Toxic

Chapter Forty-Five

Life was passing me by. I was alive, but not awake. I hadn’t been awake in a really long time. Funny, I thought the prince was supposed to wake Sleeping Beauty. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined that I wasn’t the dragon or the prince. But the one in need of a rescue so epic — that my world shattered. The scary thing about waking up? You’re reminded how much of your life was a nightmare — and again remember why you went to sleep in the first place. —Gabe H.

Gabe

The lights had never bothered me. They flashed in my face, made me feel like I was going to have a seizure, but it was a necessary evil. People had a fascination with pictures — because then they could fantasize about what it would be like to be with me, to see me in the flesh.

I swore to destroy every last picture of myself. But when that didn’t work. I destroyed the perfect image they had of me. It was the only way.

And now I was regretting it.

Because the Ashton Hyde they wanted to take pictures of? He didn’t exist anymore.

But for the first time in four years, I was okay with that. I was okay with myself… who I was.

I gripped Saylor’s hand in mine as we drove toward the group home. After watching the morning news show. I knew things would get crazy with the media. I needed to make sure that everything would be set up to protect Princess from reporters.

Wes, being Wes, said he was already on top of things, which I could only assume meant he’d called his dad and brought in the US Army or something equally huge. He didn’t do anything half-assed. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if the SWAT team was standing outside the group home with Tasers set.

Saylor didn’t say much, but I kept squeezing her hand. I wasn’t sure if it was because I needed comfort or because I was trying to comfort her. Her lips were drawn into a smile, but I could tell she was putting on a face for me.

Which sucked, because how many times had I been on the offering end of that same smile? Giving a fake smile in order to make people feel good? Felt like hell.

“We’re here.” I pulled the BMW into the parking spot. Both of us were still wearing our clothes from the night before. When Wes had called it was five in the morning and I’d wanted to get to the home right away.

“We are.” Saylor looked around.

The sun was just beginning to rise over the Sound. There were only two or three reporters in front of the Home. No doubt, hundreds would be staked out later.

“I want to stay in the car,” I admitted. “I want to turn around and go back to the house and lock myself in there with you.”

Saylor turned and looked at me, her fake smile turning real, revealing her perfect pink mouth. “Let’s pretend.”

“Alright.” I wasn’t sure what she was getting at.

“We met at college,” Saylor began, licking her lips. “We collided in the hallway and immediately hated each other.”

“Because you were snarky.” I smirked.

She giggled. “Only because you were cocky and made fun of me.”

“True.” The sun peeked over the mountains. “And I couldn’t get you out of my mind.”

“So days later, when we met again, it was chaotic because we both despised and intrigued one another,” she continued.

“I pursued.”

“Oh?” Her eyebrows arched.

“Yeah.” I nodded. “I pursued… wanting you, needing you. I went about it all wrong, as most guys do, thinking that if I could just make you hate me you’d leave me alone to wallow.”

“Silly boys, that never works,” Saylor whispered, her eyes welling with tears.

“Never.” I shook my head and clenched her hand. “Because we forget that hate and love are sometimes impossible to tell apart.” My voice went hoarse. “And then I fell.”

“Me too.”

“I took you out on… ten dates?”

“Wow!” Saylor laughed. God, I could listen to her laugh forever. It was deep and sounded real, not fake or high pitched. “Someone’s optimistic.”

“And we hung out every second of every day.”

“Made music together.” Saylor grinned. “For hours on end.”

“Kissed.” I sighed. “For hours on end.”

“And what started out as hate…” I shrugged. “…blossomed into full out love. And neither of us wanted to be without the another.”

“So we stayed.” Saylor’s eyes watered as she looked at the sun rising, lighting up the inside of the car. “We stayed that way forever.”

“In our house.” I focused my attention on the Sound and squeezed her hand as tight as I possibly could.

“And lived…” Saylor whispered. “…happily ever after.”

“Yeah.” I nodded. “Happily ever after.”

