The Weight of Souls

27 FROM THE FIRST MOMENT

“Tay, you have to wake up. I don’t know how long I can hold you.”

I didn’t want to wake up. I was comfortable, my hands were relaxed at my sides, dangling in a cool breeze, and someone had their arms around me.

“Tay, can you hear me?”

“Go away,” I murmured.

“You really don’t want me to do that.”

“Justin?” I frowned and opened my eyes.

Then I remembered. I jerked and clutched at him, scrambling for a safe foothold as well.

“Y-you caught me.”

He nodded and helped me move until I could sit carefully on a plank.

“Wait a minute, you’re on the same pole I am.”

His brow furrowed. “I thought it was because you were unconscious.”

I pursed my lips. “I’m awake now.”

I was gripping a crossbar with white knuckles. He knocked on the metal, sending some rust flaking off into the breeze.

Then the blood drained from my face as I realised: there was only one explanation. “I died.”

“You didn’t.” Justin pressed his hand against my forehead. “You’re burning up and you’re completely crazy, but you aren’t dead.”

“It’s the only way you could possibly be doing this.” I knocked on the same bar and it shivered.

“I caught you, Tay. You really are alive. Why don’t you wave at Tamsin, see if she waves back?”

I nodded, grateful for his suggestion. “You’re right.” I scooted carefully to the edge of the platform and waved.

After a moment James and Tamsin both raised their hands. James gave me a fist pump and Harley waggled his phone. They could see me. I wasn’t dead.

Relief flooded me and I slumped onto the boards, inhaling brick dust and letting the splinters prick my cheek.

Then I rolled. Justin was watching me.

“You kissed me,” I said and even I could hear my accusatory tone. He flushed but didn’t move. I rose onto my knees. “I know you’re in love with Tamsin, I see the way you look at her.”

He cleared his throat. “Is now the best time for this conversation?”

There was a gap between two of the boards I was resting on. If I put my eye to it I could see straight down through all the floors to the leering Darkness. “It might be the only time,” I whispered.

“OK.” Justin touched my hand, gently. “Tamsin’s hot. Who wouldn’t look at her? And I can’t believe she’s with James already. But, I’m dead, so I might as well tell you the truth.” He exhaled slowly. “The thing is I fancied you from the first moment you bitched at me about being in your chair. But that whole first year you barely said a single word to me. You only knew I existed when I pissed you off. Wiped your name off the whiteboard, nicked your pencil case, stuff like that.”

I blinked at him. “You were trying to make me notice you?”

“Guess I had to die to do it.” He shrugged.

“The others started to harass me and Hannah because they were copying you.” My mind took me back over our fall from grace, the big fight I’d had with Pete after I wouldn't date him, the day he left me and Hannah to the dogs.

Justin winced. “When Tamsin showed an interest I gave up. If I could change things, I would. I didn’t know what was going on with you.”

I pressed my lips together. “No one did. If I hadn’t been so wrapped up...”

“It wasn’t your fault. The reason Tamsin hates you so much, it’s because she knew how much I liked you back then.”

I snorted. “Tamsin’s jealous of me?”

Justin spread his hands. “At least a little.” He picked at his nails. “We’re together because of the club, you know? In the confessional she said she was in love with me.” He peered at her distant figure with sadness greying his eyes.

I gnawed on my lip as the wind whistled around our platform, tired of our intrusion into its domain. “Do you think Tamsin was involved?”

“No chance.” Justin touched my hand. “Things weren’t that great recently, but we’ve meant too much to each other over the last couple of years.”

I rocked onto my knees. “I guess we’ll find out soon enough. Are you sure they’ll tell the truth if I ask?”

Justin nodded. “This game is crazy. Look at what we do. Look at what you’re doing. You don’t break the rules, you just don’t. Plus they’ve got something on you now. If you try and break the silence of the confessional, you’ll be in trouble too.”

“Not as much as them.” I had to shout to be heard over the wind and I realised that the platform was creaking ominously. “We have to get back down.” I pressed my palm against his, throat welling up; he’d liked me all this time. If I hadn’t been blind, we could have had years. Instead, I got one kiss.

