Just To Be With You

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

Ian couldn’t remember the last time he’d awakened with a woman in his arms and wanted to keep her there. Even when he’d been married, he’d gotten out of bed as soon as his eyes were open to work. And with the women he’d had casual flings with, both before and after his marriage, he’d never been tempted to stay overnight or to have them at his place.

But with Tatiana breathing softly and steadily in his arms, her chest rising and falling against his, with her hair tickling his chin and her warm curves pressing against him as he lay with her spooned against him, he now knew exactly what he’d miss if he got up to go use Tim’s house phone to check in at the office.

So damned much.

Loving the feeling of waking up with Tatiana in his arms was just one more thing that set her apart from every other woman he’d been with. Lord knew making love with her was on a whole different plane, as well. It would, he thought, be easiest to chalk it all up to their break from real life, but even back in Seattle when they’d been going from meeting to meeting, he’d been attuned to her in a way he’d never been with anyone else.

Ian had never known a woman’s body so well. Before they’d landed on the island, before they’d been caught in this storm, he would have tried to tell himself that it was because they were discovering her pleasure together, kiss by kiss, caress by caress, climax by climax. But by now, there was no point trying to convince himself to believe such a blatant lie...not when he knew that what had grown between them was so much more than just pleasure.

Ian had never wanted to understand a woman’s reactions this much. He’d never been so compelled to give a woman pleasure. He’d never worked so hard for a gasp, for a moan, for a smile. And yet, what stood out most for him wasn’t their phenomenal lovemaking, but the way she reacted when she’d walked into their room above the barn: Like it was heaven.

The other women he’d been with, and especially his ex, had not only expected five-star luxury, they’d demanded it. Since he was rich enough to give it to them, he always had.

Tatiana, on the other hand, was totally undemanding when it came to anything materialistic. It would be so much easier if she were, if she would ask him for something, anything, other than the one thing it would be impossible for him to give her.

The night before, after making a simple spaghetti dinner, when Tatiana hadn’t been able to stop yawning, he’d tucked her into bed. By the time he was done pulling their damp clothes out of the shower and laying them over various pieces of furniture to dry out, she was asleep.

This morning, with the rain still battering the barn, and the sky outside the window still a dark gray, he didn’t need to check with his pilots to know that they weren’t going anywhere today.

Ian knew he should have been worrying about missing his meeting with Flynn. But when every stolen hour he spent with Tatiana was more precious than the last, all he could think was, What the hell am I going to do when the storm finally ends?

How was he ever going to let her go?

He was holding her so close that he felt her come awake from moment to moment, her heart rate just starting to pick up its pace, her breath coming a little faster, her limbs stretching out one at a time, her toes curling against the top of his foot.

“It wasn’t a dream, was it?” She slowly turned in his arms, putting hers around his neck. “Good morning.”

He had to kiss her once, soft and sweet, to tell her without words that it was the best morning of his entire life. “Good morning.”

“Mmm, you’ve never had a beard when you were kissing me before.” She rubbed her cheek against his. “It’s so rough, so rugged.” She nuzzled against him. “I like it. Kiss me some more, Ian.”

Lord, how he loved the way she talked to him—she never weighed her words or spent so much as one second calculating her gain or his response the way other women did.

He kissed her good and long to please both of them, then showed her how good it felt when his morning beard scratched over the sensitive skin on her neck, her breasts, her stomach, and the patch of slick, heated flesh between her legs. He took her up once with his mouth, and then again with both his fingers and tongue when he couldn’t get enough of her taste.

She was drowsy liquid heat beneath him by the time he kissed his way back up her luscious curves, and he couldn’t wait to feel her surrounding him, couldn’t think about anything but being inside her again, when she whispered, “I want to touch you, too.”

When she reached down to cup him in her hand, he nearly lost it right then and there as she stroked him.

“You’re so hot, and so hard.” There was wonder in her voice, along with infinite curiosity as she said, “I was dreaming last night of holding you like this. And tasting you.” When he pulsed again in her hand, she made a hungry little sound. “I want so badly to make you feel as good as you just made me.”

When she slid down his body to kiss her way down his torso, it was as close to an out-of-body experience as he’d ever had, the first tentative swipe of her tongue over his erection nearly enough to hurtle him over the edge. So when she went all the way from base to tip the second time, he knew that if he didn’t yank her up inside of the next five seconds, it was all going to be over.

