don't see why you had to send me an e-mail," Chloe said, leaning her seat back and propping her feet up on the table. She had on really cute white sandals, and her toenails were painted bright red. "You could have just called me."

I put a hand on the back of her chair and pushed it forward. Her feet slid off the table as she let the chair's front legs hit the floor again. "I thought a group e-mail seemed more official," I said. "And it's so much more orderly."

"You're so freaking neurotic." Chloe ran her fingers through her brown corkscrew curls. I knew she hated them; they were apparently a pain in the ass to manage. But they just looked so adorable on her. "And I don't get why you won't tell me about this plan of yours."

"You'll find out soon," I told her, tapping my fingers on the table in front of me and checking the clock. "Where is everyone? Lunch started two minutes ago. It can't just be us."

"Did you really expect everyone to show?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because everyone else has to hate this just as much as I do," I said, crossing my arms. "I can't be the only one sick of this stupid fight."

"I'm sure you're not," Chloe said. "But you're the only one crazy and controlling enough to think you can do shit about it."

Just then, the library doors opened and a group of three girls walked in, all carrying sack lunches. It took them only a second to locate the table I'd specified in the e-mail, and they took their seats across from Chloe and me.

"Hey, Lissa," they each said in turn.

I nodded in welcome.

They ignored Chloe completely.

She ignored them right back.

"So what's this about again?" Kelsey Foagler asked, twirling a strand of her blond hair around a long manicured finger.

"I have a plan to end the rivalry," I told her.

"Oh, right. That's adorable." It was her MO to sound incredibly insincere.

"Um, thanks?"

The doors opened again and a few more girls trickled in with their lunches, taking the remaining places around the table. I smiled at Chloe, realizing that my plan might actually work. Only four more girls had to show up before I'd have everyone from the e-mail list. She just rolled her eyes at me.

One by one, the last batch of girls came through the library doors.

Ellen was the last to walk in, and I admit, I was shocked she'd decided to come. I'd added her to the e-mail list more on a hopeful whim than with actual faith that she'd show. We hadn't spoken in a year, yet here she was, taking the seat beside me and giving me a smile like nothing had changed. But Ellen had always been a better, more forgiving person than I was.

"Hey," I said nervously. "Um, it's nice to see you."

"You, too."

Across the table, Kelsey was giving her a less-than-welcoming stare, reserved especially for girlfriends of soccer players. I couldn't help cringing. Tensions from the feud had seeped into the lives of the girls, too. That had been what pulled Ellen and me apart last year.

The table was full of chatter. I cleared my throat a couple of times, trying to get their attention, but no one seemed to hear me.

"Hey, bitches, shut up and let Lissa talk!" Chloe shouted, and everyone fell silent. Man, sometimes I wished I had her

nerve. At least, I did until I noticed Mrs. Hillman, the librarian, shooting us a disapproving glare. Oops.

I cleared my throat again. "Hi, everyone," I began. "So I just wanted to talk to you all about the boys' sports feud. I think it's gotten way out of hand. People are getting hurt, and it's been causing problems in my relationship. I'm sure you are all in similar situations."

"Yep," Susan Port huffed. "After Luther's tires were slashed last week, he completely skipped our date on my birthday so he could go have his ‘baby' fixed."

"At least your boyfriend didn't have a busted lip and black eye in your homecoming photos last year," Kelsey grumbled.

A general murmur of agreement bubbled around the table.

"Exactly," I said. "We're all neglected during the autumn because of the rivalry. So, naturally, we should try to put a stop to it, right? Isn't that what all of you want?"

Another murmur of agreement.

"That would be nice," Kelsey said, "in theory. But in reality, what can we really do to end it? Nothing. Those oafs won't stop clubbing one another on the heads until they graduate or go so brain-dead they forget who to hit."

"Shut up, Kelsey, and just give Lissa a chance," Chloe snapped.

Kelsey mocked surprise. "Oh my God, Chloe can speak? I thought her mouth only worked for sucking dicks. It's a miracle."

"I'll show you a miracle, you little — "

I grabbed Chloe by her T-shirt and yanked her back down into her seat. "Both of you, please be civil," I advised.

Kelsey sat back down, growling to herself.

"Anyway," I said, "I have to disagree with Kelsey. I think I've finally figured out what we can do to end this once and for all."

"Nuke the locker room?"

"Seriously?"

"Can we just get the soccer program canceled?"

"How would we do that?"

"Give her a chance to explain," Chloe said loudly just as a wave of anxiety washed over me. Too many voices talking over one another. She winked and nodded for me to continue. She knew me too well.