“It would have been a great story.” Saylor sniffled, tears streaming down her face.

“With a killer ending.” I cupped her face in my hands.

“Too bad it’s just a story.” She bit her lower lip and shrugged as more tears dripped over her lips.

“Yeah.” Something pierced my heart, made it hurt so damn bad I thought I was going to die right on the spot.

“Gabe…” Saylor kissed my mouth. “For what it’s worth, I still want to be in the story, even if it means… I walk away empty-handed. Even if it means I walk away without my heart. You’ve made your choice. And I’ve made mine.”

“Even if it means you’re left with nothing?” I asked.

“Just because the girl doesn’t end up with the boy in the end — doesn’t mean she ends up with nothing. Life’s a gift. I just want to share yours, no matter how small the pieces that are shared may be.”

“God…” I was going to swear, but her mouth covered mine.

“God…” Saylor tapped my chin. “Wrote the ending before the beginning was ever even realized.” She shrugged. “Let’s write our story the same way.”

I nodded and reached for the door. Because really what else could I say to make everything better?

She knew as well as I did that the minute we both got out of the car, Gabe would officially be nothing but a memory. The normal college life, walking around the home and helping out.

Life would change.

And the biggest change would be that people finally knew about Kimmy. They finally knew she was alive, and would soon know we were engaged.

Which left Saylor out of the picture.

I was torn. Because although my heart belonged to another — I really wished that it belonged to her.

Because what I had with Saylor it was a living breathing thing, and what I had with Kimmy? It was like trying to revive something that had been dead a long time.

I loved her — but I wasn’t in love with her. Yet my heart wouldn’t allow me to completely let go. It hurt too much to think about. No matter which direction I walked in — it hurt.

“Ashton!” A reporter charged toward me. Saylor gripped my hand the whole time I walked slowly toward the building. “Ashton, tell us. Is it true? Have you been secretly hiding out in Seattle? Going to school and passing off as a student all these years? And your fiancée? Rumors were she passed away in an accident. What really happened all those years ago?”

I sighed as the weight of the world nestled onto my shoulders. “I’ll answer all your questions.” I offered a polite nod. “But right now, I really need to check on my fiancée — she’s been sick, and that trumps giving you guys a story. Please, respect my privacy a little while longer.”

The reporter’s eyes narrowed. “Who’s this?” She pointed to Saylor, who was still at my side.

I opened my mouth to say… I don’t know what the hell I was going to say. My girlfriend? Because that would sound all kinds of horrible, considering my fiancée was lying inside the home not a hundred feet away from us.

“His best friend.” Saylor smiled warmly.

“Rumor has it your best friend is Wes Michels.” The lady smirked.

“What is this, first grade?” another reporter lashed out. “He can have two best friends.”

“Mike.” I breathed a sigh of relief. I’d known him since I’d gotten my start. He was a reporter for HollyWood Today and then went into retirement. “I thought—”

“I’ve lived up here for years Ashton. Thought I’d come out of retirement and see how my favorite kid was doing.”

The other reporters were silent as Mike and I talked.

I slapped him on the shoulder. “You.” I nodded as relief started tampering down the adrenaline that was surging through me. “You I’ll talk to.”

“Good.” His eyes crinkled. “Kimmy would have liked that.”

“Yeah.” I bit my lip to keep from crumbling. “She would have.”

“Go on in, son.” Mike nodded. “I’ll take care of the swarms out here.” He put a card in my hand and smiled. “When you’re ready, we’ll do it however you want. Your terms, Ashton. Don’t let them make you into something you’re not.”

I clenched the card like a lifeline as I stared at Mike’s name and contact info stamped on front. Then I shoved it into my jeans pocket.

Saylor was silent as security let us by. The Home looked the same, but the expressions on everyone else’s face? Different.

Martha walked up and sighed. “I’m sorry. Short of smashing in all the TVs and stealing everyone’s computers for the day, I couldn’t keep them from finding out.”

