Incinerate

Chapter 1

Knox

THE SOUND of slow, steady beeps fills my ears as my mind attempts to determine what the hell is going on. My eyelids are heavy and my lips feel unbearably dry, but worst of all is the pain that’s radiating throughout my entire body. My brain is foggy and struggling to make sense of where I am. Something’s covering my nose and mouth, and although I want to break free, I can’t bring myself to move. Feeling the cool air blowing on my face, I can tell that it’s an oxygen mask, and I wonder what the hell happened to me.

A small hand grasps my wrist, sending a deep shockwave of stinging pain all the way up my arm. Wincing, I try to move it, but something heavy is holding it down. I’m almost ready to open my eyes when I finally hear a voice. Her voice. The voice I could never hear again and still die a happy man.

“He looks awful. Please tell me Knox is going be okay.” I hear the sugary sweet Southern drawl of Megan Caldwell Wellington. Jesus, I’m half fucking dead and she’s still haunting me.

I feel a small hand slip into mine, and a wave of irritation passes through me at her touch. Why the hell is she even here? Matter of fact, where in the hell is here, anyway? The last thing I remember is watching Jace’s eyes go wide when he realized what I was trying to tell him. A light bulb clicks on in my brain and I’m plagued with thoughts about my team.

Racking my brain, I replay the entire scene in front of me. I was the closest guy to the blast, so if I’m alive, I would think it’s safe to assume that everyone else is okay. But this is fucking war, and assumptions can’t—and shouldn’t—ever be made. Knowing I should’ve seen that spotter well before I did, with enough time to get my guys out of there, I’ll go fucking insane if anything happened to any of them. As if on cue, another voice speaks, pulling me out of my thoughts.

“It’s been touch and go, but the doctors say his vital signs are good. The brain swelling’s gone down, and this morning they took him off the medicine that was keeping him in the medically-induced coma. Cohen said they told him he should be coming out of it any time today,” Jace informs her.

Relief washes over me when I realize that he’s okay. I know I like to keep myself closed off from a lot of people, but Jace is my brother in every sense of the word, save the biological part. Now that I know he’s good, I try to process what I just heard. A coma? I vaguely remember my head slamming against the ground, and the light pounding in my head makes sense now. Come to think of it, I’m aching all over, but before I can give it any more thought, the sound of an opening door echoes in the silence and I hear a huff before the loud “What the fuck?” that follows.

Footsteps stomp over to the bed, and Megan’s hand is pulled away from mine. She lets out a small gasp. “What the hell are you doing here, Megan?” I hear my brother’s angry voice seethe. I wish my goddamn eyelids would cooperate and open so I can witness what’s going on. The fogginess is finally letting up, but I still feel like ten tons of bricks are holding my eyes closed.

“What are you talking about, Cohen? Of course I’d be here. He’s family.”

Jace clears his throat, but it’s Cohen who speaks. “No, Megan, you may be married to my brother, but Knox’s only true family has been in this room for the last three weeks, and that doesn’t include you.”

Megan’s voice is filled with tears when she responds. “Branson’s out of town and I needed to come see that Knox was okay. I still care about him, Cohen.”

“Right. Bran didn’t care enough to come see his own brother who was in a coma, and you had to sneak away to do it. Knox may have been bent out of shape when you left him, but the way I see it, he got lucky. You and Branson are perfect for each other.”

An involuntary groan escapes my lips at Cohen’s reminder that the only girl I ever loved left me for my brother. I hear a small gasp and a rush of movement as another person comes to my side. A soft hand strokes the side of my face and a small whisper comes next.

“Knox? Can you hear me?” It’s a familiar voice, but I can’t quite place it. I nod my head, and finally, the bricks are gone and I feel my eyelids slowly open. I blink twice as the bright white hospital lights momentarily block my vision. When I can finally see, I notice a pretty blonde with blue eyes smiling down at me, a couple of tears streaming down her cheeks. Shaking my head, I try to place her face. She leans down and gives me a kiss on the forehead. “Welcome back, Knox. You’re at Walter Reed Medical Center. You’re in the States,” she informs me.

She moves away as Cohen comes to my side. At twenty-two, he still has that goofy grin that he had as a kid, and to this day it still makes me want to ruffle the messy blond hair that’s always made it look like he just rolled out of bed. He reaches over and presses the nurse’s call button before he puts a hand on my shoulder.

“Dammit, Knox, you scared the hell out of me. I thought I was about to lose the only brother worth a damn, but thank Christ you’re too stubborn to let those bastards win.”

