Incinerate

Chapter 21

Charlie

WHAT’S THAT old ‘90s song? Don’t wake me, I’m dreaming. Yeah, that song’s on repeat in my brain right now, but the fact that I’m sitting on Knox’s lap with him still buried deep inside of me, still pumping his release, lets me know that this is, in fact, fucking real life. Real fucking life? Real-life fucking? My brain feels like mush right now. Whatever it is, it’s the most amazing sex I’ve ever had, and even though it only lasted about five minutes, that’s all I needed. All we both needed.

The way he demanded that I look at him while I was coming was both sexy and unnerving. I’ve never been with anyone who wasn’t one hundred percent sweet and gentle. It turned me on in a way that I’d love to explore in the future, and I wonder if he feels the same.

He finally stills and he lifts my chin again, forcing me to look at him. As he stares into my eyes, it takes everything in me not to look away. His hand comes up and brushes my hair off my shoulder.

“I knew you’d look sexy when you came, and sweetheart, you took my fucking breath away.”

I’ve always been confident in the bedroom, but something about the way he watches me, my every movement, as if he’s relishing in the entire experience is something new for me. And I know I should be used to his outspoken nature, but he’s making me feel as if I’m the most beautiful woman in the world and that he couldn’t want anyone more.

Deciding to be playful, I place a kiss on his lips. “So it wasn’t just me? You’ve been thinking about doing this, too?” I tease, remembering his words from earlier.

“Sweetheart, you give me thirty minutes and I’ll show you every fantasy I’ve had about you,” he says as I feel him twitching inside me. Rolling back onto the bed, he brings me with him before he turns us on our sides, still facing each other, him still inside me. His hand comes up to cup my face while the other strokes the small of my back. Despite what we just did, I can’t help but shiver at the contact.

We lie there for a few moments, not talking, just enjoying the feel of each other. My mind is racing, trying to process everything that just happened. I never imagined that going on a date with Chris would lead to this. And while I can’t say I’m disappointed, I’m wondering where we’re going to go from here. Sex with Knox was fanfuckingtastic, and I’m hoping I get more of it in the future. And it’s not just sex I want. Sometime over the last few weeks, we found some unspoken truce, and I find myself wishing I could know more about him, that he’d let me in. I’m hoping this is a step in the right direction, praying that he means it when he says I’m his. Feeling anxious, I slide over, trying to get up from the bed, but he’s still holding me down.

“Knox, let me up,” I ask, but he holds me tighter, shaking his head. “No, seriously, I mean it.”

Again, he shakes his head. “Not a chance. I’m not letting you out of this bed.”

“If you don’t let me leave this bed, I’m going to pee my pants…or, well, your sheets since I’m not wearing any.”

He quickly lets go of me, and I roll out of the bed, making my way towards my own bathroom out of habit. Once there, I decide to wash my face, brush my teeth, and do the rest of my nightly routine. When I finish, I see Knox in the doorway, leaning against the frame like he did once before.

“What are you doing?” I ask, wondering why he’s watching me. Without speaking, he walks towards me, lifting my ass up and setting me on the sink. He leans in for a kiss, his lips all over mine as he sucks my bottom lip in between his before he pulls away.

“Just making sure you’re coming back to bed,” he says.

Excuse me while my inner cheerleader shakes her pom-poms. Hell, there might even be spirit fingers. Knowing that he wants more of me after our one sexcapade does huge things to my ego, and I’m more than ready to go back to bed with him.

Noticing that we’re both still naked, I decide to be bold. I love that he gives me the confidence to feel and act this way. My hand finds his cock and strokes it up and down. He’s only semi-hard, which I completely understand, but there are other things I can do until he’s ready.

His eyes widen when he feels my hand wrap around him. “Take me back to bed, Rugged,” I order him in a Southern drawl even Scarlett O’Hara would be proud of, causing him to raise his eyebrows at me. I slightly blush, having never really used that name around him before tonight, and earlier it was in the heat of the moment. But he ignores it and does as I request. Minutes later, he’s sliding into me again, laying claim, and I know I’m one hundred and ten percent all his.

