Out of the Shallows

6

Edinburgh March 2013

It was the first day of March and spring was technically a few weeks away. Could’ve fooled me.

As I stepped out of Old College onto South Bridge, an icy wind blew through me. I shuddered, hurrying to button my coat while trying to juggle my bag and notes.

That morning I’d woken up with the same concerns that I’d been waking up with for the past few weeks. I worried about my family. I hadn’t spoken to Andie since that fateful phone call and once my dad found out about it, he also refused to talk to me until I apologized to my sister. Since I wouldn’t apologize, it was turning into a long and very silent stalemate that weighed on me more and more each day. The only one talking to me was Mom and even then it was strained.

After catching a glimpse of Melissa in Old College for the first time in weeks, I found myself feeling guilty for not worrying more about her. I wondered if she was doing okay these days.

“Need a hand?”

I glanced up at the familiar voice and straight into Beck’s striking light gray eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“I just finished class. I was heading back to the apartment.” He took my bag and notes while I finished fastening my coat. As he slipped my notes into my bag, he smiled. “Walk with me?”

When Beck wasn’t winning Brooding Hero of the Year and messing with my best friend’s heart, he was actually the most laid-back, nonjudgmental person I had ever met. He was soothing and funny and kind, and I loved hanging out with him. Unfortunately, I was actually heading in the opposite direction. “I’m meeting Claudia at the Library Bar for coffee.”

His expression lightened at the mention of Claud. “I’ll come with. I haven’t seen her in a few days. She’s been busy with school.”

I nodded but didn’t say anything. The truth was Claudia was taking my advice and trying to wean herself off Beck in the hopes of getting over him.

“You and Jake seem good?” Beck looked down at me, his hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans, the fabric of his T-shirt flapping in the wind. He wore a long-sleeved thermal under it, but still…

“Aren’t you freezing?”

“It wasn’t this cold yesterday.” He shrugged. “I’ve stopped guessing how to dress for the weather here.”

“True.” It was a perpetual guessing game. One second it was chilly but the sun was out; the next second brought torrential rain and winds.

“So you and Jake?”

I so did not want to discuss my relationship with Jake’s best friend. “We’re good.”

He nudged me. “You’re not going to break his heart, are you?” His voice was teasing but I knew better.

“Are you going to break Claudia’s?”

A muscle in his jaw ticked. “Fair enough.”

“Hey, here’s a question that won’t get either of us punched: do you know how Melissa is doing these days?”

Beck raised an eyebrow. “Melissa?”

“Melissa. You know, dark hair, legs forever, one hundred percent drop-dead gorgeous and one hundred percent nicer than me.”

He grinned. “She may be nicer, but she is way less fun.”

I smirked at him. “As much as I enjoy getting my ego stroked, I’m serious. Do you know if she’s doing okay?”

“Melissa’s a nice girl but we’re not close. We never were. She’s one of the few people who doesn’t understand that underneath this roguish charm is a heart of 80 percent gold.”

“Come on, don’t undervalue yourself. It’s at least 82 percent.”

Laughing, Beck wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his side. “This is why I was rooting for you.”

“Well, I appreciate that.” I hugged him back but frowned up into his gorgeous face. “So you really wouldn’t know if she’s okay?”

Beck pulled out his phone, fingers flying over the keys. “I texted Maggie. She should know. They’re friends.”

“Maggie, my roommate Maggie?”

Catching my hesitant tone, Beck gave a reassuring smile. “I wouldn’t go there. I do have some control over who I sleep with.”

“That’s good to know, I guess,” I said, sounding a little doubtful. The last thing I wanted was Claudia returning to the apartment one night to find Beck stumbling out of Maggie’s room. I think that might just be the straw that would break the camel’s back. About to stick my nose in and ruin our pleasant camaraderie, Beck’s next question halted me.

“So, why do you want to know if Melissa is okay?”

I shrugged, feeling that familiar gnawing guilt. “I’d think that was obvious.”

As we climbed the steps to the student union, Beck fell silent. Once inside, he turned to me, a small smile playing on his lips. “Jake is right. You and Claudia are not like other women.”

I arched an eyebrow. “I’m taking that as a compliment since I happen to know for a fact that Claudia and I are freaking awesome.”

Something sad flashed in Beck’s eyes as he smirked back at me. “I’m not to going to argue with that.”

I wish I had a magic potion to shove down his throat and make him see that whatever was stopping him from taking a chance on Claudia didn’t compare to how bad the regret would be later. I sighed inwardly and followed his tall body upstairs to the Library Bar.

I almost slammed into him when he drew to an abrupt halt just inside the doorway. I peered around him. “What’s up?” I followed his confused gaze across the room.

