Toxic

Chapter Seventeen

Everyone wears masks. They come in all different shapes and sizes. The only problem with trying one on — is that it fits. How easily we fall into the trap that we don’t have to be who we really are. How easily we convince ourselves that we need to cover up what we were born to be. It’s a tragedy — that fear keeps us from our destiny. It’s hell — when the person you were created to be — is covered up by some cheap imposter —Wes M.

Gabe

I walked into the coffee shop like I was marching to my death. I knew Wes knew. I wondered what was worse. Him knowing and me not telling? Or me actually telling him the entire truth and having him look at me with that look. Epic disappointment in my character.

I hated that damn look. It’s the same look her mom gave me that day in the hospital. The same look my dad gave me when I gave up my shit career and moved to Seattle.

Pity? I hated it. But someone judging my character? Someone finally discovering I wasn’t even close to who I said I was. Well, hell. I wasn’t sure I was ready for that convo with Wes. He was the closest thing to family I had and now I was throwing a giant-assed wrench in our friendship.

The bell to the door gave a little jingle as I opened it and stepped in. Wes was in the corner. Kiersten was sitting right next to him, snuggled to his side. They didn’t see me, and maybe it was better that way.

It would have been nice.

To have a girlfriend. A normal life. To go to a coffee shop and wrap my arm around her shoulders when she got cold, to pull that scarf snug around her neck and kiss her cheek.

Kimmy had loved Seattle — was obsessed with it actually. She’d always had this weird fascination with rain. Swear, I kissed her in the rain so many times, I even started to like it. That’s what movies to do chicks. They make them bat shit crazy, but I didn’t care, because it was her. And I would do anything — anything for her.

I clenched my fist at my side and took a few shaky steps toward the corner table. Shit, I was borderline hyperventilating by the time I made it to my chair.

Tired. I was so damn tired of it all.

“Hey.” Wes’s voice was gentle, caring, understanding. Holy shit, I wanted to punch his perfect face. “Um, Kiersten, why don’t you grab Gabe some coffee. I think he needs it.”

“Sure.” She gave me a sympathetic look then left.

“Don’t tell Kiersten,” Wes blurted, surprising the hell out of, well, probably both of us if the look of shock on his face was any indication.

“What?”

“Don’t tell her.” Wes leaned forward. “She was with me, otherwise, I wouldn’t have had her come.”

“But—” My mind was reeling. “She’s your fiancée. You guys tell each other everything. It’s fine, I need to get this out, it’s—”

“—it’s not about her knowing,” Wes interrupted and pulled his phone out. “It’s about it affecting her safety. She’s already bombarded with reporters and fans thirty times a day because of me. What do you think’s going to happen when she knows about this? She’s going to want to be there for you, by your side, I’ll have to freaking pry her from your clutches — and your father…” Wes sighed, “Man, there are things you should know.”

“Wait.” I snorted without humor, hating that he knew more than I thought he did “Wasn’t this my time to blurt my feelings and seek your wisdom?”

“Too late.” His eyes darted away from the table then closed. “Look, I know you’re pissed…”

“Pissed?” I laughed. “Try betrayed, but hey, it’s cool as long as Kiersten’s safe, right?”

“Gabe—”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Would you rather I call you Parker?” He glared. “Or how about Ashton? Is that what you want? Everyone to know? If Kimmy—”

“Don’t you dare…” I lunged for his neck and grabbed his shirt, pulling him to his feet. “…utter her name!”

Wes’s eyes narrowed. “Let me go.”

“We’re done.”

“No,” he said, too calm for my liking. “We’re not. We’re a team. I’m going to help you through this. We’ll figure it out. All I’m asking is that you leave the girl we both love out of it.”

Hands shaking, I released his shirt and plopped down into my seat, rubbing my face with my hands, my tattooed, poser hands.

“Whoa, you sure Gabe needs more coffee?” Kiersten joked setting a cup of black liquid in front of me. “Maybe you do need sex.”

I groaned into my hands.

“Gabe.” A warm hand touched mine. I peeked through my fingers to see Kiersten’s warm smile. “Is everything okay? You know you can talk to me, right? Is that why you wanted to meet?”