WHEN I wake up, it’s still dark outside, and I’m slightly disoriented as to where I am. It doesn’t take long to figure it out when I feel the arm wrapped around my waist, the body curled around mine. Everything from the last few hours replays in my mind, and I’m reeling at the thought that I’ve had sex with Knox twice in a matter of hours. Hell, I can feel the remnants of him between my legs where a slight soreness reminds me just of how hard he took me the second time.

Recalling the way he was on me so quickly when I got in from my date, I wonder what Chris would think, knowing what he helped set in motion. I’m hoping that Knox doesn’t know who I was out with so things won’t be weird at the gym. The moment that thought crosses my mind, I begin to doubt everything that just happened. Oh god. What if he only did it because he wanted to or because he didn’t want anyone else to have me either?

No, I know I’m an idiot to even think that, but he never made a move after our kiss. I can’t deny that there’s some kind of coincidence here. What about my going on a date changed that? My mind’s working in overdrive, and I know I’m going to make myself go insane with all the wondering. I never got a chance to respond when he told me he wanted me to be his. I’m still trying to process all of it. I truly wasn’t looking for a relationship, but if I’m honest, I can see myself in one with Knox. But that’s not in the cards. He’s not interested in that.

There’s no way I’ll be able to fall back asleep with these thoughts running through my head if I continue to lie here with his naked body pressed up against my own.

I knew when I said goodnight to Chris that I wasn’t ready to date anyone because of Knox, not Drew, but I never, in a million freaking years, thought when I walked through the door that I’d end up in Knox’s bed, having the best sex of my life. And even though I got the whole spiel about him not wanting to be roommates, I’m terrified that he was just talking in the moment.

Glancing over at him, I can’t help but smile as I watch him sleep, remembering the first time I woke up in his bed. Even though I love the memory of it, I don’t think I can wake up in his arms in the morning without feeling weird, knowing that I want more and hoping he really does feel the same. Ready to sneak away, I guide the arm that’s on my waist gently onto the bed before I begin to slip out of the sheets. I’m nearly out of the bed when I feel a strong grip take hold of my wrist, pulling me back.

Knox’s voice fills my ears, and before I know it, I’m pinned against the bed, him hovering over me.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going, Charlie?” he asks, a sleepy yet gruff tone in his voice. His green eyes are staring down at me, waiting for an answer. I can’t bring myself to say anything, to let him know that I want nothing more than to curl up against him, to have him wrap his arm around me protectively as he holds me all night long. “Well?”

Shrugging, I look up at him. “Back to my bed. I woke up and couldn’t fall back asleep. And I didn’t want to bug you with my tossing and turning,” I tell him, and I can hear how lame it sounds.

Shaking his head, he moves to his spot on the bed, lying on his side with his arm propped up, his head in hand. He’s watching me, and as I move to my side, I have the urge to pull the sheet up over my bare skin, but I don’t want to seem nervous or self-conscious. Instead, I lie here, letting his eyes wander up and down my body. He reaches a finger out, tracing my collarbone then sliding all the way down to my belly button before he moves his hand to my back and pulls me closer to him.

“I think I can handle it. I don’t mind a little tossing and turning. What will bug me would be waking up without you next to me. This wasn’t a one-time thing for me, Charlie. You’re in my bed when I go to sleep, and I want you there when I wake up. Every single night. From now on.” He brings my leg up over his and settles in between mine as he continues to stroke my back. I can barely think with his hands on me. I’m floored that he wants me in his bed, because the Knox I envision has never let a girl stay there post-intercourse.

“Knox, I don’t even know what’s going on here. I don’t know what you want, what we are, or what to even think. Sure, we might live together, but I’m not shacking up with you just because we slept together.”

Pulling away from me, he leans across the bed and turns on the desk lamp on his nightstand. He sits up and leans against the headboard before he grabs me. Drawing me up into him, he settles my ass in between his legs so that my back’s pressed against his chest. I want to protest, but I love the way it feels to be so close to him, so when he takes my hand in his, I let him. He’s toying with my fingers, staying silent for a few minutes, and I’m nervously waiting for him to respond.

Letting out a deep breath, he leans down and places a soft kiss on my temple before finally breaking the silence, still playing with my hand. “I’m not going to lie to you, sweetheart. You know what happened all those years ago and how I acted afterwards. I won’t rehash all that. For most of my adult life, I’ve been living for my career. Doing everything I can to avoid relationships. And to be honest, if it weren’t for Jace, I probably wouldn’t be close to anyone. But that was different. When you go to war with someone, you have a kinship unlike any you’ll ever feel with anyone, and he’s my brother.” He pauses. I nod in understanding, wiggling back into him, wanting to be as close as possible.

