Incinerate

Chapter 12

Charlie

HOLY. FUCKING. Shit. I walk into the house after running to Lucy’s to grab a few things. After leaving her place, I realized that I’d forgotten the list, so I decided to make a quick stop back at Knox’s to grab it. I’m pretty sure I left it in the guest bathroom, and I decide to check there first. When I head down the hall, I swear I hear my name, which stops me in my tracks. I move closer to Knox’s bathroom, and seconds later, I hear my name again. It’s muffled so I can’t tell if he says anything else. I get worried that something is wrong with him, but then I hear what sounds like a moan and a quick slapping-like sound. I swear it sounds like he’s jacking off. Moving closer, I strain to hear what’s happening.

Thinking I must be going crazy and am hearing things, I press my ear up against the door. I hear nothing for a moment, but then a grunt echoes from the bathroom and I hear my name once more. Knox sighs, and a moment later, the water turns off. Holy shit. Was he just doing what I think he was doing? Oh, god. I’ve got to get out of here before he catches me. Shit, shit, shit. I scamper down the hallway, leaving the godforsaken list behind, and I run out the front door and to my car. I don’t even take the time to put on my seatbelt before I start the car and peel out of the driveway, praying to anyone who will listen that he didn’t catch me.

IT’S BEEN four hours since I nearly caught Knox masturbating, and I’m still in shock. I swear I heard him yelling out my name, but when I realized what he was doing, it made no sense. Well, then again, maybe it did. He did tell me this morning that he liked me in his clothes, but I figured that was just another one of his hot/cold moments. I’m pretty sure Katy Perry wrote that song just for him, and I can’t help sing the lyrics in my head.

The thought of him actually thinking about me while jacking off… It makes me want to race back to his place and throw myself at him, but I refuse to do that. Instead, I headed to the gym to work off some steam, thankful I had workout clothes from Lucy’s already in my car.

Sparring with Kale did nothing to calm my nerves. I was too on edge to concentrate. He kicked my ass twice and even commented that I seemed off. I just can’t stop thinking about what I heard. There’s something seriously sexy about hearing a man groan your name when he’s working himself over, but I have to wonder, why me? Obviously there’s an unspoken attraction between us, but is he really that into me that he’s thinking of me while he’s doing it? And if so, why doesn’t he just making a freaking move already? All I know is that I’m more confused than ever, so I try not to think about it anymore. But I know that until I get home and take care of myself in the same fashion he did, I’m not going to be able to get it off my mind.

I’m now wandering around the local supermarket, trying to remember what was on that damn list when I suddenly hear my name, and I freeze in my tracks.

“Charlotte,” a deep voice behind me calls. Turning around, I spot Drew, and to be honest, he looks terrible. Other than random sightings on campus, this is the first time I’ve seen him since that day in his office, and it’s the first time I’ve seen him up close. His black hair is unusually long, and he looks tired, with dark circles under his eyes. He’s always been lean, but his cheeks look sunken in, as if he hasn’t been eating enough. The part of me that loved him wants to reach out and stroke his face, but the other side keeps replaying the vision of him fucking another woman. I bet you can guess which side wins out.

Ignoring him, I try to make myself look busy as I inspect the cantaloupe, trying to find the perfect one to take home and cut up. His hand touches my arm, and I yank it away, glaring up at him. His sad expression cools me down, and I stand up straight, bagging the fruit.

“Hello, Drew,” I tell him in a monotone voice that makes him grimace.

He nervously fingers the oranges in the produce section in front of him, and I raise my eyebrows at him. I know it’s produce and you’re supposed to wash it, but people touching every piece of fruit has always bugged the shit out of me and he knows it. He places his hands in his pockets and just looks at me.

“Umm, I’ve tried getting ahold of you. I even called your dad,” he says, looking forlorn, and I notice that I no longer feel the pull towards him like I used to. Just a few months ago, I’d find myself searching campus just for a glimpse at him, but now that he’s in front of me, I want nothing more than to be anywhere else.

“Oh, well, um, I’ve been busy. You know, work, volunteering, moving. It’s been a crazy couple of months, you know.”

Wincing, he takes his hand out of his pocket as he moves towards me. He slides the free hand around my waist and to the small of my back, pulling me into him. In a moment of weakness, I allow him to press his forehead to mine, and I can feel his minty breath on my skin. The familiarity of this embrace sends a shot straight to my heart, and I want to wrap my arms around him yet push him away at the same time.

