Shut Out

Chapter twenty-one

I was making dinner on Wednesday night — just over three weeks since the start of the strike — when I finally heard from Randy.

I'd seen him in the cafeteria and passed him in the hallway, but every time he got close, Chloe would yank me into the girls' bathroom out of sight or I'd duck into a classroom on my own, not sure whether I wanted him to apologize or just leave me alone for good. The fact was, I did miss him. We'd been together for more than a year, so it was kind of impossible not to. And I noticed that after that first day in the cafeteria, The Blonde never seemed to be with him. I wondered if he'd dropped her. Or if she'd dropped him.

I'd half expected and half hoped Randy would show up to apologize the day after Homecoming, but after the weekend passed, I assumed it wouldn't happen. So I wasn't prepared for him to show up at my house that night.

I'd just checked on the roast when the doorbell rang. I'd started to take off my oven mitts to go answer when Dad called, "I'll get it!"

I heard his wheels roll across the carpet and, a second later, the door creaked open.

The silence didn't get my attention at first — I figured it was just someone trying to sell something — and I went on setting the table. But then Dad's voice, low and tired, caught my ear.

"Randy. Can I help you?"

"Hey, Mr. Daniels." His voice sounded so upbeat. So relaxed and normal. It put a spear through my chest to hear him so happy when he'd left me so miserable. "Is Lissa around?"

Dad sighed. "She is, but I don't think she should see you."

"Listen, sir," Randy said a little more seriously. "I just need to — "

"I know what happened at Homecoming, Randy," Dad said. "She told me. And I think it's best if you go."

"But — Okay. Can you just…"

One, two, three, four…

Randy let out a long breath. "Can you just tell her that I'm sorry? I know I screwed up, but I love her."

"Sure thing."

A second later the door closed. I put a plate down at Logan's usual seat and turned toward the living room. Dad was sitting in the doorway, watching me. "I guess you heard the message."

"I did. Thanks."

"You didn't want to see him, did you? I should have asked."

"No. It's fine."

"Do you miss him?" Dad asked.

I walked over to the silverware drawer and took out the knives and forks we'd need that night. "Yes," I admitted. "I miss

the way he could make me laugh and his stupid grin and how sweet he could be. I just don't know if that's enough to forgive him."

"Yeah." Dad sighed. "I understand that. I miss him a little, too. But seeing him just now and remembering how upset you were this weekend… Even if you two worked things out, I don't know that I could ever look at him the same again."

"Well, you don't have to worry about that," I told him, walking back to the table and putting on the finishing touches. "I'm joining a convent after high school. No more boys."

"Don't tease me that way," Dad said. "I might actually start to believe you."

"I mean it."

"You don't."

I shook my head and sank down into one of the chairs. "The roast will be done in about half an hour," I said. "Hopefully it's good."

"It will be."

I smiled, and Dad rolled back into the living room, understanding without my saying it that I needed to be alone for a minute.

It hadn't felt as good as I'd hoped to hear Randy's apology. I wasn't quite tempted to run back into his embrace, the way I'd feared I would be. Instead, I just kept imagining him kissing The Blonde and wondering, for the thousandth time, why I hadn't been good enough. Why I was only worth keeping if I'd sleep with him. He hadn't just broken my heart — he'd humiliated me in front of our friends.

I loved Randy. I knew that. But I could never trust him again.

So, sitting in my kitchen, I made myself a promise: No matter what happened, I would never take Randy back again. Not a second time. Not ever. This time, as hard as it was to accept, our relationship was really over.

By Thursday night, I'd decided that I officially hated the entire male population. As if Randy, Cash, and the boys at school tormenting me about my sex life weren't enough, I also had to deal with my brother, who, it was clear, truly enjoyed torturing me.

I was already having a bad night. It started when Jenna announced that she was clocking out early — which sounds like a good thing, right? Wrong.

"That means you two have to close up together," she told Cash and me as she grabbed her jacket off the back of her chair at the front desk. "Finish shelving the returned books, turn off all the lights, be sure to power down the computer. And lock the doors, for God's sake."

"Jenna, I've locked up before," I told her. "I know what to do."