“Over the years, I’ve had hook-ups, but I’ve never wanted anyone for anything more than that. You know I swore off relationships, so I never let myself look at a woman that way. And it was never a problem. Until the explosion.”

My breath catches. He’s never talked about this before. I don’t say a word, hoping he’ll continue.

“I’ve never told anyone this. A few months ago, it was too disappointing to tell. When people ask what I remember about that day, I tell them nothing. It’s not far-fetched, not with my brain injury, and everyone usually just moves on.” My belly clenches tight as I anticipate his next words. “The truth, though? The truth is that I remember everything right up until I fell unconscious. I thought that was it. That I was going to die, and I realized how alone I was. I didn’t have a big highlight reel of my life playing in my brain. I had nothing. And when I woke up, I felt even more alone. Lying in that hospital bed, I vowed to myself that I’d try and find a way to open up my heart, but not until I was fully healed, until I was ready. But then you showed up on my doorstep and everything changed.”

His hand stills, and he places mine on my stomach, his covering it completely.

“I know I was an ass the night we met. But what you don’t know, babe, is that I saw you well before I approached that bar counter. When I walked through that door, I could feel you watching me, and when I took a quick scan of the room, my eyes locked in on you, sitting on that barstool, all alone, looking sweet, sexy, and I wanted nothing more than to go straight to you and give you a line. But I couldn’t. I was in no position to hit on anyone, and with you, I didn’t want to.”

I can’t help the snort that comes out of me, knowing we had a battle of ‘I’m not your type’ days after that.

I can feel the rumble of his chuckle at my back, and he continues. “Just hear me out. At the time, I didn’t know what it was. I saw you sitting there alone, and in the past, I’d take advantage of that, chatting up the lonely girl to get her into bed. But the more I watched you, I knew you weren’t going to be that girl. You seemed completely comfortable with yourself, not needing anyone around you. And then I saw you laugh at something the bartender said and I had to move. I had to be near you. I needed to see that smile up close, to hear your laugh with my own ears.”

Interrupting him, I can’t help but share my thought. “You know, I remember wondering why you came to the bar when you’d just had a waitress take your order.”

He runs his fingers up and down my stomach, not going to high or too low. “So you were watching me, too? I thought so. Anyways, yeah, you caught me. When I was next to you and your eyes were checking me out, I was waiting for the look of pity to cross your face, but it never came. Instead, I could tell you were attracted to me, despite the cast, my crippled walk, my scars. And in that moment, for a split second, I imagined you were looking at me like that because you were mine. So when you reached your hand out and gave me your name, I freaked. I had stuff I was still dealing with, you know, and there’s no way I could’ve started something with you at the time, so instead I put up a wall and acted like a jerk. For once in my life, I’ll say thank God for Jace and his nosy-ass damage control.”

I can’t help but smile when I think back to that night. I’ve had crappy memories of it, but now that Knox has confessed that he felt an attraction, too, I’m mentally high-fiving myself in the most juvenile way. “So you’re saying you were attracted to me back then and have been ever since?” I ask, seeking clarification.

“I was more than attracted, and the moment I opened my door to you, I wasn’t pissed that it was you, but more that it was you before I was ready for it to be, if that makes any sense. I’ve wanted you since that night. And yeah, maybe it started out as a physical want, but these past couple of months, I can say you’ve definitely grown on me.”

Turning my head so I can face him, I raise my eyebrows. “You make it sound like I’m a weed you’ve just learned to stop fighting and deal with.”

Leaning down, he places a kiss on my lips. “If you’re a weed, sweetheart, then I never want to see another flower again.”

Laughing, I turn back around and lean into him. “That may have been the cheesiest thing I’ve ever heard. But it was sweet, so I’ll give you a pass.”