"So you all want to stop the fighting," I said. "That's good. I'm glad we're on the same page. The fact is that we've all tried everything we could think of on our own. We've begged, pleaded, and fought, and it hasn't done a thing. We can't control them. So the important thing here is to get control of the situation — we need power. And clearly, we haven't been able to get that on our own. That's why I called this meeting. Because together, I believe we can get power over at least one of the sides. And with that power, we can manipulate this war however we want."

"How many times did you rehearse this speech?" Kelsey asked.

I ignored her, picking up my pen and twisting the cap back and forth under the table. No way was I telling her that I'd practiced this in front of the mirror… twice.

"Okay, so the thing is to get control of our boys, and to do it all together, as a unified force," I continued. "Because when it was just football versus soccer, it was a stalemate and a

never-ending cycle. But add in an extra party — the girls — and it's possible to totally upend the balance. Finding our leverage is the hard part, and like you, I didn't think it was possible. I thought we were all just screwed. But last night, I figured it out. I know exactly how we can get control of the boys and end this war for good."

"Out with it already," Chloe urged.

I grinned. "It's the one thing they could never say no to. The one thing they beg and plead and cajole for. Up until now, I didn't realize we could use it to our advantage. But last night, I realized that it's our best shot." I paused, took a breath. "We go on… a sex strike!"

And… silence.

Dead silence.

For at least forty-three seconds.

As I might have predicted, Chloe was the first one to share her opinion, and in typical Chloe fashion, she shared loudly.

"Are you out of your fucking mind?"

The table rumbled with uneasy disapproval, triggered by Chloe's protest. I took a deep breath, twisting the pen cap faster and faster. I had to pull them in. I had to get them back in my court — to show them that this was the best option.

"Think about it," I pressed, my voice raised. "Boys only want one thing. They're all horndogs. If there's anything we can use to get power, it's sex. Specifically, denying it."

"You might be right," Chloe said. "But you're forgetting one key factor here. Won't we be denying ourselves, too?"

Kelsey rolled her eyes. "Jesus, Chloe. You're such a whore."

"Fuck you," Chloe snapped. "I know for a fact that you screwed Terry on your first date. Don't act so high and mighty."

"Guys," I said, a little panicked. "Fighting among ourselves won't solve anything. We're here to create peace, remember?"

Kelsey shot Chloe one more evil glare before leaning back in her seat and folding her arms over her chest, her bottom lip poked out like a pouting five-year-old.

"Look," I said. "You all agreed you wanted to end this stupid war, right? And this is the way to do it. We make them want us, then refuse to give them what they want. Once they realize we're not giving in, they'll be like putty in our hands. And that's when we spring this on them. They have to call off the rivalry before we'll touch them. I bet they'll cave within two weeks."

Somehow, I could feel Ellen's eyes on me. I smiled, trying not to look uncomfortable.

"Is that, you know, ethical?" Susan asked. "I want the rivalry to end and all, but sex as a weapon feels a little sketchy. I think there have been whole Dr. Phil episodes about it."

"Oh, come on," Chloe said. "Every girl has a prerogative to say no. There's no reason not to exercise that right… even in large groups. Besides, Dr. Phil's a quack."

"Susan, you pay a freshman girl to do your English papers," Kelsey said. "Are you really the one to question ethics?"

"Hey, I'm busy. I have basketball practice. No time to read The Great Gatsby or whatever. Plus, I pay her. That makes it ethical."

"This is ethical," I said, hoping to get them back on track. "We're not really using sex as a weapon — we're just choosing not

to partake until the rivalry ends. We're not manipulating them or anything. We're… boycotting."

"Well, it is a good plan," Susan said. "I mean, it will probably work."

"I don't know." Mary Grisham's voice was barely loud enough for me to hear over the flutter of whispers at the table. She was a tiny junior with huge blue eyes and dark chocolate–colored hair. I looked at her, smiling, urging her to continue. She shifted nervously in her seat and said a little louder, "I, um… I can't really do anything," she said. "Finn and I aren't sleeping together, so I don't — "

"Seriously?" Chloe said, gawking. "You and Finn have been together for, like, nine months, right? And you haven't even gotten it on once?"

Mary shook her head.

"Is he, like, gay?" Chloe asked.

"Just because they haven't slept together yet doesn't make either of them gay." It came out sounding harsher than I meant it. I glanced at Mary again, then addressed the rest of the table. "I'm sure some of the rest of you are in the same boat, right?"

