Incinerate

Chapter 35

Charlie

WALKING INTO Dad’s room, I’m still shaky from what I just admitted to Knox, but I’m so glad I did. His words replay in my mind as I hear him telling me to be strong, and I vow to do just that. But when I see Dad looking so pale and weak, it’s hard to do. For Wade Davenport, I’d do anything, so I square up my shoulders and cross the room, pulling a chair up to his bedside.

“Hey, Charlie,” he says, sitting up a little taller in his bed. “Sorry to ruin your weekend getaway.”

Leaning in, I give him a kiss on the cheek before taking a seat next to him. Grabbing his hand, I shake my head. “The weather in Florida was shit, anyway,” I joke, even though I know it really wasn’t.

“Yeah, who needs all the sun and sand? I’d much rather be in forty-degree temperatures this time of year,” he jokes.

“Oh yeah, it was complete torture.”

He grins, and I love seeing him smile. “How was the wedding? Did you have a good time?” he asks, and I have to shake my head that he’s even concerned about it.

“It was great, Dad. Up until the point where you interrupted my dance with a sexy soldier,” I tell him, grinning so he knows I’m joking.

“I’m sorry, Charlie. I wish Olivia hadn’t called you. It wasn’t a big deal. I’ll be out of the hospital in a few days. There was no reason for you to cut your vacation short,” he says, and I swear, flames might be flying out of my ears.

“Are you kidding me? I’d have been angry as hell if I’d come to find you in the hospital! Olivia did the right thing, calling me. I was scared out of my mind, Dad. If I hadn’t had Knox, I have no idea how I would’ve gotten through this past day,” I tell him, saying the words but not letting myself cry.

He drops my hand as he brings his up to brush my cheek. “I didn’t mean to scare you, honey. I guess your stubborn old man’s going to have to start taking better care of himself. Olivia’s already threatened to move in and clean out my beer stash.”

“I think that’s a good idea. You need someone to be with you to make sure you’re eating right, being healthy. The doctor said if you hadn’t been in the hospital, you might not have made it. I don’t like the thought of you living alone, so maybe you should let her move in.”

“I’m a grown-ass man. I don’t need a babysitter—not you, not Olivia. I can take care of damn myself,” he growls. I now see what Olivia meant by him being cranky.

“We’ll figure it out once you get home. I can stay with you for a couple of days until you get back on your feet.”

He huffs, but he doesn’t turn down my offer. “Where’s your man? I assume he’s the one who brought you back from Florida.”

“He’s here, Dad. He just wanted to give us some time together, alone, so he went to check out the coffee shop.”

“I like him for you. He’s a good man, and he’s perfect to deal with your headstrong personality. I hope it works out,” Dad tells me, surprising me by giving me the father seal of approval.

“I hope so, too. I love him. I really do,” I admit out loud for the second time today.

His eyes start to droop, and I can tell he’s fighting the sleepiness that’s washing over him.

“I’m happy for you, honey,” he tells me, his voice trailing off as he succumbs to sleep, just as I hear a knock on the door and a throat clear.

Turning around, I’m surprised as hell. Drew’s standing in the doorway, hands in his pockets, looking handsome as ever, and much better than the last time I saw him.

“Hey, Charlie,” he says, moving into the room, drawing me out of the chair and into his arms before I can protest.

The feel of his embrace is familiar, but it’s not as warm as it used to be. Pulling away, I lead him out into the hall so Dad can get some rest.

“What are you doing here, Drew?” I ask, curious as to how he even knew Dad was here.

“It’s not a big town, Charlie, and when a prominent doctor collapses, word gets around,” he says, and I’m not surprised. “Is he doing okay?”

I’m honestly touched that he cares. No matter what happened between us, we still spent a few special years together, and one screwed-up memory won’t ruin all the other ones.

“They say he’s doing fine, but I’m still scared as hell. I mean, his freaking heart stopped, for God’s sakes!” I exclaim. Drew pulls me in again, calming my outburst.

“Your dad’s a strong guy, Charlie. I have no doubt he’ll pull through this, and you’ll be whipping him into shape in no time,” he says, smiling down at me.

For a split second, I remember this. How comfortable I was with him. How easy it was. And at the same time, I remember how passionless it was. How stifled I felt, even though I didn’t realize it until I was on my own.

Backing away from him, I put a few feet of space between us. “I appreciate you stopping by, Drew,” I tell him, and I really do, but I don’t really want Knox coming back to find him here, even if I did just unload my heart on him.

Drew gives me a sad smile. “I’m not here for anything other than to be a shoulder, Charlie. I admit, when I heard what happened, I was hoping I could be your comfort, but I was coming around the corner when I caught your speech to that soldier.”

I know it’s silly, but I almost feel bad that Drew caught me confessing my love for Knox. I start to speak, but he stops me.

“Look, maybe I did come here with some misguided hope that I could win you back. But I heard what you said to him, and to be honest, I don’t think you ever loved me that way.” I start to protest, but he continues. “I think we were good together, but we got too comfortable. We didn’t have the passion, the longing. And when I saw you with him? I saw everything that was missing. Don’t get me wrong. I was an ass for cheating, and I’ll kick myself for the rest of my life over that, but in the long run, I don’t think we ever would’ve ended up together.”

Nodding, I agree. “I think you’re right. I’m sorry you had to hear me telling Knox all of that, but to be completely honest, I’ve never loved anyone the way I love him. That doesn’t mean that I don’t cherish the time we spent together, and I’ll always have fond memories of you. I did love you, Drew. I really did. I just don’t think it was in the right way.”