“Do... do you want to kiss me again?” My voice was hoarse. Some part of me still waited for him to push me away and laugh.

He didn’t; with shining eyes he pulled me close and pressed his lips once more to mine.

When my knees started to feel weak I pulled away. “It’s not safe doing this up here.” I gave a half laugh, but my head was spinning.

Justin stretched like a cat with a tin of tuna. “I feel great.” He grinned. “We should have done this before.”

“Sure.” I turned and started my careful descent. “But if we do it again, I’m going to be lying down.”

“Oh yeah?” He swung down to my level like Tarzan and I shoved him away, before tentatively toeing the next bar.

“I feel a bit woozy. Just watch me, will you?”

His smile was gentle and he put one hand on my back as I descended. “You can trust me.”

The nearer I got to the ground, the louder I could hear James and Harley whooping. Tamsin was quiet and her fists were clenched so tightly I imagined her nails were drawing blood.

“She does hate me,” I whispered. Justin, sitting next to me on a pole, nodded.

Then I saw Tamsin clutch James’ arm. Even in the semi-dark I could see her face whiten and she pointed with a trembling arm… right at Justin.

“She can see me.” Justin straightened.

“That’s impossible.” I patted his knee and swung myself down to the final platform. I was below the level of the fence now and the void was sucking at my soles like quicksand.

Justin jumped like a leopard to land next to me. “Look.” He turned me to face Tamsin and yes, it did look as if she could see her ex. Her mouth was slack and the whites of her cat-like eyes were showing.

“She’s just pissed that I did the dare, that’s all. That I made it down in one piece.”

“That’s not it.” Justin leaned towards Tamsin. James had his arm around her, talking intently, his hood bobbing under the light. “Tamsin.” Justin shouted and waved and James had to catch her as she squealed and collapsed.

“She can see me,” he insisted.

“She can’t.” I frowned. “The only other people in the world who’d be able to see you are related to me. And I promise you Tamsin Harper and I are not even distantly related.” As I spoke she calmed down, peering blindly into the spot that Justin still occupied. “See?”

Abruptly Justin yelped. He’d been standing on the pole right next to me, but now it was as if it had turned into water. He fell through the metal, toes first and I screamed. Like a diver being dumped into the ocean, he was heading right for the Darkness below.

There was no way I could reach him. There was only one thing I could do: get off the bar so he could touch it again. I threw myself off the platform, as far out away from the patch of boiling Dark as I could.

As I flew I spun in the air, frantic to see what happened to Justin. As soon as my feet left the pole, his arms smacked into it and he was able to hold on, dangling above the pit with terror etched on his face. “Tay!”

Then it hit me: I was falling. My body went rigid. I knew tensing up was the worst thing to do but, damn, this was going to hurt. My hair lashed my face and the wind laughed in my ears as I tried to tuck in my arms and legs. What if I broke something?

The ground smacked into me like a sheet of rubberised lead and my breath flew ahead of me as I rolled.

I barely had time to register my bruised side before the Darkness reached for me, filaments like vines snaking from the pit to drag me back. I barrelled frantically, continuing to roll as far away as I could.

Finally I stopped and twisted. My ears strained. I could hear James and Harley laughing. The collection of blackness was palpitating, but something was holding it back. I looked up. I had landed right beneath the spotlight. Although my sweatshirt was covering the bulb it was casting enough of a glare to keep the shadows at bay.

I rubbed my face with shaking hands then tuned my ears into Tamsin’s whine. “You saw him, didn’t you? That’s why you jumped.” She sprinted to my side and grabbed me by my shoulders. “James wasn’t looking and Harley was messing with his phone, but you were right there. You must have seen him.”

I winced. I’d be black and blue tomorrow. “Let go, will you?” I rolled painfully to my feet. Justin had been right; Tamsin had seen him.

I opened my mouth and the fence rattled. Abruptly Pete’s face appeared. “Taylor, thank God you’re OK.” He was gasping. “The guard’s seen the light; he’s on his way round.”

