Out of the Shallows

15

Labayelle, November 2013

After almost nine hours on the road, we pulled into a motel in Laramie, Wyoming. Beck had driven this time, while Jake and I nursed hangovers in the backseat. The three of them had joined me in the bar last night but only Jake and I had alcohol. We got a little wasted at dinner and I could only put it down to strained nerves on both our parts.

Waking up early to get on the road was not fun but our pale faces and self-pity seemed to amuse Beck, and I was okay with anything that kept him in marginally good spirits.

For the most part Jake and I were quiet in the back of the car because we were feeling ill. Even when we stopped at Ogallala, Nebraska, for lunch, we were monosyllabic. Food seemed to help though and as Beck got us back on the road, Jake attempted conversation. He updated me on his little brother Luke who’d gone from total player to devoted boyfriend when he met his match in his first year of college. Apparently the she-player he was dating didn’t give up playing like he did, however, and they broke it off when they started sophomore year.

“He’s dating a library assistant now. Really quiet, shy. Luke’s a different person around her.”

“Good different?”

Jake grinned. “Yeah, definitely. I think my little brother might be growing up. How scary is that?”

“What’s scary is the part where we’re growing up,” I said dryly. “Do you feel it? Grown up, I mean? Because I don’t.”

He gave me a consoling smile. “No. I’ve been applying to different grad schools—molecular engineering. Every time I take a minute to process that that’s where I am right now, I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut.”

Suddenly concerned by the anxious tone underlying his words, I turned toward him. “You’re happy, though, right? It’s what you want to do with your life? This is the next step that you want?”

He thought a moment before answering. “Yeah. It’s what I want. It just sometimes feels like it’s come at me all too soon. Before I’m ready for it. But I guess we all feel that way. We just have to suck it up and get on with it.”

“You don’t sound so sure.”

Jake’s eyes reassured me. “I’m sure. There’s just a huge part of me that wishes I could go back a year or two—pause the inevitability of responsibility and adulthood. I’ve fucked up the big stuff before. I don’t want to do it again.”

It was my turn to be reassuring. “You won’t. You won’t because first time around, you weren’t even considering whether you’d fuck anything up. Your head wasn’t anywhere but in the moment you were in. Now you think about consequences, how everything we do affects our future. It’s called the learning curve, Jake.” I grabbed his hand and squeezed it without even thinking. “You won’t repeat the same mistakes. You’re not that guy.”

I felt his fingers slide through mine and just like that, the handholding went from friendly and comforting to something more. It was the whisper of skin sliding against skin. An innocent touch somehow turned sensual between us.

Jake rubbed his thumb lightly over mine and I felt that barely there touch between my legs.

Biting back a gasp, I wrenched my hand from his and rolled my head on the cushioned headrest to stare determinedly out at the passing scenery.

We’d passed into Wyoming, a state I’d never been in before. We were on the Lincoln highway and after passing through Cheyenne, there wasn’t much to see except plains, mountains, and trees. It was beautiful. Peaceful.

“Charley?”

Jake said my name so quietly and with such depth, I froze. I looked up front to see Claudia and Beck deep in conversation about which motel to stay in. She was busy looking it up on her iPhone.

Sure they weren’t paying attention, I looked at Jake feeling a rapid flutter in my chest. “Yeah?”

“I’m sorry,” he said. “For the way I acted last time I saw you. It was childish and unfair.”

I turned away again, unable to meet his eyes when I replied, “Apology accepted. You’re allowed to be angry with me.” I was angry with myself. With everyone and everything.

I felt resentful. Trapped.

I missed him.

“I just wish I knew the whole story.”

I glanced sharply up front, noting Claudia and Beck had grown quiet, alert. I shot Jake a look of admonishment out of the corner of my eye. Understanding I didn’t want to discuss this and definitely not here where we had no privacy, he turned away and watched the passing scenery too.

In the early evening we arrived in Laramie and decided to pull in for the night. We found a motel, took a nap, and then went for a walk. The main part of town was pretty and old-fashioned-looking with streetlights that looked like gas lamps. Some of the buildings dated back to the 1800s, all the storefronts were well kept, and the streets were clean in a way that reminded me of home.

“Bar and grill.” Claudia pointed to a place just across from the train tracks.

“Let’s do it.” Beck threw his arm around her shoulders and they started walking across the street to the bar.

Feeling Jake’s eyes on me, I turned to him. “What?”

He nodded at Claudia and Beck. “Do you think that’s a good idea right now?”

