Just To Be With You

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Ian had been wondering what the hell he was doing sitting in Tatiana’s living room with a model and her overbearing mother who clearly was hoping he’d take a shine to either herself or her daughter. He should already be back in the meeting he’d so abruptly walked out of—or at least listening in on his phone as he headed back to the office in the town car.

But then Tatiana started laughing...and, suddenly, Ian knew not only why he was still there, but also why he’d had to come find her in the first place.

Something was poking him, so he shifted on the couch and pulled a paperback book out from behind the cushion. Yes, messy was definitely one word for Tatiana. But as he looked around him at her home, he was struck more by its charm than its disorder. Though he knew it was only a temporary residence while she filmed her next movie, she’d filled it with lots of pretty, fun things that he could easily guess made her happy. Lots of framed pictures of her with her family along with a little stuffed tiger on the fireplace mantel that might not have made sense if someone didn’t know her.

Ian’s thoughts skidded to a halt as he realized he was no longer one of those people who saw Tatiana’s beautiful face, her gorgeous figure, her incredible acting skills, and thought he saw the whole picture. Yes, all those things were a part of her, but there was so much more to her. Her humor. Her intelligence. Her devotion to family. And, he had to acknowledge, the way she stuck up for someone she cared about when she’d walked into Chelsea’s warpath yesterday with the clear intent of avenging him.

“How dare you act like such a little tramp? You’ve embarrassed our entire family.”

Ian snapped to attention as Tatiana transformed right before his eyes into a furious mother. It didn’t matter that she was only a handful of years older than Serena—two sentences was all it took for him to understand the brittle, prideful character she was playing.

“I’m—” Serena faltered, fought back tears, before winning her own character’s fight for strength. “I’m not a tramp.” She tilted her chin up and faced down Tatiana. “I’m in love.”

“Love.” Tatiana spat the word. “You don’t know one damned thing about love. You think it’s all butterflies and rainbows and groping around in the backseat of that boy’s car.”

“That’s not what it’s like! That’s not what we’re doing.”

“Oh, I know exactly what you’re doing spreading your legs for him, exactly the mistake you’re making. How do you think I ended up with you?”

Serena’s eyes widened as her skin paled. “I knew it. I always knew you thought that.” Her breath shook, her eyes filled with tears that she still wouldn’t let fall. “I was a mistake.”

Tatiana put down the paper she’d been reading from and grinned at the model. “That was great.”

Serena looked stunned for a few moments, not able to pull out of her character as quickly as Tatiana had. “Thanks.” She took a deep breath, blew it out, then finally smiled. “It felt good.”

Genevieve jumped up off the couch and gave her daughter a hug. “What did I tell you, sweetie—you’re magnificent. Simply born to play this part!”

Ian watched as the girl shrank back from the extravagant praise, clearly embarrassed by her mother’s behavior. Tatiana stood and held out a hand to Serena, drawing the model away from her hovering mother.

“Why don’t we do the second scene Smith sent over? If you don’t mind, I’d like to try it on our feet over by the window for a change of pace.”

When Ian listened to them run through it, he realized Tatiana hadn’t actually needed to get them up on their feet or off the couch. She’d done it simply to give Serena some much-needed space to breathe.

Empathy. It was yet another beautiful facet to Tatiana that he couldn’t ignore.

Plus, for the first time, he was able to just sit back and watch her. He couldn’t have done it when they were having dinner at his parents’ house on Friday night, and he definitely hadn’t been able to do it while they were in his office. But now, as he sat in her living room, he finally let himself drink her in.

With the faint sunlight coming in the window behind her, he could see all the different natural blonds and browns and reds in her hair, along with the way pretty color rose in her skin as she ran through the scene. Just more of her unique qualities that sparkled too brightly for him to ignore or deny any longer.

But she’d asked him to pay attention to Serena’s acting, so he forced himself to bring the model into view as well. She was tall, slim yet curvy, with a staggeringly pretty face. One that would probably bring every other man on the planet to his knees, but did nothing whatsoever for Ian. Especially not when she was standing so close to the one woman who had brought him to his knees from the moment he’d spoken to her in the Napa Valley vineyard.

As the two women played out the much longer scene, Ian could see why Smith was producing the film. And no question about it, there was something about the way the model played the daughter. Maybe because it wasn’t too much of a stretch from the relationship Serena seemed to have with her own mother.

Or maybe it was simply that Tatiana was so good she made everyone she worked with look good, too.

He’d seen most of her movies before he’d ever met her, and he’d always been impressed by the way she disappeared into each role, especially when she rarely played the same one from film to film. But, Lord, to watch her from fifteen feet away like this...to say his mind was blown would be a major understatement.