I want to speak, but I can’t fucking talk because my lips feel fused together with how dry they are. A nurse walks in and Cohen moves away so she can check my vitals. As she removes the oxygen mask, she orders someone to get me some water while she rubs a damp cloth over my mouth. My lips part as she places a straw up to them, and I suck greedily, thanking the heavens above when the cool liquid slides down my throat. She pulls the cup away and smiles at me.

“Nice to finally see those eyes open, Sergeant,” she says, and I take in her features, finally noticing how gorgeous this woman is. I’ve had my fair share of women, and I know how good nurses can be in bed, so my dick jumps a little under the hospital sheet. It’s been a while since I’ve been with a woman, so I’m not surprised at the reaction. Still, it’s embarrassing that something so insignificant caused me to slightly harden even just a little bit.

She takes a remote from the side of the bed and operates it so that I’m finally inclined to the sitting position. My back fucking kills as the bed rises, and pain shoots through my ribs. Those fuckers really did a number on me, I realize, taking in the cast on my left arm.

I finally get a chance to look around the room, and the mixture of people in here surprises me. I realize that the pretty blonde is Lexi, Jace’s…whatever the hell she is. She’s sitting on his lap, so I’m guessing they’re good now. Last I heard she still was holding out on the L word, and Jace was a wreck about it. That’ll be an interesting story, I’m sure. Cohen’s standing just off to the side of the bed, letting the nurse do her job. My eyes lock in on Megan, and she’s frozen, staring at me for the first time since I caught her with my brother. I know I’m an asshole, but I wish I could say that time looks like it hasn’t been kind to her. I’d be lying. She looks like the same girl I knew back then, but instead of the jeans and flip-flops she used to live in, she’s dressed up in a fancy suit and decked out with jewelry and a massive rock on her finger. She’s wearing her wealth, and disgust washes over me. That’s what she left me for. The money. The status. The, I’m guessing, huge house and expensive car Branson’s given her.

“Get out,” I growl, my voice sounding strange after not having spoken in what I’m guessing has been weeks. Her eyes widen when she hears my voice. She starts to move towards the bed, but Cohen holds his hand up to stop her.

“Knox, I made a mistake,” she whispers, her eyes pleading with me to listen to her, but I feel nothing but pain and anger where she’s concerned.

“Too bad you didn’t realize that before you made the drive from Belle Meade,” I respond, wishing she’d leave before I fucking lose it.

Her head drops, and I can barely hear her when she says, “That’s not what I meant.”

I exhale deeply and my chest begins to feel like a weight is sitting on it, forcing the air from my lungs. Eleven years ago I would’ve been dumb enough to let those words penetrate my heart, but the vault it’s locked in now is indestructible, and there’s no way I’m letting her get to me ever again. Not just her. Any woman. I’m never putting myself through that again.

Before I can say anything, Lexi walks over to Megan and places her hands on her shoulders just as the doctor walks in.

“Come on, Megan. I’ll walk you out. I’m sure the doctor needs to speak with Knox.”

When they get to the door, Megan turns and takes one last look at me, a single tear falling down her face. Our eyes meet for a split second, but I’m quick to turn away as the memories rush in from the last time I saw her cry, the day she told me she was leaving me for Branson. Shaking my head, I turn my attention towards the doctor, anxious to know what the hell has been going on.

AFTER A lengthy discussion with the doc, I’ve learned that my injuries were more severe than I realized. I’d figured that with Cohen’s comment earlier, but I’m honestly shocked at how close I came to death. I know my job’s a dangerous one, but I’ve always been a cocky motherfucker who thought he was invincible.

I find out that I’ve been in a medically induced coma for three weeks after I was initially treated on scene and then at Landstuhl Regional Medical Center in Germany. The brain swelling was a major concern, so the doctors found it necessary to go this route to ensure no permanent damage was done. Apparently, I had been thrown about thirty feet or so from the blast and hit my head pretty damn bad on the concrete, resulting in the skull fracture that had led to the brain injury. I’d also broken two vertebrae in my lower spine due to the impact of hitting the ground.

The surgery they did is what the doctor calls a lumbar fusion. I make a mental note to look that up later on. My left arm has fractures in several places, hence the bulky cast on my arm. To top it all off, I lost my spleen in the process, and I’m sure I’m covered with yellowing bruises all over my body. All I can say is thank the Lord for a morphine drip.

After he finishes discussing my injuries, the doctor closes my chart and stands up from his stool. “Okay, Sergeant Wellington, we’re going to keep you here for observation and do another CT scan, but if all goes well, you’ll be able to head back to Ft. Campbell by next week. You’ll need some help though, so make sure you get something lined up so you have someone to take you to and from medical appointments and that kind of stuff. You’ll probably be on pain medication for a while, and the state of your injuries will prohibit you from any driving for some time.”