Claudia was cozied up in a booth with Lowe. Her laptop was open in front of her but they were sitting turned into one another, laughing about something.

The muscle under my hand tensed and I glanced down to see Beck’s fists tightening.

“They’re just friends,” I assured him.

Sure, the way they were sitting suggested otherwise but I had assurances not only from Lowe that he wouldn’t go there, but from Claudia also. Only yesterday she told me how much fun it was to hang out with a guy and not have to worry about any sexual tension.

The chemistry wasn’t there for them, which was a little disappointing, but the whole point was for Claud to have someone who would distract her from Beck, and Lowe was doing the job.

“I didn’t say a word.” Beck glowered down at me.

And just like that, I had Broody Hero of the Year on my hands. “You need to work on your poker face. It sucks.” I strode away before he could reply.

“Hey there, hot stuff,” I said as I slid into the booth.

Lowe grinned. “Hey, yourself.”

“Oh, as pretty as you are, babe, I was talking to Claudia.”

Claudia smiled and opened her mouth to reply only to freeze at the sight of Beck with me. “Oh. Hey.”

He nodded as he slid in beside me.

“Hey, man,” Lowe said, something akin to excitement in his eyes. “Guess what Claud’s doing for us?”

“I have no idea,” he replied in a tone that suggested he couldn’t give a shit.

I kicked him in the shin, eliciting a grunt.

Claudia narrowed her eyes. “Who spit in your bean curd?”

“What the hell does that even mean?”

I tried not to smile, deliberately avoiding Lowe’s eyes because I knew he’d make me laugh.

“It means,” Claudia gave a long-suffering sigh, “what’s your problem?”

“I don’t have a problem. I just sat down.” Beck pulled his buzzing phone from his pocket, glaring at Claudia. He looked at the screen. “According to Maggie, Melissa is doing okay. She’s even got a date this weekend.”

A little weight lifted off my shoulders. “That’s good to hear.”

Claudia caught my eye. “Feel better?”

“Much,” I admitted. “You know I hate guilt.”

Relaxing, I had a drink with my friends, listening to Beck and Claudia snipe at each other. They were on the cusp of giving me back the tension I’d just gotten rid of, so I decided it was time to leave.

“I need to go too.” Lowe slid out of the booth at my announcement. “I have stuff to do. Claudia, if you and Beck can stop griping for five seconds, why don’t you show him the plans for this summer?”

Claudia’s green eyes filled with something like panic.

“Go ahead,” Beck said, clearly not in the mood to leave her company. “Do you want another coffee?”

Instead of answering, my friend looked to me for help.

I needed to get her out of this somehow. I looked at Beck, but any excuse that might’ve been making its way from brain to tongue melted upon seeing the puppy-dog look on his face.

Crap. No wonder she has such a hard time resisting him.

I looked back at Claudia and shrugged. “I’ll catch you guys later.”

Seriously. Where was my willpower? If I couldn’t harden my heart enough against Beck to keep them apart, how the hell was she supposed to?

Lowe and I hit the top of the steps off Chamber Street that led to my apartment. We were about to descend them when I started at the sight of Jake coming up them.

His head down, hands jammed into his jacket pockets, he was listening to whatever band was singing through his earphones. A rush of longing ripped through me. My heart soaked in what little it could see of his familiar face; my eyes drank in his broad shoulders and long legs.

I missed him.

Even when I was with him I missed him. What we had wasn’t what we’d had before. At this point I only had myself to blame for that.

Lowe chuckled beside me as we waited for Jake to reach us. “I never had a chance, did I?” he joked.

I made a face. “I’m that obvious?”

“Only when he’s not looking,” he said, seeing way more than he should.

Perceptive pain in my ass.

Jake looked up, faltering on a step. At first he didn’t seem sure how to react to the sight of me with Lowe, but he quickly shrugged it off, bestowing a gorgeous smile on me. He pulled his earphones out. “Hey, you,” he said, coming to a stop at the top of the stairs. He leaned down to kiss me, his lips soft. He smelled great.

“Hey,” I whispered back, unable to speak any louder over the force of my emotions. It still surprised me that my feelings for him had the ability to bowl me over without warning.

“Hey, man.” Jake nodded congenially at Lowe. I was relieved.

Lowe seemed to be too. He gave Jake a small smile and nod. “Well, I better get back to the apartment. I have an essay due in two days and we have a gig tonight.”

“Good luck.” I waved goodbye and watched him take the steps two at a time.

“I was coming to get you.” Jake tightened his arm around my waist, and I found myself swiftly falling into his eyes. “I called Beck and he mentioned you were worried about Melissa?”

I shook my head. “It’s fine. Just guilt. But apparently she’s doing okay.”

His dark eyes looked troubled. “I’m glad she’s okay. But you have nothing to feel guilty about.”