He laces his fingers through mine and plants a kiss on my head. “To be honest with you, babe, I’ve tried to fight it, and I’ve been battling an internal war with myself since you moved in. All this time we’ve spent together, you’ve brought me out of my shell, without either of us realizing. And I find myself happy, truly happy, for the first time in years. And when I reflect on it at night when it’s just me and my guitar, I know that happiness comes from how you make me feel. So no. This isn’t a one-night thing. This isn’t roommates hooking up. This is you and me. This is us. Falling into place, the way we’re meant to. And I’m tired of fighting it. I don’t want to anymore.”

I can’t help but swoon when he calls me babe. Don’t get me wrong, I love and loathe the term sweetheart, but babe is unique for him, and something about it gives me butterflies.

“I don’t want to fight it either, Knox, but I still don’t know exactly what it is you want. You’ve told me you don’t do relationships,” I say, sitting up and moving so I can face him. The sight of his naked chest makes my mouth water, but I look up before I start salivating and climb on top of him, unable to get enough.

He turns towards me and brings his forehead to mine. His lips are hovering over mine. “Jesus, you stubborn-ass woman. You’re going to make me spell it out, aren’t you?” he quips, his eyes full of laughter. “I want you, and not just for tonight. Sweetheart, I have no idea what you’ve done to me, but I want to try this. I want more…but I only want it with you.”

I’m a little shocked at his words, having expected him to want friends with benefits or something—not this—even though he’s pretty much been saying it since I got home. I swear my mouth’s gaping open before I ask the question. “You want to be with me…in a relationship?”

He moves away from me, leaving my bare skin leaning against the headboard. It sends a chill through me now that I don’t have his warmth. Positioning himself directly in front of me, he takes hold of my chin, looking me straight in the eyes. He shakes his head, a small laugh escaping his lips. “I swear you’re turning me into a thirteen-year-old boy. I feel like I’m in that “Check Yes or No” George Straight song, but in reality, I don’t want to give you more than one option.”

Knowing where this is going, I can’t help the grin that forms. “Trust me. Nothing about you is boyish and I certainly wouldn’t give a thirteen-year-old the Rugged name.”

“That’s only because you didn’t know me when I was thirteen,” he jokes before turning all serious faced again. “I don’t know where this is going to go, and I know that I’ll probably fuck up along the way, so you may have to be patient with me at times. But I know what I want, and that’s you. All of you. I guess what I’m gettin’ at is this. Charlie, will you officially be my girl?”

I can’t help but think of how adorable he is during his little speech, an adjective that’s probably not often used when describing him. But he looks so serious as he waits for my response, as if he honestly thinks I might say no. In that moment, Heath Ledger’s famous line from The Dark Knight crosses my mind, and like a complete idiot, word vomit comes out of my mouth.

“Why so serious?” I ask and immediately bring my hand to my mouth to contain the giggles I’m trying not to let out as his eyes narrow at me. In an instant, I’m up in his arms, before I land on my back, him on top of me. I stop giggling when he lines our bodies up so that he’s only millimeters from pushing inside me. I try to bring my legs up around waist, forcing him in, but he pushes them back down on the bed before leaning over, stopping just as his lips are about to touch mine.

“I think you just put an end to our movie nights,” he tells me, and I have to protest because it’s one of the things I look forward to when I get home from work. After I moved in, we somehow settled into a routine of watching movies every night. We’ve been spending the last few weeks going through his movie collection, and the thought of movie nights ending is unbearable.

Shaking my head, I start speak, but he brings a finger to my lips, silencing me. He reaches down and puts the tip of his cock inside me. I squirm, trying to take more of him, but he places his hands on my hips to keep me from moving.

“I’m not going to ask twice, sweetheart,” he growls as one hand slides down to the apex of my thighs, his finger grazing ever so slightly over my clit.

I’ve had multiple orgasms in a single night before, but I’ve never been turned on so quickly. I can barely remember the question, but when he starts to slide out of me, I bring my hands up and lace them around his neck, drawing him in closer.

“Here’s the thing, Knox. You didn’t even have to ask.” I pause as I slide my hands down his back, making it easier to lean up towards him before pushing him off me and onto his back. He doesn’t fight me on this. Or when I straddle his thighs and position him at my entrance. As if in unison, I slide down onto his erection as I finally say the words he’s wanting to hear. “I was already yours.”

I’m barely able to finish my sentence before he’s gripping my hips, pumping up into me. Matching his rhythm, I do everything I can to show him that I mean it. I’m undeniably his.