She was, in a word, brilliant. But more than that, she made the transformation from herself into someone else entirely look so effortless. He could feel her joy at doing what she was meant to do, at being exactly what she was meant to be, just as she’d told him in the back of his town two days earlier on the way to lunch with his professor.

When they came to the end of the scene, Tatiana stretched, then shook out both arms. “Phew, that’s a rough role to jump in and out of.”

Serena looked nervous as she stood with her hands twisted in front of her stomach, but Tatiana quickly reached out to her. “You were great. Really great. I’m so glad we got to do this.”

Serena smiled, but now that she was done, it was obvious that her nerves were getting the better of her. Tatiana saw it right away, of course, and said, “Chocolate. That’s exactly what we need now.”

Tatiana hadn’t even made it halfway to her kitchen when Genevieve shot up off the couch and intercepted her. “Oh no, we don’t eat or drink empty calories like that—do we, sweetie?”

Serena gave Tatiana a regretful smile. “It was nice of you to offer, though.”

“Are you going to talk to Smith today?” Serena’s mother asked Tatiana.

Ian was impressed by the way Tatiana, for Serena’s benefit, held in the irritation she had to feel about the incredibly pushy woman. “I’ll need to talk privately with Ian first, but then, yes, I’m planning to give Smith a call.”

Genevieve turned her sharp gaze on him. “Wasn’t my daughter great, Ian?”

“She was.”

“It’s amazing how beautiful and talented she is, isn’t it?”

“Mom,” Serena said, finally speaking up, “we should go.” She didn’t even look at him, obviously too embarrassed to do anything but say a soft thank-you to Tatiana for doing the read-through with her.

Tatiana threw her arms around the model and said something to her that neither Ian nor Serena’s mother could hear, and when Serena pulled back, she was smiling again.

Genevieve held out her hand to Ian. “It was positively lovely to meet you, Ian. I do hope we’ll be seeing you again, and soon.”

Ian had learned early on from his own mother that if he didn’t have anything nice to say, it was better to keep his mouth shut. “Take care, Genevieve, of both yourself and your daughter.” He would have walked over to say a personal good-bye to Serena, but it was far too likely that her mother would see it as a sign of interest, rather than politeness. He remained in the living room while Tatiana walked the two women out.

Closing the door behind her a few minutes later, Tatiana slumped against it. “Poor thing, I don’t know how she deals as well as she does with everything. Tell me, what did you think?”

“You’re amazing at what you do.”

She smiled, a big smile that told him how much his compliment meant to her. “Thank you. But Serena’s the one up for the role, not me. What did you think of her?”

“She was good. Not polished. Not particularly confident, either. But there was something about what she did that was compelling. Very compelling.”

“Raw emotion. She’s brimming over with it. It’s less that she’s trying to act the part, more that she is the part. Which is precisely what I’m hoping will happen for me with my new role, that I’ll understand it well enough to become the freakin’ character soon. Unfortunately, thus far it’s—”

She cut herself off with a frustrated little growl as she walked into the living room to pick up the coffee mugs. “I never offered you anything to drink. Want a cup?” When he shook his head, she put them in the sink, then turned back to say, “Thank God neither my mom nor Valentina were stage-mother types. To be fair, though, I can see that it would be hard for Genevieve to have a daughter that beautiful without worrying about people taking advantage of her. I suppose you’d want to do anything you could to protect her.”

“Protecting her?” He thought about the way Serena’s mother had practically offered her daughter up to him, simply because he was rich and came from a powerful family. “I’m not sure that’s what she was doing.”

“No,” Tatiana said with a sigh. “I’m afraid you might be right. She looked at you like you were a particularly delicious piece of candy that she would have been happy for either her or her daughter to enjoy. When I asked you to stay to give your opinion, I didn’t think about how uncomfortable that would be for you.”

“It wasn’t a problem.”

“You should have heard her before you got here, going on and on about how gorgeous all you Sullivans are. I’m thinking I should check the picture she was looking at and make sure there isn’t any drool I need to wipe off.” Tatiana picked up a framed photo from her mantel and studied it carefully before putting it back. “Looks clean and dry, thankfully.”

He didn’t recall seeing this picture from Marcus and Nicola’s wedding, one where everyone was relaxed rather than posing wedding-style for the shot. “Did you get this from the photographer?”

“No, I took it.” She smiled at it, then at him. “I really shouldn’t be so hard on Genevieve. All of you Sullivans really are quite pretty.”

As he looked at the beautiful woman standing before him, Ian finally accepted that she didn’t have a clue just how alluring, how tempting she was herself. On the day they’d met in the vineyard, he’d been so certain it was all an act on her part, that there must be something she was trying to gain by acting so, well, normal...despite all the evidence to the contrary.

