A Song for Us

Chapter Eighteen

SARAH

I WASN’T A FAN of getting dressed up when I didn’t have to, but I didn’t want to look like a bum next to Donna. She was always so pulled together. I wished my life were as simple as hers. I tried to push the thought of her being with E out of my mind.

I pulled on a pair of dark-wash skinny jeans with my brown suede boots, topping it off with a cream-colored sweater that fell off the shoulder. That was as fancy as I was going to get. I didn’t know why we were even bothering. The guys wouldn’t be with us tonight. I tried to push the thought of Derek in a strip club out of my mind.

“Why do you look so fucking worried?” He laughed and kissed me on the cheek.

I narrowed my eyes at him and put my hands on my hips. “Because you’re going to have half-naked chicks all around you.”

“And you’re going out looking like that.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

He laughed and shook his head. “It means you look beautiful and every guy is going to be trying to get with you.”

My heart melted a little and I couldn’t help but smile at his being worried about me and not thinking about strippers. He was all I had in the world now, and I knew how unhealthy that was, but I couldn’t handle being hurt any more. Couldn’t handle being alone.

“We are just going to have a few drinks and talk about you guys. You have nothing to worry about.” He pressed his lips against mine and turned to walk out the door.

I sighed as I made my way into the bathroom to look in the mirror. I was as good as I was going to get. I turned off the light and headed down the hall to Donna’s room.

I knocked and there was no answer. I waited a few seconds before knocking harder as E’s door opened and they both stepped into the hall.

“Oh . . . I thought you would be in your room getting ready.” I tried not to look disappointed as my eyes met E’s.

He quickly turned his attention back to Donna. “Have fun.” He pressed his lips to her hair.

It shouldn’t bother me. I had no right to care what was going on behind his closed door.

“You ready?” Donna asked as she made her way toward me. E was a few steps behind her.

“Yeah . . .” I refused to turn around and look at him as he went to the twins’ room and banged on the door. The elevator dinged and Donna and I both stepped inside, leaning against the back wall. The door began to close and at the last second my eyes fell on his, as I was unable to stop myself.

Cass was in the lobby kissing Tucker good-bye. I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed tight. I needed to tell her everything that had been going on, but I couldn’t do that with Donna around, and the only other person I could open up to was E, and I just couldn’t.

I put my smile in place along with the walls that I used to keep people from seeing what was really going on inside me. This night was a celebration of Cass and Tucker’s getting married and I wouldn’t ruin it for my friend.

Tucker had a car waiting for us outside so we wouldn’t need to bother with calling a cab and we could get around the city without his having to worry about Cass. We decided to head to Flower, an upscale bar just a few miles away.

The place was crowded but everyone was much calmer and more relaxed than at our usual haunts. We grabbed a table near the front window and ordered up a round of supergirlie drinks as Cass spilled the details of her time alone with Tucker. To hear how much love she had for him made my heart physically ache.

They had stayed at a swanky hotel about a half hour away called the Amore. Their suite was the size of a large apartment, with a hot tub in the bedroom. The walls were painted a deep royal blue with white slink curtains and bed linens. The paintings that lined the walls nearly stretched from floor to ceiling, and Tucker made sure the kitchen was stocked with all of Cass’s favorite snacks and a bottle of fizzy, pink champagne.

“The whole world just flipped on its axis since I met him. I never knew what it felt like to be genuinely happy.” Cass shrugged and Donna and I both oohed and aahed at her declarations of love.

I was surprised how Cass and I fell right back into conversation as if we hadn’t spent months apart. We had talked constantly on the phone while we were both separately on the road, but it wasn’t the same as having her by my side.

I started to warm up around Donna as well. She seemed like a nice person with a good heart, but I still wasn’t convinced she was a good fit for E. He needed someone he could share his secrets with and who wouldn’t run when he had one of his epic meltdowns. He carried a lot around inside him, and I wasn’t convinced she could handle it.

I wondered if he had confided about his childhood with her, and the thought made me feel betrayed. I hated myself for wishing he couldn’t share his past with others . . . but I did.

I tried to include her in the conversation and not cringe when I mentioned her and E.

“How long have you been together?” I asked, trying to sound cheery.

Donna’s eyes went to Cass and back to me. “Not long. It’s all kind of new.” Donna smiled.

Cass looked at me with wide eyes and I knew we’d have to find a moment to steal away later. I had so much I needed to tell her. And so much I needed to get a firmer hold on myself.