More silence.

I had to stop counting after ten seconds. I just didn't get it. These were the same girls who called Chloe a whore for having too much sex. I could see their eyes on Mary. See the mocking or disapproving expressions. Like her virginity was a bad thing.

"Well, thank you for being honest," I told Mary as her cheeks turned redder and redder. "It's cool that you're waiting. I know a lot of girls lie about it, so I respect your honesty."

"You're welcome," Mary mumbled.

"Oh, honey." Chloe sighed. "That's cute, but you don't know what you're missing."

I elbowed Chloe in the ribs and said loudly to Mary, "But you can still participate. Just don't do other stuff. Don't, um… Don't go down on him or touch his…" I felt like my face was on fire. I took a deep breath and forced myself to keep going. "No hand jobs. Or anything he might enjoy too much. If kissing is all you do, don't make out with him. You'll find a way. You don't have to be having sex to make it work. Trust me."

"But won't they get mad?" one of the girls asked.

"Yeah, they will. And then won't they cheat on us?"

"I don't want that."

"I do. Then maybe I'll finally be off the hook for kissing that kid from Oak Hill."

"Stop, stop, stop," Chloe said over the growing wave of panicked voices. "Look, maybe I'm not an expert, since I'm not in a relationship or whatever, but is this really something you're worried about? If so, that is seriously fucked up."

"Girls like you are the reason we have to worry," Kelsey muttered.

Chloe turned an icy glare on her. "Despite what you think of me, I've never slept with another girl's boyfriend. And I would never sleep with Terry — whiny ass-kissers aren't my type." She looked at the rest of the girls again. "Seriously, if the bastards cheat on you, then they don't deserve you anyway. If that's a legit fear, then you probably shouldn't be with them to begin with."

"Lissa," Susan said, "what about you? Aren't you afraid Randy will cheat if you do this?"

"No," I said. Though I think I sounded a little more certain than I felt. "I'm not. He loves me. Something like this won't change that. Besides, this will help the boys in the long run, too. They're victims here. But unless we do something, something to force them out of the war, they'll never end it. This is our best option, and a good boyfriend won't hold the no-sex thing against you."

"Seriously," Chloe said. "I mean, I like sex probably about as much as any boy does, and even I know a little bit of abstinence isn't something to end a relationship over. That'd be pretty fucked up."

"Easy for you to say," Kelsey snapped. "Have you ever even been in a relationship, Chloe? A real one. One that continues even after you put your clothes back on."

"You know what? Screw you, Kelsey. I don't have to be in a relationship to know that a guy is a dick if he dumps you because you won't put out. And no matter what you think of me, I won't be the one the boys run to when they want to get some. Because… because I'm going to do it. What Lissa said. I'm going to play along. No sex."

I gaped at Chloe, amazed. "Seriously?"

"Yep. I'm in."

"Me, too."

I turned to my right and saw Ellen watching me with her hazel eyes. Something in them seemed skeptical, and I wondered

if I'd misunderstood her. Then she shook her head and the flicker of disbelief was gone.

"I'm sick of this fighting. It's definitely crossed a line." She gave me a meaningful look before adding, "I think a sex strike is a great idea, and I can try to get some of the other soccer players' girlfriends in on it. I bet they'll help. We're all fed up."

"R-really?" I beamed at her, half in shock. "Ellen, thank you so much."

After that, a lot of people seemed to hop on the bandwagon.

"I'll do it," Susan said. "Damn, Lissa, you've got some brains. I never would have thought of this."

"I'm in. It'll make this season more entertaining at least."

"I guess I'll do it. Maybe end-of-rivalry sex will be even better than make-up sex."

I ducked my head to hide the blush creeping up my face. How could these girls be so open about their sex lives? I barely even talked about mine with Chloe. Hell, I couldn't even say the words for the things I was doing with Randy without cringing.

"We need to make a pact or something," Chloe said. "Like, an oath. We need to swear to abstain from all sexual activities."

"What do we swear on?" Susan asked. "The Bible?"

"That's kind of inappropriate," I managed to joke. "Considering what we're swearing about and all."

"Here." Ellen placed her backpack on the table and unzipped it. After a few seconds of digging, she pulled out a new issue of Cosmo and tossed it onto the table. "It's the sex-tips issue. Includes a nice list of all the things we can't do. We can swear on it."

Chloe picked up the magazine. "Sweet," she said, flipping through the pages. She paused and visibly cringed. "Ugh. No, don't try that. Trust me, not as great as it sounds."