Now he knew it wasn’t an act. Because though Tatiana was a world-class actress, she was one of the few women that he’d never seen put on an act in real life. Instead, amazingly, she let herself be real, be honest, be vulnerable. He could now see why Valentina and Smith were so protective of her.

Ian found that he wanted to do whatever he could to protect her, too.

Especially from a man like himself.

“It must have been difficult for your father when you decided to become an actress.”

“I was pretty young when he passed away. I’d only just started to do a few commercials, so he never had to deal with me falling for bad boys.”

“It wouldn’t matter how young you were, he would still have worried, would still have wanted to protect you.”

“I would have liked that, to know that he was there to take care of me if I needed him.” Her words were soft, filled with longing for the father she’d lost far too early. “I always think of him, even now, when something really great happens. I want to run to him to tell him everything, want to feel him lift me up one more time and spin me around in circles until we’re both dizzy. Valentina says that she’s always felt him watching over us, but I didn’t get as many years with him as she did, and sometimes he’s so fuzzy in my head...”

Ian didn’t think before moving to close the distance between them. Tatiana’s grief at losing a parent was so much bigger than what he’d gone through with his divorce, and yet, she didn’t try to hold it in or to keep it caged inside.

He didn’t know how she did it, how she managed to be so open without fear of getting hurt. All he knew was that he had to be there for her, needed to lift his hands to frame her face as he told her, “Valentina is right, Tatiana. Your father sees you. And he’s proud of you, so damned proud. Not just because you’re such a success, but also because of the truly extraordinary woman you’ve become.”

Her eyes were shining with tears as she lifted them to meet his. “Thank you. Thank you for saying that, and for watching our read-through...and for worrying about me when I didn’t show up at your office.”

Her skin was soft, so soft. And so warm that he’d never wanted anything more than he wanted to close the rest of the distance between them and kiss her.

Finally kiss her.

Finally learn if her lips tasted as sweet, and were as soft, as he’d imagined them to be.

In that moment, all the reasons he had for keeping his distance, for staying away from her, fell away as he shifted his hands to thread his fingers into her hair so that he could—

Her phone jumped on the kitchen counter, a loud buzz as it clanked against a set of keys that jolted him back into the real world.

He dropped his hands from her and took one step back, and then another and another, away from the greatest temptation he’d ever faced. And when he saw Smith’s face light up her cell phone’s screen, guilt at what he’d almost done swamped him.

Valentina and Smith trusted him with Tatiana. He should be protecting her, not fantasizing about all the ways he wanted to take her, how many times he could make her scream his name in pleasure before the next sunrise.

“You should get that,” he told her.

“Smith can wait. Right now, don’t you think it’s more important that we talk about what happened yesterday?” She touched her hair, the silky strands his fingers had been tangling in just seconds before. “And what almost happened now?”

“I was an ass yesterday. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry for the way I behaved, too. Not for what I said to your ex-wife—I can’t stand back and watch one of my friends be attacked without needing to get up and fight for them—but that I poked my nose in where it doesn’t belong. Especially when I see what Valentina and Smith have, I can only guess at how hard it would be to lose that.”

“What your sister and my cousin have together and what I had in my marriage are not the same at all. From what I can see, Valentina gives Smith what he needs and he gives the same right back. My ex-wife and I never were able to do that for each other.”

He stopped, realizing he’d just given away way too much of himself...and not only that, but he’d let Tatiana get way too close. It was hard enough wanting her as he did, but throwing all these emotions into the mix was utter madness.

She’d said he was her friend, and since Ian knew it was the only path forward for them that could make sense—that could work long term—he told her, “You threw Chelsea off her game in a way I haven’t seen before. She was threatened by you. It made her angry. But you shouldn’t have had to bear the brunt of it.”

“Like I said, no one hurts one of my friends and gets away with it. But I want you to know that I didn’t believe her, Ian, not a word she said about you.”

“Maybe you should.” After all, hadn’t his ex laid out the truth of what a relationship with him was like? Chelsea had been angry, but she hadn’t lied.

But Tatiana dismissed his warning with a shake of her head, obviously choosing instead to believe that it couldn’t possibly be true. “How could I believe anything she says when I feel like I already know you better after a handful of days than she did in all the time you were married?”

It was crazy for him to feel that, too, but he did. In fact, he knew Tatiana so well already that he could read her mind and know she was hoping they were about to leap from being friends to lovers.

He’d already gone too deep with her, shared too much of himself, but before he pushed her away again, he had to at least explain to her why he was doing it. “I like you, Tatiana. A great deal. And I’m glad we’ve become friends. Which is why I can’t stand the thought of hurting you. Not in any way.”

