Irresistible Refrain

8

I exhaled the breath I’d been holding, my eyes following the attractive brunette Bryan had just dismissed. As she pulled herself unsteadily up on a bar stool, her shoulders sagged. The weight of Bryan’s rejection obviously hit her hard.

I could relate.

I’d thought that I had managed to put my life back together pretty well after my mother left it in a pile of rubble. Unfortunately, the foundation had been faulty. Like a stack of Jenga blocks, Bryan’s love and approval had been the critical bottom layer. When he had yanked that away, the tower had begun to wobble. Then War and the group had shut me out, bringing it completely down. Martin was there waiting to set fire to what was left. I was worse off than before. Instead of rubble my life was scattered ashes.

The brunette drew my attention again as she knocked back another shot, swiveled around on her chair, and scanned the room. Bryan hadn’t been the first one she had approached. She had made overtures to all the guys, except for my brother. She stood, swayed a bit, and crossed the room toward him. Dizzy already had two girls with him, one on his lap, another one beside him. She stood in front of him at least five minutes before he finally acknowledged her.

“Whatcha staring at, babe?” War asked me.

“Nothing,” I muttered distractedly. I wasn’t about to share. I didn’t know why I found myself so interested in the brunette, or why the way the guys were treating her disturbed me so much. Or maybe I just didn’t want to examine my reasons too closely.

Dizzy waved her off too.

I stiffened when she rushed past me with tears in her eyes.

Shit.

“I’ll be right back.” I slid War’s hand off my thigh and immediately went to look for her. I found her in the restroom, her hands braced on the edges of the porcelain sink. Telltale trails of black mascara ran down her cheeks. In the mirror, eyes flooded with pain met mine before darting away. I obviously wasn’t the one she was hoping to see.

I moved beside her. “Listen,” I said softly. “They’re not all that.”

“Who?” she asked, though I think we both knew who I was talking about.

“Tempest.” I hooked a thumb over my shoulder. “Those jerks who just blew you off.”

“Listen, I grew up with those guys. They’re no better than you are. They put their pants on one leg at time.” Watching the desperate way she had thrown herself at the guys made me sad for her. Third night on the tour and already I was sick of this groupie bullshit. It turned my stomach. I touched her arm. “I don’t know when they started being such asses, but I wanted to apologize, for my brother Dizzy in particular.”

Her eyes widened in acknowledgement.

“What’s your name?” I asked.

“Lilly.”

“Lilly, let me tell you a few eye opening things about Dizzy.” I pulled a towel out of the dispenser, wetted it, and then started to wipe the mascara from her cheeks. Without the makeup, I realized she was much younger than I’d assumed, probably not more than seventeen. A hard age, a vulnerable age, the age for me when I’d lost everything. “The guy’s personal hygiene sucks. He literally stinks. I’m sure you noticed. He’s been re-wearing the same clothes for the past two days. Then there’s his eating habits. He thinks just because milk duds have the word milk in them that they’re nutritious and therefore make an acceptable breakfast.”

Her lip twitched.

“Oh, yeah.” I nodded. “He’s a junk food junkie. Eats Cheese Whiz straight from the jar. And even though he’s twenty-one, he still acts like he’s twelve. He watches SpongeBob. All. The. Time. He’s got every single episode memorized. This from a guy who half the time can’t be bothered to remember the words to the songs from his own band.”

Lilly smiled. “Why are you telling me all this,” she asked softly.

“Because I want you to get that he and the rest of the Tempest guys are just like the guys you probably go to school with. I saw the way they treated you out there and I didn’t like it. So they’re in a band and they look really sexy when they’re up on stage under the lights.” Her face was clean now, so I threw away the towel. “Don’t idolize them. Don’t let them get to you.” I took her hand and led her out of the restroom. “You deserve better than the disrespect that’s being dished out there.”

Back in the main party room, I stopped to study her again. Her eyes glittered way too brightly to have just been the result of my pep talk. I wondered what she was doing besides those shots. I scrambled for something to say that might help keep her from making all the same mistakes I had.

Just as I was getting ready to speak, another girl walked up and joined us. She was blonde and her four inch heels made her taller than me. She gave me a hard look before turning to Lilly. “This chick bothering you?” They were obviously good friends, the blonde’s expression sympathetic as she glanced at Lilly and squeezed her shoulder.

“No.” Lilly shook her head. “She’s cool. She’s Dizzy’s sister.”

“You’re really lucky to have someone looking out for you,” I told Lilly while my eyes searched for the one who I used to rely on in that way. Bryan had been hard to miss in a dark charcoal button down that did amazing things for his eyes, but I couldn’t find him now. He had been standing over by the window before I’d followed Lilly into the bathroom. I wondered where he had gone.

Eyes back on the pair of girls, I finished my thought. “Hold on tight to that. Having just one person who believes in you can make all the difference in the world.” I pulled in a deep breath through my nose. I suddenly felt really fucking old and worn out. “You two should get out of here. I love these guys, but you know as well as I do, they’re not looking for a relationship. They’re just looking to get laid.”

“She’s right.” Lilly’s friend tugged on her hand and pulled her toward the door. “See that’s what I told you.”

“What about you?” Lilly looked concerned as she turned back toward me.

“I’m good,” I lied. But I wasn’t. I realized that I wasn’t really much more than a groupie myself. I was a lost cause. No further down to go. I’d blown my chance for better.

