Toxic

Chapter Thirty-Three

Sometimes I wonder if we ever truly let anyone completely in. The desire for another human being to know you, all of you, all the pieces, even the ones you’re ashamed of — is huge. But too often, we sit down and sort through the pieces only picking out the pretty ones, leaving the ugly ones behind, not realizing that choosing not to share with someone else is like committing a crime against our very soul — for how can we ever be free? When we purposefully place what we struggle with the most — in the dark? —Wes M.

Gabe

She knew.

She knew.

She knew.

Wasn’t I supposed to feel lighthearted now that Saylor saw just a glimpse of my reality? Instead, the urge to tell her everything, to cut open my own beating heart and slam it down on the table for her to fix — to mend — was so intense, it was staggering.

Finding it hard to breathe, I’d barely managed to make it to the restaurant without breaking down in the car. How was she able to carry on as though nothing had changed? How was she able to act like what I’d just shared with her was nothing out of the ordinary? A normal person would be freaking the hell out.

So either she wasn’t normal—

Or she was a saint.

Was it wrong to wish for the second choice? I was abnormal enough for the two of us.

“You made it!” Kiersten launched herself into my arms. I twirled her around, as per usual, and set her on her feet, kissing her forehead as she leaned forward and gripped my shoulders. “I was worried.”

“Have I ever let you down?” I winked. Though on the inside I knew… I let her down a lot. And I wasn’t the only one carrying that particular gem.

“Not yet.” Her bright red hair was snaked around her head like a crown. She looked like a fairy princess in her short white dress and brown sandals. It immediately made my chest hurt. Princess would have loved to dress up like that — to walk.

“Gabe.” Wes came up behind me.

I turned.

He was wearing jeans and a t-shirt with some indie band on it. His eyes were focused intently on me, as if he was a freaking vampire trying to read my mind.

“So…” Saylor said from behind me. “When does Lisa get here?”

“Fifteen minutes. We were able to stall a bit.” Kiersten gripped Saylor’s hand. “And thanks for coming, I know things have been really busy lately with practice and trying to fit everything in at the Home.”

“No problem.” Saylor’s voice cracked. Damn. I was the reason she was going to have the most stressful night of her life. No way was she able to process everything that just went down and still function like a normal human being.

I had four years.

And I still wanted to slam my face against a brick wall.

The restaurant, Marlin, was a small bar and grill on Puget Sound. I knew Kiersten had rented out the back room which led to the dock. I’d told her I’d pay for everything. When she’d argued Wes had told her it wasn’t a big deal and that she should let me do something.

But Wes knew.

He knew he wasn’t the only one who could buy not just the damn restaurant but half the property on Puget Sound and still not feel the squeeze.

“Music!” Kiersten shouted, scaring the shit out of me. “I almost forgot!”

She ran to the back of the room and plugged in her iPod then turned up the volume.

I chuckled. The room was way too big for us. I mean, it was huge and there were going to be five of us, but still it was nice. To not have to worry about anyone recognizing the walking miracle and famous duo that were Wes and Kiersten — or worse, recognizing me.

Not that it had happened in the last four years.

But I could never be too careful.

I self-consciously rubbed my hair, my dark-as-sin hair, and hated myself all over again as Saylor’s words replayed in my mind.

She’d said I’d be hotter as a blond.

Well, damn, if that didn’t make me want to chop off the Captain Jack Sparrow thing I had going on and go all natural.

Kiersten and Saylor were busy talking about something while Wes watched me.

“Creepy, dude.” I shook my head.

He shrugged.

And then the music changed.

My entire body seized up. As if someone had just told me to stop breathing at once and turn into a zombie.

“Oh my gosh! I used to love this song!” Kiersten all but shouted as she and Saylor started singing along.

“When you take my heart, I give you my soul, but baby, you screwed up and let me go! Whoa, Whoa, Whoa.” Kiersten belted it louder. “You let me go, go, go, baby, no no, whoa. I should have known things would get sticky when I wanted you to be with me and only me, but no, no, no.”

Wes’s eyebrows shot up as he sent me a knowing look.

Yeah, yeah, bastard. Thanks, caught that.

Saylor fell against Kiersten laughing when Kiersten started doing the exact choreography from the music video. I was almost tempted to join. But pretty sure that would give me away.

No man should know that choreography.

Well, that, and Wes would shit his pants. That was so not the way to tell people the truth. Just bust a move like a white guy who actually knew how to dance and break out into song.

Dark hair or light. It wouldn’t matter. They’d see right through my disguise. It always amazed me how much people only saw what they wanted. They saw tattoos and thought bad ass. They saw muscles and dark long hair and thought I was a total loser.

They had no flipping clue that I’d had straight A’s my entire life.

That until a starlet seduced me — I’d promised myself for marriage.

That at night I used to cry when my parents wouldn’t let me stay up late and write music.

Beer. Hell, I needed beer or something stronger than bottled water. But the joke was on me — because this was not the type of place to flash my ID.

Dark gritty bars with bartenders who didn’t even know their own names? Couldn’t care less.

Nice restaurants with a peppy college student as your waitress? Yeah. Not smart.

“She’s coming!” Kiersten hushed everyone and turned down the lights.

The door clicked open. High heels clamored against the floor as a figure was silhouetted in the doorway.

In perfect timing, we all jumped up and screamed in unison. “Surprise!”

The lights flared to life.

And I knew, in that moment, my life was officially over.

“Hi, son.” My dad had his arm wrapped around Lisa. Her cheeks were stained with a mixture of tears and black mascara. “I don’t know why I never thought to locate your ex-girlfriend first and track you that way. Oh…” He turned to Lisa and kissed her on her cheek. She tried to jerk away from his touch but he held her firm. “Happy Birthday, Mel.”