Toxic

Chapter Fifty-Two

Healing doesn’t come right away — and even though I was still in pain, this time I embraced it, because the pain was a reminder that she had existed. The pain reminded me — she’d lived. Funny, how I used to think numbing my pain would make it go away. But the only way to fully rid yourself of the pain is to go against nature and embrace it. —Gabe H.

Gabe

My eyes roamed greedily over her lips. I couldn’t manage to pull my gaze away from her mouth as she took a sip of water and leaned back in her chair.

“Finished?” I stood and walked over to her side of the table.

“Yeah.” Saylor sighed. “No more fish.”

“So…” I held out my hand and pulled her to her feet then wrapped my arms around her. “About that last tear.”

Her eyebrows knit together in confusion. “I thought that the whole fish throwing thing and naked cooking got rid of that last tear. Besides, enough tears have been shed on both ends, Gabe.”

“True.” I pressed a kiss to her mouth and smiled against her lips. “But I want to be really sure.”

“Really sure?”

“Yup.” I laughed. “I don’t want to leave any room for doubt.”

“Doubt about what?”

“The way I feel about you. The way I feel about us. The way I feel about everything.” I sighed and released my hold on her hands, taking a step back so I could gather my thoughts better. “Today was Princess’s funeral. But Kimmy? She’s been gone for four years.” I shrugged. “Honestly, I thought I’d feel broken forever.”

Saylor didn’t move a muscle.

“But…” I paced in front of her. “I don’t. For some reason, in her death, I finally feel whole. Like everything’s come full circle. But there’s still something missing.”

“More fish?” Saylor offered.

“You’re getting warm.” I smirked and purposefully strode toward her.

“Water?”

“Even warmer.” I grinned, tilting her chin toward my face.

“More… boats?”

“With sails…” I sighed. “And people who man them…”

“You lost me.”

“Saylor.” I kissed her mouth. “I’m missing you. You’re the final piece to the puzzle, the star on the top of the Christmas tree.”

“I have always wanted to be a star.” She grinned.

“Be serious.”

“Call me a star again.”

“Say…” I groaned her name. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Saylor’s arms snaked around my neck as she pressed her lips against mine, once, twice, three times. And then pulled back.

“I know you’re young…” Damn, my throat was dry. Stupid nerves. “But, I want to start a life with you — I want to be with you. Forever.”

Saylor’s face lit up. “What exactly are you asking?”

“You’re going to make me say it, aren’t you?”

She nodded.

I fell down on one knee.

And that’s when she started sobbing.

“I swear the harder I try to fix your tears, the more you cry. I’m going to be a nervous wreck around you for the rest of my life.”

She nodded again, wiping the tears from her eyes.

“Saylor.” I cleared my throat “I know you’re young. I know you need to finish school. I’m great with that, because I’m not going anywhere. I want to build my life here, with you. I want to have a beginning, a middle, and an end to our story. I want to create music with you. I want to take care of you. The last thing in this world that I deserve, is the gift of your love, the gift of your commitment to me. I realize that…” I shrugged, using the shrug as a way to actually process this huge moment.

Funny, my whole life had been based around Princess, but now that I had the freedom to have a future. All I saw was Saylor. Living wasn’t living without sharing that life with her.

“But I want you anyways, by my side. I want you to marry me.” My hands shook as I grabbed hers and squeezed. “Damn, I think I’m doing this wrong.” Nervous, I briefly broke eye contact and then looked up at her perfect face. “I love you. I love you more than life itself. I never want to say goodbye. And I don’t want to pretend ever again. Please, be my wife?” Please say yes, please say yes. Please don’t kick my ass…

Saylor nodded and then jerked me to my feet. Our mouths met when I was about halfway off the ground.

“I’m excited,” Saylor sobbed, “to start our story.”

“Sweetheart…” I kissed her soft mouth. “Our story started the first time I laid eyes on you and you fell on your ass.”

“Thanks for the reminder.”

“Stalker.”

“Turtle.”

“Maybe we’ll come up with better nicknames.” I kissed her harder across the mouth and pulled back.

“Later.” Saylor’s tongue pushed past my lips.

Groaning I lifted her into the air and assaulted her mouth, “Right. later.”