“Charlotte, baby, I love you. I fucked up so badly, and I wish I could take it back. I’m lost without you. Fucking lost. Please, let me show you that I mean it. I can’t live without you. Say you’ll give me—give us—another chance,” he whispers, his eyes pleading into mine.

Shaking my head, I break away from his embrace. I could easily throw my arms around his neck, declare my love, and go about planning my wedding. But it wouldn’t be real. I love Drew, I really do. But I will never trust him, and I can’t build a relationship, let alone a marriage, without trust.

Looking into his eyes one last time, I pull myself away from him completely, but it’s not easy. If he’d have said these things to me before, I might have relented and let him back in, but at the time I was too angry to even look at him. Angry that he took what was supposed to be a life-lasting bond built on love and trust and threw it away for a quick fuck. Angry that I spent years with a man who turned out to be nothing but a disappointment. Angry that I came so close to making the biggest mistake of my life. Now that I’ve had the time to process the emotions of his betrayal, the anger and hurt have faded, leaving me feeling thankful. I know that sounds weird, but you know the old saying, “A leopard never changes his spots”? I’m not saying I think Drew will always be a cheater, but there was a reason, whatever the hell it was, that I wasn’t enough for him. He did us both a favor when he decided to sleep with someone else, and even though I’ll never forget what he did to me, I do hope that he finds someone who can be his everything.

“It’s too late for excuses, Drew. Besides, I’m kind of seeing someone.” I have no idea why I just lied to him, but maybe he’ll leave me alone if he thinks I’ve moved on. Wishful thinking, right?

His jaw tightens as he frowns at me. Leaning down, he gives me a kiss on the cheek. “I’m not giving up on us, Charlie. I never will.” And with that, he turns around and leaves me alone and slightly flustered in the aisle to process what just happened.

AFTER SEEING Drew, I made a special trip to the wine section and loaded up. Hey, if you buy a case, they give you ten percent off. Why pass up a good bargain? I’m finally heading back to Knox’s place—or well, I guess our place now. I don’t have to be out of Lucy’s apartment for another week, but she’s been getting her fill of Kale before she leaves, so I’ve decided to go ahead and start staying with him so she can have her privacy. And so I don’t have to wear earplugs every night.

At this point, I’m just ready to throw my things in the guest room and settle in on the couch with a huge glass of wine. I’ve been sexually charged from the moment I woke up with Knox, and after hearing him groaning my name in the shower, I felt like I could explode with one touch. But now, after seeing Drew, I’m feeling a jumbled mess of emotions I don’t even want to begin to explore. Tonight I’m just going to relax and not think about any of it. At least that’s what I keep telling myself as I gather up the bags and make my way towards the house.

This time Knox doesn’t come outside, which is fine since I only have a duffel bag, a couple of grocery sacks, and the two six-divider bags that are holding the wine. I have to lean my shoulder against the door and try to open it with my knee, but it’s not working. As soon as I’m about to set the bags down, the door opens and the duffel bag is pulled from my arms.

“Dammit, Charlie, I still have one good arm, you know. You don’t have to do it all on your own,” he says, scowling at me. Oh great, Grump Con 2013 is again in full effect.

I roll my eyes at him. “I’m not a willowy, wimpy woman, for your information. I think I can handle a few grocery bags. Jesus, what is it with you thinking I’m so weak?” I ask him, but without waiting for an answer, I head towards the kitchen to put the perishable items away. Everything else can wait as I scour his kitchen for a wine opener, finally finding one in the last drawer I look in.

I uncork the red wine, and after finding a couple of wine glasses, I pour an ample amount for myself. I take a sip and relish the dry, full-bodied taste on my tongue. Swallowing, I moan, more than happy to feel the liquid flow down my throat after this very strange day. I hear a throat clear, and I open my eyes to see Knox leaning against the refrigerator, wearing nothing but a pair of low-rising basketball shorts. He’s watching me intently before he surprises me by closing the distance between us. I’m backed up against the counter, and he places his hands on each side of me.

“I thought we were going to talk, roomie,” he whispers, one finger brushing the bangs out of my face. I shudder under his touch.

Gulping, I take a huge drink of merlot. “Umm…talk? About what?” I ask him, my mind drawing a blank, even though the thought sounds familiar.