“Time to go.” Harley tucked his phone back in his jeans and leaped for the chain link.

Tamsin was still standing next to me, her face pale under her thick make-up. I grabbed her elbow and shoved her towards her new boyfriend.

My legs protested as I ran, muscles quivering, but I pushed myself to jump at the fence and groaned as I tried to scramble upwards.

“Taylor!” A voice called from above and I looked up. Pete was offering me his hand. I stretched, and my fingertips touched his. The security guard shouted and next to me Tamsin scaled the fence like a monkey.

Hands grabbed my waist and crumpled my shirt as they propelled me upwards. My palm slapped Pete’s and he dragged me to the top of the fence.

I swung my legs over the link and my eyes met those of the angry guard. “Stupid bloody kids,” he shouted. “You think you’re clever? You want to get killed?”

I pressed my lips together, resisting the impulse to apologise and was about to drop to the ground when movement caught my eye. Justin was scrambling down from the scaffolding, staying as far from the Darkness as he could get.

Who had boosted me up?

My heart thudded as I looked down. The ghost of the old woman touched her cane to her forehead in a kind of salute and moved backwards.

I tightened my gloved hand on the fence. She could have Marked me easily; simple contact with the skin on my waist would have done it.

“I’ll come back.” My dry lips formed the words and she nodded as Pete tugged on my jeans. My ankles complained as I dropped to the ground and staggered back. A stray dog barked at us and scuttled away amongst the bin-bags. Then we all ran down the alleyway in a tight group as shadows boiled at the edges of buildings.

The street was busy. The others slowed to a walk, pulled off their hoods and blended. But when they headed towards the tube, I tugged at Pete’s arm.

“I’m owed a challenge, remember?”

He raised his eyebrows. “You want to do that now?”

My eyes strayed to the shadows that bayed at the edges of the pooled streetlights. “Definitely.”

“Where do you want to go?”

“Just somewhere quiet… and well lit.”

“A bar?”

“Quiet.” I reminded him.

“This time of night we’ll be able to find a table.” He rubbed his bald head and raised his voice. “James, alright if we go in here?”

We were passing a Slug and Lettuce. I peered through the doors at the pale wood and the long bar crammed with men and women still in their office-wear. Then I shrugged, Pete was right; the tables at the back appeared quiet.

As I made the decision my mind turned to Justin. I wasn’t sure whether he should be with us for this. But while I considered ducking into the bar after the others, he appeared at a run, ignoring the bodies thronging the street and swishing through arms, torsos and legs, like a swimmer.

When he saw me, he slowed. “Did she Mark you?” He grabbed my arm.

I shook my head and my lips twitched; he was worried about me.

“I saw her touch you and I couldn’t get there in time.” Justin rubbed his hand up and down my arm and his eyes were nowhere near Tamsin. “Are you OK?”

I nodded, trying to show him I was pleased to see him without seemingly speaking to thin air. Then I leaned into him, just slightly and Pete pushed the doors open from the inside. “I thought you wanted to go in here,” he snapped.

“Right.” I let Justin put his arm around me and together we walked through the doors into the bustle and music.

There were three tables left at the back of the room. We took the one furthest from the bar and sat. “I’m getting some wedges.” Harley grabbed the menu. “I’m starving.”

Justin hesitated at the chairs. A few weeks ago it would have been the most natural thing in the world for him to have slouched down with the others. Instead he stood behind me and put his hands on my shoulders.

Immediately my eyes went to Tamsin, but she didn’t even look in his direction. She may have seen him before, but she couldn’t now.

Our table leaned against a window. The Darkness outside pressed against the glass, but didn’t spill in. I slid our candle closer to my seat. I only had to defend myself against it for a short while longer; the truth was about to come out.

“I get to set a challenge now, right?” I turned to James. “That’s what we agreed.”

James blinked. “Don’t you want to chill for a bit? I’ll admit you were amazing up there.”

I shook my head. “I want a truth. And I want it now.”