I scoff, knowing that I’ll probably be off meds by the time I leave here. I’m a tough son of a bitch, and I’ve never needed them before. Like hell am I going to be a burden to anyone else once I get back home.

Cohen picks that moment to chime in. “I’ll stay with him for a while. You don’t have to worry about that.” I shake my head, but he just smiles at me. I know it’s going to be a pain in the ass to get him to go back to the University of Tennessee, where he’s in his third year of pre-med school. The doctor dismisses himself and Cohen follows him out, presumably to discuss my treatment plan once I’m released.

Lexi gets off Jace’s lap, and he struggles to stand. She hands him two crutches, and he slowly makes his way over to the bed, where he steadies himself before placing a hand on my shoulder. “Nice to see you awake, man. You had us worried for a while.”

I look him over and spot the freshly pink scar running across his forehead before my eyes look down at the cast I can see peeking out from under his shorts.

“Man, you’ve been trying to get rid of me for eleven years, and I keep getting sent to the same post as you. You really think I’d let a couple of terrorists get the best of me? Hell no, J. Mac,” I joke, trying to keep things from getting sentimental. Jace may be my closest friend, but we’ve always had this thing where we’ve never bothered to really cross any emotional lines. Except for that night in Germany, but booze was involved so I gave him a pass on that.

Jace laughs and agrees. “You’re right, you’re right. You are definitely too stubborn for that. But seriously, Knox. Glad to have you back.”

I nod at him, quick to change the subject. “What about you? Taylor and Montgomery? The other team? How is everyone?” Knowing that Jace and I were closest to the blast, I’m hoping the other guys are okay, but you never know when it comes to shrapnel. And since I blacked out, I have no idea what happened after the explosion.

He launches into the story, as he was told because he also blacked out. He’d only been a few feet from me, so that doesn’t come as a surprise. Taylor and Montgomery, as well as the perimeter team, were all far enough away that they escaped with minor injuries, cuts, and bruises. They requested medical assistance immediately, and as soon as we were able, Jace and I were both transported to Landsthul and then subsequently here to Walter Reed. I’m thankful that Jace and all the other guys are fine. It’s never easy to lose a fellow soldier, and even though I put on a mask of a hard exterior, I’ve shed private tears for my lost brothers in arms.

The entire time he’s talking, Lexi sits quietly in the chair, playing on her phone as she lets us catch up. Every so often I catch her looking at Jace—concerned, I’m guessing, because he’s been standing for a while. Eventually she gets up and drags a chair over to the bed, forcing him to sit down. She leans down and gives him a kiss on the lips, and I look away when he deepens it.

“I’m going to go grab some coffee. Want anything?” she asks, and Jace shakes his head. “I’d offer to get you something, Knox, but I don’t need any angry nurses biting my head off. I’ll see you guys in a bit.”

We both watch her leave, and I must have a strange look on my face because when he turns back to me, Jace immediately asks, “What?”

I raise my eyebrows before responding. “That. Last I heard, you guys were in some weird in between stage, and here she is, sitting on your lap, you doing the PDA thing by my bedside, which, dude, is kinda weird.”

He shakes his head and laughs. “When I woke up in Germany, she was there. Flew across the ocean to admit that she was in love with me. We’ve been together ever since, and let me tell you, man, there’s nothing better than having the girl I’ve been in love with for nearly half my life finally be all mine.”

Jesus, he sounds like such a sappy sucker. Women don’t just randomly wake up one day and decide they love you after they’ve been fucking with your heart for months on end. I know it’s an asshole thought, and I won’t say it out loud. Hell, I hope more than anything that this girl really means it, but I won’t hold my breath. As easily as they decide they love you, they can also wake up the next morning and kick you to the curb. Fuck love.

“So you’re telling me that it took you getting blown up for her to realize she loves you? I don’t know… Sounds convenient—a little too convenient.”

Sighing, he just stares at me for a moment. “I know that girl messed you up, but one of these days you’re going to meet someone who will make you stop being so damn cynical all the time. I can’t wait for that day to come.”

“Never gonna happen,” I tell him, because it’s not. I’ve never let anyone in since Megan and I don’t ever plan on doing it again. Suddenly, I recall the way it felt to think I was going to die alone when I was on the brink of unconsciousness, but I quickly push the thought out of my mind before Jace just shakes his head at me again.

“Famous last words, Knox. Famous last words.”