“Why do you think you’ll hurt me, Ian? Why can’t we just jump and trust that we’ll help each other with the landing?”

“I can’t take any chances with you.” He wanted to touch her again so badly—wanted to feel her skin against his fingertips, her body pressed close to his again—that he made himself take another step away from her. “Especially not with you.”

She stared at him with big green eyes, and he decided to let her take a good long look this time, to let her see what he made sure to hide from everyone else. That she couldn’t want him. Shouldn’t want him.

Because he didn’t have nearly enough to give her.

But instead of flinching or looking away, she said, “I’m not good at holding in what I feel. And I meant what I said yesterday. I did fall for you that first day we met in the vineyard, and I’ve only fallen further as I’ve gotten to know you better.” She sighed. “I’m not a terribly patient person, so the fact that I’m pretty sure you were just about to kiss me, but didn’t, is really bugging me. Not in the least because I’ve been dying to know if it will be as good as I’ve dreamed it will be. But now that you’re telling me, flat out, you just want to be friends, and—” She sighed again, shaking her head. “I wish I knew what to do. About everything.”

He could see how frustrated she was and was equally frustrated that he couldn’t reach out to soothe her without risking a friendly embrace turning into so much more. So instead, he did what always helped him when he was confused. He took things apart piece by piece.

“Call Smith back. And then come with me to the office so that you can keep doing your research for your role.” Soon, hopefully, they’d figure out how to keep their growing attraction at bay. Now that it was out in the open, at least—and he’d made it perfectly clear to her that they couldn’t do anything about it—things had to get easier.

But as he watched her war with herself, a part of him—a really big part that he wasn’t proud of—was praying she’d ignore everything he’d just said and kiss him anyway.

Finally, though, she nodded. “There’s just one question I need to ask first before we go ahead as if nothing has changed between us, even though we both know it has.”

He braced for her question. “Go ahead.”

“Do you really think one teeny-tiny little kiss would be that big a deal?”

“With you,” he said, as serious as he’d ever been in his life, “I’m certain that no kiss could ever be teeny. Or tiny. Or little.”

“A hug then. Now that we’ve cleared the air from yesterday, I think we should at least be able to give each other a friendly hug.”

Even that was a bad idea, Ian knew, but before he could make that clear, her arms were already coming around his neck.

She was so much smaller than he, but they still fit together perfectly, her soft curves against his muscles, taut with the effort it was taking not to lift her up on the kitchen counter and wrap her legs around his waist so that he could devour her.

He could feel her breath warm against his neck, her long eyelashes brushing his skin as she closed her eyes, then opened them again. He could feel her heart beating against his chest, fast and hard, as they stood in the circle of each other’s arms for what was one of the most precious, extraordinary moments of his life so far.

Ian never wanted to let her go, didn’t know if he’d ever find the strength to do it, but he also knew he needed to shatter the moment before it spun off into another even more heady one.

“My driver is waiting outside. You can call Smith on the way to the office. That is, if you still want to come with me.”

When she finally drew back, cool air rushed in where her curves had been warming him. “I do. Of course I do.”

Her words were slightly breathless, and knowing why, knowing that he aroused her that much with only a hug, did crazy things to him. Especially when he couldn’t help but wonder just how aroused she would become if he kissed every inch of her, then followed up his kisses with caresses.

She reached for her phone with a slightly shaky hand and was already dialing his cousin as they headed out. “Smith, Serena and her mother just left my place.”

He was impressed how quickly, and successfully, Tatiana turned her attention to the job Smith had asked her to do. Especially when he knew firsthand just how difficult—impossible, actually—it was to pull off that kind of focus when they were together.

“Serena’s a winner,” she told Smith. “There’s a depth to the emotion inside of her that, when combined with her beauty, is frankly mind-blowing. Ian was watching, too, if you’d like to hear his opinion. Valentina told you I’m shadowing him to research my new role, didn’t she? I’ll put you on speaker—hold on a sec.”

“Tatiana was right on the money,” Ian told his cousin once they were all on the call together in the back of his town car. “Serena did a great job—despite her horrible mother doing everything she could to get in the way.”

“You owe Ian, Smith,” Tatiana said, “since he barely escaped with his life around that woman. However, I still think you should hire Serena. Just figure out a way to keep Genevieve off the set as much as possible.”

“Will do,” Smith said. “Thanks, both of you, for your help. And Ian, drinks are on me next time I see you.”

But Ian knew that if Smith had even the faintest inkling about his feelings for Tatiana, the very last thing in the world he’d be doing was thanking him or buying him drinks.