He chuckles as his hand moves from my hair and traces my jawline. “Are you really that forgetful?” And it comes back to me. Oh, right. Remembering that he wanted to have a conversation about being roommates, I groan before taking another drink of my wine.

Grinning at me, he pushes off the counter. He moves to the island where I left the wine and a second glass, and he pours himself one. After opening another bottle, he grabs his glass and the two open bottles and motions for me to join him in the living room. I follow silently, knowing we have to get this over with.

For once he sits on the couch and not in the recliner, and when I look at him, he motions to the spot next to him. I follow, placing my wine on the coffee table next to his.

He turns off the TV and looks at me. “Here’s the thing. If we’re going to be roommates, we probably should get to know each other a little bit, don’t you think?” he asks.

I nod, agreeing.

“Adult twenty questions? We can both ask each other any question, and we can either answer or take a drink to plead the Fifth? Sound good?” he proposes.

I nod. “Sure, that works fine for me. You go first,” I tell him, taking a big gulp of wine, trying to flood my veins with liquid courage.

“We’ll start out easy. How old are you, Charlie?” he asks, and I let out the breath that I was holding, not having expected such an easy question.

“I’m twenty-seven. I’ll be twenty-eight in December. How about you?”

“Twenty-nine. Closing in on thirty,” he says, his brows furrowing as if turning thirty would be some horrible disaster. Do guys actually care about things like that?

I giggle as I take another sip of wine before setting it down on the coffee table. “Oh, yes, Knox, you’re getting soooo old,” I tease him, poking him in the arm.

He grabs my finger and grips it, holding it tight. Bringing it to his lips, he gives it a soft kiss. I’m momentarily dazed at his tenderness, but then he winks at me and opens his mouth. “Now you’ll always be able to say you’ve been kissed by an old man.”

I snatch my wine back up and take my finger back from him, but not before I let my fingernail scratch his lip, causing him to swear.

“Okay, let’s talk about personal stuff later. Let’s get this rent business out of the way, okay? I feel guilty already staying here without having an agreement.”

“Here’s the thing, Charlie. I really don’t need your money. You’re already helping me out, so I wouldn’t feel right charging you rent. Now, if you want to do other favors, I can think of a few forms of payment that are deemed acceptable,” he tells me, winking.

Grabbing the pillow next to me, I throw it at his face. I have no idea if he’s teasing or if he’s serious, but when he knocks the pillow away, his gorgeous smile greets me playfully and I can’t help but smile back at him, not able to hold the fake glare I was trying to muster.

“Jesus, woman, I was kidding! But seriously, just chip in for groceries and we’re even.”

I shake my head. “No freaking way, Knox. This started out as a volunteer assignment. If I move in here and you don’t let me pay because I’m helping you, then that would mean you’re basically paying for my services and I’m not just volunteering them. Even though you’re not exactly paying me in cash, you’re still providing something in exchange for my help, and that just doesn’t sit well with me. I can’t and I won’t do that. I’m probably already crossing the line by even agreeing to do this. So if I’m going to stay here, you need to figure out what you want to charge me or else I can just leave now.” I’m wishing I’d used a different choice of words, but he surprises me when he lets my services comment go.

He stares at me for a moment before he takes a drink of his wine, exhaling slowly. “Okay, fine. I can’t argue with that, I guess. I’ll look at my statements tomorrow and come up with a fair rental price and then we can negotiate. Is that cool?”

I nod, happy that he isn’t fighting me on this. To be honest, I have no idea how the volunteer organization would feel knowing that I’m moving in with him, but as long as I’m paying him and not volunteering in exchange for free housing, I don’t see the problem. I’m sure it’s probably a really tight rope that I’m walking here, but for some reason, I’m throwing caution to the wind and for once just going with my gut and doing what I want. Screw everything else. I just hope those words don’t come back to haunt me or bite me in the ass.

“So we’ll make a deal tomorrow?” I ask him, just making sure that we’re both clear on this before moving on.

He nods and reaches out to refill both of our wine glasses. Once he’s done, he holds his up to me in a toast fashion. I bring mine up to meet his and they chime as we clink them together.

“To new roommates,” he says, smiling at me.

Something about that smile causes my insides to melt, and it takes everything in me to return it without jumping him right here on the couch. “New roomies,” I whisper, and we both take a sip of our wine, staring at each other but saying nothing, quickly turning back to the television to distract us.