I could see his own guilt in his eyes and instantly felt bad for bringing Melissa up. “Ja—”

My ringtone blasted, cutting me off. Giving Jake a look of apology, I dropped his hand and dug through my bag.

My pulse sped up at the sight of the caller ID. My dad.

Relieved more than I could say but still angry and hurt that he hadn’t called in ages, I hesitantly answered.

“Where are you?” he asked abruptly.

Disappointed by his tone, I huffed, “Last time I checked, I was in Scotland.”

“Smart-ass,” Dad grumbled, the edge chipped off his tone. “What I meant is where exactly are you, right now? Because I’m standing in your apartment after your roommate stupidly let me in without checking my identification first. Does that happen a lot? Because maybe while I’m here, I should hold a stranger awareness meeting with you girls.”

I didn’t hear anything after “I’m standing in your apartment…”

“I’ll be right there.” I hung up, eyes wide on Jake’s curious expression. “My dad is here.”

Jake’s eyebrows squished together. “Here, here?”

“Yup.” I turned and started down the steps.

“Hey, I’m coming too.” Jake hurried to catch me.

Marching into the courtyard of my building, I threw over my shoulder, “Do you think that’s wise?”

“I think he’s here for a reason and I think we need to reassure him.” His hand curled around my arm. “Would you slow down—as in, calm down?”

My breathing was way too fast. “I can’t.” I pushed my building door open and rushed the stairs. “My dad has flown all the way across the ocean to come talk to me. That’s not a good sign, Jake. My parents don’t exactly have the kind of money where plane tickets aren’t a luxury.” I stopped in the middle of the first floor and Jake immediately wrapped his arms around me.

“It’s going to be okay,” he promised. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I don’t want you to get punched.”

“If I get punched, I get punched. It’s no less than what I deserve.”

“I couldn’t have said it better myself.”

I gasped at the sound of my dad’s voice, wrenching back from Jake to gaze up onto the next landing. My dad stood above us, huge, intimidating, and not at all happy to see me in Jake’s arms.

“Before anyone says another word,” Jake said, “let’s get inside.”

My dad threw him a disgusted look but turned and headed back upstairs toward the apartment.

There was a great deal of pounding going on in my chest as Jake and I followed.

Dad stood in the middle of the kitchen. His dark hair, speckled with gray, was mussed, and he had day-old bristle on his cheeks. He looked exhausted.

“Your roommate left,” Dad’s voice rumbled. “We’ll have privacy to talk as soon as he leaves.”

I braced for the battle to come, the nerves suddenly disappearing as indignation moved through me. Dad was the one intruding on our lives. He’d flown clear across an ocean to have this out without even telling me, after having shut me out for days.

I was not a child.

“Jake stays.”

Dad opened his mouth to argue and I held up a hand to stop him.

“Jake stays,” I insisted.

Jake was treated to a look that would fell a mountain lion. “Fine,” Dad snapped.

“Can I get you anything?” I gestured to the kitchen.

“Coffee.”

“Jake?”

Jake gave me a small smile but shook his head.

I brushed past my dad to prepare his coffee. “I can’t believe you flew all the way over here. I take it Mom knows.”

“Of course she knows. I had to dip into our savings.”

“You didn’t have to do anything.”

“My daughter is in the middle of making two momentous decisions in her life and she wasn’t even in the same country as I was. Of course I needed to do this.”

“If you’re here to talk, Dad, then we’ll talk. But if you’re here to tell me what a giant mistake I’m making without hearing me out, then you might as well leave now.” I shot him a look. “Which would be crap because I haven’t seen you in two months.”

Dad’s eyes softened. “Can I get a hug?”

I nodded, suddenly feeling like a little girl, trying not to cry. Abandoning the coffee, I strode over to him and sank into his tight embrace. No one gave good hug like Jim Redford.

He held on to me longer than usual and I let him because I knew there was a possibility we were about to have a huge falling-out.

When I pulled back, I shot a look over his shoulder at Jake. His eyes were downcast.

“Jake,” I whispered his name without even meaning to, drawing his gaze to me and causing Dad to pull away.

Dad looked at Jake. “You’re not what I want for her. She’s strong and she’s brave. She deserves to be with a man equal to that.”

“Dad—”

“No, Charley, don’t.” Jake cut me off. When he looked into my dad’s face, his expression was unbending and resolute. “I admit I wasn’t that for her when we were younger. But I’m not that guy anymore, Mr. Redford. I don’t like that guy any more than you do, and I’ve not just promised Charley that he’s gone for good, I’ve promised myself.”

“That’s just talk, Jake. I’m only interested in actions.”

Instantly defensive, I stomped back to the coffee. “What do you want him to do? Don a mask and fight crime?”

