Just To Be With You

CHAPTER NINE

Tatiana’s mind raced with a half-dozen different ways to approach Ian when he came back into his office. Would it be better to act like nothing had happened? Or should she try to cut the tension from what she’d witnessed with a joke that he wouldn’t see coming and wouldn’t be able to resist laughing about?

If she were in his place, she finally decided, what she’d really want was an ear, a shoulder, someone to gently talk through the whole situation with. Of course, that meant she’d need to force her own emotions into the background so that she could help him.

So then, if she’d been so sure about the best way to deal with things, why was the first thing out of her mouth when he walked back into his office, “Why did you give her the money?”

Only, she knew exactly why she’d said it, didn’t she? Tatiana had never been any good at hiding her feelings. Especially when she felt more for the man standing in front of her than she could ever remember feeling for anyone else.

There was only the barest hitch in Ian’s gait as he moved to his desk to pull something up on his computer screen. “I have more money than time to deal with lawyers,” he replied in a voice utterly without inflection or emotion. “She knows that and capitalizes on it.”

What he’d said about his money-to-time ratio was certainly true, but in Tatiana’s mind it didn’t come anywhere close to explaining what had happened. She frowned as she thought about the scene between Ian and his ex-wife.

One thing continued to stick with her: the guilt she’d seen in his eyes.

“You think you owe it to her—whatever she asks you for—don’t you?”

Ian Sullivan had a masterful poker face, and she’d thought more than once that if he hadn’t become a captain of industry he could easily have ruled the high roller tables in Vegas without breaking a sweat. But she could have sworn she saw a crack appear as she continued, “Why? Why would you think you owe her anything? I saw the way she acted. I see the way she is. What more than what she’s already gotten from you do you think she deserves?”

Every time she said the word why, Ian’s eyes flashed hotter, darker. He’d always held his inner fire in check, but now she expected it to burst free. Finally.

“I’m late for my next meeting.”

Tatiana was momentarily stunned by the way Ian completely ignored her questions. Stunned into utter silence, actually.

She’d never known anyone who could shut down—or shut her out—so quickly. Or so thoroughly. And maybe, Tatiana told herself, that’s where she should let the whole thing go. Any rational woman would.

Only, there was more than just what had happened between Ian and his ex-wife to deal with, wasn’t there? Specifically, when she’d said, “All it took was one handshake for me to fall for you, Ian.”

She wasn’t ashamed that she’d finally admitted her feelings to him, and she didn’t much care that his ex-wife had heard it. But she couldn’t imagine sitting through a bunch of meetings with it hanging between them...or worse, with Ian pretending she’d never said it at all—as if what she felt for him didn’t matter in the least.

So even though the rational part of her knew the timing was all wrong, that in the wake of dealing with his ex-wife Ian was as closed off as he could possibly be, Tatiana couldn’t stop herself from moving closer into his personal space. Personal space that he’d just made perfectly clear he wanted to keep as his alone.

She reached for his arm. “About what I said at the end—”

“Forget it, Tatiana.”

Now her eyes were the ones leaping with fire. “I can’t forget it. I won’t.”

“You have to. We both do.” As open as he’d been when they’d been laughing together fifteen minutes earlier about her falling asleep in the meeting, he’d now swung all the way to the far side of closed. “This next meeting will be even more boring than the one we just came out of, so you might as well skip it. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Having dismissed her, he walked out of his office, leaving her standing alone with a difficult decision to make, one that she couldn’t believe had become so thorny in such a short time. Should she do what he was obviously hoping she’d do—and what, at the moment, her stung pride was demanding—by picking up her bag and finding another CEO to shadow? Or should she suck it up and continue forward on the path she’d been so determined to walk just a few days ago?

But the truth was, continuing to shadow him wasn’t about her pride. And it wasn’t completely about researching her role, either.

The real reason she was going to stay in his life was because she recognized, deep inside herself, that there wasn’t any decision for her to make. Not when her heart really and truly had made it for her all those months ago in Napa Valley, when Ian had held her hands in his...and she’d looked up into eyes that she’d been waiting to gaze into her entire life.

Yes, she knew that it was crazy to try for Ian’s heart. While he was a caring man, he wasn’t an easy one like his brothers. On top of that, he had obviously been terribly scarred by his marriage, his heart now imprisoned behind a thick, seemingly impenetrable wall.

And yet, she couldn’t help but feel that it would be so much crazier not to try—to let him go without knowing she’d risked absolutely everything first. His mother’s words from Friday night replayed inside her head: “What I learned when Ian’s father and I were trying to make things work between the two of us, was just how much determination it can sometimes take to stay on your heart’s path. I also learned that love is worth the struggle. Always.”

Just then, Tatiana’s phone buzzed from the couch. She picked it up and was both surprised and pleased to see a text from Ian’s sister.

