A Song for Us

Chapter Forty-Two

SARAH

THERE WERE NO words to describe the pain of watching E get in his car and pull away. I was left with a virtual stranger. Jenny grabbed my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze before pulling out onto the road.

“Mom is really excited to see you,” she said as I reached out to turn off the annoying pop music that blared through the speakers. I found a station playing classic rock and turned up the volume to let Jenny know I didn’t feel like talking.

My entire world had changed so quickly I didn’t even know who I was anymore. I didn’t have a boyfriend or a band. Suddenly, I had my family back . . . and E was gone.

We drove for nearly three hours and only stopped to get gas and a bite to eat. I didn’t say a word to Jenny, but she didn’t seem to mind the silence between us.

We turned off on a tree-lined street with small, two-story houses lining the way. The car slowed and pulled off in front of a pale blue home with white shutters. I looked over at Jenny.

She smiled brightly at me. “It’s going to be fine. I promise.”

I nodded and she slipped out of the driver’s side as I opened my door and pushed to my feet. I groaned and stretched as I stared at the house.

Jenny came to my side and linked her arm in mine as she had at the hospital. “Come on.”

I reluctantly walked toward the front door and waited for Jenny to open it and step inside.

“Mom?” she called out as I followed her in. The house was small but clean, and the walls were lined with pictures. My eyes danced over then as I examined how sad I had looked as a child.

“Jenny, have you brought her home?” a familiar voice called from another room, and I clamped my hand over my mouth to keep from crying out. I hadn’t realized how much I had missed my mother until I heard her voice for the first time in too many years.

“Come on.” Jenny’s eyes lit up and she headed down a narrow hallway. She paused at a closed door and looked to me before pushing it open.

As I stepped inside, my eyes scanned the bedroom. It was pale pink and the curtains were white lace. The sun shone through the curtains, covering the walls with a crazy shadowy pattern. My eyes fell to the bed, with a matching pink blanket, and my mother propped up with pillows. She looked so much older, and almost frail. She was bedridden from a bad case of the flu. Jenny said my mother’s health had deteriorated over the years, but it didn’t prepare me for seeing her, once so beautiful and active, now so much older and weak.

“Mom?” I could barely hear my own voice.

“I’ve missed you so much, Sarah.” She held out her arms and I ran to her, overwhelmed by too many emotions, falling over her chest as I hugged her and cried happy tears for the first time since I could remember.

“I’m sorry, Mom.”

“I’m so sorry, too . . . so sorry.” She was sobbing as well. “But why didn’t you come home? You could have always come home, Sarah.”

Then her eyes danced over the red lines that marred my arms.

“I was scared. I didn’t know Phil was gone. I didn’t know if you would believe me. I figured you would want me gone anyway when you found out. . . . I felt guilty, like I had done something wrong.” My voice trailed off.

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” She put her hands on my cheeks and looked straight into my eyes. “I thought all this time you blamed me. Sarah, you and Jenny mean more to me than the world. I would have protected you, sweet girl. I swear I had no idea.”

“I know you didn’t, and I didn’t ever blame you. I just didn’t know how to deal with everything, so I ran.”

“I tried to find you, but after a while the police assumed you . . . that something had happened. You didn’t make it easy. Without credit cards or anything of that nature, you had just vanished.”

“I thought about coming home so many times, but I didn’t know that Phil was gone, and after a while I couldn’t look you in the eye after just leaving like that. I know I put you through hell. I’m so sorry for all of this.”

“It’s okay now. I have you back.”

“I’m so sorry for leaving you, Mom.”

“Life is too short. I’m just thankful for today.” She pulled me down against her and Jenny’s arms slid over my back as she joined our hug.