But before he could pull her back up his body, her mouth came fully over him. Oh Lord, it was good. So good that he couldn’t do anything but thread his hands into her hair to pull her closer and push even deeper between her lips.

Once, twice, three times he gave himself over to her before he made himself break free from her incredible mouth and rolled her onto her back on the bed. He reached up to lock her hands around the bed posts, then gripped her hips hard and drove into her, as they came together in a dance of desire that was at once hotter and wilder and yet more tender than ever before.

An hour later, when they were finally out of bed and finished with their shower, they opened the door to find raincoats, umbrellas, and gumboots outside. Tatiana was impossibly cute in the pink raincoat and matching boots that Tim’s wife had lent her, her hair extra curly in the rain as they stood under the eave of the barn and watched the wind whip through the branches of the Douglas fir and arbutus trees.

“I’m thinking we might as well leave our umbrellas here. The wind will just tear through them otherwise.” She slipped her hand into his and smiled up at him. “Plus, it’ll be easier to hold hands.”

If they’d been anywhere else, in a city crammed with people rather than on a farm in the middle of the wilderness, they couldn’t have held hands without making the covers of the gossip rags. But here, in the middle of a storm so severe that everyone else was staying inside, with the thick fog and rain making it too hard for anyone to get a clear line of sight on them from out of a window, they were free to be together.

Neither of them spoke as they walked down the deserted farm road, but the silence was an easy one. A little more than one week ago, when he’d found her waiting in his office, he could never have imagined any of this. Not only more pleasure than he’d ever known before, but learning that holding Tatiana’s hand could be just as good as making her come.

Or that being with Tatiana, both in bed and out, would feel so right. So easy.

A light through the fog about a half mile away in the direction of town caught their eye and they headed toward it.

“What a gorgeous lighthouse!” Tatiana’s eyes were wide with wonder as they came close enough to see it clearly, the red-roofed lantern room rising from the trees that surrounded it.

“Dylan used to make us visit every lighthouse he could find when we were kids. I’ve always been amazed that they were able to create a light that was bright enough and strong enough to cut through even the darkest, fiercest storms. The light, the strength, the hope,” he found himself saying, “reminds me of you.”

Rain spiked her eyelashes as she turned to face him and her cheeks were flushed from the cold. “I know I promised you I wouldn’t talk about certain things while we’re here.” She moved closer and turned to face him. “But I have to do this.”

She lifted her mouth to his and in her kiss he heard and felt the words of love she’d promised not to say aloud.

What, he wondered when she pulled back, had she heard, and felt, in his kiss?

And was it more, even, than he was ready to admit to himself?

The island’s shoreline was green and rugged, and so was Ian in the raincoat and gumboots that Tim had left outside their door. Every time she’d seen Ian before today, he’d always been perfectly clean-shaven and polished. Both looks suited him, she realized. The master of the universe in the tailored suit and the rugged outdoorsman with dark scruff on his face, and muddy boots.

They walked past the lighthouse and toward the tiny little strip of stores, and as they came closer, she could see lights on inside the post office and grocery store. Though she and Ian remained the only ones out on the street, would he pull away when they got close enough to be seen together? He’d clearly been on edge when he’d asked if she’d told her sister about them, so how would he feel if the rest of the world found out that he’d made her his?

A little sigh escaped her, one that puffed white in the air around her mouth and had him turning to give her a questioning look. But they’d agreed not to talk about their relationship—what it was, what it wasn’t, what it could be—and just be with each other in this storm. So she simply said, “While we’re here, why don’t we pick up a few things to eat?”

He stared at her for a few seconds longer, continuing to hold her hand as they stood in the middle of the empty, rain-filled street. She wanted to kiss him, wanted to declare her love for him not only in front of the shop owners, but the rest of the world that would surely be alerted within seconds once they saw who she was.

But since she suspected it would break her heart if he let go of her hand, she made herself do it first before heading inside the store.

“How do you feel about meatloaf?”

“Sounds good.”

For the first time all day, things between them felt strained. In their room above the barn, they’d been entirely in their own world. But this little grocery store felt more like the real world than anything else had since they’d landed. There was a rack of magazines, a couple of which had her face on the cover, and a flat-screen TV on in the corner.

She’d already loaded up her hand basket with ground beef, ketchup, a bell pepper, garlic, and onions when she rounded the aisle and saw the cutest display of jewelry. “Look, they’re perfect little replicas of the lighthouse.”