After they left, I went back to War. He talked me into doing another line in the coat closet. He got really amorous after that, his tongue trailing up my neck and his lips stopping below my ear. “Lacey,” he groaned, his hands framing my face. “Let’s go back to the bus. I want you now.”

“Alright.” He took my hand and guided me through the crowded room. I put on a pair of sunglasses as we entered the lobby, the lights too bright for my dilated eyes. The bus was deserted when we boarded. War’s mouth immediately descended, his tongue delving deep into mine while his hands groped my ass in a way that was just short of being painful. War was an aggressive lover, a trait I knew from experience was magnified whenever he was high.

He tossed his sunglasses aside, and walked me backward without breaking the kiss. My own shades slid through my fingers as he pushed the button to open the door to the sleeping section.

He hefted me up. “Wrap those beautiful legs around me, babe.”

I did as he asked, folding my legs around him as he stalked us to the back bedroom. He set me down on the window ledge and leaned back to look at me. My pink dress was hiked up around my hips, giving him an eyeful.

“Damn,” he whispered voice thick, eyes dark. “I need more of that mouth of yours.” He plunged his hands into my hair. My head banged against the cold glass as his warm lips covered my own.

My heart hammered against my ribs. I took in short shallow breaths through my nose as his tongue speared repeatedly, possessively into my mouth. Threading my fingers into his silky caramel locks, I scraped my nails against his scalp the way I remembered he’d always liked.

He groaned into my mouth breaking the embrace just long enough to reach back between his shoulder blades to tug off his shirt.

My eyes trailed over his lean smooth torso. He was just as sexy as he’d ever been, the irreverent black heart inked over the spot where his real heart lay. But my mind conjured up a vision of another.

“Gotta see you,” War growled as he pulled my head forward yanking down the zipper of the dress and unclasping my bra. Cold air hit my skin as both parted open. War peeled the dress down my shoulders and off my arms. As he stared at my bared breasts, my nipples tightened. “Feed me, baby.” His voice was low and demanding.

I cupped my breasts in my hands while he spread my legs wide enough to step between them. His fingers dug deep into my upper thighs. He rocked his arousal against me before lowering his head to trace my breasts with his tongue, in and around my splayed fingers.

I moaned and my head started to loll back when I heard a sound. I turned. Bryan was standing beside his bunk, his eyes dark and hooded as he returned my gaze. At first, my cheeks flushed with embarrassment. But then my eyes narrowed at him in defiance.

Go ahead and look. You might not have wanted me but War sure as hell does.

Bryan’s gaze slid to the side. “Shut the door next time, asshole,” he growled before leaning forward to slap his hand against the door switch.

“Sorry babe,” War’s lust glazed eyes went from the closed door and then back to me.

I dipped my head in acknowledgement but wasn’t interested at all after that. War didn’t seem to notice. When he was finished, he moved away and I was left feeling used and shaky inside. I climbed down from the window ledge and readjusted my dress.

They’re just looking to get laid.

“I’m going to get cleaned up,” I said softly, tiny tremors shaking my hands as I grabbed my toiletry bag from the tiny closet.

Oblivious to my distress, War grunted a response and flopped back on the bed with a magazine.

I padded out the door on tiptoes. King and Sager were laughing at something in the front lounge. I saw their faces glowing from the reflection of the television. Hopefully Bryan had already closed his curtain and gone to bed. I risked a peek at his bunk.

He was awake. His hands were clasped behind his head, his earbuds were in, and his piercing grey green eyes captured me in their glittering gaze.

I’d only thought he looked dangerous up on stage the other night. That was just an act. This was real. I could feel the dark energy radiating off him in waves. Anger, disappointment, and something else I couldn’t pinpoint flickered across his face, before his lids lowered and he shut me out.

Released, I shuffled into the tiny bathroom and locked myself inside. Free from his unsettling perusal, I leaned back against the door, and the breath that I’d been holding came out in a rush. I slid to the floor and put my hand over my mouth, trying not to be sick.

What was his problem? What right did he have to look at me like that? I shouldn’t let him get to me, but he did. It seemed I was always a hot tangled mess of emotions wherever he was concerned.

Damn him, I thought, turning on the shower. I should never have slept with him. I gambled and lost everything that night, including my closest friend. And having sex tonight with War while Bryan watched just brought the all too stark contrasts between the two men into sharp focus. The deep emotional connection, the heart melting tenderness, the intense pleasure I’d experienced in just the one night of lovemaking with Bryan was something I’d never come close to duplicating with War. And no matter how many times I reminded myself how badly hurt I’d been afterward or tried to convince myself that the passage of time had exaggerated the experience, it didn’t stop me from wanting to be with him again.

After a brief shower, I wrapped my kimono around myself and exited, relieved to see the curtain to Bryan’s bunk was closed. I reentered the bedroom and found War beside the nightstand, his belt to use as a tourniquet, a spoon, some cotton, a glass of water, and a couple of syringes lying on top of it like an illicit banquet.

My gaze met his.

“I know you said you were trying to cut back, babe. But it’s been a couple of days and I figured you might need a little something. It’s just a small dose. I know my heart’s still racing from the lines we did earlier.”

He was right. I’d never sleep tonight without it. This was who I was now. This was what I needed. Sinking down on the edge of the mattress, I nodded, held out my arm, and let him do me up.