A Song for Us

Chapter Twenty-Five

ERIC

I CHANCED A GLANCE over my shoulder at Sarah, who was wrapped in Derek’s arms; his eyes narrowed at me and I nodded, taking a drink from my beer.

He wasn’t going to go away easy. He didn’t care about what was best for her. He was a selfish prick, and all my presence had done was make him cling harder to her to prove that he could beat me, as if this were some fucking game or some shit. I put my arm around Donna’s neck as I looked ahead at the stage, wondering when I would get another moment alone with Sarah.

This wasn’t all in my head, right? No. It couldn’t be.

“You all right?” Donna looked up at me, her eyebrows pulled together with concern.

I smiled, not wanting to worry her any more with my shit. “I’m fine. Just wondering when the good bands are going to play,” I joked. She rolled her eyes and laid her head against my shoulder. I couldn’t stop the nagging feeling from the back of my mind that when all of this was said and done, I would be left completely alone.

It felt inevitable. Like watching a coming train wreck but being unable to stop it. Who was I to stand up against the train, or the overwhelming desire to be with Sarah?

“I’m going to get another drink. You want something?” I asked Donna, trying to mask the pain in my voice. She shook her head no and took a step away from me. I made my way into the crowd, disappearing into the sea of bodies, wanting to just get lost in the people, the music and in life. Cryptic was onstage and the crowd was becoming more crazy by the second. The band’s music seemed as if it could induce seizures, and I was glad we’d found a spot near the stage so we wouldn’t be in the middle of the frenzy if the crowd got too out of hand. The angry music was doing nothing to help my mood. I didn’t want to slip back into the old me who used violence when shit didn’t go my way.

I bought myself a drink and poured it down my throat, hoping to push back some of the sadness that was creeping over me.

I contemplated walking up to Sarah and taking her in my arms, and I would have if I knew that was what she wanted. If only I could get her alone again. I needed to tell her how I felt.

But instead I wandered off, walking along the tents that lined the back of the field and looking over all of the merchandise for sale. I didn’t want to mask my feelings with a smile. I wanted to be alone with who I really was. Sarah was with someone else, Donna wanted more than I could ever give her. I could hear the train whistle blowing in the distance, and instead of stepping back to watch, I wanted to stand on the tracks. I didn’t want to be left standing if it meant standing alone.

“You don’t look so good,” Terry called from my left.

“Thanks.” I shook my head as my eyes danced over leather belts and buckles.

“You don’t ever make life easy, do ya?”

“It’s not in my nature.” I laughed sardonically and took another drink.

“I know you probably don’t care if this ends up hurting you in the end, but have you thought about what it will do to Sarah?”

My eyes met his. “Every fucking second.”

“And Donna?” He cocked an eyebrow.

“Donna is just looking for some company.”

“Oh? She could have found it in my brother. You know that fucker isn’t picky.”

“Still bitter about Lizzy?”

Terry shook his head and looked off at the leather goods ahead of us. “Nah . . . he did me a favor with that one. Stop changing the fucking subject.”

“What do you want me to say? Huh? The world is full of disappointment. Donna knew from day one that I was hung up on Sarah.”

“She wants you, dumbass. And you aren’t exactly sending her clear signals.”

“Spare me the fucking lecture. Sarah is with Derek. She is never going to leave him. Am I supposed to just never be with anyone?”

“You’re thinking with the wrong head, man.”

“Nah . . . I’m thinking with my heart. Even worse.”

Terry patted me on the shoulder as he sighed loudly. “Fuck, man. Promise me you’ll keep your cool.” His eyes met mine and I could already feel my blood begin to boil. “Derek is telling everyone he is taking her to Texas to meet his family.”

“What?” I didn’t mean to yell but I was completely blindsided. “No.” I shook my head. “She wouldn’t do that.”

“She didn’t deny it, man. She was right there.” I glared over at him and he ran his hand over his hair. “I’m gonna give you a minute to think over what you want to do about that. Just . . . if she seems happy, isn’t that what you want?”

I nodded but I was crushed. I knew she was feeling what I was, and deep down she knew what kind of person Derek was. I threw my can in the trash and ordered another drink. I preferred to forget this trip altogether. It would all be over in two weeks anyway. Maybe Terry was right and I just needed to fucking get over it and move on. Somehow.