A Song for Us

Chapter Fifteen

ERIC

I RUBBED MY HAND along my jaw as I stared at the messages from Sarah. How could I have left her alone last night? What did she mean she wasn’t free?

R u ok?

I hit send and made my way into the small kitchen area to get myself a glass of water. Visions of last night danced through the edge of my memory. In forty-eight hours, I had effectively destroyed things with Sarah from all sides. The kiss, the dare, the night with Donna . . . Sarah had reached out to me and I hadn’t even known because I was busy fucking up my friendship with Donna, too. By the time this trip was over, I would have no one left. My phone vibrated in my palm and my heart raced as I slid my finger over the screen.

I’m fine. Sorry I bothered u.

I stared at the words as if they would change before my eyes. I typed out a quick response: You don’t bother me.

I set my glass in the sink and ran my hand over the back of my neck, rubbing away the tightness in my muscles. The phone vibrated again.

I shouldn’t have texted u. I won’t ever again.

“Fuck,” I threw my phone, and the back flew off as it hit the wall on the other side of the bed. I needed to get the fuck out of this place before I lost my mind. For months I’d missed her, and now that she was back in my life, I’d pushed her even further away. To make things worse, I would have to face her for the next week and a half while we were all still in LA.

They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, but I had never felt as weak as I did now. I wasn’t thinking clearly and I needed to take a step back and reevaluate what I was doing.

I decided I needed to get some of my frustration out in the gym. I hadn’t worked out in days. I changed into some shorts and a white T-shirt and set off for the gym on the first floor. It was practically empty and I was glad the twins were probably still asleep. I needed to lift, to feel the burn and ache in my muscles, but my head was going crazy.

I jumped on the treadmill and slowly upped the speed until I was full on running, staring at the television mounted in the corner of the room as I let the noise override my thoughts.

The more known our band became, the lonelier life felt. I craved having one person who knew the real me and not the guy on the stage. At least with Tucker off with his new bride, we were able to go out in public without being bothered. But all that would change again today when they finally came back.

As I turned up the speed, the sweat began to run off me, my hair clinging to my forehead as I started to breathe harder.

Trying to run from all of my problems was just like running on this treadmill. You never got anywhere.

I thought of how my family used to be, before my brother was killed. I wanted a family like that for myself, but I knew I was never meant to have that kind of happiness. I wasn’t even welcome in my own family. My legs were burning and I forced myself to keep going. I wanted exhaustion. I wanted to wear down my body and hopefully, in the process, my mind.

TWO HOURS LATER I left the gym, my body feeling as if it were ripping in two. I made my way back up to my room, glancing at Donna’s door, but deciding now probably wasn’t the time to talk about what had happened last night.

I hoped she didn’t hate me for what had happened. I didn’t think I could handle losing her on top of everything else. I slipped inside my room and took an ice-cold shower, letting the water cool me down until my breathing returned to normal.

I got dressed and grabbed my phone from the floor. It took a minute to locate the back, but I slipped it on and tried to power on. The phone wouldn’t work, and the anger that had consumed me earlier returned.

Someone knocked at the door and I groaned as I made my way over to it and yanked it open.

“Dude, what the fuck?” Terry held his hands out to his sides.

“What?”

“You won’t answer your phone, you wouldn’t answer the door. Donna is freaking out, man. You can’t just fuck a chick and ignore her.”

“I wasn’t ignoring her.”

“So you did fuck her? I got to hand it to you, man. Only you could tame the fucking ice queen.” He laughed as he slid by me into the room.

I slammed the door and ran my hands through my hair. “I broke my fucking phone and I was in the gym and the shit with Donna is not what you think.”

“Yeah, well, we are meeting Tuck down at the Lagoon. Chris already left with Donna.”

“Sarah and Derek leave yet?”

 “You know, your life is more fucking twisted than a soap opera.” Terry pulled open the door and made a sweeping gesture with his hand.

I stepped out into the hall as I laughed. “How the fuck would you know about soap operas?”

“I need my stories, man.”

I couldn’t help but laugh.

We headed down to the lobby for a waiting cab to take us to the restaurant. I stared out the window the entire drive, not wanting to talk anymore about the female drama. Terry didn’t press the issue, but I could tell he was a little more excited than he should be to watch everything unfold. When you spend your life on the road, you have to get your entertainment any way you can.

When we stepped into the lobby, Donna turned to face me. I could see the worry in her eyes. I knew she wasn’t sure what my feelings toward her were after last night. I wasn’t sure either. I scanned her body, taking in her curves in her simple, formfitting, black dress. I walked over to her and put my arm around her shoulders.

“You look beautiful,” I whispered, and her lips quirked into a smile as her hand fell to my chest.

“I wasn’t sure you were coming.”

“Why would you think that?”

“I thought you’d still be sleeping off your hangover.” She shrugged, and our attention turned to the door as Tucker and Cass stepped inside. It felt as if it had been years since we had all been together. We all hugged and congratulated them, making inappropriate comments about their time alone.

“Let’s eat. I’m starving.” Tucker walked to the hostess and gave her his name. She quickly guided us back into the dining room.

“What did we miss?” he asked as we made our way to the table.

“You don’t want to know.” I shook my head.

“That bad, huh?”

I waited for Donna to sit before taking the seat next to her. Terry sat on the other side of me. Chris, Tucker, and Cass sat on the other side, leaving two empty seats in front of me, but I wasn’t sure Sarah and Derek would even show. She had made it pretty clear she wanted nothing more to do with me.

We ordered drinks as we shared stories about the bar fight and late-night partying. Tuck laughed as we told him about Derek’s spending the night in jail, but that was cut short when they finally showed.

Sarah avoided eye contact with me and Derek was being overly friendly.

“Nice of you to show up,” Terry joked.

Sarah shook her head. “I couldn’t remember the name of the place. I tried to text you.” Her gaze met mine for a second and I cocked my head, wondering why she would text me after telling me to leave her alone.

“My phone broke.” I picked up my glass of water and took a sip.

“No worries. We’re here now.” She leaned forward to look over at Cass and smile.