“Well…” I sighed. “Everything has an expiration date, right?”

“Right.” Martha’s eyes moved to Saylor standing next to me and then warmed. “Glad to see you back, young lady.”

“Gabe…” Wes was walking down the hall like he was marching to war. “She’s been asking about you — I don’t know if Martha said anything but, the infection it’s… it’s getting worse, man.”

Wordlessly, Saylor and I walked down the hall with Martha and Gabe. Princess was lying in her bed with an oxygen mask over her nose and mouth.

Saylor’s breath hitched.

“Helps her breathe,” Wes explained. “But the coughing makes it difficult. I swear I didn’t sleep at all last night. Every time she coughed sounded like…” His voice trailed off as he spread his hands helplessly.

“The last.” I sighed.

“Yeah.” Wes rubbed his face with his hands. “Her body isn’t responding. It’s like she’s…”

“Princess?” I let go of Saylor’s hand and walked toward the bed. Her eyes flickered open.

She smiled and said my name fogging up the oxygen mask.

“You look like you’ve seen better days.” I smiled and sat on the bed.

She nodded.

“You feeling better?”

Nothing. No nod. Nothing. The light in her eyes died a bit, and then she started coughing out of control. I held the mask in place and helped her as best I could. By the time she was done coughing, a wheezing took the place of her breathing, making it sound like she was choking.

I turned around to see Saylor and Wes were gone.

Martha’s eyes were sad. “I think…” She placed her hand on her chest. “Gabe, I think it’s time to call hospice.”

“What?” I stood. “Do you think it’s that bad?”

“The infection is worse.” Martha sighed heavily. “I’ve seen healthy individuals die from this type of infection, not to mention she’s already in a weakened state. I just think it would be wise to call them. In the end, it’s your call. And hospice doesn’t necessarily mean the end. People come off hospice all the time.”

Then why did it feel like I was sentencing her to death?

“I need to think about it,” I answered honestly.

“I figured.” Martha smiled. “Just let me know once you decide.”

She left me alone with Princess.

Her form was so frail. Funny, I never really said Kimmy in my head anymore. To me she was simply Princess. Kimmy — the girl I had known — was gone. But she had left me with a gift in the form of a princess.

A princess sent from heaven.

I took her hand in mine, then kissed it. “You’re beautiful, you know that?”

Her eyes welled with tears.

“To me,” I whispered, my lips grazing her hand, “you will always be the most beautiful thing I have ever had the pleasure of laying my eyes on.”

A single tear spilled over and rolled down Princess’s face.

“You really are a princess, you know that? Like the ones from the stories I read you. So, I have one question, my little Princess. Will you let the prince rescue you? Can I take you on my horse to my castle? Can I fight for you, even when you won’t fight for yourself? Will you let me love you, even when you’re sick and broken? Will you let me keep the vow I made to you all those years ago?”

Her eyes fluttered shut.

“Gabe?” Wes’s voice sounded from the hallway. “More reporters just came. I know this is a lot to take in one day, but the sooner you break your silence, the better it will be. Trust me.”

“Right.” I swallowed the tears thickening around my throat and reached into my pocket. “Do me a favor?”

“Anything.” Wes walked into the room.

I handed him the card. “Call him and set up the interview. We can do it here at the Home. I just… I need to get it over with.”

Wes took the card. “Done.”

“Where’s Saylor?”

Wes’s eyes were sad as he answered. “She wanted to give you guys some privacy. Martha said coffee was the best way to start a morning, so yeah, she left. She’ll be back though.”

My eyes never left his. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

“Let her,” Wes commanded, his voice firm. “Let her be that person for you. She knows what she’s getting into, and she’s still here. That’s saying something.”

“I have nothing to give her.” Clenching my hands into fists, I tried not to cringe as I recognized the unmistakable sound of desperation in my voice.

“Who said you had to give her anything?” Wes answered and walked out of the room.