“Can we do this without your usual smart-ass commentary?” Dad glared at me.

“Nope.” I shoved a mug at him. “Somewhere you and Mom have lost sight of who I am. Just because my parents have decided to rewrite my whole personality doesn’t mean that the rewrites are going to stick.”

“This is nuts.” Dad shook his head, his tone calm despite his words. “You can’t throw away law school for a job that’s dangerous and underpaid. And you can’t erase the months of shit you went through trying to get over him.”

“Let me ask you a question, Dad.” I leaned back against the counter. “Did you honestly think talking to me in person was going to… what… convince me to think your way?”

“No, I came here to see what it is that’s going on in your life that would suddenly cause you to make these massive decisions, decisions that impact your entire future. It’s not just about me worrying about you and Jake; it’s me completely exasperated by your attitude toward your sister and this notion of you becoming a cop. Your recent actions and decisions ring with immaturity and frankly, Charley, that was something I never thought I could accuse you of.”

“That’s because she’s not,” Jake argued.

Dad ignored him. “You’ve got this childish, naïve, rose-colored view that being a cop is a great thing—you wear a uniform people will respect, you save lives, fight crime. And that makes life worth it—”

“Bullshit,” Jake uttered quietly, his features taut with anger.

“Jake…” I moved toward him but Dad reached out an arm to stop me.

“No,” Dad said. “I’d love to hear this.”

“How dare you stand there and condescend to her,” Jake continued, calm, despite the flints of anger in his eyes. “You might think Charley taking me back is a bad idea, but stop letting that color every single thing you know about her. You know her. How can you say she’s living in some fantasy world about being a cop? Do you want to know the real reason she wants to be a cop? Because it’s who she is. She can’t stand by and watch people suffer. She can’t witness something wrong and not want to do something to make it right. What about your nephew—Ethan? Murdered and no one was brought to justice. She knows being a cop isn’t easy, she even knows it can be thankless, but she still wants to do it. For her—for Ethan and all the people like him.”

I couldn’t even find the words to describe how grateful I was. Jake had said all I’d been trying to say for years. I’d failed to find the words to explain it to my parents, but Jake knew me so well, he’d succeeded where I hadn’t.

Dad looked stunned. Slowly, he turned to me. “This is about Ethan? You never told me that.”

“You never wanted to hear it.”

Processing, Dad sipped his coffee. He looked at me over the rim of the mug and lowered it to ask, “Since when do you let Jake fight your battles?”

Grinning, my eyes met Jake’s. “I never asked him to. But I’ve got to say, it’s nice to have him on my side.”

Jake smiled back at me and I felt our connection strengthen for the first time since we’d started dating again.

“Alex certainly would never have faced off with me,” Dad mused, watching Jake carefully. I tensed at the mention of Alex.

Jake frowned. “What?”

Dad’s gaze switched between us, noting the sudden tension. “You haven’t told him yet?” he asked me.

I narrowed my eyes. “Are you deliberately being a troublemaker?”

“Alex?” Jake said.

That was so not a conversation I could have with him right then. “Jake, I promise we’ll talk about it but right now, I’m taking my crazy father to lunch.”

There was uncertainty on his face, but Jake nodded. “Call me.”

“Just as soon as I’ve convinced this person who looks like my dad but doesn’t act like him that I’m a grown-up and I can make my own choices, I’ll come over to see you.”

Dad snorted. I ignored him.

Sitting across from my dad in my favorite Tex-Mex restaurant, I shook my head. “I still can’t believe you spent all that money to come here and lecture me.”

“It wasn’t about lecturing you, Charley.” Dad leaned back in his seat, his expression grave. “It was about being a parent who’s worried about his kid and not being able to think about anything else until I saw for myself she was okay.”

Tears burned the back of my eyes. “Dad,” I mumbled, blinking rapidly.

“I still don’t like Jake, but I’ve got to admit, I like everything he said in that apartment. I like how he sees you.” His face darkened. “But that doesn’t mean I accept him as part of your life. Just because the boy is good with words doesn’t change his past actions.”

“Dad…” I tried to gather my patience. “Please, just give him a chance.”

“I can’t promise that.” He shook his head stubbornly. “I’m just here to see my kid and try to convince her to do the right thing. Starting with calling Andie and apologizing.”

“I can’t promise that.” I threw his words back at him. “I don’t think I should be the one apologizing.”

Dad sighed. “And this from someone who wants me to treat her as an adult.”

I closed my eyes, feeling my patience slipping. “Let’s just eat dinner,” I muttered. Seemed neither of us was willing to compromise. I’d just have to hope for some kind of miracle to happen while he was in Edinburgh. A miracle that would finally show Jake in a favorable light and bring my family on board with our relationship.

I wasn’t holding my breath.