Damn it, Wes. Lies. More lies. How many more before my soul was black as hell? “Yeah,” I croaked. “I um, wanted to talk to you guys about Lisa’s birthday. It’s coming up and I thought we could do something fun.”

“Oh yay! I totally forgot!” Kiersten clapped her hands together and began talking wildly about surprise party ideas while Wes met my gaze next to her, and mouthed, Thank you.

I nodded.

An hour later, Kiersten finally left for class. I’d consumed at least three cups of coffee and was exhausted. On a good note, the Home hadn’t called, so that meant Princess was alright — for now.

Wes leaned back in his chair and sighed. “Let’s walk.”

“I’d rather punch you in the face,” I sang. “But sure, walking’s a good alternative.”

Wes smirked. “You’re kind of an ass, you know that?”

“Part of my charm.”

“Maybe that’s it.” He snorted. “Haven’t been using much of that charm lately, hmm?”

“Shut it.”

We walked out of the coffee shop and slowly made our way back toward the dorms.

“So, Saylor’s cute.”

If this was his idea of small talk he had another thing coming.

“So are cats. Doesn’t mean I want to buy ten then die alone with my hand down my pants.”

“Dude.” Wes shook his head. “Worse visual ever.”

“What?” I kicked a pinecone and shoved my hands in my pockets. “Besides, she’s annoying as hell, and she’s not even cute.” Oh look, more lies. I should make a career out of it. Cool, so my future was that of a con artist, not a far mark from reality.

Wes dropped it, not saying anything while we made the trek all the way back to the girls’ dorms. Then finally said, “Are you sure you don’t think she’s cute?”

Irritated, I raised my voice. “Wes, Saylor is the most annoying, irritating, undesirable girl I’ve come across in the past four years since being here at school — and that’s saying a lot. Drop it, man. Besides, I thought we were going to talk.”

Someone gasped next to me.

I turned and came face to face with Saylor. Her eyes blurred with a mixture of tears and hostility as she pushed between us toward the door to the lobby.

The door slammed behind her

Wes winced. “Think she heard?”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” I wanted to hit him, to hit something.

His eyes flashed. “Can I be honest?”

“I’d rather you just not talk for a while, but sure,” I grumbled, fingers itching to rearrange his smug face.

He shrugged. “If you can’t even be honest about who you’re attracted to — with your best friend, then we have no business talking about your past. You’re not ready. You want to tell me out of guilt. I want you to tell me because you want to. Because you want help — because you need it — not because it’s time you told me. Hell, I know most of it anyway.”

I scowled. “You’re not making any sense.”

“Tell me your story,” Wes said smoothly. “Not when it’s your last option — but when it’s your first. Don’t come to me when you’ve finally used up every ounce of strength you have to push me away and lie. Come to me when I’m your first choice. Because right now, you’re not ready and I’m about five seconds away from knocking you on your sorry ass.”

My breath came out in a gust as if he’d just punched me in the stomach. Where the hell did he come off saying those things to me? I wanted to yell, to scream, but when I opened my mouth only a croak escaped.

Wes slapped me on the shoulder and walked toward the door. With his hand hovering over the handle, he turned and said, “By the way, your dad’s been looking for you.”

“How—”

“I took care of it. I was at admin when he stopped by and made sure he was satisfied with the lie. But Gabe… your time’s up. You need to start thinking about how you’re going to handle this — if at all. Running isn’t the answer, but neither is exposing that poor girl to that life again. Just… make a decision and know that when you do. I’ll be ready to listen.” With that, he walked off, making me feel like even more of an ass than when we started.

Shit.

I hated that he was right almost as much as I hated that I was wrong. Damn it! I kicked the brick wall with the toe of my boot over and over again until I thought my toe might have broken.

“Easy, killer,” Lisa said, coming up behind me. “Walls don’t fight back.”

“Go away.” My voice shook.

“Wes texted.”

I groaned, what? It took him two seconds to text Lisa and tattle? Awesome.

“Wes needs to stay the hell out of my life.”

“Ash—”

“Don’t.” I shook my head. “Just don’t, Lisa. I can’t. Not right now.”

“We’re family.”

I laughed out loud at that and looked at her straight in the eyes when I said, “Funny… the first lie we told.”