“I can understand that. I won’t lie. It was a shot in the heart hearing your confession, but deep down I know you’re right.” His hand comes up to stroke my cheek. “I’m so sorry for fucking everything up. Do you think in the future we could at least be friends?”

God damn my emotions, but I tear up at his words. “I’d like that, Drew. I really would. And I hope that you find someone who’s enough for you, someone you’d go to the ends of the earth for. You’re a good guy, and you deserve to be happy.”

“I don’t know if I’ll ever get over fucking this one up so badly, but I’m glad you’re happy. I’ll always love you, Charlotte.” He leans down, surprising me when he kisses me on the lips—a soft, gentle one.

I’m shocked that his lips are on mine, and I have a mental freak-out, not knowing what to do. Deciding against confrontation, I press a quick peck against them before pulling away. Smiling up at him, I return his words. “I love Knox, but our time together was special. As a friend, I’ll always love you, too. ” Leaning up, I place a soft kiss on his cheek.

“I understand. I sincerely hope you’re happy, Charlie,” he says, pulling away. “You deserve it.”

Smiling at him, I finally feel at peace with what happened between us. Then I turn away as he strolls down the hall, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

Knox

I’M IN a daze. A goddamn fucking daze as Charlie pours her heart out to me. When I hear the words “I love you” cross her lips, it takes everything in me not to haul her up and stake my claim, but at the last minute, I remember where we are. I’m ready to respond, to tell her that I feel the same way, but she silences me, like she doesn’t want to hear what I have to say. Moments later, I’m alone as I watch her disappear into her dad’s room.

So I leave her to visit her dad alone and head to the coffee shop, where I drink cup after cup of shitty coffee. I look at my watch and decide she’s had enough time when Doc Branch sits down across from me.

“I guess you had the same idea I did,” she says, smiling at me.

Shrugging my shoulders, I toy with my coffee cup. “I figured they could use some time alone together without me hanging in the background. I know you tried to keep it simple last night without freaking Charlie out, but now that I have you, give it to me straight. Just how bad is it?”

She sighs before taking a sip of her coffee as she looks away from me. “It was bad,” she admits, emphasizing the was, “but as soon as they figured out what was wrong and got him stable, everything looked like he was going to be okay. What I told you two was true. If he hadn’t been here—or around someone who would’ve known to perform CPR properly—well, I don’t even want to think about that. Anyway, he’s going to be fine, but he’s going to have to make some lifestyle changes to prevent another heart attack. And I’m going to make sure he does.”

Grinning at her, I know she means it. She sounds determined, and I can’t wait for the stand-offs between her and Wade to start. “You know he’s going to fight you on everything, especially during football season.”

She sets her chin. “I don’t give a damn. If I have to prepare every single meal, pour out every bottle of beer, I’ll do it. I won’t have him scaring me like that again.”

Eyeing her, I drain the last of my coffee, ready to go see my girl. “Is it serious?” I ask.

“I think so. Or well, it’s getting there at least. This scare definitely has me reevaluating things,” she says, and I nod in understanding.

“I don’t put it past a Davenport to go to extreme measures to get your attention,” I joke, and she laughs.

“And you two? Is it serious?” she asks, echoing my question. When I pause, she touches my arm. “Sorry. I know it’s none of my business. Her dad worries about her, after all that happened.”

“She loves me,” I answer, tossing her a bone, not caring for it to be a secret anymore.

She raises her eyebrows at me. “She does?” she asks, and a smug smile forms on my lips.

“She does,” I confirm. “I love her back.”

It’s the second time in the past forty-eight hours that I’ve said it out loud to someone other than Charlie. Standing up, I’m rejuvenated, anxious to finally let her know.

“And it’s about damn time I tell her.”

Doc Branch smiles at me. “Don’t let me keep you.”

And I don’t. Leaving the coffee shop, I’m energized, excited, and more than ready to pour my heart out. But as I step off the elevator, my excitement falters when I see them. When I see him.

As much as I want to charge down the hallway and scoop her up so he knows she’s mine, I remember how she responded when I went all crazy over her sparring with Chris. Instead, I move off to the side and watch as Charlie interacts with her ex, the professor, who’s all decked out in a suit, looking professional, successful. Branson’s words echo in my mind. You know she’s just going to end up leaving you, too. I shake the words out of my mind, knowing I can’t let him get to me again, but then I see him embrace her and whisper something in her ear.

It isn’t until she leans back that I find relief, but it’s short-lived as I watch him lean in, placing his lips on her. She stills, but then I see her lips press back against him before she quickly pulls away. They exchange a few more words before she gives him a kiss on the cheek. I may not be a lip-reader, but I know what I love you looks like, and my blood runs cold as I watch her say those words. A moment later, he turns to leave and his eyes widen when he recognizes me. Passing by, he gives me a simple head nod, and then he’s gone. When I turn back to Charlie, she’s already gone back in her dad’s room.

What the fuck just happened? Was she not just telling me the same damn thing an hour ago? Why the hell would she tell him that, too? And then fucking kiss him? My girl’s lips were on another man’s, and it takes everything in me not to punch something right now. I’m ready to burst into the room and back her against the wall, show her that there’s no way she can go back to him. I’m too fucking gone to lose her now. She’s engrained in my mind. She’s in my heart—fuck, she has my heart—and it wasn’t until now that I truly realize how much I’ve come to need her. Because the thought of not having Charlie? The thought of her with someone else? I’m not sure if I’d ever recover, and I’m scared as hell that I’m about to find out what it feels like.

And just like that, his fucking voice fills my head again. One day she’ll wake up and want something, someone more. Might as well get used to it.