“I think we’re on a road trip to scatter Beck’s dad’s ashes and that it’s a small miracle I’ve heard him laugh and seen him smile as many times as I have. Claudia helps him. As much as I’m worried for them both, I won’t be the one to take away the balm that she is for him.”

Without waiting to hear Jake’s reply, I hurried across the street to catch up with our friends.

The place was pretty packed but we managed to get a table in the back. After we ate, I felt much better, my hangover finally dissipating.

Beck and Claudia took their turn to have beers while Jake and I stuck to soda. We’d been drinking for a couple of hours when Beck and Jake managed to grab one of the pool tables. Claudia and I played against them but we lost, and then I lost in a one-on-one against Beck. I hadn’t spent much time around a pool table and neither had Claudia, so we decided it would probably be more interesting to watch Jake and Beck go head to head.

During one of their games, I headed over to the bar to get more drinks. The bar was busy, so I waited while a group of ladies in tutus, jeans, and glittery pink cowboy hats—a bachelorette party?—ordered another round. After a few minutes I glanced back across the bar at my friends.

I felt unease shift through me at the sight of the young woman leaning against the pool table. Claudia was talking to Beck while this girl, who had come out of nowhere, flirted with Jake.

Jake didn’t seem to be flirting back but I knew him well enough to know that his eyes were definitely taking in everything about her. I could understand why.

She was gorgeous.

Tall with long, wavy dark hair, a golden tan, and pretty, fresh features that weren’t caked in makeup like so many of the other women in the bar. She wore a casual but short T-shirt that showed off her curvy bosom and toned midriff. Her blue jeans showcased her lean legs. She was wearing very cute worn brown cowboy boots.

Everything about her screamed, “I am Jake Caplin’s type!”

I felt sick.

Physically sick.

I studied Jake for a reaction as she reached out and touched the iron fist logo on his Pearl Jam shirt. He’d been holding himself aloof from her but whatever she said, it brought forth that smile that could floor a woman.

And it floored her. I could tell in the way her smile widened and her body relaxed, as if she were melting under his attention.

I turned away, feeling a little breathless.

And then the berating commenced. Jealousy was something I wasn’t allowed to feel where Jake was concerned. I gave him up, and giving him up entailed having to watch other women flirt with him.

Shit.

What if he spent the night with her?

The thought froze me to the spot.

You’re being crazy, Charley! He’s not going to hook up with a random stranger on a road trip to scatter his best friend’s dad’s ashes.

I looked back over at him and my eyes narrowed. The girl was standing even closer and they seemed to be having an actual conversation.

“Blondie, what can I get you?”

I whipped around at the voice and was confronted by a cute bartender. He was a couple of years older than me with dirty-blond hair, sexy stubble, and twinkling bright blue eyes. He grinned as I blinked at him, coming out of my panic over Jake and the girl.

What could he get me?

For one: a stool. I did not want to go back over there until the girl was gone.

I glanced at the filled stools in front of me, frowning.

As if the bartender read my mind, he tapped the bar in front of a big beefy guy and said, “Jay, you mind moving down the bar.”

“Sure thing, Ty,” Jay said and I watched in amusement as he pushed the guy beside him, and like a set of dominoes they forced everyone down a spot until the stool in front of me was open.

I slid on it and smiled gratefully at Ty the bartender. “Thanks.”

Ty grinned and I had to admit, I took some comfort and pleasure in the appreciative look in his eyes. “No need. I wanted something prettier to look at than Jay.”

I laughed. “Well, thanks anyway.”

“So what can I get you?”

I tilted my head in thought, the blood rushing in my ears at the thought of what was going on behind me. “A time machine?”

Ty chuckled. “You think I had one of those, I’d be working here?”

“Oh? What would you use it for?”

“Ah, well, that would be telling. What would you use it for?”

I shrugged. “Lots of things.”

He leaned across the bar, his eyes drinking in my every feature. “You’re telling me someone like you has regrets?”

“Someone like me? What do you know about someone like me?”

His response was a slow, wicked grin that I had to admit penetrated my sadness and jealousy just a little. “I’ll be right back.” He strode down the bar to help his colleague and I checked him out from the back. Very nice.

True to his word, Ty came back after a minute or so, opened a beer, and planted it in front of me. “On the house.”

I picked it up with a smirk. “And what does a filly have to do for that around here?”

He threw his head back and laughed. “A filly? Really?”

I grinned back at him.