She narrowed her eyes at me and flipped her red hair over her shoulder. "Just don't get distracted," she said, tossing a not-so-subtle glance at Cash, who was standing a few feet behind me. She lowered her voice when she turned back to me and added, "I've seen the way you look at him, and let me just tell you, workplace romances, while incredibly hot, never work out."

Had Jenna just called my non-relationship with Cash "incredibly hot"? Ew, ew, ew.

"There's nothing going on between — "

"Whatever you say," she said, waving me away. But even before Jenna cut me off, I knew it was sort of a lie. Clearly there was something up between Cash and me; I just wasn't sure what. "Just do your job. I've got to go, and I don't want to clean up after you tomorrow."

"We'll take care of it," Cash said, coming up beside me. I felt heat rise in my cheeks, wondering how much of my conversation with Jenna he'd heard. "You have nothing to worry about."

"We'll see about that." She grabbed her purse and, without a good-bye, walked out of the library.

And I was left alone with Cash.

But that wasn't the end of it. After my shift was over I called Logan, who was already running late to pick me up.

He answered after four rings.

"Shit, Lissa, I forgot."

"Hello to you, too, dearest brother."

"Can you get another ride?" Logan asked.

"Why? Where are you?"

"I've got a date tonight," he said. "I'm driving to meet her right now. I'm sorry, Lissa. I totally forgot it was a Thursday."

"Are you kidding me?" I asked, hoping it was just a coincidence that Jenna had left early tonight. "Logan, come on."

"Sorry, Lissa. Call someone to come get you," he said. "I'll make it up to you later. Gotta go. 'Bye."

Click.

"Damn it," I muttered, shoving my cell phone in the back pocket of my jeans.

"Hey," Cash said, brushing past me (deliberately, I was sure) on his way to the exit. "Everything okay? Do you need a ride?"

I sighed, knowing I didn't have much of a choice. "Yeah, I do. Do you mind?"

"Not at all." He reached up and flipped the light switch by the door, plunging us into darkness. I gasped, startled by my sudden blindness, and Cash said, "Sorry. Should I turn it back on?"

"No, it's fine," I said. I was only a few yards from the door. I'd have to be a real klutz not to be able to successfully close that space in the dark.

I took a few fumbling steps toward Cash and the exit, but right before I made it to the door, my sandal snagged on a wrinkle in the rug, sending me stumbling forward. Naturally, I fell right into Cash's arms. God, he was good. This was clearly arranged to make me crazy. Now that he was leading the boys' side, distracting me would obviously be his goal. And he knew just how to do it, too.

"You okay?" he asked, his lips only a few inches above my left ear, sending a chill down my spine.

"You're doing this on purpose!" I snapped. I don't think I really meant to say it out loud, but as always, the words just seemed to spill out when I was around Cash.

"Doing what on purpose?"

Torturing me.

Teasing me.

Trying to trick me into ending the strike.

"Nothing," I said stiffly, shrugging out of his arms and scrambling away. I found the door and pushed it open. "Lock up from

the inside and go out the employee exit. I'll meet you at your car." I paused and cleared my throat before adding, "Um, please?"

"All right." I could just make out the green of his eyes, and for a moment I considered moving back to him, letting his arms wrap around me again, and acting on a few impulses I could only excuse in the dark.

But I didn't. Instead, I hurried out the door and went to wait in front of Cash's car.

A few minutes later he walked out the side door and crossed the parking lot to meet me. He smiled as he unlocked the car and opened the passenger's-side door for me. "Here you go," he said.

"Thanks," I mumbled, sliding in. This was all Logan's fault, and Cash was just being a jerk, toying with me this way. I hated boys. All of them.

I was more determined than ever to lead the girls to victory over the rivalry and the guys who broke our hearts and messed with our heads. We had to win.

That night, after dinner, I went upstairs to do my homework. I was halfway through my physics assignment when I caught sight of the copy of Lysistrata Cash had lent me, lying on my nightstand, untouched.

I hurried through the rest of my work without double-checking my answers the way I usually did — when was I going to use physics in real life, anyway? I wanted to major in English, not build roller coasters — and reached for the book. Cash had said there was a battle of the sexes involved. I needed to know which side won.