HAVING DRINKS WITH THE GIRLS AT MY PLACE. PLEASE COME!

Tatiana considered her options. She could go in to Ian’s meeting, even though he’d just made it clear he didn’t want her there. She could go back to her condo and read over her script another dozen times. Or she could go to Mia’s house, have a couple of drinks, and try to forget that any headway she’d made with Ian had just been stripped completely away.

After texting Ian’s sister back and noting her address, Tatiana tossed her phone at her open bag, then headed for Mia’s.

“What a fabulous house,” Tatiana marveled as Mia put a glass of wine in her hand the second she walked through the front door. “Is that a tower I saw just behind the house?”

“Complete with thirteenth century stones and everything,” Mia confirmed. “It’s where Ford first tricked me into seeing him again, and then later proposed. It’s my favorite place on the property. He’s turning the lower level into a recording studio, which means there will be lots of hot musicians always hanging around,” she added with a wicked grin. “No complaints here.”

Tatiana already knew the story of how, five years after they’d had a week-long affair and then split up, Ford had posed as an anonymous buyer to hire Mia as his Realtor to find him a house in Seattle. He’d believed it was the only way to get her to see him again, and while Mia had been furious with him at first, beneath her anger had been a deep and true love that had never gone away in the years she and Ford had been apart.

“I love watching the two of you together. Ford loves you so much.”

“Sometimes,” Mia said with a happy glow, “I wake up in the morning and he’s right there, and I still can hardly believe we were lucky enough to get a second chance.”

Tatiana was so happy for her friend, for all of her friends and family members who had found true love. One day, she hoped, she’d be the one glowing from being loved so well.

Brooke and Colbie walked in just then and there were more hugs among them all. Brooke was getting married to Mia’s brother Rafe that summer. They lived full time on a lake a couple of hours away, but were often in Seattle for business meetings and to see family, though they’d had to miss dinner at Max and Claudia’s on Friday night. Colbie was Mia’s oldest friend from kindergarten, and she had also gotten married recently, Tatiana remembered when she saw the stack of bridal magazines Colbie and Brooke plopped onto the kitchen counter.

“Here’s everything we had between the two of us. Although we already ripped out the pictures of all the good dresses,” Colbie teased Mia.

“I swear,” Mia said as she poured glasses of wine for her friends, “thinking through the logistics of marrying Ford is like planning a covert military operation. He’s just so famous, I honestly don’t know how we can avoid helicopters and paparazzi. I’m starting to think we should just throw on some bathing suits one afternoon and say our vows by the pool, then eat burgers and hot dogs at a cookout with everyone afterward.”

Even though Tatiana knew Mia hadn’t been serious, she had to ask, “Why don’t you?”

Mia looked thoughtful. “Now that we’re talking about it,” she said slowly, “maybe that’s exactly what we should do. I’ll have to see what Ford thinks, but something tells me he’d be just as happy as I would to avoid the circus.”

Mia had turned on the heat lamps on the covered porch that looked out over the lake and had laid out blankets on the seats so they’d be comfortable sitting outside. Brooke pulled a big box of chocolates out of her bag and put it on the coffee table next to the plate of crackers and cheese.

“I know how busy your filming and traveling schedule is,” Brooke said to Tatiana, “but I hope you’ll be able to come to our wedding at the lake this summer.”

“Their plans are super romantic and sweet,” Mia said around a mouthful of chocolate truffle.

Brooke smiled, possessing the exact same glow that Mia did. “We’re going to spend the weekend with everyone at the lake and then have the ceremony and reception out on the beach in front of our house at sunset.”

“It sounds amazing.” Tatiana hadn’t visited their lake house before, but the pictures she’d seen had shown a really cute lakefront cottage with a beautiful view. “And thank you for the invitation. I’d love to come to your wedding.” She turned to ask Colbie, whom she’d met only briefly once before, “You just returned from your honeymoon, didn’t you? Was it amazing?”

“Beyond amazing.” Colbie’s deep blush said more than words would have about just how amazing it had been.

They talked honeymoons for a while longer, until Mia suddenly zoomed in on Tatiana and changed the subject. “So, how is shadowing my big brother at the office going?” When Colbie looked confused, Mia explained, “Tatiana is spending the next couple of weeks at the office with Ian to do some research on CEOs for her new movie. She’s been working with him a couple of days already.”

Clearly surprised by this bit of information, Colbie said, “Wow, how interesting. I can’t wait to hear about what it’s like to shadow Ian.”

“Rafe and I were wondering how it’s going, too,” Brooke said. “Do tell.”

Feeling slightly flustered at the sudden attention, plus the glass of wine on a fairly empty stomach, Tatiana said, “It’s going fine.” Ugh, that didn’t sound right. It was just that the day had ended on such a weird note, and she was still reeling from it. “I mean, it’s going great.” She took a sip from her glass before repeating, “Really great.”