Mirth still bright in his eyes, he shook his head. “Nothing. I promise. Except maybe stop looking so sad. You are far too pretty to be so sad.”

I tipped the bottle head in his direction and avoided his compliment with a casual, “Thanks for the beer.”

“What’s your name?”

“Charley.”

He leaned on the bar again. “It suits you. Charley, I’m Ty.”

“You have a nice city here, Ty.”

“Thank you.” His expression turned curious. “What brings you to us, Charley?”

I shook my head. “Uh-uh. Too depressing.”

“Okay.” His brow wrinkled in thought. “Where are you from?”

I shook my head again. “You could be a serial killer. The less information I give you, the less chance of you finding me to serial kill me.”

Ty chuckled and as our eyes locked, I didn’t feel the sizzle I should have. I was too busy wondering if Jake had noticed I was talking to this guy or if he was too busy getting his flirt on with the beautiful brunette to give a shit what I was up to.

“Ah, suspicious and overly cautious. Let me guess—law student.”

Wow, impressive. “You’ve really honed those people-reading skills bartenders are known for, huh.”

“That or I’m psychic.” He glanced behind me. “For instance, you were or are in a relationship with the tall guy in the Pearl Jam T-shirt over by the pool table.”

My muscles tensed. “Is he looking over?”

“Mmm-hmm. And attempting to fry my ass with his eyes.”

“Where’s the gorgeous girl in the cowboy boots?”

“Leanne?” he smirked. “Your friend stopped talking to her the minute he saw me talking to you.”

I sat on that a moment and then sighed. “Ex-boyfriend. Awkward road trip.”

Ty met my eyes again. “He looks pretty furious. But I’m up for pissing him off even more if you like.” His eyes lowered to my lips.

With a dry chuckle, I said, “As much as I love the idea of kissing a random bartender, especially a cute one, I’m the one who broke his heart so I don’t think I’ll be doing anything to hurt him any more than I already have.”

Ty gave me a good-natured smile as he straightened up away from the counter. “Well, if you change your mind, I get off at one.”

My expression said we both knew I wasn’t going to be there when he got off work and then I slipped from the stool and braced myself to return to my friends.

As soon as I saw Jake’s face, I knew Ty was right.

He was furious.

And hurt.

I suddenly felt sick again.

My eyes flew to Claudia and Beck and I flinched at the uneasiness pouring off them. Thankfully, there was no recrimination in their faces—it wouldn’t be fair for them to be angry at me for talking with the bartender when Jake had been flirting with cowboy-boots girl.

Speaking of… I glanced around the bar until I found the brunette over by the jukebox with a few friends. Her gaze was locked on Jake. I only just managed not to curl my lip into a growl of territorialism.

“Who’s winning?” I attempted to ask nonchalantly as I stopped beside Jake at the pool table.

“Seriously?” he snapped.

When I wouldn’t look at him, Jake crowded me against the table so I had no choice but to acknowledge him. I stared up at him, my face perfectly blank so he wouldn’t realize how off balance he was making me.

“What are you trying to do to me?” he said, anguished.

“Jake, man,” I heard Beck say softly. “Maybe this should wait.”

“I’m sick and tired of waiting,” he said. He gently took hold of my arm and started to pull me away from the table. “We need to talk.”

“Jake.” I tugged out of his hold, drawing us to a standstill. He glowered back at me and I returned the look. “Don’t you dare try to haul me out of here.”

“We’re going to hash this shit out once and for all and if I have to throw you over my shoulders, I will.”

“Is there a problem here?”

Oh shit.

Ty had come out from behind the bar and now we had an audience.

Jake stood in front of me, blocking Ty’s view. “This is none of your business. She is none of your business.”

“Jake.” I tugged on his shirt, outraged by this behavior. “Stop acting like a Neanderthal.”

“I’m pissed off,” he snarled, looking over his shoulder at me with fire in his eyes.

“Well, I’m pissed off too!” I yelled back.

“Maybe you could take being pissed off outside,” Ty suggested.

“No problem,” Jake said as he grabbed my hand and dragged me toward the exit.

I let him because by now, I was uncomfortable with the audience and I also didn’t want witnesses when I murdered him. “What the hell are you doing?” I said as soon as we were out the door. I vaguely noted that Claudia and Beck didn’t follow.

“What am I doing?” Jake drew to a sudden stop, turning around on me. “What the hell are you doing?”