Knox

SITTING IN my living room, drinking wine, and getting to know Charlie feels normal, and I can’t remember the last time I actually took the time to really get to know a girl. Most of the chicks I meet could care less about talking, and I’m not ashamed to say that I always felt the same. Hell, half the time I didn’t even remember their names the next day, a fact that is pretty shitty, but at the time, that’s all I wanted, and they always knew it was never going to be anything more than a hook-up. Right now, though, I want to know everything about Charlotte Davenport.

I have to admit that I was pretty annoyed when she interrupted our twenty questions session to talk about rent and shit. It’s true that I don’t need her money, but I can understand why she wants to pay her way. I wanted to drop the subject so I just agreed, poured us each another glass, and raised mine in a celebratory toast.

Neither of us says anything for a couple of minutes, and I’m about to break the silence when she rises from the couch.

“I’m going to go figure out what’s for dinner. I haven’t eaten since brunch and that was hours ago. I’m starving, and if I keep drinking this on an empty stomach, I’ll end up passed out right here on the couch.”

The thought of her getting drunk and needing me to take care of her is actually an appealing one. “Good thing you just moved in with a badass soldier. I can throw you over my shoulder and drop you off in the guest room—well, your room now—if that ever happens. The couch is comfortable, but not enough to sleep on all night,” I say, rising from my spot on the couch and moving towards her.

“Yeah, well once you’re fully healed, you can show off your big, badass muscles, but for now, you aren’t lifting anything, especially not me,” she says, backing away from me and hurrying into the kitchen.

Shaking my head, I try not to get irritated that she just brought up my weakened state—again. I know she’s not doing it on purpose, but I still can’t help being annoyed by the constant reminder, even if she’s just trying to look out for me.

When I follow her, I find her bent over in front of the refrigerator, holding the door open and staring at the contents inside. The way her ass is sticking out unleashes something inside me, and I go semi-hard just from watching her. I instantly feel the need to show her that I’m not some weak, damaged man. I walk up behind her and grab her by the waist, turning her around. Kicking the door shut behind me, I push her to the island. If I thought I could get away with it, I’d be pressing myself up against her so she could feel what she’s doing to me. She’s staring up at me with confusion in her big, brown eyes, and I wonder what the hell I’m doing.

“Hop up,” I tell her, and she complies immediately, surprising me by not fighting it.

I place my hands on her knees, spreading them and stepping closer to her so my hips are between her legs. As best as I can, I take hold of each one and wrap them around my waist. She involuntarily tightens them around my middle, although her ass is still firmly planted on the counter. This isn’t how I imagined her legs wrapped around me for the first time, but I can’t deny that I love the feel of her gripping my waist tightly.

“Arms around my neck, sweetheart.” The confused expression on her face deepens, but she does as she’s told.

“What are you doing, Knox?” she asks, looking up at me, her face only inches from mine.

Swallowing hard, I ignore her question and bring my forehead to hers. “Just do this for me, okay? Don’t fight me on it. Just this once. I need to do this.”

She nods, and I’m not sure she knows what to expect, confirming it when I pull her off the counter. Gasping, she starts to struggle, and I have to brace myself against the counter to keep from falling. Jesus, this woman is so damn difficult, and it can be both sexy as hell and annoyingly irritating.

“Knox, what the hell?! Put me down!”

Fuck. I know I should probably listen to her, but I’ve gotten to this point and I’m not stopping until I can prove to myself, and to her, that I haven’t completely lost all of my strength. She’s not exactly heavy, but her struggling is making it difficult to keep my one good arm around her as I make my way down the hallway, heading into the guest bedroom. Somewhere along the way she stops struggling, apparently having given up and figuring that it’s just easier to let me do this.

I’m slightly out of breath by the time I get to her bed, and I’m more than happy to release her from my arms. Relief washes over me when she plops on the bed, bouncing once. I’m not sure whether the relief is from having been able to do it or from having freed myself of her weight. Either way, I’m fucking ecstatic, and even though I’m breathing heavily, it was a small victory for me and my bruised ego.

I begin backing away from her because I know the verbal assault is coming. I don’t blame her, but I don’t regret it.

