Irresistible Refrain

26

Hunched over in the uncomfortable plastic ICU chair, I slowly lifted my head from my hands as War returned with a cup of coffee.

“Any news?” he grunted, taking the chair opposite me.

I shook my head. War and I had formed an uneasy truce as we waited. I glanced at the ICU door for the umpteenth time. This had been our basic routine for the past twenty-four hours. Monosyllabic communication punctuated by visits from King and Sager and periodic updates from Dizzy. As a family member, he was the only one actually allowed back there with her.

My stomach was a massive churning burning ball, despite the most recent reassurance from Dizzy that she remained stable. Sure she was, for now…maybe, but what about the next time? Heroin sucked people into the vortex and more often than not, spit them back out in a pine box. I shouldn’t have let it matter whose girl she was. I should have dragged her off that bus right to the nearest rehab facility the moment I’d discovered that she was using.

Should’ve.

Shouldn’t.

Shit.

I squeezed my eyes tightly shut, but the memory of that terrifying chaotic scene was something I couldn’t force out of my mind.

Beautiful vibrant Lace.

Gone.

Her body completely still as a corpse.

“Shane, I can’t find a vein. She’s used ‘em all up,” the older paramedic stated in a clipped voice.

“Go for the intraosseous, then,” the other one directed, continuing to breath for her through a tube they’d put down her throat.

I felt as helpless as I’d been as a twelve year old boy when that drug dealer had hurt her. I stood in the doorway and watched them work on her.

Beside me, Dizzy breathed desperate bargains with God.

There was a pop and a crackly sound as they punched a large needle into Lace’s shin bone. Body in shock, muscles tensed tight, and hands fisted, I offered my own silent prayer.

C’mon, Lace.

Suddenly, her body jolted. Her eyes blinked open and her chest rose as she took in a loud shuddering breath that sounded more like a gurgle.

“Narcan’s working,” Shane stated matter of factly. He turned Lace’s head to the side. And then she spewed vomit all over the hotel carpet.

“Glad we had the ET tube in already.” The EMT wiped her face clean and reattached an oxygen bag. Together the two men lifted her onto the stretcher and tightened down the straps. “Let’s get her in.

Shane’s partner nodded and spoke into a receiver tacked to his shoulder, “We have a code three. Heading to the truck. ETA twelve minutes.”

“Stand back,” Shane barked when they reached the door.

I blinked rapidly, my eyes burning as I stared down at hers. They were totally unfocused. She was incoherent and thrashing violently but ineffectively against the restraints.

“Tighten the straps, man,” Shane ordered. “Narcan’s making her agitated.”

As they wheeled her past, Dizzy and I hurried after them. We had to take a different elevator and caught up with them in the lobby. I felt a ton of eyes tracking our progress. By then it registered that War had joined us, looking as freaked as we were.

Out on the circular drive, someone flashed a cell phone camera.

Beth Tate suddenly materialized as if out of thin air. She held up her hands. “No pictures, please. Show a little respect.”

I stood with Dizzy and War as the paramedics loaded Lace into the back of the ambulance.

“I’m her brother.” Dizzy jumped in the moment Shane’s partner clipped the stretcher into place. At the same time, War and I both reached for the handle to climb inside.

“Sorry, guys.” Shane’s partner shook his head. “Only one’s allowed in the back. We’re taking her over to Celebration Health. You can meet us there.”

Shane slammed the ambulance doors shut, and I’d felt like my heart had stopped as we watched the ambulance drive away.

Suddenly, the automatic ICU doors whooshed open.

“The breathing tube is out.” Dizzy gave us a strained smile. “The doctors say she’s gonna be ok. She’s awake. They’re moving her to a private room on the sixth floor.”

I let out a pent up sigh. Finally, I could see her. Talk to her. Touch her.

“She’s asking for you,” Dizzy announced.

Yes. I took a step forward.

“But War,” he continued. “I gotta warn you, she’s totally coherent. She knows all about the Morris deal and she’s pissed.”

Dizzy shot me an apologetic look before he moved off with him. I shoved my hands into my pockets, fingers clenched around the pack of cigarettes that I couldn’t smoke in the hospital. But I wasn’t about to go outside, not until I saw her.

I pressed my lips tight together. Deal with it, I told myself. You just have to wait a little longer.

I stood alone in the empty ICU waiting area that was cold and quiet except for the television droning in the background. I eliminated any other options. I didn’t want to upset her, but we had to talk. I was past done with letting War run the show. His method of “taking care of her” had almost gotten her killed. No way was I going to let them pick right back up where they’d left off.

I strode purposefully to the bank of elevators, raking my hand impatiently through my hair as I waited for it. Fortunately, it was fast. When I reached the sixth floor, the nurses lifted their eyes and threw speculative glances my way. I was quite a sight I’m sure as I clomped past the nursing station like Black Sabbath’s vengeful iron man in my heavy boots and leather pants. I found Dizzy waiting out in the hall outside her room.

“Hold up, Bryan. She’s still talking to War.”

The door was open and I peered over Dizzy’s shoulder. Looking extremely pale and fragile, Lace lay in the hospital bed with an IV pole beside her and her blond hair spread out around her face like a puddle of melted gold.

She didn’t see me. She was totally focused on War. One of her hands was in his. My eyes narrowed to jealous slits as I watched War sift a strand of her hair through his fingers. Lace’s lids drifted closed. Every single muscle in my body tensed. That was my cue. I should have left before it got worse.

But I didn’t.

“No.” Lace’s voice was as raspy as a two pack a day smoker. “But I will.” I watched a tear slide down her cheek and roll into her hair. “Dizzy said you know everything…about Bryan and me.”

Whatever War said in response was too low for me to hear.

“I’m sorry, War.” She nodded. “I’ve made a mess of it all. But I’m alive and for some reason God’s giving me a second chance. I’m going to take that chance and I’m going to do better. I’m tired of the roller coaster I’ve been on. I’m tired of all the lies, especially the ones I’ve been telling myself. I really thought I could quit whenever I decided. I realize now that’s not true.” She closed her eyes. “I had a really long conversation with the hospital social worker before I left the ICU. She asked if the overdose was a suicide attempt.”

“Was it, Lacey?” War asked softly.

“No, of course not.” She shook her head. “Though she helped me see that in a way that’s what I’ve been doing all along with the drugs. The end result is still the same. I know that self-medication is not the answer. I’ve got to face my problems.”

“It’s all my fault,” War admitted his voice deepened. “You being here. I should never have given you the drugs in the first place. I never imagined something like this would happen.”

“Neither of us did.” She reached a hand up and touched War’s face.

“I love you, Lacey.”

“I love you, too, War.”

War leaned his head into her hand. Her declaration sliced through the stitches of hope that had been holding my heart together this past twenty four hours. Rubbing my hand against my chest, I turned away. A dark shroud descended on my thoughts. I forced my feet to move down the hall as my heart turned to stone.