Before I could answer he started walking again, refusing to let me go. We both seethed as we marched the five-minute walk back to the motel. Jake let us into his and Beck’s room and I wrenched my hand away.

“This is ridiculous,” I huffed. “We’re acting like five-year-olds.”

Jake slammed the door shut. “I’m not the one flirting with a freaking bartender.”

“Hah! No, you’re just the one,” I stabbed a finger at him, “flirting with boots with all her hair and tan skin.”

Jake looked confused for a moment and then his expression turned grim. “That’s what this is about? I was talking to that girl? She was flirting with me. I didn’t encourage it. But you saw what you wanted to see, didn’t you, Charley. So you decided to flirt with the bartender to get back at me. Very mature.”

“Mature? We’re talking about maturity? You just blew up at me in a bar for talking to another guy.”

“I’m not the one who broke things off!” he yelled, his chest heaving as he grew breathless with anger. “I get to flirt with other girls. But I haven’t! I haven’t touched a single girl since you left me because I can’t let you go! And I fucking hate you for it, Charley!”

I flinched, unbearable pain radiating from my chest—it was like he’d punched his fist through it.

“But do you know what I hate more?” he said quietly now, his voice hoarse.

I shook my head, battling the tears that were fighting to fill my eyes.

“I hate how much I still need you,” he whispered.

I didn’t know which one of us moved first.

One minute I was standing by the door and the next I was in Jake’s arms as he crushed his mouth down over mine.

I also don’t know what happened to me in that moment. For months I felt like my life had been suspended—I wasn’t moving in any direction. Moreover, I was struggling with the constant confusion and my mixed-up heart and emotions over the choices I’d made. Giving into Jake may have been wrong but just then, it was a choice I understood, it was a choice that felt good, simple…

More than that, I felt alive again.

We undressed one another, frantic, desperate… our movements hurried with frustration and longing. We didn’t take our time at all. We were naked and then we were on the bed and then Jake was inside me.

Together we came hard and fast.

And I didn’t have time to regret it because Jake pulled me back under the spell I’d let us cast over ourselves. He kissed me slow, leisurely, tasting me as if he’d never get the chance again. I kissed him back just as deeply, holding onto him for dear life, my fingers curled in his thick, dark hair that was longer now since the last time I’d touched it.

Jake kissed his way from my lips, across my jaw, down my neck…

I sighed, feeling the heat build inside me again as his lips touched me everywhere. When his lips wrapped around my nipple, I gasped, arching into him. He licked my nipple, coaxing it into a tight bud while he stroked his thumb over my other one.

Delicious pressure was building between my legs.

“Jake,” I gasped, my breathing shallow as the heat flooded my entire body.

He took his time—butterfly kisses down my stomach, fingertips gently stroking my breasts, across my ribs, as he moved down.

Jake looked up at me from under his lashes and I felt another insistent tug at my core. “Do you want my mouth?”

My breath hitched and I moved my legs apart. “Always,” I whispered before the insistent voice in the back of my head could stop me—could stop any of this.

At the first touch of his tongue, I nearly came off the bed. It felt like years since we’d last had this. I parted my legs even wider, my pants increasing in volume as Jake licked me, played me, until the pressure inside me was close to exploding.

And then he sucked on my clit and I split apart.

I shuddered through my orgasm as Jake crawled back over me, his hands braced on either side of my head, his eyes searing into mine… He pushed inside me and I cried out at the sensation. He groaned deep in his throat as my inner muscles tightened around him and he began to thrust, slow, deep, and I felt the tension inside me start to build again. My fingers dug into his biceps as he strained over me and I arched under him, moving in rhythm against this new seduction.

He wanted me to come again before he did.

Sweat slickened both our bodies and Jake’s muscles strained with his effort to stay his own orgasm.

Unconsciously, I dragged my nails down his arms as my climax approached. I stiffened and felt Jake’s thrusts speed up, his grunts of pleasure echoing in my ears and finally piercing through the tension.

I cried out, my eyes rolling in a flutter as the intensity of this washed over me.

“Jesus… fuck…” Jake’s words were guttural as I felt him stiffen. And then his hips jerked against mine as he came inside me.

His weight pinned me to the bed as he collapsed. I stroked his hair with one hand while the other stroked his sweat-dampened skin.

Slowly the power of our longing diminished enough for reality to sink in.

My hands stilled.

Jake tensed and then slowly lifted his head to look down into my eyes. “You’re going to tell me this was a mistake, aren’t you?” he said grimly.