Everyone remained quiet, as though they were waiting for her to say something more. Tatiana had promised not to share any information about what happened in Ian’s office with anyone. And she would never spill his business secrets. But she had to know, “What’s the deal with his ex-wife?”

“Chelsea?” Mia made a face. “Why do you ask?”

“I met her today.” Tatiana held up a hand. “But I promised Ian I’d keep everything that goes on in his office private, so that’s all I can say. I shouldn’t even have brought it up, and I don’t mean to gossip, especially about your family—”

“We know that’s not why you’re asking,” Mia said, cutting off her apology. “You’re probably just wondering, How could he have married her?”

Tatiana had to reluctantly nod. “When I saw them together...well, I just couldn’t see them together.”

“I’m probably not the most objective person in the world when it comes to Chelsea,” Mia admitted, “but I swear to you that when he brought her home for the first time, we all tried to like her. We really gave it everything we could, all of us—my brothers, my parents, my cousins. But in the end she never wanted to be any closer to us than we did to her. I think she was used to getting what she wanted...and she wanted my brother all to herself. No family always in the way. No work commitments eating up both his days and nights, when she was dying to have her picture taken for the society pages in the couture dresses he bought for her.”

“But family and work,” Tatiana said, “that’s who Ian is. He loves you guys to pieces and running his business gives him a rush, every day, every part of it.”

“He used to be a lot of fun, too, though you might not see it.”

“I saw it when he was playing football with your brothers on Friday night.” She smiled. “And when he was teasing me about falling asleep in a meeting this afternoon, neither of us could keep from laughing.”

“You fell asleep in a meeting?”

“Evidently,” she said, embarrassment flooding back, “I was snoring.”

“And Ian teased you about it?” Colbie asked, sharing a look with Mia and Brooke that Tatiana couldn’t quite read.

“When he realized I felt really bad about it, he made me feel better by telling me he’d once done the exact same thing.”

All three women looked surprised, but none more than Ian’s sister. “Let me make sure I have this straight. First he laughed with you in his office and then he went out of his way to make you feel better? Amazing.” Mia took a large gulp of her drink, then refilled everyone’s glasses. “Anyway, back to Chelsea. I think she planned on changing him. Standard female fantasy, so I guess I can’t totally blame her for that.” Though it was clear to Tatiana that Mia wanted to. “When he didn’t magically change to suit her, from what I could see from the outside looking in, she decided to blame him for not being good enough to her. For not treating her the way she believed he should treat her. And for, and this is a direct quote from a hissy fit of hers that I accidentally walked in on, ‘stealing the best years of her life.’”

Everything Mia said resonated with what Tatiana had seen and heard in his office that afternoon. And it also helped to explain why he’d looked guilty and written Chelsea that check. Clearly, he felt bad that he hadn’t been able to change who he was for the woman he’d married.

“She’s a fool for not loving him just the way he is.”

“No kidding.” Mia muttered. “But, you know,” she said with a speculative glance at Tatiana, “I’ve always believed there was someone out there who would love him exactly the way he is.”

Just then, Ford walked onto the patio. “Hey, beautiful.”

Mia turned to kiss him, and Tatiana barely held in a sigh at how perfect they were together.

“I can see there’s some serious girl talk going down here, so I won’t stay.”

“Is your guitar calling to you from the tower again?”

He grinned, but there was a sensuality behind his smile that Tatiana couldn’t miss—as if the two of them shared a sexy secret about his guitar. “You could come play it for me later if you’re in the mood.” One more hot kiss and he headed off with a wave good-bye.

All four of the women watched him walk away with healthy doses of female appreciation. But even though Tatiana couldn’t deny that he was definitely good-looking in his dark jeans and T-shirt, Ford felt more like a brother to her than anything else.

Only Ian had ever made her heat up the way Mia did when Ford kissed her, or light up the way Brooke did when she talked about marrying Rafe, or blush the way Colbie did when telling them about her honeymoon with her new husband.

As the conversation shifted to the best places in town to find good deals on shoes and purses and all the things Tatiana should do and see now that she’d be living in Seattle for a while, she realized just how glad she was that she’d come tonight. Now that Valentina was traveling with Smith so much, and especially while they were gone scouting locations for their new movie, she’d missed their girls’ nights. Especially at a time like this when she felt off-kilter and needed an attitude reset.

Okay, she thought now that she’d had some distance from what had happened in Ian’s office, so she’d told him that she was falling for him. But since it wasn’t her nature to hold her emotions in, Tatiana decided she wasn’t going to keep feeling weird about it, or be angry with him for the way he’d told her to forget those feelings.

Because Mia was right—there was someone out there who would love Ian just the way he was.

Her.