I grabbed the magazine from Chloe, half wondering and half afraid to see what she was talking about. I held it up for everyone to see. "Okay," I said. "So we'll all take a vow. I'll lay out the rules, and if you agree, you put your hand on the magazine and say, ‘I do.' Got it?"

Most of the girls nodded.

I placed the magazine on the table, putting my hand over the model's face on the cover. "I hereby swear to abstain from all forms of sexual activity. This includes but is not limited to anything involving body parts below the belt. That's either party's belt. Oh, and second base is outlawed, too. Nothing, um, under the shirt." I forced myself to continue, despite the way this speech made my face heat up. "I'll stand my ground, even in the toughest of times, and will resist temptation until the rivalry is put to an end."

I slid the magazine to Ellen, still feeling a little anxious when our eyes met. But I couldn't let my composure falter right now. Not with all these girls watching.

I cleared my throat for, like, the millionth time that afternoon. "Do you agree?" I asked.

"I do," Ellen said solemnly.

She passed it on to Susan. "I do."

Susan passed it to the girl to her right. "I do."

"I do."

"I do."

When it came to Mary, I saw her hesitate for a minute. She looked at me, took a breath, and placed her hand on the magazine. "I do."

Then she passed it to Kelsey.

"Just pass it on if you're too chicken," Chloe taunted. "You call me a whore, but you're more hesitant about giving up sex than I am."

"Shut up," Kelsey hissed. "Give me that." She yanked the magazine toward her and put her hand in the dead center of the cover. Her eyes locked with Chloe's as she said, "I. Do."

Chloe grinned.

To my amazement, after so much disagreement, all eleven girls at the table — plus me — wound up making the oath. Chloe was the last, and she grinned at me as she swore to be celibate. I knew it would be a challenge for her more than anyone.

But looking at the others, I knew Chloe couldn't have been the only girl who liked sex. So many others had been hesitant to agree right away. Surely some of the girls had the same reason as Chloe, even if the others were reluctant out of fear of losing their boyfriends. I wondered what the ratio was — how many of the girls just didn't want to give up sex versus the ones who were afraid of being cheated on.

And I wondered why Chloe was the only girl willing to come out and say she liked sex. Maybe because the others knew she was called a slut or a whore for liking it so much? But I didn't understand that, either. Like Chloe said, it wasn't like she slept with other girls' boyfriends.

I also wanted to know why Mary had been the only one

willing to confess the opposite — her virginity. Because I didn't think for a second that she was the only one at the table who hadn't yet made that leap.

When everyone had sworn on the magazine, I handed it back to Ellen. "You can make the soccer girls take the same oath," I said.

"Sure thing." She tucked the magazine into her backpack again.

"All right," I said. "So here we go. I'm thinking we should all keep in touch via e-mail. We'll need a support group to get through this, and it'll keep us organized. But I definitely think we are onto something here. We can win this way."

"For your sake," Kelsey said, getting to her feet just as the bell for third block rang, "I hope so. This better work, Lissa."

"It will," I assured her. "I know it will."

The girls began to move in a herd toward the door. I started to turn to Chloe, who was still sitting at the table with me, then noticed Ellen, lingering uncertainly near the library door.

"Hey," I said, walking over to her. I'd picked up my pen again and was already spinning the cap. "Thanks for coming. I know this is all really weird. The football girlfriends and being around me and… whatever."

"I'll always come if you want me to, Liss." She gave another small smile and put a hand on my shoulder, squeezing it briefly. Then she turned and left the library.

I thought I'd lost Ellen for good because of this feud. Because our boyfriends hated each other. But maybe, I realized, I could

end the war and get a friend back at the same time. The thought made me smile.

Chloe eased up beside me. "You ready for AP Bio?"

"Sure," I said, turning to face her. "Thanks, by the way. For agreeing to this."

"Yeah. You owe me."

"Well, at least the stupid fight will be over soon," I said. "Won't that make up for it?"

Chloe rolled her eyes. "Lissa, I couldn't care less about the problems between the teams. I know it's stupid, and I know it affects you, but it doesn't really have an impact on me, since I'm not really committed to any of the boys." She shrugged. "I didn't do this to end the fighting. I did it because I know it's important to you. And you're important to me."

I smiled. "Thank you, Chloe."

"Yeah, yeah," she said, picking up her messenger bag. "I also did it just to spite Kelsey, so it wasn't totally selfless. I hate that bitch."

I laughed.

"Come on," she said. "Mr. Hall will flip his shit if we're late."