Irresistible Refrain

11

“Brilliant, Lace.”

I smiled absently acknowledging Dizzy’s praise. As the last note on the piano faded out, my mind was already fading too, back to that day on the beach with Bryan, and the kiss that inspired the song.

2 years ago

I peeked over at him as he walked beside me. His black hoodie was pulled back from his head, allowing the breeze to ruffle his long hair, sorting through the light brown strands like I wished I could do. He was staring out at the ocean. It sparkled like his eyes did, reflecting the last rays of the sunset. The waves spilled rhythmically onto the shore like gentle breaths.

I tried to focus on the soothing sound as I continued to watch him. What would he say when I told him? I wasn’t sure. That’s why I’d kept silent for so long. I decided to ease into it. “Have you given any more thought to my idea about a ballad?”

“Yeah, sure.” Bryan turned, his eyes resting on mine. “But I don’t know how the other guys are gonna respond. Have you and War talked about it?”

“He was less than enthusiastic.” I puffed out my chest and lowered my voice. “If you want more time at the center mic, Lace, you should just say so.” I completed my impersonation with one hand on my hip and a finger wag near Bryan’s face.

“Yeah. That sounds about right.” Bryan slanted a brow. “I have to say I don’t think it fits our image.”

“I disagree, Bry. Ballads are some of the biggest hits for your favorite bands. ‘Sweet Child of Mine’ is GNR’s only number one hit in fact. And what about ‘Nothing Else Matters’ for Metallica or ‘Home Sweet Home’ for Motley Crue or…”

“Ok, ok, Lace,” he said cutting me off.

“It’s what sells Bryan.” I pressed. “More women buy music than men.”

“Ok you write one then, and I promise I’ll back you up about it with the band and with War. Maybe together we can win them over.”

Together. Oh, yeah. I liked that idea. A lot.

My heart started pounding hard, and my palms got sweaty. No more stalling. Time to tell him how I felt. That I was in love with him…

Hopelessly.

Helplessly.

Heedlessly.

But I was terrified to say the words out loud.

Because although sometimes I thought he might feel the same when he looked at me with warmth in his eyes or when his touch lingered, there were plenty of other times, like right now when I just couldn’t read him.

And then there was War.

He and Bryan were so close. The bond they’d forged during their years together in middle school was real and strong and obvious to everyone.

And I loved War too. But it was so different with him. He didn’t make my heart pound out of my chest like Bryan did. Sure War listened to me, but Bryan seemed to really hear me and made me feel like my opinions were valuable. With War, and the other guys I’d dated before him, I always held a part of myself back. War never pushed to get past that barrier. More often he just ran over me. Deep down that made me wonder how much he really cared.

The longer I was with War, the more I found myself opening up to Bryan instead. Recognizing this, I’d pulled back from going all the way with War.

I wanted Bryan to be the one.

“Bryan,” I started, putting my hand on his arm.

“Lace,” he said at the same time.

“You first,” I said with a teasing ghost of a smile. Still afraid. Still unsure.

“Alright.” He sighed and stared back at the ocean. “I’ve got feelings for you.”

I froze and held my breath.

“Feelings I’ve got no right to have.” He shoved his hands deep into the front pockets of his jeans and finally looked at me. “War’s my best friend. We’ve gotta stop hanging out together. It’s wrong. I shouldn’t have let it go this far. We can’t do this anymore.”

I shook my head, blinking back the tears that burned my eyes.

No.

I turned and ran back the way we had come, too proud to cry in front of him. I heard his footsteps behind me. I sped up, glad to be wearing lace-ups instead of slip-ons. I couldn’t let him see me like this so I ran faster. I thought I was going to be able to get away when I made it to the stairs. I had my hand on the railing when he caught me.

“Lace.” Breathing hard, he grabbed my arm and spun me around.

My long hair slapped against my face stinging like a whip. “Let me go, Bry.” Stupid, stupid sand had slowed me down. “I heard you. Message received, loud and clear. I get it.” My voice sounded as raw and exposed as his words had made me feel.

“No you don’t, Lace. You didn’t give me a chance to finish.” He scrapped a hand through his windblown hair.

“So finish,” I countered harshly.

“You’re only sixteen…”

“Oh, and you’re such a man of the world because you just turned nineteen,” I interrupted sticking my chin out. “I love you. I’m old enough to know that much. And I’ll be seventeen next month, Bryan. I’m graduating early, same time as you. I’m not a child.”

“I know that, Lace. Believe me I’m very aware of that fact.” He tenderly framed my face with his hands. I melted when he brushed his thumbs softly across my cheeks. The roar of the ocean and the cry of the seagulls receded, giving way to the thundering sound of my pulse in my ears. We both stared at each other. I could see myself reflected in his gorgeous eyes.

Bryan swallowed, breathed my name in a whisper, and then his lips touched mine. My body erupted with sensation: warmth at the point of contact, tingling across the surface of my skin, and molten heat inside that all but consumed me.

It was just as I’d always dreamed it would be with him, only better.

My fingers fisted in his shirt. I suddenly needed something to hold onto to keep my balance in a world that felt like it was shifting beneath my feet. In a world that had suddenly been reduced to just the two of us.

His lips moved, a gentle persuasion, coaxing mine to open. The shaking escalated into a seismic explosion the instant his tongue rubbed softly against my own.

I tasted him.

He moaned.

I whimpered for more.

But then suddenly, he pulled away, creating a separation I knew neither of us really wanted.

And if I’d known at the time just how wide that gulf would become, I never would have let go of him.