Ian took one off the display and, without a word, walked up to the front counter to pay for it. She stood right where she was, unable to move, barely able to breathe, until he came back to where she was standing. They were hidden from the man at the checkout by a tall shelf, so no one could see Ian undo the clasp and lay it against her collarbone, then lift her hair and move it to the opposite shoulder so that he could close the clasp. It was such an intimate gesture that for one brief, perfect moment, she felt as though they were a real couple.

“I never got you a gift to celebrate your nomination. Nothing was right. Not until now. Not until this.”

“I didn’t need a gift,” she replied in a soft voice, “but I’ll cherish this one forever.” The lighthouse charm necklace was better than jewels for her. Sweet and fun and a memory she’d have forever of the most wonderful days of her life. No matter what happened between them in the future, she’d always treasure these precious, stolen hours with him.

She recognized the look in his eyes—he wanted to kiss her—along with the frustration that he felt because he couldn’t.

“Do we need anything else to eat?” he asked.

She’d temporarily forgotten all about why they were in the store and when she looked down at the basket in her hands it took her brain a few seconds to click back into gear. “Maybe some fruit. Cheese and crackers might be good, too.” Her stomach grumbled. “And bacon.”

Quickly, they gathered up the rest of the groceries. It had been good to get outside, to walk in the rain together, to see the pretty lighthouse. But now, they both wanted to get back to their own private world. One where they didn’t have to worry about what the man at the checkout would think seeing them together, or whom he might tell.

“Wicked storm, eh? Hoping it will blow out just as fast as it blew in, the way it usually does.” The grizzled man didn’t wait for them to pipe in, just kept talking. “Thought I saw a piece of blue sky earlier.” He peered out the window. “Thought maybe the rain slacked off for a bit there.”

Tatiana was so attuned to Ian’s moods that she felt his tension beside her without needing to look at his face. She knew he couldn’t afford too many hours or days away from the office, yet it didn’t seem as though he wanted the storm to end any more than she did.

The man shook his head as he dropped their groceries into a canvas bag. “Probably just wishful thinking, though. Not too many people out today, apart from you two. Not too many tourists this time of year, either. You see the lighthouse?”

“We did,” Tatiana said with a smile. “It’s beautiful.”

The man’s hand stilled on the package of ground beef he was scanning to take a closer look at her. “You remind me of someone.”

“I get that a lot.” Normally, she would have been happy to sign an autograph, but today she simply paid and took her groceries so that she wouldn’t lose one more second with Ian.

Especially if the storm was going to break soon.

After checking in with Linda and David at the B&B and confirming that they would be grounded until the following day at least, when they got back to the barn, Ian surprised her by offering to make the meatloaf. While he cooked, she sat cross-legged on the floor in front of the wicker basket of CDs and combed through the huge number of old movies. There were some great ones, some bad ones, and some she’d never seen.

She picked one of each for Ian to choose from. “Back to the Future. Total Recall. Or Wayne’s World?”

He didn’t hesitate. “Wayne’s World.”

“I’ve never seen it.” But she’d always meant to see what Mike Myers had done before Austin Powers and Shrek. “Is it good?”

“It’s a classic,” he said with a grin, and her heart flopped over in her chest at seeing him look so carefree and so happy. “It doesn’t have to be good.”

How many other people had seen Ian like this? Scruffy, cooking, grinning, wearing jeans and a T-shirt while choosing bad movies for them to watch.

She reached up to touch the lighthouse on her necklace. They were all such simple things. And yet, each one of them meant so much to her.

She put out the cheese and crackers and sliced apples onto a plate while he finished getting the meatloaf ready to go into the oven. After washing his hands, Ian came over to the couch, where she was already curled up under a blanket and the opening credits of the movie had begun.

It felt so good, so easy, so right, when he wrapped his arms around her and she tucked her head against his chest while they watched. The story was simple, about a small-town rock band, the funny guy getting the pretty girl, and good triumphing over evil. And, much to her delight, it turned out that Ian knew all the words from when he was a teenager, especially the part where they went into a long string of “she’s a babe” jokes.

Her stomach growled just as the timer on the oven dinged. Putting the movie on pause, they headed back into the kitchen to eat their simple meal. She’d found a candle and matches on a shelf and placed it, lit, in the center of the small pine table.

“Have you ever thought about being in a movie like that?”

“Casting directors have always seen me more as the dramatic type.”

