Irresistible Refrain

27

“A part of me will always love you.” I slid my hand away from War’s face. Our gazes tangled together for one long last moment. “You’ve been a huge part of my life for so long, Warren Jinkins. But I don’t feel like I really know you anymore.” My fingers twisted in the hospital sheet and I forced myself not to soften, though the regret that was so evident in his familiar features had me wavering. I stared down at the IV in my hand for a couple of monitor beeps before I continued. A clean break was the best for all of us. “You’ve changed, Warren, and not for the better. You’re not the guy I fell in love with.” If I hadn’t been so desperate, so drugged out I probably would have realized that sooner. “That guy didn’t keep secrets from me.”

He frowned. “Lace.” My name sounded like a plea on his lips.

“When were you planning to tell me about the Morris deal?”

“Nothing has been finalized,” he said defensively. “I was just putting out feelers. We’ve all talked about how totally undervalued we are by Black Cat.”

“That’s not what I heard from the others.” My eyes burned. I forced my heart to harden. “It’s really scary to me how quickly you would leave those loyal to you behind.”

“It’s not like that, Lacey.” A tiny flicker of something I hoped was shame flashed in his eyes.

“Bullshit. It’s exactly like that,” I cut in letting go of my anger. “I don’t know how you can stand there and look me in the eye and say that.”

“Because you don’t know everything.” I could see a muscle in his jaw twitching from the tight hold he had on himself. “You need to give me a chance to explain before you push me away. Don’t make the same mistake you did after the offer from RCA. Just like back then, it was never part of the plan to abandon you. If you’d stuck around instead of hooking up with Martin you would’ve found that out and things would’ve turned out differently.”

“That’s ancient history.” So many mistakes by both of us that couldn’t be undone. “Tell me how this time is any different. Now’s your chance. I’m listening.”

He didn’t speak, so I continued. “I’ll tell you then. This time it’s worse. This time there are three people you’re screwing over. There’s only one person you’re really looking out for, War, and that’s yourself.”

“That’s not true. I was looking out for you and Bryan, too.”

I shook my head. He didn’t get it. “War, you go off and do these things, like with RCA and Morris, you make these monumental decisions that will have a drastic effect on people’s lives, and yet you don’t stop to ask for or even to consider their opinion. That’s not normal behavior. That’s manipulative and self-serving.”

“Oh, so now after your near death experience, you’re an expert on psychology.” His face twisted with cruelty. “You accusing me of being manipulative. That’s a little hypocritical, don’t you think, considering you were screwing around on me with my best friend?”

I sucked in a sharp breath. The monitor beeped faster with my increased heart rate. “War.” This time my voice was plaintive.

“I knew he always had a thing for you, Lacey, but fuck, I trusted him, and I trusted you.”

“I know, War.” Tears stung my eyes. “I’m sorry.”

He turned his back to me. The line of his shoulders was stiff below the ends of his hair. “How long has it been going on?”

I sighed, but he deserved the truth. “Only the one time and it was me that’s to blame for it.”

His shoulders dropped but when he turned around, I powered on. “But it doesn’t really matter, does it?” My gaze slid from his and I looked out the window, watching slivers of orange peek through the gaps in the metal window blinds. The sun was finally setting on this disastrous day. And it was time to end this relationship that had gone on for far too long. I slid the ring off my finger and held it out to him. “Here. You and I both know this isn’t going to work anymore.”

His expression darkened. He looked away again. “Keep it.” His voice was gruff.

“No.” I shook my head. “Maybe you can get your money back.”

“Yeah.” His gaze sling-shotted back to me. “What about my heart that you’re ripping to shreds?” He took a step closer, eyes unmistakably glassy. “How am I gonna get that back?” His lips flattened. “Lacey, you almost died. I realized a lot of things while you were there in the ICU. Mostly how much you mean to me. I’m sorry about the Morris deal, and the way I handled the RCA thing. But I believe we can get past that if you’ll try. Let’s start again. There’s still time to work things out.”

My bottom lip trembled. This was the sweet side of War. The part of him that had stolen my heart as a teen. “We’re not kids anymore, Warren. It’s too late for do overs.” Warm tears of regret spilled onto my cheeks. What remained of this battered and bruised heart of mine would always belong to another and that wasn’t fair to War. I held out the ring. He reached out and closed my fingers around it.

“Keep it. To remember the good times.” He held my eyes for a moment shared sadness flowing wordlessly between us. He gave me a tight nod of acceptance before leaning down to kiss my forehead, a strand of his hair trailed through the wetness on my cheek as he straightened.

He paused in the doorway for a brief moment. “Goodbye, Lacey,” he whispered finally and disappeared.

When my eyes opened again, the room had fallen into shadow, silent except for the slow quiet beeping of the heart monitor. Scanning the room, I found a familiar figure slumped over in the chair. “Dizzy,” I croaked. My voice was so dry. He shifted, the leather of the lounger groaning beneath his weight, but he continued to snore. I swallowed and tried again. He opened his eyes and blinked the sleep away.

“You ok?” he asked, rising and crossing to my side.

The concern in his amber eyes made me determined to reassure him. “Not yet, but I will be,” I said with forced confidence.

He didn’t speak, but his expression softened and he covered my hand with his own.

“I really screwed up everything, Diz. You were right the other day about my life being out of control. I’ve been living on the edge for a while. It was only a matter of time before I fell off.”

“What are you going to do?”

I took in a fortifying breath. “It’s too deep a hole and too steep a climb to get out of as quickly as I’d like. I’m going to take it one step at a time.” I paused. “First step is rehab.”

“Good. I’m glad to hear that. I couldn’t stand to ever see you like that again. I love you.” He smoothed a hand over my hair. “I wish I had done things differently. When we moved in with Uncle Bruce I thought that you didn’t need protecting anymore. At least that’s what I told myself, so I wouldn’t feel guilty. I never should have …”

“Stop.” I put my hand on his arm. “You protected me when it mattered. Really. The mess I’m in right now is my own.”

His brow creased. “I want to help anyway I can.”

“I appreciate that.” I gave him a tentative smile. “But this is something I have to do for myself and if we’re being honest here I think you’ll admit that you’ve got issues of your own that need sorting through.”

His head lowered. He wouldn’t meet my eyes.

“Mom really screwed us both up good,” I whispered.