“Don’t worry about dinner tonight. I’m gonna order pizza if that’s cool with you. That way we can just hang out,” I say, trying to act like what just happened was no big deal, hoping she’ll do the same. But I’m mentally rejoicing, feeling a little better knowing that I can still carry a hot girl to bed. For a brief moment, I thought I wasn’t going to be able to make it, and I’m not sure my ego could’ve taken a failure like that, especially with Charlie as a witness. I’m struggling to keep from grinning like an idiot and flexing my muscles like a body builder on a testosterone high.

She’s just staring at me, not responding as she sits on the bed. I decide to leave the room and go do as I said. It’s a few minutes before she comes back out to the living room, where she sits on the coffee table directly in front of me. Placing her hands on my knees, she leans in close to me, and I’m prepared to take whatever she has to give because I know she’s probably pissed.

“I guess I was wrong. Even after being inactive and injured for over two months, you are still strong enough to haul my ass around. And I’m not little, so that’s pretty damn impressive,” she says, surprising me.

That was the last thing that I was expecting. I was waiting for a verbal tongue lashing or at least a parental-like scolding, but her telling me it was impressive? Yeah, I’m shocked as shit. And proud as hell. I thought I was more trying to prove a point to her and to myself when I did that, but looking back on it, maybe I was trying to impress her at the same time. I don’t want her thinking I’m some weak guy, and the way she’s been acting made me think that she did. Until now.

“Thanks, sweetheart, but you’ve seen nothing yet. Give me two months back in the gym and I’ll really be able to impress.” The cocky douche in me comes out before I can even stop it, and she rolls her eyes at me before turning serious-faced again.

“I know what you were doing, and once I figured it out, I just let you go ahead with it. Consider your point proven. That being said, don’t ever do anything like that to me again. At least not until you have full clearance from the doctor. You and I both know that Dr. Branch said you couldn’t lift anything more than ten pounds, and I outweigh that by about 130, so I’m definitely off-limits.”

I start to interrupt her to let her know it was a one-time thing, but she holds her hand up to stop me. “I know I’ve never been in your shoes, but I have been in the position where I’ve been injured and not been able to do my daily workouts. I understand how it feels to be cooped up, helpless, and weak. What happened to you was awful, Knox, and I know you’re itching to get back in the gym, back to work, and back to your normal life. I know having me around is a reminder that you can’t do it all on your own right now, but please don’t look at it that way. Forget why I’m here. All that matters now is that you have a new roommate who is conveniently around to do the things that you can’t. And when you’re given the go-ahead, I’ll be right there with you working through your rehabilitation so you can eventually throw me around like a sack of potatoes. But let’s wait to do that so we don’t potentially worsen your injuries, okay?”

Nodding, I’m shocked at how spot-on she is. Maybe Jace was right when he said I’m not that hard to read. Or maybe it just takes the right person to get me, and apparently this girl is that person.

Smiling, she pats my knee before getting up from the coffee table. “It’s going to take time, but you have to be patient. If we do something to cause a setback, it’ll just take that much longer to get you back in the gym, and to be honest, I’m itching to go toe-to-toe with you to see what you’re made of,” she teases.

It doesn’t escape my attention that she’s been talking about this as a dual effort, using ‘we’ when talking about my rehabilitation, and a strange feeling washes over me at the thought of us being a ‘we,’ an ‘us.’ It’s foreign and only slightly familiar, because it’s been so damn long since I’ve ever even entertained the idea of coupling up. I push that thought out of my head. I can see myself being friends with this girl, and that’s how it has to stay. She’s obviously got baggage with the cheating ex, and now that we’re roommates, I definitely don’t want to start anything that’ll complicate things.

“Hello? Anyone in there?” Charlie waves her hand in front of my face, pulling me out of my thoughts.

Shaking my head, I grin up at her. “Sorry, I was just trying to imagine any scenario in which it would be even remotely possible for you to keep up with me.”

“You have no idea what I can and can’t do. The next time you see Kale, feel free to ask him how hard it is for me to ‘keep up’ with the big boys,” she says, causing me to be curious as to what she means. I remember him telling me that she went to our gym. Now I want to call his ass and get the info, but I don’t want her to know I’m even remotely interested.

She settles in on the couch next to me and we watch the television in silence until the pizza man rings the doorbell. Charlie gets up to get it before I can, and this time I let her. She’s headstrong, and I’ve decided just to let her do her thing instead of fighting with her on everything. She’s definitely the type you pick your battles with, and this isn’t one of them. So I decide to back off—at least for now.