“You’re great in the dramas,” he said, “but you’d be great in a comedy, too.”

“You really think I could be the slinky guitar-playing heroine?” She vamped a line from the movie, putting on her best sexy attitude.

He blinked, clearly stunned for a minute. “Wow, that was good. So, yeah, you could totally play that part. Though I was thinking more about you killing it as the goofy lead singer with the cable show in the basement.”

She laughed, barely covering her mouthful of meatloaf in time. “You know,” she said a few moments later, “now that you mention it, it would be fun to do a comedy. Although I have a feeling that if I’m going to get one, I’ll have to show those casting directors a thing or two they don’t expect.”

“If anyone can do it, it’s you, Tatiana. You’re extraordinarily good at what you do.”

“Thank you.” She suddenly felt shy. “So are you. Actually, I wanted to ask you something.”

“Of course you do,” he teased her.

For a moment, she hesitated. Neither of them wanted to let the real world intrude on their day any more than it already had in the grocery store, but now that they’d spoken about her career, she had another question for him about his. And since it hadn’t felt weird to bring up her job in the midst of having fun, she hoped it wouldn’t be strange to talk about his, either.

“When Flynn was walking you through his new idea, he talked to you like you were a tech guy, rather than just some guy in a suit.”

“I drive my tech guys crazy,” he admitted with a cute smile. “They’re always telling me to stop breaking their toys.”

“Actually,” she said in a teasing voice as they took their empty plates over to the sink, “I could see you as the geeky guy down in the basement downing Red Bull and pulling a pen out of his pocket protector.”

Laughing, he tugged her back under the blanket on the couch to finish watching the movie. But Tatiana was listening so carefully to every beat of his heart as she lay against his chest that she barely heard another word of dialogue in the film.

She didn’t know who started kissing whom first, but it didn’t matter this time. All that mattered was that it was so good, so sweet. Being with Ian was everything she’d ever wanted, everything she’d ever dreamed of. Soon, they had each other’s clothes off, and she was lying naked on the couch with his wonderfully heavy weight pressing her deeper into the cushions.

She loved the sweetness, the softness, he was giving her, at the same time that wild hunger vibrated between them the way it had from the very first moment she’d kissed him. He’d been slow, gentle, this morning when he’d put his mouth on her and taken her over the edge again and again. She was unabashedly greedy for all of it, for everything she could experience with Ian, for every new sensation.

“More.”

Just one word spoken so softly against his lips, but he immediately stilled, his lips against hers.

“Show me more, Ian.” It was what she’d asked for their first night together, and she remembered what it had done to him...and then what he’d done with her. “I love all the different sides of you. Gentle and sweet. Rough and wild. I don’t want you to hold anything back when you’re with me.”

Since she was the one doing the asking, she should have been prepared for what Ian did next, but he had his hands on her hips to spin her around so fast that she was momentarily disoriented when she realized she was on her knees.

The couch cushions, warm from the heat of their bodies, crumpled in her fisting hands as she tried to ground herself. But how could she do anything but fly wild and free when Ian was running his hands over her, shoulders to hips, breasts to the vee between her legs, with hungry abandon? He wasn’t gentle anymore, was simply taking everything she had offered to him by asking, by begging, for more. She loved it, loved every second of his hands, his mouth, the heat of his naked skin against hers.

Again, he moved fast, giving her no warning as he gripped her hips to plunge into her.

“Oh.” She heard the wonder in her voice, couldn’t have held it in even if she’d wanted to. “Do that again. Please, just like that.”

His answering groan sounded as raw and as desperate as she felt, her name at the center of it. And when he went impossibly deep into her again, his hips slamming into hers, she gasped with pleasure.

So much pleasure that she could hardly believe she’d lived this long without knowing it was there.

“I like it when you do that. I like it so much. So, so much.”

“I do too, sweetheart.” To her ears, his words spoke not just to sex, but to trust, and to a depth of emotion between them she’d never shared with anyone else. “I do, too.”

She trembled, shook, knew she was going to shatter any second. And in the end that was all it took, one more slip, one more slide of his fingers over her breasts, between her legs, for her to completely break apart, with Ian only moments behind her.

With no breath, or brain cells, left for words, all that existed in their little room above the barn was pleasure, and a connection that was twining deeper and deeper with every laugh they shared, every orgasm that exploded between their bodies…and later, when passion had temporarily run its course and he tucked them both into bed, every quiet moment in each other’s arms.